If only it were a pit bull:

A Lake in the Hills woman bit the family dog after returning home drunk over the weekend, police said Monday.

Analise J. Garner, 19, of the 300 block of Village Creek Drive, was charged with animal cruelty, domestic battery and underage drinking...

...Police said the family’s 80-pound English bulldog had three bite marks on its back. Puncture marks were visible against the dog’s white fur, police said.

The bulldog stood its ground and bit the pretty woman in self-defense.