SL Letter of the Day: Not Wanting Kids—Your Own, Someone Else's—Doesn't Make Someone an Asshole
by Dan Savage
on Wed, Feb 29, 2012 at 2:17 PM
Stop being so hard on people who don't want to partners that have children. (You tore into someone in this week's podcast, you've made the same point in other podcasts.) I have chosen not to have children, I don't want to date people with children. That doesn't make me an asshole, that makes me aware of who I am and what I want.
I was a stepmom in my twenties, and I could tell you stories that would make your hair curl. Do you know how hard it is being a step parent? That fine line you have to constantly walk between being an authority and not being parent. Dealing with the ex or exes who will be a part of your relationship forever (just pray that are sane and rational). People expecting you to be responsible for the kids and then dismissing you because you aren't their parent.
It can fray your nerves Dan, I know from experience, I vowed never to do that again.
Those of us who don't want to date people with kids are not all douchebags, assholes and bitches. Isn't it better that I don't get involved with a man who has kids knowing it would make and everyone else unhappy? How is that a douchebag move? Dating someone with a kid IS NOT EASY, it comes with an entire hotel of baggage. Some people can handle it, some I can't. Stop judging the people who don't want that.
I apologize for the vehemence in this email. For my entire adult life I have dealt with people calling me every name under the sun and accusing me of all sorts of evils because I decided to commit the horrendous of crime of not wanting children. To hear this come from you was disappointing.