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News & ArtsThursday, April 19, 2012
Animals / Theater Cats! It's Exactly as Good as Cats
Posted by David Schmader on Thu, Apr 19, 2012 at 2:17 PM
Just received from a friend:
Are you going to Cats tonight?? We just got robo-called by the Paramount, advising us that the show is two hours and 40 minutes long and it is advised not to bring small children—'cuz it is THAT BORING. I can't wait!
Regrettably, I am not going to Cats tonight. But I happened to catch a number from Cats on a Royal Caribbean cruise ship, and it blew my mind. Watching people pretend to be cats is the most hilariously fucked-up thing in the world. There's no right way to do it. You are always a person pretending to be a cat. It's awesome.
2
Saturday Night Live did a hilarious bit celebrating Cats becoming the longest-running musical on Broadway. (It has since been surpassed by The Phantom of the Opera.) James Vanderbeek --- Dawson! --- played the newest member of the cast, and his enthusiasm was a stark comparison to Will Ferrell, playing an actor who had been with the production since opening night. Now playing Old Deuteronomy, the man could only numbingly apply his cat make-up while blubbering, "Jellicle ball ... Jellicle ball ... "
3
Cats was the first of the big industrials I knew of, the first I decided I would be too cool to go see. I've never seen one still: Les Miz, etc. I have my principles but I bet I missed out on a lot of fun. As usual.
5
The better play on Cats on SNL was the mid 80s John Lovitz 'commercial' for his hypnotism show where the audience being reviewed after seeing it were coming out proclaiming (in a dead pan hypnotized speech) "It was better than Cats, I will see it again and again."
6
My daughter got hooked on the DVD of Cats when she was 9. It played at my house daily for at least a year. Yes, we have tickets to see the show on Sunday. She still loves the show, and I guess anything that gets kids hooked on theatre is a good thing. Right? Right? Crap.
9
"Cats" should be retitled "Waiting for Meow." Nothing happens. It is mind-numbing theater. Actually, Godot was far better.
10
@3 I was never interested in any of the shows, either, but was taken to Les Miz as a bday present years ago and Fell In Love. I read the book, watched the movies, memorized the music, still tear up at Eponine's death. Yes, you are missing a great show by avoiding Les Miz.
Cats, though? Meh. (or mew?) Can’t see any reason to go, not sure why other people do.
@6 SeattleKim, I’m not going to tell you that you spent a year listening to Cats for no good quality educational reason (just as I won’t tell myself that listening to my kid’s Nutcracker soundtrack for two years hasn’t done us all some good). But even if that were the case, you can know that she’ll have a funny anecdote to tell at parties about how she tormented her family for a year and emotionally blackmailed her mother into taking her to see the show.
Most likely you’ll get a really great mother’s day card out of this. Have fun.
Cats, though? Meh. (or mew?) Can’t see any reason to go, not sure why other people do.
@6 SeattleKim, I’m not going to tell you that you spent a year listening to Cats for no good quality educational reason (just as I won’t tell myself that listening to my kid’s Nutcracker soundtrack for two years hasn’t done us all some good). But even if that were the case, you can know that she’ll have a funny anecdote to tell at parties about how she tormented her family for a year and emotionally blackmailed her mother into taking her to see the show.
Most likely you’ll get a really great mother’s day card out of this. Have fun.
11
I have a cat at home, and she gives Cats two paws DOWN! Here's what she said "Meow meow mow! Meow ow mew meow!"
She then turned and took a shit on the newspaper ad that announced Cats was in Seattle.
She then turned and took a shit on the newspaper ad that announced Cats was in Seattle.
12
Ok, a little over 2.5 hours, with intermission, is really not that long at all for a broadway musical. And CATS is one of those shows that dumbasses mistake for being kid-friendly (ooh! there are animals!) so I'm willing to bet the Paramount is trying to minimize the number of pissed off patrons who paid good money for a show and had it interrupted by someone's bored kid.
13
I was obsessed with Cats when I was a kid. I'm kind of tempted to see it again, but maybe a DVD would suffice.
When my mother and I were travelling around Europe in the early-'90s, "Memories" was apparently the only song that bar/restaurant piano players were allowed to perform.
You haven't really lived, though, until you've seen Starlight Express, an Andrew Lloyd Webber musical about trains with the actors on roller skates. As terrible taste as I had back in the day, even I knew it was a load of (hysterical) shit when I saw it more than 20 years ago.
