Slog
News & ArtsMonday, March 19, 2012
2012 / Savage Love Who Has Issues?
Posted by Dan Savage on Mon, Mar 19, 2012 at 11:32 AM
Rick Santorum sits down for a chat with Real Clear Religion:
RCR: If you happen to run into Dan Savage, what would you say to him?
RS: I would tell him that I'm praying for him. He obviously has some serious issues. You look at someone like that who can say and do the things that he's doing and you just pray for him and hopefully he can find peace.
The man who wants to get his hands on the nuclear football so he can micromanage your sex life—no birth control! no porn! no gay sex! no teleprompters*! no aborting those gift-from-God rapebabies, you sluts!—thinks I have issues. That's hilarious. But my old college roommate and I do have one thing in common: we both spend a lot of time obsessing about other people's sex lives. Rick, however, spends an inordinate amount of time doing so. Me? It's my job, it's what I'm paid to do, the amount of time I spend obsessing about other people's sex lives is totally, you know, ordinate.
* Dirty talk is tricky, wouldn't want to say the wrong thing in the heat of the moment, so Terry and I have a set of teleprompters mounted on the headboard of our bed. Is that normal?
2
So he has an opinion about Dan Savage, but not about kiddie raping priests in the Catholic Church? Way to prioritize.
4
Yeah, obsessing about other people's sex lives is part and parcel of the job description "Sex Columnist."
Never seen it on the resume for Commander in Chief.
Never seen it on the resume for Commander in Chief.
6
Damn you and your Vatican-approved answers Rick. I want to see some of that humanity, even if it is foul and blackened.
I think we both know what he would really want to do if he saw Dan, and it would certainly be more physical than prayer. Fill in your own blanks, Sloggers.
I think we both know what he would really want to do if he saw Dan, and it would certainly be more physical than prayer. Fill in your own blanks, Sloggers.
7
frothy says those are his personal beliefs, not policies that he will impose on others. and indeed, were he to become POTUS now or in 2016, he'd have a very difficult time imposing any of them federally. unless the filibuster dies.
9
I have a set of teleprompters mounted on the headboard of our bed. Is that normal?
No, but for those of us married to people who suck at talking dirty, it's a brilliant idea.
No, but for those of us married to people who suck at talking dirty, it's a brilliant idea.
10
It's kind of nice somebody managed to get him to speak of you directly at all, though. His refusal to say your name out loud has been (to those of us of the flying monkey persuasion) one of the most annoying things about the wretch.
11
Hes a Republican so if you would have asked him his objective in the middle east he would reply with the same answer but ima tell you right now that moron is not praying for you and he will not represent America and all of its people and allies other than to say "I will pray for you" .
http://www.jvim.org/
http://www.cbn.com/700club/
Give me a donation and I will pray for you as Me and god talk every day!
One thing about sanitarium I believe he is the genuine Nucking Fut from the choir who just cant get passed his upbringing?
an honest jerk with serious problems is so refreshing compared to Romney and Newt?
http://www.jvim.org/
http://www.cbn.com/700club/
Give me a donation and I will pray for you as Me and god talk every day!
One thing about sanitarium I believe he is the genuine Nucking Fut from the choir who just cant get passed his upbringing?
an honest jerk with serious problems is so refreshing compared to Romney and Newt?
12
@9
I tried writing a few ideas and phrases on my palm, but the lube and other fluids kinda made it a smeary mess. +1 for teleprompters.
I tried writing a few ideas and phrases on my palm, but the lube and other fluids kinda made it a smeary mess. +1 for teleprompters.
13
I don't know about having multiple teleprompters on the headboard. It would make more sense to have one on the headboard, one on the footboard, and maybe one on the ceiling, so that all parties involved can see at least one no matter what positions they're in.
My GF and I suck at dirty talk. I'm totally pitching this to her.
My GF and I suck at dirty talk. I'm totally pitching this to her.
15
Not to hijack the thread, but anyone got any good comebacks for when some conservative asshat tells you that they will pray for you? It's one of those smug, condescending, and patently dishonest things that makes me so irate in the moment that I cannot seem to mount a successful retort. Ya know, too busy sputtering.
Part of me wants to reply with something about how astoundingly arrogant it is for a mere mortal to summon a divine being to address such petty and ephemeral disagreements (wouldn't the creator of the heavens and earth have more pressing matters?), but I know that's just not good enough.
Any suggestions?
Part of me wants to reply with something about how astoundingly arrogant it is for a mere mortal to summon a divine being to address such petty and ephemeral disagreements (wouldn't the creator of the heavens and earth have more pressing matters?), but I know that's just not good enough.
Any suggestions?
16
Now playing on the Savage/Miller teleprompter:
I want to do it in your butt, in your butt
I want to do it in your butt, in your butt
You want to do WHAT in my butt?
You want to do WHAT in my butt?
You want to do it in my butt, in my butt?
