I only just read this terrific comment, which was left on a SLLOTD last week about the risks and rewards of being GGG:

I think GGG is really about negating the anti-kink bias.

Most aspects of relationships involve compromise. If I want to live in an urban area and my finance wants to live in the suburbs, we try to find a house that can accommodate us both (e.g., near a subway stop). If I want to vacation in Las Vegas and she wants to sit on a beach in Hawaii, we try to find a vacation plan that makes us both happy, or at least trade off vacation selections. Etc.

Where that assumption does not seem to hold is in sex. If I want to have sex once a month and she wants to have sex once a day, the "compromise" is sex once per month. If I want oral and she only wants missionary position P-in-V sex, then the "compromise" is P-in-V sex. Our social Puritanism throws all its weight behind the least kinky, least libidinous partner, and the other person just has to suck it up. What's worse, the least kinky, least libidinous partner often feels they're entirely in the right by not budging at all, ever.

GGG tries to undo that Puritan nonsense and get back the default rule of relationships: communicate and compromise. That doesn't mean everything is on the table, just like not everything is on the table in all other aspects of the relationship. If my idea of a fun vacation is scuba diving in Australia and my fiancee is flat-out terrified of water, she doesn't have to be "GGG" and jump in. If I decide I want to quit my job and sponge off our parents, she doesn't have to be "GGG" and accommodate that. Same with sex: reasonable requests should be communicated, considered, and compromised on. Outlandish shit can be rejected out of hand.

Couldn't have said it better myself. And didn't. Thanks, I Hate Screen Names. And another GGG success story after the jump...


Just wanted to shoot you a thanks. I'm a 27-year-old mostly straight guy with an amazing girlfriend. Thanks to the fact that we both read your column and listen to the podcast, we both laid our cards out on the table fairly early in the relationship (before we were actually official if I recall correctly). We've both been GGG with each other, which has allowed us both to fulfill fantasies we've each had for years. So, for every time she pegs me, for every marathon sex session, for every person we bring into the bedroom for a night of group fun, I just wanted to say thank you. We never could have done it without you.

Sent from the Savage Love App for iPhone