Like are you fast? Very fast? The fastest? Sure, you can unlock your iPhone to the right—anybody can—but what about to the left? What about two unlocks at once? In two directions? Are you better than all your friends at unlocking your phone? Are you better at unlocking your phone than anyone in the world? What if there were a global leaderboard for people who were really good at unlocking their iPhone? Perhaps amazingly, there is—thanks to this ridiculous but ingenious but super-meta nugget of pure game-ness.

Go to Game Center and look at the all-time leaderboard. #1 is like 2.1B, and #2 is 12K. What is up with Fabio_figo71?

The app is free, but for 99 cents, you can "slide in ultimate style" with "Golden Sliders"—which seemed like just an arch joke about microtransactions until we realized how much money they've probably made off it. (Warning: This game has been around for forever. But we kind of can't stop playing it.)

The Stranger Testing Department is Rob Lightner and Paul Hughes.