Ooookkkayyyy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbGkxcY7Y…
(Hah, the butter post got me on this track today)
I want to do it in your butt, in your butt
I want to do it in your butt, in your butt
You want to do WHAT in my butt?
You want to do WHAT in my butt?
You want to do it in my butt, in my butt?
Ooookkkayyyy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbGkxcY7Y…
(Hah, the butter post got me on this track today)
17
@15: I've been known to say, "and I'm praying for your conversion too" with a very concerned look on my face.
18
@3 Oh no, I'm sure he is. But praying that he (Dan) can find "peace" could mean a lot of things, you know?
21
@15 How about, "If God existed, it would be necessary to abolish Him" (Mikhail Bakunin). That will take them a while to figure out. You can also add, "Have a nice day."
22
@15,
I used to respond "and I'll enjoy having sex for you."
I ignore them nowadays though. It's a pointless battle.
I used to respond "and I'll enjoy having sex for you."
I ignore them nowadays though. It's a pointless battle.
23
I agree with 22..totally pointless to have a conversation with Christians. I'm just pissed at the Romans for not finishing the damn job and snuffing that craziness out when it was small and easily contained. DAMN YOU ROME!!!!!!
24
What's the reference to Dan being Santorum's college roommate? I think I missed a reference somewhere. The only former roommate of Dan's that I know of is Tom Orr.
25
@23: you can blame the Emperor Constantine for his deathbed conversion to Christianity. If it weren't for that Christianity wouldn't have become the official state religion.
Still, it's a pity that the gentle message of Jesus has been highjacked by the haters. I doubt if Jesus himself would want to identify as a Christian if he were alive today.
Still, it's a pity that the gentle message of Jesus has been highjacked by the haters. I doubt if Jesus himself would want to identify as a Christian if he were alive today.
27
@15 I prefer to use "Bless Your Heart" in a non-sarcastic deadpan delivery, fully invoking my SF West Coast accent to do so.
28
I'll be back after I recover from laughing myself silly over the mental image of teleprompters at the end of the bed for the dirty talk
/wheeze/....
/wheeze/....
31
@25: he may have been baptized in 337, but he legalized Christianity in 313 & proceeded to patronize/shape it to suit his politics immediately. that's 24 years.
32
@27 I like that -- it helps that "bless (his/her) heart" is also polite-speak for "what a fucking moron."
33
@23 Rome fought with the Jews all the fucking time and Jesus was a rabbi. If they couldn't destroy the Jews how were they going to destroy Christianity? Rome, like America, was better at absorbing culture.
35
This Santorum idiot doesn't even know that every proper study ever made proved that prayer doesn't work.
Hell, if prayer worked science itself wouldn't work, there would be no causal chain to anything.
Hell, if prayer worked science itself wouldn't work, there would be no causal chain to anything.
36
@28: Not trying to typecast you or anything, but I'm suddenly a little curious. Does dirty talk work for deaf folks? I imagine that signing during sex would be tricky, but lip-reading could work.
38
Huh, I pray for Dan too...mostly in thanks for all the people he helps, for the truly Christ-like values he exhibits in the work he does. Yup, that's right! Helping people love themselves and others is kind of the point. I wonder if Rick knows about this fellow name Jesus? I should probably knock on his door and hand out a pamphlet...
39
I think it's rather sweet that he prays for you. Except that when someone says that they will pray for you in this context, the translation is that he or she is actually praying that you die a horrible death and burn in eternal agony forever in the deepest recesses of hell in order to prove him/her right as to the depths of the moral bankruptcy that is your soul, or lack thereof.
My sister tells me that she is praying for me all the damn time.
My sister tells me that she is praying for me all the damn time.
40
When people say they'll pray for you, it's completely passive-aggressive. So, as with all passive-aggressive moves, the best counter-move is not to recognize it as such. A really cheerful, "Thanks!" pisses them off no end.
If you're feeling wicked, then you can add something like, "I had a friend say he'd pray to Cthulu for me, and a Muslim friend said she's praying to Allah. This is great! If this keeps up, I'll have all my bases covered!" Douchebag Christians hate that. Non-douchebags Christians only offer to pray for you if you ask.
If you're feeling wicked, then you can add something like, "I had a friend say he'd pray to Cthulu for me, and a Muslim friend said she's praying to Allah. This is great! If this keeps up, I'll have all my bases covered!" Douchebag Christians hate that. Non-douchebags Christians only offer to pray for you if you ask.
41
He will never be President, so I don't really care what he thinks.
Nice to know that he's "praying" for Dan. Keep praying, Frothy.
Nice to know that he's "praying" for Dan. Keep praying, Frothy.
42
Ok, "I'll think for you" is a great one!
Of course "I'll pray for you" is a the passive-aggressive's "Fuck off." I just wish I had a better, as in meaner, retort.
