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Saturday, June 23, 2012

The Saturday Morning News

Posted by on Sat, Jun 23, 2012 at 8:37 AM

Today in big douches: Romney asks Florida's governor to simmer down about economic improvements his state has seen. Why? "because they clash with the presumptive Republican nominee’s message that the nation is suffering under President Barack Obama."

Throw away the key: Jerry Sandusky was found guilty of 45 counts of sexual abuse. Here's hoping he gets 4,523,879 years in prison.

Part mayor, part superhero: Newark Mayor (and Paul Constant's love interest) Cory Booker again races to the scene of an accident, only to find he's been bested by a cop. Drat!!

Payback of the day: Lady throws down with TSA agents in grope-off at airport security, gets arrested.

Guns don't kill people, but wildfires might! Target shooters set off a big wildfire in Utah. Of course, "(Governor) Herbert called on shooters to self-regulate, since legislation bars sheriffs from banning firearms." This looks like a classic case of freedom to shoot dry grass vs. freedom to not have your house burned.

Traffic in Seattle: It's gonna be all fucked up because of runners and queers.

Syria violence is scary: Now, they shot a turkey! Turkish fighter jet. Things are so screwey that Iraq is frightened. IRAQ. That place we said was the worst place in the scared.

Probably Unconstitutional: Saving the lives of 72 Americans who will die today because they lack health insurance. USA! USA!

EDITED: Since a startled dog is more offensive than a potential genocide, bad traffic, child molesters, dying poor people, and political corruption COMBINED, the video is down. Cen-sor-ship! Cen-sor-ship!

Thanks to some of the more colorful comments:


Tomorrow's video will be as unoffensive as possible - got ideas? Send them to


Comments (40) RSS

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Phoebe in Wallingford 1
I don't understand why you even thought of posting a video that's mean to animals. Just because a video is "viral" doesn't mean that it should be propagated.
Posted by Phoebe in Wallingford on June 23, 2012 at 9:07 AM · Report this
Bauhaus I 2
Some people get rankled whenever they see or hear someone say, "The more I get to know people, the more I love my dog," because they think these people are sociopaths anyway. But really, poor little dog who probably gives unquestioned loyalty and love (although maybe not now) is terrorized so some can get their shits and giggles on.


Know what? The more I get to know people, the more I love my dog.
Posted by Bauhaus I on June 23, 2012 at 9:18 AM · Report this
GlamB0t 3
Technically, the dog is right.

When chased by an alligator or crocodile you should run in large zig-zags as they are quite fast and will catch your ass. If you run in a large sweeping zig-zag fashioned, they will follow you precisely. Their long cumbersome bodies are not able to reach full speed while turning back and forth.

Still, unfunny video isn't funny and I hope that dog pops their perfectly fun pool party accessory and is adopted by a nicer owner.
Posted by GlamB0t on June 23, 2012 at 9:26 AM · Report this
Sargon Bighorn 4
The dog is not able to make the connection to the plastic gator and what that man has done. The dog will still see the man as Alpha and there fore worthy of deference. The more I get to know people, the dumber they become.
Posted by Sargon Bighorn on June 23, 2012 at 9:39 AM · Report this
In the 1950s, a callous, brutal time, a kid would tie a can to the tail of a dog, and the dog would take off terrified. The kid laughed at the dog, but he would hope that no one told his parents he was being such a little shit. Hooray, in 2012, we're civilized, we have plastic alligators, not cans, and video cameras! And no one needs to tell our parents, we can tell the whole world, using You Tube, we are little shits. We've come a long way.

Unpaid Intern, you should take down that video, you little shit.
Posted by Eric from Boulder on June 23, 2012 at 9:40 AM · Report this
Typifies asshole side of Slog mentality. Take post down.
Posted by dj007 on June 23, 2012 at 9:47 AM · Report this
@1-5, add to all of that the dig at the Bus Monitor lady. Do you really begrudge her the right to tell those kids - who gave her so much shit for being poor - that she can now buy and sell them?
Or at least pay someone to ice them?

Don't be a dick unpaid intern.
Posted by jnonymous on June 23, 2012 at 9:55 AM · Report this
This stupid fucking video is nothing compared to the ones SLOG geniuses posted a few months back, with dogs and cats being run over by bicycles. I hope some slog staffers's kids get run over; and I hope someone tapes it and posts it, so we can all have a good laugh.
Posted by catsnbanjos on June 23, 2012 at 10:17 AM · Report this
Well, looks like you lost this one, Unpaid Intern.
Posted by floater on June 23, 2012 at 10:20 AM · Report this
Cato the Younger Younger 10
Ummmmm, Must be a Troll front moving in today on Slog with periods of heavy bullshit to be expected.
Posted by Cato the Younger Younger on June 23, 2012 at 10:21 AM · Report this
beelzebufo 11
Y'all got nothing to say about how the TSA article is written by beloved former Stranger Lindy muggle-fucking West?
Posted by beelzebufo on June 23, 2012 at 10:36 AM · Report this
Jesus fucking Christ you guys. It's obvious the owner wasn't expecting his dog to react like that. This is the least horrible thing I've ever seen, and your over reaction is a fucking joke.

