Slog
News & ArtsTuesday, June 26, 2012
Savage Love SL Letter of the Day: Something's Going On—Can I Smell Yo Face?
Posted by Dan Savage on Tue, Jun 26, 2012 at 5:01 PM
My fiancee came home and kissed me and his face—his beard area—smelled like pussy. The sickly/sweet healthy kind. Of course he denied having his face in someone else's business. My question is, is there anything else this could have been? Currently debating whether I need to DTMFA. Please help!
Sick In Minneapolis
My response after the jump...
························
As the smell of pussy isn't exactly lodged in my sense memory, SIM, I couldn't rattle off the names of what else you might've been smelling on your boyfriend's face. So I pushed my chair away from Ann Lander's desk (did Ann ever get a question like this one, I wonder?), picked up my laptop (so much more portable than Ann Lander's IBM Correcting Selectic III (which still rests on Ann's desk (there's even a receipt for a dress Ann purchased from Saks Fifth Avenue on March 27, 1974 in the top, right-hand drawer ($31.80)))), and went to the break room, where I interviewed some of my pussy-having and/or pussy-appreciating coworkers.
"Um, yeah, it has a pretty distinct smell," said a coworker who has a pussy. "It's pretty distinctive. If she thought she smelled that, she probably smelled that."
"There's nothing else that smells like it," said another coworker. This coworker has a penis but he's married to a woman who has a pussy. "I've never smelled anything else that smells like it," my penis-having coworker continued. "And if there was something out there that smelled like pussy, straight guys like me would know about it and we'd be putting it on our faces all the time."
"They can have a lot of different smells but it's a pretty unique scent," said the sister of a third coworker. This third coworker is a penis-having, penis-appreciating gay guy but his sister is a woman with a pussy who is a med student studying to be an OBGYN at a prestigious university somewhere in North America. We spoke by phone. "We spend so much time smelling down there and we can smell the difference between certain STDs," this future pussy doctor told me. "And in my opinion it probably isn't something else."
Should you break up with your fiance?
"My official medical opinion?" asked the future pussy doctor.
Yes, please, I replied, that one.
"This girl should stop dating dirty bearded hipsters," she said. "Where can I send my bill?"
A second opinion: I think you should hold off on breaking up with your fiance, SIM, at least until you've read the comments thread on this SLLOTD post. I mean, what if someone out there reading this knows of something else—a food product, an alcoholic beverage, a face lotion—that can leave a man's beard smelling like someone else's business? I would hate to see an innocent man dumped because I failed to interview the right rando.
And is there any chance, however remote, that the pussy you smelled on your fiance's face was your own, SIM?
2
Fish sauce can resemble the odor of a not 100% well kept pussy, but then again the LW said it was the healthy kind here.
5
I can't think of any one thing that smells like pussy, but I can think of several combinations (generally alcoholic beverage + shellfish) that can duplicate it together and might be on a beard: Oysters +red wine, Lobster +midori, Soft shell crab + Long Island Tea. If the dude likes seafood, I say give him the benefit of a doubt.
6
@3: Har har. Pussy doesn't smell like fish unless you have a bacterial infection.
I'm hoping you're not a straight guy, but if you are it's pretty clear you don't get laid regularly.
I'm hoping you're not a straight guy, but if you are it's pretty clear you don't get laid regularly.
7
I remember fooling around with a dude who was officialy with another chick and once as i was leaving i was mentally all dude! i can smell my pussy all over your face! your woman is gonna smell it too!
sadly i never asked if she really did smell it and then what happened.
sadly i never asked if she really did smell it and then what happened.
10
Ditto, @7. Ditto.
In my case, the dude in question had a reduced sense of smell because of the C-PAP machine that kept him alive while he slept. He didn't believe me that he reeked of pussy and that if he kissed any human woman with that face she would know how he'd spent his day. But I never did ask the followup questions.
In my case, the dude in question had a reduced sense of smell because of the C-PAP machine that kept him alive while he slept. He didn't believe me that he reeked of pussy and that if he kissed any human woman with that face she would know how he'd spent his day. But I never did ask the followup questions.
11
Also, I sure can't think of anything that smells like pussy that would also have any reason to be all over his face. Maybe mild shellfish in a sweet sauce can smell like pussy, but how did he get it all over his face? It should've been restricted mostly to his mouth.
12
Well, what was the dude's explanation of his distinctive aroma? When his fiance smelled something that unique, he should have SOME idea of what it might be. If he tried to make her think it was all in her head (ie. denied smelling of ANYTHING), then she should DTMFA. That's headfuck manipulative bullshit behavior for sure.
13
Occasionally butt juices can smell the same way. Not that this is any help in the fiancee's case.
14
There's a caviar paste served at breakfast tables in Scandanavian countries which kinda comes close, especially on a piece of smoked salmon with a caper or two.
