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News & ArtsSaturday, June 2, 2012
News The Saturday Morning News
Posted by Unpaid Intern on Sat, Jun 2, 2012 at 8:45 AM
Posted by news intern Mike Gore
Mubarak under lock: Ex-president given life in prison for being a really, really bad person.
Everyone needs some Kofi in the morning: Peacemaker and all-around badass Kofi Annan heads to Syria to wage peace.
A sea of white: Washington selects GOP delegates, Romney gets the most (so far.)
Trombone-d: Tacoma band director leaves school after allegations that he had sex with a student.
My thoughts exactly: To fat people on Bloomberg's soda ban - "please shut the fuck up."
Take it with a grain of salt: Jezebel says crazy-makin' bath salt drug really isn't that bad.
Warren gloves stay off: Fightin' Liz goes after Scott "I know I'm a Douche" Brown again. Why? He said her Native Amercian-ness gave her an advantage.
Going down on us (bad touch): Stocks fall after jobs report. In an unprecedented move, everyone started blaming everybody else.
Tapirs are my favorite animal - they're really weird looking, but oh-so-adorable. Here's some Seattle tapirs to start your day off right:
2
I'm pretty sure Elizabeth Warren is going after Scott BROWN, not WALKER. Though that would be pretty cool if she was piling on Walker right now too.
3
That's "tapirs", not "tapis". Unless you meant "tapas" or "tipis", in which case you still have a typo.
5
Dear Bloomberg and Unpaid Intern: please shut the fuck up. Fuck your social engineering. Let people buy large sodas, and birth control, and marijuana, and... The more you fuck with things the more your things are going to be fucked with. Stop.
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Oh give Mike a break. I like his morning news. The fat shaming isn't cool, but shaming someone for shaming someone else is kind of unproductive.
Too much clicking on the gawker article landed me on the pictures of the victim in Miami's face post removal by the guy. Eek. Some things you can't to unsee.
I think that any soda over 12 oz (YES TWELVE) should be taxed, like cigarettes. The value meals can still come with a 12 oz drink, but to upgrade you gotta pay. Problem solved.
Too much clicking on the gawker article landed me on the pictures of the victim in Miami's face post removal by the guy. Eek. Some things you can't to unsee.
I think that any soda over 12 oz (YES TWELVE) should be taxed, like cigarettes. The value meals can still come with a 12 oz drink, but to upgrade you gotta pay. Problem solved.
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@9 - Early morning :( I'll be writing 'tapir' on the chalkboard about 100 times. Thanks for the heads up @3,2...I'll be having coffee before the news tomorrow morning.
-Mike the intern
-Mike the intern
11
Say you're a trucker. You have a haul from NYC to Boston. You're going to get thirsty on the road in hot sweltering traffic and you can't get a Big Gulp to help carry you through?
I thought liberals were equally against the nanny state as much as conservatives. They don't want the government telling them they have to get an ultrasound before getting an abortion. Fine. I totally agree with that.
So liberals should have the courtesy to be against this silly ban so that they avoid hypocrisy.
I thought liberals were equally against the nanny state as much as conservatives. They don't want the government telling them they have to get an ultrasound before getting an abortion. Fine. I totally agree with that.
So liberals should have the courtesy to be against this silly ban so that they avoid hypocrisy.
13
Some years ago, an unfortunate zookeeper got between a momma tapir and her baby, and had her arm (the zookeeper's) ripped off. Pop. She later made it clear that it was entirely her own fault. Moral: don't piss off a momma tapir. (Strangely, Palin hasn't seized on this metaphor. Huh.)
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Tapirs, rhinoceroses, and... horses are relatively closely related. Look at a rhino in silhouette, block out the horns, and it looks like a very (very) stocky horse. Cool, huh?
15
Gay gal for Romney, Bloomberg is a Republican. This is the party of other people's business' (aka The Grand Old Perverts) problem. Own it.