When my mother and I were travelling around Europe in the early-'90s, "Memories" was apparently the only song that bar/restaurant piano players were allowed to perform.
You haven't really lived, though, until you've seen Starlight Express, an Andrew Lloyd Webber musical about trains with the actors on roller skates. As terrible taste as I had back in the day, even I knew it was a load of (hysterical) shit when I saw it more than 20 years ago.
14
And, I have no idea how widespread this knowledge is (I certainly had no clue for years and years), but Cats is based on a T.S. Eliot book.
16
I have seen Cats four times. The fourth time it was just tired and dated and sad and I realized how really not great that show is. It's too bad too, because the first three times (I saw the first when I was 14) were delightful!
17
I had the T.S. Elliot book AND named my cat Growltiger when I was a kid. (I've never seen Cats the musical, though.)
@5: I'm still known to say occasionally, "It was much better than Cats. I'm going to see it again and again."
@5: I'm still known to say occasionally, "It was much better than Cats. I'm going to see it again and again."
18
The very short list of things that I am (thankfully!) immune to: cigarettes, alcohol, daytime television, and Andrew Lloyd Webber.
Oh, and also: the tears of frustrated Libertarians. Just FYI. :-)
Oh, and also: the tears of frustrated Libertarians. Just FYI. :-)
21
CATS hit big right when I hit adolescence.
Time Magazine reviewed it in a 2-page spread.
The accompanying picture of Terrance V. Mann in his full Rum Tum Tugger bulge-tacular regalia ignighted (or at the very least fanned the flames of) my supergay fetish for "tight stuff."
And then I saw the music video...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eaXE9t7M…
Time to call the taxidermist!
Time Magazine reviewed it in a 2-page spread.
The accompanying picture of Terrance V. Mann in his full Rum Tum Tugger bulge-tacular regalia ignighted (or at the very least fanned the flames of) my supergay fetish for "tight stuff."
And then I saw the music video...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-eaXE9t7M…
Time to call the taxidermist!
22
Andrew Lloyd Weber is the worst guy. Ugh. I can't be too down on him because, ultimately, he is hugely successful and I am definitely not, but I sure do hate everything he's ever done.
24
You are always a person pretending to be a cat.
A) Cat's are people. You meant to say "You are always a human pretending..."
B) I'm actually always a cat stuck in the body of human.
25
i can't help wandering off topic,my husband and i saw THE worst musical i've ever seen in life. it was in london no less. where it's run for 10 solid years. it's called 'we will rock you' entirely based on queen songs.it's a love story, cum messianic mess and involves finding the mythic' ax of life'. it does not have a freddie mercury in it.or anyone pretending to be freddie mercury. it does have an obligatory sing along to we will rock you, obligatory arm waving during we ' we are the champions' . it has a production number featuring the theme from 'flash gordon'. it was sheer torture. the audience LOVED it.
we should have seen 'cats'
thanks for your time.
we should have seen 'cats'
thanks for your time.
26
Tried to watch a PBS special video of "Cats": oh gawd, sooooo boring, and that horrific bloody music!
With rare exceptions -- if you're lucky, one song per show -- all Andrew Llyod Webster's music sounds like all the rest of Andrew Llyod Webster's music.
Whereas I'm a fan of T.S. Eliot poems.
With rare exceptions -- if you're lucky, one song per show -- all Andrew Llyod Webster's music sounds like all the rest of Andrew Llyod Webster's music.
Whereas I'm a fan of T.S. Eliot poems.
28
The only way I'd see Cats - if it was a one man cabaret version by Chris Lilley (0:46 in - this clip is from a Behind The Scenes bonus on the Summer Heights High DVD. Basically a high school drama teacher who has been picked as a documentary subject is showing photos of his old college productions. This clip shows writer/star Chris Lilley in the process of shooting stills from these imaginary shows)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Q7-OFvul…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Q7-OFvul…
30
@9: Nothing happens? What about at the climax when --- SPOILER ALERT --- Grizabella the Slut Cat goes to the Heaviside Layer???
32
Rev Dr Dj: i am quite bummed that the Flash Gordon movie was so awful-bad-but-good enough to become a midnight cult hit.
34
Joe Queenan nailed it in Red Lobster, White Trash and The Blue La…. It's a good plane read.