And also, that donation line is pretty fucking funny.

If she had any self esteem she would have grabbed one of those fuckers by the ear and dragged him right off that bus. Self pity is so fucking sad and feeble.
Posted by boogens on June 23, 2012 at 10:41 AM · Report this
Teslick 13
Well, if you're the unpaid intern, you need to suck up to the bosses, so posting clips of pit-bull looking dogs getting teased will hopefully score points.
Posted by Teslick on June 23, 2012 at 10:41 AM · Report this
JensR 14
Oh ffs. It was shit but hell just a teeeeeny tiny bit up you have one huge humane catastrophe in Syria and then a bit beyond another happening in the US. But oh no no - the moving pictures where about a dog being scared because its owners where thoughtless... Dear lord lets all sit around and be upset about that shall we?

Until the Syrian regime starts killing off puppies I guess no one will care :)
Posted by JensR on June 23, 2012 at 10:45 AM · Report this
RFK Revisited

Forty-four years ago this month, Senator Robert Kennedy was tragically gunned down, ostensibly by an assailant who immediately afterwards claimed no memory of the event!

The public was presented the contrived nonsense of a disaffected, politically-oriented Palestinian immigrant, Sirhan Sirhan, as the classic lone gunman stalker, who that very day was supposed to have been practicing at the shooting range in preparation for the evening’s vile event.

On closer examination, it was found that the man signing in at the target practice range as Sirhan was identified by the range personnel as standing 6’2”, while Sirhan is 5’2” --- a major discrepancy!

Also, Sirhan was apolitical, having gone out earlier that evening to cage free food and cheap drinks at several political gatherings (both Republican) before ending up at RFK’s Democratic media event; a not uncommon practice for young people back then.

There were conspiracies within conspiracies: when the medical examiner, Dr. Noguchi, refused to sign off on the falsified police report, 61 false charges were brought against him and he was fired from his position.

Dr. Noguchi fought back, and each and every one of those 61 false charges was dismissed and the medical examiner was rightfully reinstated to his position. (It was found out that those charges were passed along by a secret informer --- a “licensed physician” and recent hire --- who was shortly thereafter fired for having fabricated his background; a complete imposter and no physician!)

Witnesses were intimidated and ignored --- not called during the trial --- by corrupt police of the LA Ramparts station who would, years later, be soundly and legally proven to be criminally corrupt. One key witness, Sandra Serrano, who had described a brunette in a polka dot dress exiting the building with several males (one an estimated 6’2” tall), heard the brunette gleefully proclaim, “We shot Kennedy,” or words to that effect!

Her description was validated by numerous other witnesses; an elderly couple, the Bernsteins, members on the hotel staff, several 14-year-olds attending that evening, etc.

Ms. Serrano was forcefully intimidated by police and excluded from their investigation; several of those police would later be implicated in crimes of torture under a CIA program in South America (as torture instructors, they would kidnap victims off the street as unwilling targets of their horribly obscene instruction).

The FBI documents of their “investigation” read like an atrocity --- there effectively was no investigation of any real sort --- a typical historical pattern within the FBI existing to this very day!

Two key witnesses the police brought forth were most bizarre: Thane Cesar, the just-hired on security guard who worked during the day at a restricted and classified area at Lockheed, and who was situated at the exact position the kill shots originated, and Valerie Schulte, whom the police brought in as the woman in the polka dot dress!

The problem: the original woman in the polka dot dress, identified by numerous witnesses, was an olive-skinned brunette with a slight foreign accent, while Ms. Schulte was a fair complected blonde whose leg was encased in a cast extending from her hip to ankle, and on crutches --- no one recalled seeing a blonde on crutches in the vicinity that night!

Amazingly, neither the police nor the FBI were the least curious about the backgrounds of Valerie Schulte and Thane Cesar (neither of whom fit the profile of an assassin, as neither did Sirhan).

Under closer examination, the only item known about Cesar, aside from just being hired by that security firm, and being familiar with firearms from school Cadet Corps training (an experience shared with Sirhan, who was also in his school’s Cadet Corps), was that he worked at the restricted area at Lockheed.

Valerie Schulte, as it turns out, had both an aunt and an uncle (a physicist) who also worked in the restricted area at Lockheed. Valerie’s father worked at the Technicolor Corporation, where he was involved in classified work with Lockheed concerning film processing on the SR-71 Blackbird Project and the Keyhole Spy Satellite Project.

