Last summer, I finished principal photography on my debut feature film, The Killist, about a Starbucks barista and trivia host named Vegas who's also a secret hit man. Vegas's pop-culture-savvy wit and prowess as an assassin are as sharp (and deadly) as the cut of his suit. To say that I was proud of The Killist would be an understatement: For less than $30,000, I produced, scripted, directed, lit, and created the SFX for a motion picture that, in my humble opinion, could stand up to any Hollywood product. People I showed the movie to compared it to Tarantino, Spielberg, and Scorsese. I completely agree. And it is no exaggeration to say that my childhood friend Eddie Blunt, making his big-screen debut as Vegas, is the next Matthew McConaughey. He falls in love with his target—a stripper played by my girlfriend, Deena Thompson. In the tour-de-force third act, Vegas has to decide between being a good company man or telling the whole system to go fuck itself.
Since the Seattle International Film Festival brags about being the biggest film festival in the country, I had high hopes when I submitted the film to SIFF for consideration last November. But then we got a rejection slip from SIFF in the mail, and it's like, what the fuck? I sent an e-mail to The Stranger about how they should do a feature on SIFF's bullshit standards, and they wrote back that they were "actually excited" about SIFF this year because there are "more quality films than usual." That's such complete horseshit I don't even know where to start. When I asked them to review The Killist, they never responded.
After I sent a few more e-mails about it, someone finally wrote back and said I could submit my critique of SIFF "to run in the Public Editor column." I don't read The Stranger every week, so I don't even know what that is (sorry!), but I would just like to point out that SIFF is fucking bullshit if talented filmmakers being compared to Tarantino, Spielberg, and Scorsese aren't being given a fair shot. According to the internet, the opening movie at SIFF is by Lynn Shelton, who must have sucked a lot of dicks at The Stranger because they gave her a Genius Award and they write an article about her every three months, even though no one I know even likes her movies. Also, women are not exactly known for being good directors—get pissed if you want, but it's true.
I tried to read about the other films that made the cut, but it's just a bunch of standard film festival crap about atomic energy is bad and rape in the military is bad. LOL. This mealy-mouthed social consciousness is just overkill. I hate that The Stranger is cheering on this mediocre "We Are the World" crap. If you want to see the real future of film, including my girlfriend, who I swear to god is the next Megan Fox, just you wait for The Killist .
This post has been updated.