16
@8 - And any such taxes should go to, how about this: municipal treadmills and other aerobic equipment.
We can try and cut down on sugar and fats but until there's significant exercise with the heart rate getting up - it really doesn't do much good.
Health clubs are great, but if you're unemployed that's the first discretionary spending to go.
We can try and cut down on sugar and fats but until there's significant exercise with the heart rate getting up - it really doesn't do much good.
Health clubs are great, but if you're unemployed that's the first discretionary spending to go.
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@15: Good morning Electricity Babe. Someone as sophisticated as yourself should surely know that party affiliation does not a conservative make. The term RINO has been around for a long time and with good reason.
In another later universe, William F. Buckley is showing the Bloombergs to the door before the dinner party begins.
In another later universe, William F. Buckley is showing the Bloombergs to the door before the dinner party begins.
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@5,
Nobody's telling anyone they can't buy sodas or birth control. But if a significant health benefit could be proven by limiting the number of condoms available in a single box, then by all means we should do it (and in such an example, obviously just the opposite would be the case.) As far as pot goes, isn't the default position that we all endorse that Government SHOULD be regulating the distribution & sale?
@ 11,
A 64 ounce (or however ridiculously big those fucking things are) big-gulp is going to go flat & undrinkably gross over the course of the 3-4 hour truck drive you cite. Those drinks are far more often consumed over the course of an hour or two at most, driving up obesity rates, diabetes & other associated ailments (and I drink soda fairly regularly. Moderation is your & my friend.)
Nobody's telling anyone they can't buy sodas or birth control. But if a significant health benefit could be proven by limiting the number of condoms available in a single box, then by all means we should do it (and in such an example, obviously just the opposite would be the case.) As far as pot goes, isn't the default position that we all endorse that Government SHOULD be regulating the distribution & sale?
@ 11,
A 64 ounce (or however ridiculously big those fucking things are) big-gulp is going to go flat & undrinkably gross over the course of the 3-4 hour truck drive you cite. Those drinks are far more often consumed over the course of an hour or two at most, driving up obesity rates, diabetes & other associated ailments (and I drink soda fairly regularly. Moderation is your & my friend.)
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Excuses simply won't do, darling. Besides, if that's the case, how do you explain Mitt's pro-choice, gayer-than-Ted Kennedy past? That seems about as RINO as you can get.
I imagine that you get paid by the post or something, so we can stretch this out for a bit if need be. But I do have to be in Tacoma in two hours, and I've got a bunch of devilled eggs to make before then.
I imagine that you get paid by the post or something, so we can stretch this out for a bit if need be. But I do have to be in Tacoma in two hours, and I've got a bunch of devilled eggs to make before then.
22
@16 Agreed that exercise is important. The problem is more systematic than my comment alludes. I don't believe taxing soda is the solution. I do believe removing our current farm subsidies, reforming health care, and taxing the shit out of fast food can help the problem. You can't make people exercise, but you can allow people, even those with low incomes, access to affordable and healthy foods.
Banning a large size is silly especially in New York City where you can get foods much worse than 17oz of freedom on every damn street corner.
Banning a large size is silly especially in New York City where you can get foods much worse than 17oz of freedom on every damn street corner.
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@18, Okay, I see.... The group that you hate, "liberals," can all be painted w/ the same brush. They're all the same, right? But you argue that you can't do the same to the group that you belong to, the "conservatives."
What you're demonstrating is something I've seen in almost every other conservative on the net: You don't really have any ideas, you just hate liberals. So, when an issue like this comes along, you're not interested in what precipitated it, how the decision was made or who made it. All you care about is if it can be used to attack liberals.
Hey look! The sun is shining! I bet those evil liberals are out there somewhere, trying to get it covered because they feel that clouds have rights as well. The world is a safe & easy place, isn't it, when everything is black & white, eh?