Perhaps equally important was that Lockheed had a contract with the CIA’s MK-ULTRA program --- uncovered during a congressional investigation --- but precisely what that activity was never came to light?

So among these three young people that night there were numerous connections: the multiple connections between Lockheed and Thane Cesar and the mystery witness, Valerie Schulte --- Sirhan, Ms. Schulte and Cesar had all been to the hospital in a similar time frame --- Sirhan and Cesar’s familiarity with hand guns from the Cadet Corps --- several of them were involved with the Rosicrucians, rumored to be a contact point for the CIA’s MK-ULTRA program in Southern California in the 1960s, and a very contrived, very staged legal proceeding (a member of Sirhan’s defense team had been fired from the LAPD for a mail-fraud conviction; the presiding judge was Herbert Walker --- sound familiar?)

[The presidential scholar, Michael Beschloss, incorrectly claims that Bobby Kennedy wouldn’t have stood a chance at the presidency --- but those of us alive back then know fully well that RFK, after his California primary win, would have easily bested the unpopular and ineffectual Hubert Humphrey in a floor fight at the Democratic convention and gone on to be the president in 1968; a Kennedy instead of a Nixon, oh what a change that would have been!

Beschloss’ wife, a hedge fund expert who once worked for the highly publicized private equity firm, the Carlyle Group, always edits that fact out of her business background. Now what exactly is she ashamed of? The Beschlosses are lying asses!]

Most likely scenario: all three, Sirhan, Cesar and Schulte, were the unwitting victims of Richard Helms’ and Sidney Gottlieb’s MK-ULTRA program --- created to turn normal people into programmed players without their awareness.

Historical note: Frank Wisner, Sr., had to resign from the CIA due to mental instability and a mental breakdown, with Richard Helms being promoted into Wisner’s position. The symptoms displayed by Wisner were the exact same symptoms from a specific mind-altering drug Sidney Gottlieb was then experimenting on for the MK-ULTRA program.

Recommended reading:

Who Killed Bobby? By Shane O’Sullivan

Battling Wall Street: The Kennedy Presidency by Donald Gibson

Brothers: The Hidden History of the Kennedy Years by David Talbot

JFK and the Unspeakable by James Douglass

A Terrible Mistake by H.P. Albarelli

Family of Secrets by Russ Baker

Posted by sgt_doom on June 23, 2012 at 10:45 AM · Report this
MacCrocodile 16
The dog later died of sadness and betrayal.
Posted by MacCrocodile on June 23, 2012 at 10:46 AM · Report this
MacCrocodile 17
Pictures of the dog's corpse wearing a funny hat will be available tomorrow.
Posted by MacCrocodile on June 23, 2012 at 10:52 AM · Report this
Of course, the dog is WAY more of an outrage than Romney asking a public official to lie about the economy for his personal gain...

Posted by Guest Author on June 23, 2012 at 11:15 AM · Report this
let us reason together, Mr Gore.

fire in Utah. guns. tragic.

too bad we can't ban guns. fucked up US Constitution....

anything that hurts people should be banned.


AIDS. HIV. tragic.

20% of practicing homosexual men infect themselves. and others.

tens of thousands die each year.
(compared to 6 killed in wildfires last year.....)

obviously we should ban homosexual behavior.

Posted by you are so full of shit on June 23, 2012 at 11:30 AM · Report this
wingedkat 20
I think boogens has it right @12; the owner and camera person didn't seem to expect that reaction. The dog did not appear to be afraid of the alligator to begin with, and was probably fine afterwards. Sometimes we dog owners forget to look at the world the way dogs do, and funny things happen at the expense of the dog's human-perceived dignity.
Posted by wingedkat on June 23, 2012 at 11:38 AM · Report this
lizlemon 21
That dog video is soooooo old. Get with the times, man!
Posted by lizlemon on June 23, 2012 at 11:44 AM · Report this
Lissa 22
@18: Defensive much? Yes the Romney piece is outrageous. But that video needs to come down. Even 4 chan, often a cess pit of the worst that people are capable of, will not stand for animal abuse. It is not funny. It is not cute. And that you think that it is, says something pretty telling about you.
Take it the fuck down.
And I mean now.
Posted by Lissa on June 23, 2012 at 11:47 AM · Report this
Well, I was hoping that the new Matt Taibbi article "The Scam Wall Street Learned From the Mafia" would make the morning news. But if animal abuse is the mood, here's a bed abusing a lamb for you...…

And for those interested in two legged issues...…
Posted by Large Hardon Colluder on June 23, 2012 at 12:11 PM · Report this
Pridge Wessea 24
There's a difference between humans doing horrible things to each other and humans doing horrible things to animals. Personally I feel that terrorizing humans or animals isnt funny, but doing it to animals is exceedingly horrible.

Posted by Pridge Wessea on June 23, 2012 at 12:22 PM · Report this
Matt from Denver 25
@ 18, are you merely stupid, or are you really that braindead?

