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News & ArtsWednesday, April 11, 2012
Hetero / Religion / LGBTQITSLFA Sodomy-Enhanced Marriage
Posted by Dan Savage on Wed, Apr 11, 2012 at 9:47 AM
Some rightwing religious homophobes—who are probably gay themselves (SCIENCE says so!)—are trying to popularize the term "sodomy-based marriage." They want their fellow haters and to use it in place of "gay marriage."
Hm.
I don't think of my marriage as "sodomy-based." I think of it as "sodomy-enhanced"—just like the marriages of millions of straight couples.
3
"Sodomy-based marriage"? That would be a marriage where the only permitted forms of birth control are anal sex or frottage, correct?
4
I wonder how far they'd get if their message was "outlaw blowjobs", an act which in many states was or still is, on the statute books as unnatural acts and fell under the rubric od sodomy. Keep pushing the fact NOM's intrusion into private life efffects everybody.
5
Um, is hetero matrimony "vagina-based marriage"? Is it "coitus-based marriage"? Heck, no one even calls it "procreation-based marriage."
6
We have a 'work-laundry-housekeeping-meal planning-based' marriage.
good lord, we have to make sure we schedule sodomy into our regular daily lives or we'd be too busy, look up one day and realize we havent sodomized in months.
good lord, we have to make sure we schedule sodomy into our regular daily lives or we'd be too busy, look up one day and realize we havent sodomized in months.
7
Matt Barber has never had any fun in the sack, ever. It's just tears, a few grunts, and "honey, let's just get this over with so procreation can occur" and snoring.
8
These conservatives may not partake in sodomy-based (or enhanced) marriages, but they're still fucking assholes as far as I'm concerned.
9
Is 'sodomy' a word that most people in the US would use easily or in polite company? Is it a word that most Christians (apart from the WBC) would be comfortable using in front of kids?
In the UK, it would definitely not be acceptable language in polite company. If the US holds much the same views, I think they have overstepped the mark and may even alienate some of the very people who currently support them. I know it would make my Christian, homophobic mum wince. It comes across as crass and needlessly offensive: she would not want to be associated with it.
In the UK, it would definitely not be acceptable language in polite company. If the US holds much the same views, I think they have overstepped the mark and may even alienate some of the very people who currently support them. I know it would make my Christian, homophobic mum wince. It comes across as crass and needlessly offensive: she would not want to be associated with it.
12
Dan, I completely agree with everything you just said. I just wish you hadn't linked to that particular article - did you read it? It's completely sex phobic.
One "expert" says in the article that anal sex is '"the most selfless of common sexual acts" given the amount of pain the "bottoming" partner endures in its practice.' The other "expert" they call upon tries to get male gay couples to not have anal sex, because 'the act diminishes self-confidence and self-esteem while causing relationship confusion among partners. "The worse part about this destruction of self-esteem is that it's on the subconscious level. A person will not feel anything during the act," he writes. "And the pleasure derived from the act will override the logic necessary to correct the behavior. In addition, there is a delay between the act of anal intercourse and the reduction of self-esteem of the person."'
This is complete bullshit, and pretty much the entire article - they don't go into how awesome anal sex can be for both partners at all. I'm disappointed that you linked to such an awful article.
One "expert" says in the article that anal sex is '"the most selfless of common sexual acts" given the amount of pain the "bottoming" partner endures in its practice.' The other "expert" they call upon tries to get male gay couples to not have anal sex, because 'the act diminishes self-confidence and self-esteem while causing relationship confusion among partners. "The worse part about this destruction of self-esteem is that it's on the subconscious level. A person will not feel anything during the act," he writes. "And the pleasure derived from the act will override the logic necessary to correct the behavior. In addition, there is a delay between the act of anal intercourse and the reduction of self-esteem of the person."'
This is complete bullshit, and pretty much the entire article - they don't go into how awesome anal sex can be for both partners at all. I'm disappointed that you linked to such an awful article.
13
This really just proves how in the closet the 'phobes are. They can't look at a gay couple-- even in the abstract-- without immediately thinking of hot, hot gay sex.
By way of comparison: when (the impersonal) you see a homely couple, do you immediately think of them fucking?
By way of comparison: when (the impersonal) you see a homely couple, do you immediately think of them fucking?