I also think that the excited and straight "Thank you!" is a good idea too, I have one of the most pathologically passive aggressive people I've ever met as a coworker, and I have discovered that the more direct I am with her the worse she gets. I thought being direct would help and, omg, has it fucking backfired. At least I can take that lesson and put it to good use in cases where I actually want to irritate the person in question.
Of course "I'll pray for you" is a the passive-aggressive's "Fuck off." I just wish I had a better, as in meaner, retort.
I also think that the excited and straight "Thank you!" is a good idea too, I have one of the most pathologically passive aggressive people I've ever met as a coworker, and I have discovered that the more direct I am with her the worse she gets. I thought being direct would help and, omg, has it fucking backfired. At least I can take that lesson and put it to good use in cases where I actually want to irritate the person in question.
43
Frothy Mixture,
The life of every gay American is every so much better knowing that you are praying for Dan Savage. Dan has made the world much better for millions of people while you have spread hate and discrimination. If there is ever such a thing as a judgement day, I would recommend that you be more worried about yourself as Dan is a shoe-in for good things to come. You on the other hand .....
The life of every gay American is every so much better knowing that you are praying for Dan Savage. Dan has made the world much better for millions of people while you have spread hate and discrimination. If there is ever such a thing as a judgement day, I would recommend that you be more worried about yourself as Dan is a shoe-in for good things to come. You on the other hand .....
44
Matthew 5:44 says to love your enemies, and to pray for those who hate you.
Could you imagine if there really was a god, and a day of reckoning? What would he have to say to Rick Santorum if not only did he fail to love Dan, and pray for him, but lied about doing so?
Of course I cannot know for a certainty that he does not love and pray for Dan . . . though his love face looks a lot like hate and disdain to me . . . but what do I know? Maybe that face is due to chronic indigestion.
I know this much . . . of all the professed Christians, with self-righteous venom dripping from their lips, who told me I was sick, and that they were praying for me (I'm not sure what it says about me that there have been quite a few) I never got that fuzzy feeling of love and affection one gets from someone who truly loves them.
But to be fair . . . some of them have actually did pray for me, loudly, and on the spot . . . and let me tell you if there was a God who heard those prayers and who was inclined to answer . . . it would not have gone well for me, at all.
So naturally, I am a cynic when someone like Rick Santorum says he is praying for Dan Savage.
Could you imagine if there really was a god, and a day of reckoning? What would he have to say to Rick Santorum if not only did he fail to love Dan, and pray for him, but lied about doing so?
Of course I cannot know for a certainty that he does not love and pray for Dan . . . though his love face looks a lot like hate and disdain to me . . . but what do I know? Maybe that face is due to chronic indigestion.
I know this much . . . of all the professed Christians, with self-righteous venom dripping from their lips, who told me I was sick, and that they were praying for me (I'm not sure what it says about me that there have been quite a few) I never got that fuzzy feeling of love and affection one gets from someone who truly loves them.
But to be fair . . . some of them have actually did pray for me, loudly, and on the spot . . . and let me tell you if there was a God who heard those prayers and who was inclined to answer . . . it would not have gone well for me, at all.
So naturally, I am a cynic when someone like Rick Santorum says he is praying for Dan Savage.
46
Oh he's praying for you alright, Dan. He's praying you end up in the fiery pits of hell while he ascends on high to stage a coup and take over the heavens from Gawd.
47
I like all of the suggestions. Let me add my fave, "Pray for me as I pray for you". Said straight-faced, it makes them happy in the moment and confounds them later.
48
@47: Way back when, PBS did a TV adaptation of Anthony Trollope's wonderful satire of 19th century British society, "Barchester Towers." The oily character Mr. Slope, played in the movie by Alan Rickman of Severus Snape fame, was fired by the local Anglican bishop and his last words to the bishop and his wife were "May the two of you live forever." That elicited much the same reaction as the one you describe. Rickman delivered that line with his usual Snape-like slitheriness. It was priceless.
49
Several answers to "I'll pray for you."
"Thanks! To who? Because I prefer Allah or Siva, but Tiamat is good too."
"Well, ok, but that seems like rather a waste of your time."
"No, I think what you mean is you are going to prey on me. I'd really rather you didn't."
"No need! It's been tried. No effect."
"About what?"
"Will it stop you TALKING to me?"
"And if there was a god, I would do the same for you."
"You will? Well bless your little heart!" (Which is "southern" for "I'll pray for you" which is conservative Christian for "f*ck you")
"Thanks! To who? Because I prefer Allah or Siva, but Tiamat is good too."
"Well, ok, but that seems like rather a waste of your time."
"No, I think what you mean is you are going to prey on me. I'd really rather you didn't."
"No need! It's been tried. No effect."
"About what?"
"Will it stop you TALKING to me?"
"And if there was a god, I would do the same for you."
"You will? Well bless your little heart!" (Which is "southern" for "I'll pray for you" which is conservative Christian for "f*ck you")
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