17
I wouldn't describe pussy scent as "sickly sweet". More like salty, stale, and pungent. But not sweet. So makes me think its possible that's not what she smelled at all.
19
@14: That's it exactly!: Wet cat who you've had to bathe because he's got in the caviar and champagne. That was one hell of a New Years. I've even had that scent on my beard because the cat in question likes to sleep on my face. (He's the cat in my avatar pic. Hi name is Edmund.)
Seriously, I do find the scent a little not quite fishy, a little not quite fruity, and a little almost boozy all mixed together. But then again, I use a C-PAP to keep the cat off my face while sleeping.
Seriously, I do find the scent a little not quite fishy, a little not quite fruity, and a little almost boozy all mixed together. But then again, I use a C-PAP to keep the cat off my face while sleeping.
20
So, uh, there are mild cheeses and some cured meats that have mild, sexual smells, usually more like semen, but sort of like pussy sometimes. But they're none of them cheap, so she should be pissed that he didn't share.
22
@17 - When my guy goes down on me, and then comes up for a kiss, I think it tastes sweet. I am diabetic, though. Maybe that has something to do with it? I've never tasted any other woman, so...
23
@15, For my part, it's because without a beard I resemble a dead actor named Charles Laughton. With a beard, I look a little like my distant kinsman Henry VIII (who I believe Laughton played at one point). I'd rather be mistaken for a guy who beheaded two of his wives than for playing Captain Bligh.
24
The actual "evidence" isn't really the point here. Since there wasn't enough respect and trust in the relationship to avoid getting here in the first place (regardless of who's actually at fault), they're done.
25
The only thing I've ever smelled that came disturbingly close was Thai Curry with Fish Sauce. Sweet, salty, a bit vinegary, like a clean pussy.
Maybe LW's BF went for curry for lunch?
Maybe LW's BF went for curry for lunch?
26
I'm still confused by the "sickly/sweet healthy kind" of pussy.
How about this: pretty solid circumstantial evidence aside— when your first thought is "he's cheating", and your second thought is, "I'll see if Dan Savage thinks I should dump him", um... this is not the person you should be marrying.
How about this: pretty solid circumstantial evidence aside— when your first thought is "he's cheating", and your second thought is, "I'll see if Dan Savage thinks I should dump him", um... this is not the person you should be marrying.
28
I'm not the type to get my face near vag, but a friend once told me green tea frozen yogurt tasted exactly like pussy.
29
If the discussion ended with his denial, then isn't it immaterial whether there's anything that would replicate the smell? Otherwise, he'd have said, "Oh, it must have been (blank)."
30
I dunno, #25, I've eaten a metric fuckton of curries all over the world, and never gotten one that smelled like snatch.
Also, when you kiss a bearded man, his beard does not normally smell like what he's been eating. His breath may, and you can taste it on his tongue, but normally he doesn't shove his face in a plate and get stuff all over his beard...like he would when he's giving a woman some oral lovin'.
My $.02, as the owner of a snatch, is that it's most likely he's having sex with someone else on the side. Not definitively, but it's the most likely explanation. Either that or the OP has an illness that makes her hallucinate smells and makes her paranoid.
Also, when you kiss a bearded man, his beard does not normally smell like what he's been eating. His breath may, and you can taste it on his tongue, but normally he doesn't shove his face in a plate and get stuff all over his beard...like he would when he's giving a woman some oral lovin'.
My $.02, as the owner of a snatch, is that it's most likely he's having sex with someone else on the side. Not definitively, but it's the most likely explanation. Either that or the OP has an illness that makes her hallucinate smells and makes her paranoid.
32
@23 - You've made a good choice with Henry the VIII Charles Laughton, it can be a good look, assuming you keep the red velvet and fur-lining to a minimum. Should you ever get sick of it, I DARE you to go King Herrod Charles Laughton.
33
@14: I wonder if the fiance reads SLOG? And is taking copious notes: "Honey, I had Scandinavian caviar paste and green tea frozen yoghurt on the way home! It's all an innocent misunderstanding!"
34
Another possible theory: he wasn't with another woman, but he was getting off rubbing your (or someone else's) used panties on his face and didn't want to admit it? I can't think of any food-type thing that smells similar, but I did have an ex who stole my dirty underwear to keep in his car.
35
@32--I actually did something quite like that once back in the mid-90s when I was doing Banquo for 4 not-so-wonderful performances for a truly infernal Shakespeare in the Park in a large southern city that shall remain nameless. The dude doing Mackey the Beth looked a little too much like me or I looked a little too much like him and the director knew what things I'd do for the part.
36
As a happily hirsute man six months out of every year (winter), I can definitively say that whatever you've been eating will most certainly end up in your beard.