15
I'm amused at the abstinence sex ed showing, there. Considering a non trivial number of gays don't even like anal/sodomy... derp. :p
16
It's so unfair that the citizens of Gamorrah didn't get anything fun named after them, when they did every bit as much to deserve it as those attention-hogging Sodomites.
17
@9: "Is it a word that most Christians (apart from the WBC) would be comfortable using in front of kids?"
Only when talking about the gay menace, or telling their version of the bible story.
Only when talking about the gay menace, or telling their version of the bible story.
18
Gay Marriage Same Sex Marriage Sodomy Based Marriage WOW Gay folk really do it everything. No wonder the haters are so upset. Gay folk have all the choices.
19
Giddyup, bluenoses:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzwGfP98v…
I can't believe nobody put that up already.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzwGfP98v…
I can't believe nobody put that up already.
21
@12 Has a point. Here's another article that says more or less the same thing, without citing obvious crackpots as sources.
24
To people like Barber, buttfucking (or, I suppose, pussy licking in the case of lesbians) and gayness are pretty much equivalent. In the minds of people who think like this, the only salient feature of a relationship between two men or two women is the mechanics of sex. The idea that gay people's marriages, like straight people's marriages, are "based" on a lot of stuff (like shared goals, and mutual love and respect) has probably never even crossed his twisted little mind.
(Despite that "sodomy" technically includes a number of different things, I'm guessing that he's using the word "sodomy" to conjure up an image of buttfucking, since this particular act seems to arouse the most disgust in certain people.)
(Despite that "sodomy" technically includes a number of different things, I'm guessing that he's using the word "sodomy" to conjure up an image of buttfucking, since this particular act seems to arouse the most disgust in certain people.)
28
@2- as @20/24 said, "sodomy" is basically a catchall euphemism to encompass ALL non-penis-in-vagina sex. The GA sodomy law in Bowers v. Hardwick banned "any sexual act involving the sex organs of one person and the mouth or anus of another," while the TX law in Lawrence v. TX (which overturned Bowers) banned “any contact between any part of the genitals of one person and the mouth or anus of another person" or "the penetration of the genitals or the anus of another person with an object.” Making pretty much every sexually active human being, no matter where they fall on the Kinsey scale, a raging sodomite at one point or another.
29
@28,
Man... that kind of intense fixation on genitals is usually only found in religious texts.
I've always felt that if god exists and is male, he is unquestionably gay. How else to explain the animosity towards women and the obsession with cocks?
Man... that kind of intense fixation on genitals is usually only found in religious texts.
I've always felt that if god exists and is male, he is unquestionably gay. How else to explain the animosity towards women and the obsession with cocks?
30
@29
Q. Why did God make homosexuality a sin?
A. Because his boyfriend thought it would be hotter that way.
Q. Why did God make homosexuality a sin?
A. Because his boyfriend thought it would be hotter that way.
31
If sodomy covers everything I admit the term may be technically correct but if ever I marry I'm going with a cunt based marriage because cock gets too much attention already.
32
The thing that's really offensive about it is that it implies that gay relationships are all about sex and are devoid of emotional depth. We all know this ain't true. Relationships that are purely about sex never last more than 2 years at most and don't get anywhere near the altar unless the parties are both complete idiots.
Someone should ask Matt Barber if it would be fair to describe his marriage, or straight marriage in general, as "Penis-in-Vagina sex based marriage". Seems kind of vulgar and crass, hm? Trivializes, demeans and ignores the emotional commitment, doesn't it? Mmmhmm.
Still, I'd say this nasty little slur is ultimately a good thing. It's so repulsive and indecent a thing to say that it's bound to backfire and reinforce the perception that to be against gay marriage is to be a hateful, judgemental douche with an unhealthy obsession with what goes on in other people's bedrooms, this making ever fewer people want to associate themselves with this nasty little cause.
Someone should ask Matt Barber if it would be fair to describe his marriage, or straight marriage in general, as "Penis-in-Vagina sex based marriage". Seems kind of vulgar and crass, hm? Trivializes, demeans and ignores the emotional commitment, doesn't it? Mmmhmm.
Still, I'd say this nasty little slur is ultimately a good thing. It's so repulsive and indecent a thing to say that it's bound to backfire and reinforce the perception that to be against gay marriage is to be a hateful, judgemental douche with an unhealthy obsession with what goes on in other people's bedrooms, this making ever fewer people want to associate themselves with this nasty little cause.