Here's how it works: Cruelty is worse than political corruption.

Read it again: Cruelty is worse that political corruption.

Christ, were does the Stranger find some of you nitwits...
Posted by Matt from Denver on June 23, 2012 at 12:55 PM · Report this
treefort 26
Yeah! Mitt Romney may be a piece of shit who's trying to lie, cheat and buy his way into the white house, but at least he didn't STARTLE A DOG!
Posted by treefort on June 23, 2012 at 1:13 PM · Report this
Lissa 27
@26: Again, as I said, the Romney piece is outrageous Full Stop. Animal cruelty is ALSO outrageous Full Stop. Objecting to animal cruelty does not diminish one's credibility as a human being. Thinking it's funny, regardless of one's politics, does.
Posted by Lissa on June 23, 2012 at 1:31 PM · Report this
mikethehammer 28

If by "defensive" you mean defending himself amidst an onslaught of personal attacks on his character, then I'd certainly expect him to be. Shoot down his defense and continue on the offensive sure, but to fault him for defending himself seems misguided.
Posted by mikethehammer on June 23, 2012 at 1:33 PM · Report this
venomlash 29
Please learn to differentiate between that video and Shoveldog. Pestering or startling an animal doesn't count as animal cruelty unless it is of such duration or is repeated sufficiently to leave the critter with lasting psychological trauma.
Posted by venomlash on June 23, 2012 at 1:53 PM · Report this
Lissa 30
@29: As you know, I am noted for my over developed empathy gland. I believe the Unpaid Intern to be surprised by the objections expressed here to their posting this video. Their surprise does not trump the objections. That this video is less egregious than others, is, to me, immaterial.
Posted by Lissa on June 23, 2012 at 2:19 PM · Report this
heywhatsit!? 31
@26 But Romney DID cage the family dog to the roof of his car and drive to Canada. A dick on two (at least) counts.
Posted by heywhatsit!? on June 23, 2012 at 2:21 PM · Report this
GlamB0t 32
Whoa whoa whoa....

Mike: life's too short, don't be a dick.

It happens. I appreciate your MN postings. The vid was just a miss. And you were right when you posted "this is just mean". That's why most people don't want to watch it ya know.

I kind of feel like captain obvious so I'm going to go put my cape on. SAFETY FIRST!
Posted by GlamB0t on June 23, 2012 at 5:36 PM · Report this
Rev. Adam McKinney 33
Well shit, I didn't get here in time to catch the video. Anyone have a link to what is clearly the most controversial video of our generation?
Posted by Rev. Adam McKinney on June 23, 2012 at 5:54 PM · Report this
Lissa 34
Unpaid Intern Mike: you know perfectly well that edit is bullshit. No one here believes that. You made an error in judgment and are now understandably feeling a little sore that you got smacked around for it. But your snottiness aside, thank you for taking down the video.
Posted by Lissa on June 23, 2012 at 6:24 PM · Report this
Pridge Wessea 35
Thank you news intern. Your snark in its place, while incorrect, amused me.
Posted by Pridge Wessea on June 23, 2012 at 6:34 PM · Report this
heywhatsit!? 36
I kinda like the fucker. Keep up the offensive work!
Posted by heywhatsit!? on June 23, 2012 at 6:42 PM · Report this
mikethehammer 37

Search youtube for "dog scared plastic alligator" or some combination thereof. Sure it'll be the first hit. I didn't actually find it all that offensive (and I spent years volunteering for the HSUS as part of their "Humane Education" program) but neither did I find it terribly funny or even noteworthy.
Posted by mikethehammer on June 23, 2012 at 7:03 PM · Report this
Zebes 38
EDITED: Since a startled dog is more offensive than a potential genocide, bad traffic, child molesters, dying poor people, and political corruption COMBINED, the video is down. Cen-sor-ship! Cen-sor-ship!

You don't get points for pissing people off for its own sake. It doesn't prove a point, it doesn't do anybody any good. Furthermore, caring about shit is not some stupid zero-sum affair where you can only be concerned about one issue and no others. It is entirely possible to think Romney is a shithead AND abusing your pets is a bad thing. True story.

Now stop whining because you posted a cruel video and got called on your bullshit. Posting a dumb video is one thing, but posting it and acting like some big fat victim when people object is pathetic.
Posted by Zebes on June 23, 2012 at 7:28 PM · Report this
It seems like the bar for cruelty is absurdly low, some of you need to get out more...just don't go to a zoo, you will really lose your shit.
Posted by SLG on June 24, 2012 at 9:35 AM · Report this
More, I Say! 40
OK, I am staunchly against animal cruelty, but I just watched that video, and I'm still not sure what this level of outrage is about.
Posted by More, I Say! on June 25, 2012 at 12:21 PM · Report this

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