I am a lesbian in my 20s in a long term monogamous relationship. My girlfriend of 3 years has little interest in sex. When we do have sex its merely oral and completely mechanical. No passion, no intensity. Just kind of going through the motions. She has a very low sex drive. I have frequently voiced that this is an issue for me. She has little interest in changing our sex life. Unfortunately, this is not a new issue. I love our life together and we're starting to talk about the future, marriage, kids, etc... However I do not know if I can/want to spend the rest of my life in a sexless relationship.
I've repeatedly cheated on her in the past and was either caught or fessed up. We worked through the issues this caused. The last time I promised that if things got a point I thought I would stray again I would confide in her. This point came last week and I stayed true to me word. All this led to was her threatening to leave me because she's sure I will cheat again and nothing else changing.
She's told me several times that an open relationship is out of the question. Are my only options to come to terms with not have a sex life for the rest of my life or leave someone I am completely in love with? Am I being selfish? Is sex really worth ending a relationship that is amazing on so many other levels?
Serious In Needing Sex
My response after the jump...
Taking your questions one at a time:
1. Yes.
2. No.
3. Yes.
You're too young to settle for this shit, SINS—and by "this shit" I don't mean a sexless relationship. I mean a girlfriend who doesn't want to fuck you and refuses to let you fuck anyone else. There's only so long a person can be subjected to constant sexual rejection before her self esteem—sexual and otherwise—is completely and utterly destroyed. That you're even wondering if you have grounds to end a sexual relationship over issues of basic sexual incompatibility is evidence of how thoroughly you've internalized the sexphobia sloshing around out there.
This isn't a relationship, SINS, it's a hostage situation. Get out now.
