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Saturday, June 2, 2012

The Saturday Morning News

Posted by on Sat, Jun 2, 2012 at 8:45 AM

Mubarak under lock: Ex-president given life in prison for being a really, really bad person.

Everyone needs some Kofi in the morning: Peacemaker and all-around badass Kofi Annan heads to Syria to wage peace.

A sea of white: Washington selects GOP delegates, Romney gets the most (so far.)

Trombone-d: Tacoma band director leaves school after allegations that he had sex with a student.

My thoughts exactly: To fat people on Bloomberg's soda ban - "please shut the fuck up."

Take it with a grain of salt: Jezebel says crazy-makin' bath salt drug really isn't that bad.

Warren gloves stay off: Fightin' Liz goes after Scott "I know I'm a Douche" Brown again. Why? He said her Native Amercian-ness gave her an advantage.

Going down on us (bad touch): Stocks fall after jobs report. In an unprecedented move, everyone started blaming everybody else.

Tapirs are my favorite animal - they're really weird looking, but oh-so-adorable. Here's some Seattle tapirs to start your day off right:


 

Comments (45) RSS

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Asparagus! 1
So thin people are allowed to complain about the soda ban?

Body shaming is dumb, man.
Posted by Asparagus! on June 2, 2012 at 8:54 AM · Report this
2
I'm pretty sure Elizabeth Warren is going after Scott BROWN, not WALKER. Though that would be pretty cool if she was piling on Walker right now too.
Posted by Justin on June 2, 2012 at 8:59 AM · Report this
emma's bee 3
That's "tapirs", not "tapis". Unless you meant "tapas" or "tipis", in which case you still have a typo.
Posted by emma's bee on June 2, 2012 at 8:59 AM · Report this
mikethehammer 4
That soda ban should be amended into the U.S. constitution.
Posted by mikethehammer on June 2, 2012 at 9:06 AM · Report this
BLUE 5
Dear Bloomberg and Unpaid Intern: please shut the fuck up. Fuck your social engineering. Let people buy large sodas, and birth control, and marijuana, and... The more you fuck with things the more your things are going to be fucked with. Stop.
Posted by BLUE on June 2, 2012 at 9:11 AM · Report this
bedipped 6
Unpaid Introll trolled.
Posted by bedipped on June 2, 2012 at 9:11 AM · Report this
Fifty-Two-Eighty 7
This intern is obviously worth every penny they're paying him.
Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty http://www.nra.org on June 2, 2012 at 9:17 AM · Report this
GlamB0t 8
Oh give Mike a break. I like his morning news. The fat shaming isn't cool, but shaming someone for shaming someone else is kind of unproductive.

Too much clicking on the gawker article landed me on the pictures of the victim in Miami's face post removal by the guy. Eek. Some things you can't to unsee.

I think that any soda over 12 oz (YES TWELVE) should be taxed, like cigarettes. The value meals can still come with a 12 oz drink, but to upgrade you gotta pay. Problem solved.
Posted by GlamB0t on June 2, 2012 at 9:24 AM · Report this
9
"favorite animal" huh? Misspelled.
Posted by Faber on June 2, 2012 at 9:29 AM · Report this
10
@9 - Early morning :( I'll be writing 'tapir' on the chalkboard about 100 times. Thanks for the heads up @3,2...I'll be having coffee before the news tomorrow morning.

-Mike the intern
Posted by Guest Author on June 2, 2012 at 9:35 AM · Report this
Gay Dude for Romney 11
Say you're a trucker. You have a haul from NYC to Boston. You're going to get thirsty on the road in hot sweltering traffic and you can't get a Big Gulp to help carry you through?
I thought liberals were equally against the nanny state as much as conservatives. They don't want the government telling them they have to get an ultrasound before getting an abortion. Fine. I totally agree with that.
So liberals should have the courtesy to be against this silly ban so that they avoid hypocrisy.
Posted by Gay Dude for Romney http://mittromney.com on June 2, 2012 at 9:58 AM · Report this
12
The large soda ban is ridiculous, and it's not only fat people who think so.
Posted by Amanda on June 2, 2012 at 10:01 AM · Report this
Catherwood 13
Some years ago, an unfortunate zookeeper got between a momma tapir and her baby, and had her arm (the zookeeper's) ripped off. Pop. She later made it clear that it was entirely her own fault. Moral: don't piss off a momma tapir. (Strangely, Palin hasn't seized on this metaphor. Huh.)
Posted by Catherwood on June 2, 2012 at 10:01 AM · Report this
rob! 14
Tapirs, rhinoceroses, and... horses are relatively closely related. Look at a rhino in silhouette, block out the horns, and it looks like a very (very) stocky horse. Cool, huh?
Posted by rob! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZBdUceCL5U on June 2, 2012 at 10:09 AM · Report this
Catalina Vel-DuRay 15
Gay gal for Romney, Bloomberg is a Republican. This is the party of other people's business' (aka The Grand Old Perverts) problem. Own it.
Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay http://www.danlangdon.com on June 2, 2012 at 10:21 AM · Report this
Phoebe in Wallingford 16
@8 - And any such taxes should go to, how about this: municipal treadmills and other aerobic equipment.
We can try and cut down on sugar and fats but until there's significant exercise with the heart rate getting up - it really doesn't do much good.
Health clubs are great, but if you're unemployed that's the first discretionary spending to go.
Posted by Phoebe in Wallingford on June 2, 2012 at 10:24 AM · Report this
17
love the soda article, minus the use of the word pussy.
Posted by drivel on June 2, 2012 at 10:37 AM · Report this
Gay Dude for Romney 18
@15: Good morning Electricity Babe. Someone as sophisticated as yourself should surely know that party affiliation does not a conservative make. The term RINO has been around for a long time and with good reason.