More to the point, though, this is an issue of trust. Either she has a good reason to think he's screwing around on her, or she's a crazy, jealous bitch.
Either way, he's probably better off without her. He should dump her.
More to the point, though, this is an issue of trust. Either she has a good reason to think he's screwing around on her, or she's a crazy, jealous bitch.
Either way, he's probably better off without her. He should dump her.
37
First time I ever smelled pussy was when I was very young and got a kiss from my Sister's (then) husband. He had a full beard. They split, and I never smelled that smell again until I was, oh, 17ish and put a few fingers in my (then) girlfriend's pussy. I thought, hey, there's that smell! Just like...oh...ok I get it!
So, yeah. It's a unique smell!
So, yeah. It's a unique smell!
38
Green tea frozen yogurt or green tea ice cream is really pretty damn odorless. Or is that just me having a defective sense of smell? I'm not talking about the taste here (although it doesn't taste to me like ladyparts, I'm not going to argue with a prior commenter's friend, who may go down on delightfully tea-flavored ladies).
39
This is my favorite SLLOTD of all time.
I don't know if there's another explanation here, but if starting now he starts occasionally coming home with his beard smelling like soap... there's your answer.
I don't know if there's another explanation here, but if starting now he starts occasionally coming home with his beard smelling like soap... there's your answer.
40
@3: Well, I do try to invent my own material rather than recycle tasteless and unfunny jokes... but we may attend different kinds of parties.
41
The only pussy that smells like fish is a pussy with Bacterial Vaginosis (BV). Lots of women have it and don't know it. Lots of women have a temporary overgrowth of the bacteria and then it goes away. In any case, if your pussy smells actually bad, get to a doctor. Healthy pussy smells delicious.
My partner has a beard and he for sure smells like yummy pussy after going down. He washes his face and beard afterwards. I've never smelled anything like it, and I'm pretty familiar with the scent. Mine and otherwise.
My partner has a beard and he for sure smells like yummy pussy after going down. He washes his face and beard afterwards. I've never smelled anything like it, and I'm pretty familiar with the scent. Mine and otherwise.
42
I dated a guy once who claimed to love sushi with roe because it tasted (grin/leer) "female". He told me that every fucking time we had sushi, which was a lot because he lived near Shiro's. Plus he wasn't very good at oral. The relationship didn't last long.
So maybe Mr. Beard had just had an innocent sushi lunch.
So maybe Mr. Beard had just had an innocent sushi lunch.
43
Forget about this being a guy who performed a sex act on someone else. Dump him BECAUSE HE DIDN'T WASH HIS BEARD.
After all, if there are vaginal secretions, there's probably year-old peanut butter too. Yeeech!
After all, if there are vaginal secretions, there's probably year-old peanut butter too. Yeeech!
45
@6: in my experience as the owner of a vag, it never smells like fish except after an unwrapped encounter with a penis. I think urea has something to do with it. That's my optimistic explanation for all the guy-jokes about the fishy smell of pussy.
46
I question SIM's ability to distinguish pussy from... anything. Maybe she recognizes her own and her own is... unlike others.
48
I grew a goatee because without it I looked like Dougie Howser.
I retain a goatee because (I think) it hides how fat my face has become, and my distressing lack of chin.
My facial hair has never, to my knowledge, smelled like any sort of female "business". But there have been times it has smelled like sloppy foods I have eaten.
Do with that what you will.
I retain a goatee because (I think) it hides how fat my face has become, and my distressing lack of chin.
My facial hair has never, to my knowledge, smelled like any sort of female "business". But there have been times it has smelled like sloppy foods I have eaten.
Do with that what you will.
49
Dump him, pussy smells like pussy. Once at a hotel my girlfriend and I had a joint and some happy cunnilingus and later asked a friend "does our room smell like smoke?" and he said (with a huge grin) "No, it smells like fucking puss!"
50
I'm a penis owner with a non-monogamous husband. One night he came home after I had gone to bed and gave me a kiss. Dude your face smells like crotch!!! I thought it was funny.
51
It's unlikely to be anything else. But before simply dumping someone you were planning to marry because a bunch of Slog readers think that not much else smells like pussy, SIM, why don't you, you know, talk to the guy.
Just a thought.
Just a thought.
52
I'm going to stay out of the main discussion here. I want to hear more about Ann Lander's desk! I musta missed an article somewhere.
53
Okay, thanks to the interwebs, I found out in seconds that Dan bought Ann Lander's desk for $175 clear back in 2002.
54
Put Roast Beef on a pizza and it smells/tastes like a girls business. Maybe he had a roast beef pizza?
I had to learn that after having made some pizza for my father and uncles. It was not as fun an experience as you might imagine.
I had to learn that after having made some pizza for my father and uncles. It was not as fun an experience as you might imagine.