34
@32 I have,
The latter part of your final paragraph pretty much sums up the former presidential candidate who will not be named (for his frothiness). He will not be easily cleared as a judgmental ass-wipe (by?).
Peace.
The latter part of your final paragraph pretty much sums up the former presidential candidate who will not be named (for his frothiness). He will not be easily cleared as a judgmental ass-wipe (by?).
Peace.
35
This makes sense, if you are willing to call straight marriages "vaginal intercourse based marriage."
Which, well, not based maybe. BUt certainly enhanced. :)
Which, well, not based maybe. BUt certainly enhanced. :)
36
Can we start referring to "traditional marriage" as "vaginal penetration based marriage" from now on?
39
You are brilliant, my darling, and I just want to make sure you know it. Dan Savage, I'm talkin' to you. Keep always up the gggood work. xxx
40
#9
I think "sodomy" may be a stronger, more offensive term in the UK than in the U.S.?
U.S. legislators and newspapers have no trouble at all talking about "sodomy laws". We automatically think of "Sodom and Gomorrah" in our Bible-based culture. If the Bible says it, it must be okay.
In the UK, I take it calling someone a "sod" is, to say the least, very impolite, and "low-class" slang. We don't have a similar slang term to "a sod" in the U.S. We have bad words for the same thing, just not the term "sod".
I think "sodomy" may be a stronger, more offensive term in the UK than in the U.S.?
U.S. legislators and newspapers have no trouble at all talking about "sodomy laws". We automatically think of "Sodom and Gomorrah" in our Bible-based culture. If the Bible says it, it must be okay.
In the UK, I take it calling someone a "sod" is, to say the least, very impolite, and "low-class" slang. We don't have a similar slang term to "a sod" in the U.S. We have bad words for the same thing, just not the term "sod".
41
@12 really does make a good point, and it's worth turning on the unregistered button.
Anal sex is really not much different from other kinds of sex, whatever Hugo Schwyzer may think. If a het couple engages in vaginal sex when the woman has no arousal whatsoever, then that's going to hurt like a bitch; likewise, if someone shoves a cock into your esophagus without warning you'll be extremely uncomfortable. In my experience, the fact that anal requires so much foreplay (if done properly) is part of why it's such an intimate experience. It's also why anal done properly is one the most mind-blowingly pleasurable experiences known to humankind. I feel very sorry for the girls who let themselves get pressured into anal sex but don't take just enough initiative to really give it a chance, and thus fulfill the stupid stereotype that women just don't like anal. I also feel sorry for the nice guys who aren't exploiting or trying to hurt their partners, just trying to be adventurous and share some freaky pleasure with someone they like, only to find themselves in bed with a girl who's grinding her teeth and waiting for it to be over. Sure, some people get off on that, but far, far, far from all. Hugo Schwyzer does men a disservice too when he assumes that they need to get off on their partners' pain (the no-fun kind, of course).
Anal sex is really not much different from other kinds of sex, whatever Hugo Schwyzer may think. If a het couple engages in vaginal sex when the woman has no arousal whatsoever, then that's going to hurt like a bitch; likewise, if someone shoves a cock into your esophagus without warning you'll be extremely uncomfortable. In my experience, the fact that anal requires so much foreplay (if done properly) is part of why it's such an intimate experience. It's also why anal done properly is one the most mind-blowingly pleasurable experiences known to humankind. I feel very sorry for the girls who let themselves get pressured into anal sex but don't take just enough initiative to really give it a chance, and thus fulfill the stupid stereotype that women just don't like anal. I also feel sorry for the nice guys who aren't exploiting or trying to hurt their partners, just trying to be adventurous and share some freaky pleasure with someone they like, only to find themselves in bed with a girl who's grinding her teeth and waiting for it to be over. Sure, some people get off on that, but far, far, far from all. Hugo Schwyzer does men a disservice too when he assumes that they need to get off on their partners' pain (the no-fun kind, of course).
42
"any sexual act involving the sex organs of one person and the mouth or anus of another,"
So rimming isn't sodomy. Good to know. I try to avoid sodomy at least once a week.
So rimming isn't sodomy. Good to know. I try to avoid sodomy at least once a week.
43
@42, I have less free time, so I have to restrict my trying to avoid sodomy to only once a month. One does what one cans.
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