In another later universe, William F. Buckley is showing the Bloombergs to the door before the dinner party begins.
Posted by Gay Dude for Romney http://mittromney.com on June 2, 2012 at 10:42 AM · Report this
19 Comment Pulled (Spam) Comment Policy
mikethehammer 20
@5,

Nobody's telling anyone they can't buy sodas or birth control. But if a significant health benefit could be proven by limiting the number of condoms available in a single box, then by all means we should do it (and in such an example, obviously just the opposite would be the case.) As far as pot goes, isn't the default position that we all endorse that Government SHOULD be regulating the distribution & sale?

@ 11,

A 64 ounce (or however ridiculously big those fucking things are) big-gulp is going to go flat & undrinkably gross over the course of the 3-4 hour truck drive you cite. Those drinks are far more often consumed over the course of an hour or two at most, driving up obesity rates, diabetes & other associated ailments (and I drink soda fairly regularly. Moderation is your & my friend.)
Posted by mikethehammer on June 2, 2012 at 11:18 AM · Report this
Catalina Vel-DuRay 21
Excuses simply won't do, darling. Besides, if that's the case, how do you explain Mitt's pro-choice, gayer-than-Ted Kennedy past? That seems about as RINO as you can get.

I imagine that you get paid by the post or something, so we can stretch this out for a bit if need be. But I do have to be in Tacoma in two hours, and I've got a bunch of devilled eggs to make before then.
Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay http://www.danlangdon.com on June 2, 2012 at 11:22 AM · Report this
GlamB0t 22
@16 Agreed that exercise is important. The problem is more systematic than my comment alludes. I don't believe taxing soda is the solution. I do believe removing our current farm subsidies, reforming health care, and taxing the shit out of fast food can help the problem. You can't make people exercise, but you can allow people, even those with low incomes, access to affordable and healthy foods.

Banning a large size is silly especially in New York City where you can get foods much worse than 17oz of freedom on every damn street corner.
Posted by GlamB0t on June 2, 2012 at 11:41 AM · Report this
TVDinner 23
@14: Odd-toed ungulates, huh?

Huh.

That's a lot to take in, actually.

Huh.
Posted by TVDinner http:// on June 2, 2012 at 11:41 AM · Report this
Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In 24
@18, Okay, I see.... The group that you hate, "liberals," can all be painted w/ the same brush. They're all the same, right? But you argue that you can't do the same to the group that you belong to, the "conservatives."

What you're demonstrating is something I've seen in almost every other conservative on the net: You don't really have any ideas, you just hate liberals. So, when an issue like this comes along, you're not interested in what precipitated it, how the decision was made or who made it. All you care about is if it can be used to attack liberals.

Hey look! The sun is shining! I bet those evil liberals are out there somewhere, trying to get it covered because they feel that clouds have rights as well. The world is a safe & easy place, isn't it, when everything is black & white, eh?
Posted by Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In on June 2, 2012 at 11:47 AM · Report this
Gay Dude for Romney 25
@21: There's a difference between a RINO and a moderate republican. The latter is preferred.

No, I don't get paid by the post by anyone. Besides, I'm sure the Romney campaign could find someone with savvier punditry skills that I.

And for heavens sake, put that platter of deviled eggs in a box on snug bed of styrofoam so the eggs don't collide with each other in the car. Add the parsley garnish after you arrive.