55
As @41 stated, if it smells like fish then the woman has a pretty severe bacterial infection.
Now, some women's pussies have a slight pungent smell of ozone...but only if they are not particularly clean.
LW: Unless your guy has been working on high voltage electronics or has been doing some soldering, then he has been eating out some chick with a slightly unclean vag.
Now, some women's pussies have a slight pungent smell of ozone...but only if they are not particularly clean.
LW: Unless your guy has been working on high voltage electronics or has been doing some soldering, then he has been eating out some chick with a slightly unclean vag.
56
After going downtown, I love the smell of pussy in my mustache/beard. Nothin' else quite like it.
57
As a woman who has been with women, I'm amused at the range of things people are saying woman bits smell/taste like. There's usually something kinda salty - I'd say "ocean" definitely more than fish. Sometimes a smoked almond kinda flavor. There was one lady who had a sort of black tea taste, like a smoky tea.
But guys have tasted different to me too, some salty, some more kinda earthy.
Although these responses have all been somewhere between enlightening & almost distressing, @51 has it. Talk to him! Be helpful if you can find a way to bring it up that isn't all YOU'VE BEEN SNACKING ON SOMEONE ELSE'S LUNCHBOX, I JUST KNOW IT. Ask what he had for dinner. & if he asks why, go from there, I guess.
*shrug* Doesn't sound like you trust him, AND who wants to marry a guy who doesn't know how to wash out his facial hair, no matter who or what he's been eating?
But guys have tasted different to me too, some salty, some more kinda earthy.
Although these responses have all been somewhere between enlightening & almost distressing, @51 has it. Talk to him! Be helpful if you can find a way to bring it up that isn't all YOU'VE BEEN SNACKING ON SOMEONE ELSE'S LUNCHBOX, I JUST KNOW IT. Ask what he had for dinner. & if he asks why, go from there, I guess.
*shrug* Doesn't sound like you trust him, AND who wants to marry a guy who doesn't know how to wash out his facial hair, no matter who or what he's been eating?
59
You know, I frequently think my boyfriend's beard smells kinda like pussy to be honest. I just thought it was weird, and didn't think anything of it. Pretty sure he's not secretly cheating on me or anything, because the smell will show up after a day we've spent the whole time together, walking to the market or alone in the house. I notice it especially if the day is a little bit sweaty. Without other indicia of cheating, I wouldn't worry about it.
64
"And if there was something out there that smelled like pussy, straight guys like me would know about it and we'd be putting it on our faces all the time."
This sentence has really confirmed my gayness more than anything I've ever read in my life.
This sentence has really confirmed my gayness more than anything I've ever read in my life.
66
Periodically a someone's bad hygiene can smell like pussy. Not "I just finished a work out and smell sweaty" bad hygiene, more like "I haven't showered today or yesterday." However, even then it is a 1 in 100 chance that the odor approaches pussy. The only way I can think of getting a pussy smell on my body w/o going down on a woman would be a stripper giving an "aggressive" lap dance. But even then, your boyfriend would be doing something I am sure you would not agree with.
67
@45 - Male secretions amplify BV odors. If you've a mild case, you often you can't smell it except after sex.
See here: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/bacteri…
See here: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/bacteri…
68
No such thing as a vagina with a pleasant aroma.
Women don't like beards because they detest a man with a threatening visage and prefer only easily-dominated beta-males.
Women don't like beards because they detest a man with a threatening visage and prefer only easily-dominated beta-males.
69
It's a side issue. Anyone capable of writing such a short letter in such a situation shouldn't be marrying the party in question.
I'm just thankful that Mr Savage had to outsource this one.
I'm just thankful that Mr Savage had to outsource this one.
70
@68: Disagree with the first, half-agree with the second. I think a lot of women are scared by the threatening visage, but I also think a lot of women have grown up thinking of body hair as gross (otherwise, why would they have to shave it?), and facial hair kind of falls into that category. When I was a teenager, I was mostly against facial hair, but having a bearded boyfriend changed my mind and now I don't want to go back.
71
My bi girfriend insists Brooklyn lager smells like girl. I knew there was a reason I like it so much...
73
When passing judgement on this we must consider these variables:
A) Does she know what other pussy actually smells like?
Sure there is a distinct odor to individuals but in all honesty a wide range of olfactory stimuli en masse. I am sure she has smelled her own, but our association with our own bodies is a lot more tempered (rather, we think we smell better than we actually do most of the time.) So what she MIGHT think HER pussy smells like, in fact, is akin to prosciutto.
B) How often does he wash his beard? This will get technical but a few days worth of saliva, flesh, hair, and food particles can pretty easily make a scent that is eerily close to a labia.