"For the benefit of the two or three other people in this society who don't know what Cats is about, here's the answer: It's about a bunch of cats. The cats jump around in a postnuclear junkyard for some two and a half hours, bumping and grinding to that curiously Mesozoic pop music for which Andrew Lloyd Webber is famous--the kind of full-tilt truckin' that sounds like the theme from "The Mod Squad." There's an Elvis impersonator cat, and a cat that looks like Cyndi Lauper, and a cat that looks like Phyllis Diller. All the other cast members look like Jon Bon Jovi with two weeks of facial growth.
Sure, Cats is allegedly based upon the works of T. S. Eliot, but from what I could tell, the show had about as much to do with the author of "The Waste Land" as those old Steve Reeves movies had to do with Euripides. Cats is what Grease would look like if all the cast members dressed up like KISS. To give you an idea of how bad Cats is, think of a musical where you're actually glad to hear "Memory" reprised a third time because all the other songs are so awful. Think of a musical where the songs are so bad that "Memory" starts to sound like "Ol' Man River" by comparison. That's how bad Cats is."
"Revisiting the horror in my mind later that evening, I consoled myself with the assurance that surely this would be the lowest point of my adventure, that nothing I subsequently experienced could possibly be in even the same league as Cats.
Then I cued up the Michael Bolton record.
So much for that theory."
"For the benefit of the two or three other people in this society who don't know what Cats is about, here's the answer: It's about a bunch of cats. The cats jump around in a postnuclear junkyard for some two and a half hours, bumping and grinding to that curiously Mesozoic pop music for which Andrew Lloyd Webber is famous--the kind of full-tilt truckin' that sounds like the theme from "The Mod Squad." There's an Elvis impersonator cat, and a cat that looks like Cyndi Lauper, and a cat that looks like Phyllis Diller. All the other cast members look like Jon Bon Jovi with two weeks of facial growth.
Sure, Cats is allegedly based upon the works of T. S. Eliot, but from what I could tell, the show had about as much to do with the author of "The Waste Land" as those old Steve Reeves movies had to do with Euripides. Cats is what Grease would look like if all the cast members dressed up like KISS. To give you an idea of how bad Cats is, think of a musical where you're actually glad to hear "Memory" reprised a third time because all the other songs are so awful. Think of a musical where the songs are so bad that "Memory" starts to sound like "Ol' Man River" by comparison. That's how bad Cats is."
"Revisiting the horror in my mind later that evening, I consoled myself with the assurance that surely this would be the lowest point of my adventure, that nothing I subsequently experienced could possibly be in even the same league as Cats.
Then I cued up the Michael Bolton record.
So much for that theory."
35
Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats is mostly delightful, but I'd want to take a young reader aside and have a talk about Eliot's description of the Siamese "Chinks" who come creeping in their sampans to kill Growltiger, and the "Heathen Chinese" Pekingese dogs. Ah, the 1930s.
I'm assuming those words don't come up in the musical; I've never seen it.
I'm assuming those words don't come up in the musical; I've never seen it.
36
@25 Reading your description makes me want to swim in the London sewer. That said, you get what you expect from a show called We Will Rock You.
38
Watching people pretend to be cats is the most hilariously fucked-up thing in the world. There's no right way to do it.
You've never watched Red Dwarf, then.
39
@35 I'm pretty sure Chinks is in the Growltiger song.
I'm pretty biased. My parents own a cassette of me singing the entire soundtrack at age 3 or 4, my copy of Old Possum's guide to practical cats from the same era was falling apart by age 6 or 7, I was in my middle school production as a bit soloist in 6th grade, and I went to see it in New York with my dad and sister.
I'm a fan of the show. I'm also actually a fan of Andrew Lloyd Webber, possibly because he was my first exposure to pop/rock music outside of Jethro Tull, but I enjoy his soundtracks and musicals.
Cats is exactly what you'd hope it would be, if you like cats. Frenetic, running around, or falling asleep, and at the end of the day, it's in the same place it started, ready to do it all again tomorrow. Hopefully you had fun in the meantime.
I'm pretty biased. My parents own a cassette of me singing the entire soundtrack at age 3 or 4, my copy of Old Possum's guide to practical cats from the same era was falling apart by age 6 or 7, I was in my middle school production as a bit soloist in 6th grade, and I went to see it in New York with my dad and sister.
I'm a fan of the show. I'm also actually a fan of Andrew Lloyd Webber, possibly because he was my first exposure to pop/rock music outside of Jethro Tull, but I enjoy his soundtracks and musicals.
Cats is exactly what you'd hope it would be, if you like cats. Frenetic, running around, or falling asleep, and at the end of the day, it's in the same place it started, ready to do it all again tomorrow. Hopefully you had fun in the meantime.
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