Posted by Gay Dude for Romney http://mittromney.com on June 2, 2012 at 11:53 AM · Report this
26
@25
"No, I don't get paid by the post by anyone."

You mean that you're trolling here without any facts and defending racists because you WANT to do that?

I mean, I could understand if you were only doing so because you had to support a family or something.

But to defend racists as a hobby? On the weekend?
Posted by fairly.unbalanced on June 2, 2012 at 12:09 PM · Report this
27
So, they named part of Benaroya Hall after those critters?
Posted by Weekilter on June 2, 2012 at 12:19 PM · Report this
Phoebe in Wallingford 28
@26 - racists? What are you referring to?
Posted by Phoebe in Wallingford on June 2, 2012 at 12:19 PM · Report this
Catalina Vel-DuRay 29
I can do better than that, 25 dear. I have Tupperware devilled egg totes! Once I get to the picnic, I'll transfer them to the devilled egg plate that Mother Vel-DuRay received as a bridal shower gift in 1952. it holds 16, I made 32, so I'll refresh as necessary.

I usually sprinkle them with Paprika, just for the pretty contrast.
Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay http://www.danlangdon.com on June 2, 2012 at 12:41 PM · Report this
30
" taxing the shit out of fast food can help the problem"

You're going to tax pho?
Posted by Charlie Don't Surf, he makes noodle soup on June 2, 2012 at 2:30 PM · Report this
31
Here is the most absurd thing I have witnessed today so far:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tWEXZhkR…

Seen while on the Kent Earthworks Bicycle Tour

Posted by Supreme Ruler Of The Universe http://_ on June 2, 2012 at 2:50 PM · Report this
32
15 Bloomberg is now an independent and the soda ban is too muchgovernment overreach
Posted by Seattle14 on June 2, 2012 at 3:10 PM · Report this
Posted by Sandiai on June 2, 2012 at 4:08 PM · Report this
34
We have a public health crisis that we cannot afford not to address so it's probably going to involve some government intervention. It appears that HFCS plays a very significant role in this crisis and confronting the issue at the local level may be the only choice we have given how unlikely it is that our dysfunctional congress will stop corn subsidies any time soon (It may not be sufficient either). We already regulate tobacco, alcohol, drugs, etc for good reasons.
Posted by anon1256 on June 2, 2012 at 4:41 PM · Report this
35
"I thought liberals were equally against the nanny state as much as conservatives."

Nope, conservatives just want to control your bedroom. Liberals want to control everything else
Posted by Reader01 on June 2, 2012 at 5:48 PM · Report this
36
@35 Except stupid people too irresponsible to take care of themselves. ie. their base.
Posted by MicronS on June 2, 2012 at 7:24 PM · Report this
37
The best part is where government officials say that bath salts are the new LSD, meth, coke, PCP and pot all smoothed together.

Bath salts are crappy uppers. Of course people go nuts on that crap. Back the fuck away from my fun drugs, or I'll eat your face.
Posted by K3 on June 2, 2012 at 9:59 PM · Report this
HellboundAlleee 38
Just love the fat-bashing.

If Bloomie were really concerned about health risks with lifetime effects, he should ban pregnancy.
Posted by HellboundAlleee http://hellboundalleee.blogspot.com on June 2, 2012 at 10:25 PM · Report this
HellboundAlleee 39
Also, since rum is made of sugar, and vodka is made of potato starch--a sugar, and well, pretty much all alcohol is made of sugar, is Bloomberg gonna shut down the bars?
Posted by HellboundAlleee http://hellboundalleee.blogspot.com on June 2, 2012 at 10:32 PM · Report this
40
@29 - Catalina, you are the best. Thank you for brightening my day.
Posted by Action Slacks on June 2, 2012 at 10:34 PM · Report this
41
Stadium? Again?!?
Posted by david on June 3, 2012 at 12:04 AM · Report this
42
@8 "The fat shaming isn't cool, but shaming someone for shaming someone else is kind of unproductive. "

What?
Posted by kersy on June 3, 2012 at 12:44 AM · Report this
venomlash 43
Speaking of tapirs...
Posted by venomlash on June 3, 2012 at 1:24 PM · Report this
rob! 44
*Snerk*

And I'm impressed that the cartoonist correctly shows 4 nails on the front foot, even though it's a perissodactyl.
Posted by rob! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZBdUceCL5U on June 3, 2012 at 8:56 PM · Report this
45
Fuck you, unpaid intern, for insulting fat people. We're the last oppressed minority. This is not cool.
Posted by BallardBoy on June 5, 2012 at 2:54 PM · Report this

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