C) (Which I would put money on) It could be a case of super psycho cold-feet, creating a bizarre scenario with her fiance to play victim when everyone finds out that she DTMFA.
A) Does she know what other pussy actually smells like?
Sure there is a distinct odor to individuals but in all honesty a wide range of olfactory stimuli en masse. I am sure she has smelled her own, but our association with our own bodies is a lot more tempered (rather, we think we smell better than we actually do most of the time.) So what she MIGHT think HER pussy smells like, in fact, is akin to prosciutto.
B) How often does he wash his beard? This will get technical but a few days worth of saliva, flesh, hair, and food particles can pretty easily make a scent that is eerily close to a labia.
C) (Which I would put money on) It could be a case of super psycho cold-feet, creating a bizarre scenario with her fiance to play victim when everyone finds out that she DTMFA.
74
There is a product called "Vulva" that is a cream made to specifically smell like pussy. It is marketed as a masturbatory aid. Maybe your fiancé bought some and was jerking off using it. But other than that, nothing smells like pussy.
75
I would think that IF he wasn't actually cheating but she has been worried that he is or has reason to suspect he might be, then this would be the actual cause of the smell:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirmatio…
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirmatio…
78
I have had a beard for over a decade and there have been numerous times I've eaten stuff that ends up smelling like pussy a couple hours later (I remember a fantastic sweet and sour soup!). No, I don't dive into my food but if I'm eating anything with sauce or soups, you can bet that some of it splashes into the beard and can't get wiped away with a napkin. So until I do a thorough washing of my face (not really something I do after every meal), the smell will stay behind.
That said, the smell is never has never been strong as it is when I go down on someone.
The most obvious answer would be that it's probably your pussy on his face, since your perception of what your pussy smells like on you vs on someone else is totally different, just like when you think you sing awesomely but really sound like a dying sheep to others. The only way to know for sure would be to have a third party (or parties) smell your pussy, then smell his face and ask some simple questions:
Do they both smell like pussy?
Do they smell like the same pussy? (sweetness, saltiness, etc).
That seems like a lot of trouble to go through when talking it out and doing some additional investigation might reveal the truth faster.
That said, the smell is never has never been strong as it is when I go down on someone.
The most obvious answer would be that it's probably your pussy on his face, since your perception of what your pussy smells like on you vs on someone else is totally different, just like when you think you sing awesomely but really sound like a dying sheep to others. The only way to know for sure would be to have a third party (or parties) smell your pussy, then smell his face and ask some simple questions:
Do they both smell like pussy?
Do they smell like the same pussy? (sweetness, saltiness, etc).
That seems like a lot of trouble to go through when talking it out and doing some additional investigation might reveal the truth faster.
79
If she can't open her fucking mouth and ask, they should break up and she should grow some ovaries.
In other news, my ex came home from a work party and went right to the bathroom to brush his teeth before kissing me. That's when it ended.
In other news, my ex came home from a work party and went right to the bathroom to brush his teeth before kissing me. That's when it ended.
81
What the hell, I say to the non-gay man commenters who would seriously confuse anything for the scent of vagina. The healthy ones have a variety of scents, acrid-sweet, fresh crayon, but are not easily confused for ANYTHING.
Yeah, she should communicate and be aware and not dump the guy necessarily, but pussy-on-beard is a pretty good sign that something is amiss.
Yeah, she should communicate and be aware and not dump the guy necessarily, but pussy-on-beard is a pretty good sign that something is amiss.
82
Anyone who claims nothing smells like pussy has either never actually smelled one, or has really, really boring eating habits.
83
To me pussy has always smelled like pennies. Can't imagine why that'd be all over his face, unless he'd been pulling a Scrooge McDuck in a mountain of spare change.
84
Bearded male here. Mucho experience dining at the Y. Not sure if my beard has ever carried the smell but I know that good that the intoxicating smell of good pussy can linger in my nostrils for days dedpite persistent and agresdive face washing both with and without a beard. Enough to drive me mad with desire for more. IMHE There is a wide variety of smells and tastes and some food do smell like some pussy as do some armpits snd male crotches.
Sounds like she wants to bail based on limited evidence, lack of trust and probably limited experience with the wide range of pussy smells. If he did have pussy smell on his beard he will likely never own up to it anyways. So talking about it may be pointless.
Sounds like she wants to bail based on limited evidence, lack of trust and probably limited experience with the wide range of pussy smells. If he did have pussy smell on his beard he will likely never own up to it anyways. So talking about it may be pointless.
85
If he's cheating, there will be other clues, in his behaviour or a paper/text/email trail. Look for those. Then decide if cheating means the relationship is over.
86
@40 Way late in replying but what the hell.
Dan said that he couldn't "rattle off the names of what else you might've been smelling on your boyfriend's face." The joke was pointing out Dan has somehow never heard of the stereotype that pussy smells like fish.