What you're demonstrating is something I've seen in almost every other conservative on the net: You don't really have any ideas, you just hate liberals. So, when an issue like this comes along, you're not interested in what precipitated it, how the decision was made or who made it. All you care about is if it can be used to attack liberals.
Hey look! The sun is shining! I bet those evil liberals are out there somewhere, trying to get it covered because they feel that clouds have rights as well. The world is a safe & easy place, isn't it, when everything is black & white, eh?
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@21: There's a difference between a RINO and a moderate republican. The latter is preferred.
No, I don't get paid by the post by anyone. Besides, I'm sure the Romney campaign could find someone with savvier punditry skills that I.
And for heavens sake, put that platter of deviled eggs in a box on snug bed of styrofoam so the eggs don't collide with each other in the car. Add the parsley garnish after you arrive.
No, I don't get paid by the post by anyone. Besides, I'm sure the Romney campaign could find someone with savvier punditry skills that I.
And for heavens sake, put that platter of deviled eggs in a box on snug bed of styrofoam so the eggs don't collide with each other in the car. Add the parsley garnish after you arrive.
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@25
"No, I don't get paid by the post by anyone."
You mean that you're trolling here without any facts and defending racists because you WANT to do that?
I mean, I could understand if you were only doing so because you had to support a family or something.
But to defend racists as a hobby? On the weekend?
"No, I don't get paid by the post by anyone."
You mean that you're trolling here without any facts and defending racists because you WANT to do that?
I mean, I could understand if you were only doing so because you had to support a family or something.
But to defend racists as a hobby? On the weekend?
29
I can do better than that, 25 dear. I have Tupperware devilled egg totes! Once I get to the picnic, I'll transfer them to the devilled egg plate that Mother Vel-DuRay received as a bridal shower gift in 1952. it holds 16, I made 32, so I'll refresh as necessary.
I usually sprinkle them with Paprika, just for the pretty contrast.
I usually sprinkle them with Paprika, just for the pretty contrast.
31
Here is the most absurd thing I have witnessed today so far:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tWEXZhkR…
Seen while on the Kent Earthworks Bicycle Tour
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tWEXZhkR…
Seen while on the Kent Earthworks Bicycle Tour
34
We have a public health crisis that we cannot afford not to address so it's probably going to involve some government intervention. It appears that HFCS plays a very significant role in this crisis and confronting the issue at the local level may be the only choice we have given how unlikely it is that our dysfunctional congress will stop corn subsidies any time soon (It may not be sufficient either). We already regulate tobacco, alcohol, drugs, etc for good reasons.
35
"I thought liberals were equally against the nanny state as much as conservatives."
Nope, conservatives just want to control your bedroom. Liberals want to control everything else
Nope, conservatives just want to control your bedroom. Liberals want to control everything else
37
The best part is where government officials say that bath salts are the new LSD, meth, coke, PCP and pot all smoothed together.
Bath salts are crappy uppers. Of course people go nuts on that crap. Back the fuck away from my fun drugs, or I'll eat your face.
Bath salts are crappy uppers. Of course people go nuts on that crap. Back the fuck away from my fun drugs, or I'll eat your face.
38
Just love the fat-bashing.
If Bloomie were really concerned about health risks with lifetime effects, he should ban pregnancy.
If Bloomie were really concerned about health risks with lifetime effects, he should ban pregnancy.
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Also, since rum is made of sugar, and vodka is made of potato starch--a sugar, and well, pretty much all alcohol is made of sugar, is Bloomberg gonna shut down the bars?
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@8 "The fat shaming isn't cool, but shaming someone for shaming someone else is kind of unproductive. "
What?
What?
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*Snerk*
And I'm impressed that the cartoonist correctly shows 4 nails on the front foot, even though it's a perissodactyl.
And I'm impressed that the cartoonist correctly shows 4 nails on the front foot, even though it's a perissodactyl.
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Fuck you, unpaid intern, for insulting fat people. We're the last oppressed minority. This is not cool.
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