Dan said that he couldn't "rattle off the names of what else you might've been smelling on your boyfriend's face." The joke was pointing out Dan has somehow never heard of the stereotype that pussy smells like fish.
87
I'd propose three alternate explanations:
1) It's the LW's pussy. Some women have a particularly assertive (not necessarily unpleasant) musk that can hang around hairy bits for a long time. (I had a girlfriend like this once, and my junk always smelled a little like hers while we were together, even after bathing.)
It's also worth pointing out the the LW is not a good judge of whether she falls into this category, because she smells herself all the time.
2) Odors and flavors are complex, the result of many chemical components. Some are water soluble, and will go away with a quick splash on your face/beard. Others are more lipid-soluble, and you really have to scrub to get them out. In other words, the beard could be acting as a crude chemical filter, and possibly retaining a component of something that smells a bit like pussy, even if the food that left it there does not smell like pussy itself.
There are probably a lot of pungent foods (cheeses, mushrooms, fish, shellfish) that could do this, at least theoretically.
3) Sensory perception is highly suggestible. If you have other reasons to think your boyfriend is cheating, you may have been anticipating smelling another woman on him, and did.
1) It's the LW's pussy. Some women have a particularly assertive (not necessarily unpleasant) musk that can hang around hairy bits for a long time. (I had a girlfriend like this once, and my junk always smelled a little like hers while we were together, even after bathing.)
It's also worth pointing out the the LW is not a good judge of whether she falls into this category, because she smells herself all the time.
2) Odors and flavors are complex, the result of many chemical components. Some are water soluble, and will go away with a quick splash on your face/beard. Others are more lipid-soluble, and you really have to scrub to get them out. In other words, the beard could be acting as a crude chemical filter, and possibly retaining a component of something that smells a bit like pussy, even if the food that left it there does not smell like pussy itself.
There are probably a lot of pungent foods (cheeses, mushrooms, fish, shellfish) that could do this, at least theoretically.
3) Sensory perception is highly suggestible. If you have other reasons to think your boyfriend is cheating, you may have been anticipating smelling another woman on him, and did.
88
@15:
Well, a 'beard' makes one seem more masculine than otherwise---that's why it's named after the term for a woman married to or dating with a gay man to make him seem more manly (for barbarous definitions of 'manly' and inaccurate suppositions about homosexuality).
Well, a 'beard' makes one seem more masculine than otherwise---that's why it's named after the term for a woman married to or dating with a gay man to make him seem more manly (for barbarous definitions of 'manly' and inaccurate suppositions about homosexuality).
89
First - congratulations on a letter that actually shocked my husband when I read it out loud to him.
Then he said, the bigger issue here is if you really can't believe his explanation then you should break up, because either you can't trust him, and he's lying and cheating on you = DTMFA;
or, he's looking you straight in the eye and telling the truth and you don't believe him, and in that case the guy deserves someone else, so dumping him would be doing him a favor.
Then he said, the bigger issue here is if you really can't believe his explanation then you should break up, because either you can't trust him, and he's lying and cheating on you = DTMFA;
or, he's looking you straight in the eye and telling the truth and you don't believe him, and in that case the guy deserves someone else, so dumping him would be doing him a favor.
90
The comments on this post are the #1 reason not to eat meat. Meat eating vagina smells awful. Vegetarian vagina smells wonderful. No exceptions.
91
I'm really curious if this is an ends-justify-the-means sort of situation. If she wants to break it off and is looking for an excuse. People tend to bend a line of inquiry to justify our own internal concepts of narrative. I'm a touch shocked that anyone would smell something that isn't directly a pussy and be able to say "that smells like a pussy!" There are tons of things that supposedly smell like a pussy, and there exists a lot of difference between the smell of individual pussies.
Or he's cheating.
Or he's cheating.
92
My boyfriend is supposed to tell me when he hooks up with people, so I was a little miffed when he came home one day smelling like pussy and he hadn't mentioned any new friends. Except the pussy was actually a microwave egg roll. I know because I ate one later and then I smelled like pussy. Also, microwave egg rolls are gross.
Also, is she suuuuuure she knows what pussy smells like? Not just her own, but other people's?
Also, is she suuuuuure she knows what pussy smells like? Not just her own, but other people's?
93
If you believe this bearded guy is capable of eating strange pussy and then not washing his face before coming home, dump him. Whether or not he did it is immaterial - anybody that hygienically challenged and that stupid is not worth hanging on to.
94
As someone who is presently deprived of one of my favorite activities, this letter and all the comments are like a cruel joke but I have enjoyed all of it very much. In my experience as someone who has eaten a lot of . . . food . . . pussy is such a distinct smell that I don't think I'd confuse it with anything else (or anything else with it). It would be a really fun blind-smell test for sure (perhaps one of our non-monogamous friends can rig one up and report back). My $0.02 is that the guy went down on someone and the LW should revisit it with him. And then decide whether it was a one-time thing, something that's been ongoing, whether he is very remorseful, etc. In a moment of panic, the guy may have lied. So, that alone, does not lead me to DTMFA. The next conversation is the key. And then only the LW knows how important his response/behavior is to their relationship.
95
Having spent about a week in Madrid, my pee smells like latex condoms for reasons I cannot fathom. I don't think that's helpful, but there it is.
96
Aaaand boy is it easy to tell the sexuality of the responders here (in some cases possibly in spite of what they themselves might think it is... Central Scrotum we're lookin' at you....)
97
Random pussy odor story.
Years ago my daughter was in the dollar store and found cheap incense called "Pussy." There a picture of a fluffy black cat on the package. We had a cat a lot like that and she was just old enough to know the various meanings of the word, so she bought it as a joke. It smelled exactly like you would expect dollar store incense to smell (like dead artificial flowers and old lady perfume) so we only burned it once. But we kept it around for laughs.
I brought it out at a small party once. All straight women except for a friend's boyfriend, whom I was just getting to know. All the women joked about what pussy incense would smell like: vag? cat box? wet cat? kitten? And the advantages and disadvantages of each smell.
I finally said (rather loud and drunkenly) "However you define it, why incense? Why would you ever want your whole house to smell like pussy?" Justin waited for the laughter to die down and quietly said, "Oh, I don't know . . .."
I knew right then (well, after I caught my breath and cleaned my spit take off the front of my shirt) my friend had chosen well.
Years ago my daughter was in the dollar store and found cheap incense called "Pussy." There a picture of a fluffy black cat on the package. We had a cat a lot like that and she was just old enough to know the various meanings of the word, so she bought it as a joke. It smelled exactly like you would expect dollar store incense to smell (like dead artificial flowers and old lady perfume) so we only burned it once. But we kept it around for laughs.
I brought it out at a small party once. All straight women except for a friend's boyfriend, whom I was just getting to know. All the women joked about what pussy incense would smell like: vag? cat box? wet cat? kitten? And the advantages and disadvantages of each smell.
I finally said (rather loud and drunkenly) "However you define it, why incense? Why would you ever want your whole house to smell like pussy?" Justin waited for the laughter to die down and quietly said, "Oh, I don't know . . .."
I knew right then (well, after I caught my breath and cleaned my spit take off the front of my shirt) my friend had chosen well.
98
That's a golden moment for Justin, @97. Often times we'd like to be a fly on the wall and here he is, the fly in the room. My best friends in HS and college were girls/women - I learned so much being the only guy in the room on many occasions.
99
My personal experience would say DTMFA. I smelled pussy on my ex-husband's face one night when we were laying in bed, but at the time had no legit reason to suspect him of anything. But definitely had a sinking-stomach feeling that I shoved under the rug until eventually the awful truth came out. It turned out that he was not only cheating with one woman, (owner of said pussy smell who is now his [crazy, alcoholic, needy] girlfriend) but had a sex-addiction and ongoing multiple illicit liasons, the confession of which blew my world apart. It turned out that our 9-year relationship had only been monogamous for the first two. He is an expert of deceit, a genious of facade, a masterfully manipulative narcissist. He had no facial hair, and was OCD about hygeine, but that's a smell that often lingers even after a good wash. Anyway, the now GF likely doesn't know that he cannot keep it in his pants, has to masturbate several times a day when he's not getting off on someone or something else, won't get legit psych treatment, and will lie about anything - say, what he had for breakfast - just to see how close to crazy he can make her. I wish I could tell her that what she smells on his face now and again isn't just her own pussy. Smelling that on him was the beginning of the end for us, the first pulled thread that unravelled the entire cloak. As an aside, I think pussy smells sweet and delicious. I'm a hetero chick, but when my ahhh-mazing BF comes up for some passionate kissing after a toe-curling warmup session, that sweet perfume of sex is a major turn-on. And thank the gods for its distinctiveness, because without it I would never have known how much better off I could be and how awesome my life would become without that mess of a human fucking with me. DTMFA.
100
@82: I've eaten every sort of fermented food and seafood out there, and no. There's a very distinctive odor in healthy people that's unlike the rest.
101
Unless you have some other reason to suspect cheating, I'd give it a pass this one time.
If it happens again *don't* get worked up and accuse him of licking someone else's pussy...
Just ask nonchalantly, without accusation, what he's been eating
... see if the answer is passable.
It's possible that your situation is like @99's, but it might not be.
There are a few things that might smell like pussy - dried shrimp might do it.
Most guys who would eat another woman's pussy and then come home
& kiss the fiance are smart enough to wash the face first ... unless they WANT to get caught.
I'd definitely put off the wedding until you are certain you know what's going on one way or the other.
Unless you have some other reason to suspect cheating, I'd give it a pass this one time.
If it happens again *don't* get worked up and accuse him of licking someone else's pussy...
Just ask nonchalantly, without accusation, what he's been eating
... see if the answer is passable.
It's possible that your situation is like @99's, but it might not be.
There are a few things that might smell like pussy - dried shrimp might do it.
Most guys who would eat another woman's pussy and then come home
& kiss the fiance are smart enough to wash the face first ... unless they WANT to get caught.
I'd definitely put off the wedding until you are certain you know what's going on one way or the other.
102
@45and @67
I don't have BV (recently tested for medical reasons) and definitely agree the smell is much stronger after unprotected sex. But yeah definitely unique.
I don't have BV (recently tested for medical reasons) and definitely agree the smell is much stronger after unprotected sex. But yeah definitely unique.
103
@45and @67
I don't have BV (recently tested for medical reasons) and definitely agree the smell is much stronger after unprotected sex. But yeah definitely unique.
I don't have BV (recently tested for medical reasons) and definitely agree the smell is much stronger after unprotected sex. But yeah definitely unique.
105
Wow. I never comment, but I'm going to comment.
These kinds of perceptions are HEAVILY INFLUENCED BY OUR PRECONCEPTIONS. There are a lot of studies in cognitive behavior that demonstrate how we are blind to things (and even sights, sounds, smells) that we don't expect to find, and that our brain can actively color our senses based on expectations. I think the most recent pop science one shows how a large group of sommeliers were fooled when fancy wine bottles were filled with cheap wine. These are people who make their lives and their reputations on the notion that their senses of smell and taste are discerning and not-easy-to-fool. But just the situation and the sight of the label caused them to believe that they were drinking the good stuff.
So I really think the thought "I totally know that my fiancé is eating someone else's pussy because I smell it on his face" is really NOT ENOUGH to dump someone over. Actually, I think it's weird to imagine this. If this is piece #17 of a long list of evidence and other things that make you doubt, ok, sure -- or if you are just looking for an excuse, OK. But I wouldn't call this a rational, reasonable response.
These kinds of perceptions are HEAVILY INFLUENCED BY OUR PRECONCEPTIONS. There are a lot of studies in cognitive behavior that demonstrate how we are blind to things (and even sights, sounds, smells) that we don't expect to find, and that our brain can actively color our senses based on expectations. I think the most recent pop science one shows how a large group of sommeliers were fooled when fancy wine bottles were filled with cheap wine. These are people who make their lives and their reputations on the notion that their senses of smell and taste are discerning and not-easy-to-fool. But just the situation and the sight of the label caused them to believe that they were drinking the good stuff.
So I really think the thought "I totally know that my fiancé is eating someone else's pussy because I smell it on his face" is really NOT ENOUGH to dump someone over. Actually, I think it's weird to imagine this. If this is piece #17 of a long list of evidence and other things that make you doubt, ok, sure -- or if you are just looking for an excuse, OK. But I wouldn't call this a rational, reasonable response.
106
I'm also a future ob-gyn. This made me laugh until I puked.
I spend every day with several dozen vaginas with various degrees of medical need. It has distinct smell. I can recognize BV, yeast, amniotic fluid, leukorrhea, poor hygiene, trichomonas, blood and semen from accross the room (sometimes down the hall). There isn't much in the world that smells like vag that isn't vag, and I certainly haven't found anything that is.
I spend every day with several dozen vaginas with various degrees of medical need. It has distinct smell. I can recognize BV, yeast, amniotic fluid, leukorrhea, poor hygiene, trichomonas, blood and semen from accross the room (sometimes down the hall). There isn't much in the world that smells like vag that isn't vag, and I certainly haven't found anything that is.
107
When one has a gut instinct that a partner is cheating, it's often right, and usually not because of a single thing. Maybe a lot of little behaviors combined to make her suspicious. But either way, they should break up. If she's right, he's a CPOS, and if she's wrong, she doesn't trust him near enough to marry him.
That said, I think @39 nailed it.
That said, I think @39 nailed it.
108
It's been very entertaining/occasionally disturbing to read about all these smell and taste comparisons between pussy and food. Mind-opening!
My husband usually grows a beard for a few months every year - usually in the winter - and it always does wonders for our sex life. The hyper-masculine appearance combined with the way sexual smells cling to a beard drives me crazy! He says that he loves the smell of my pussy on him all day - and yes, it does cling even after washing. (Maybe I've got one of those "aggressive" pussies? RAWR!) I'm always a little sad when the razor comes out in the spring.
I don't know what to say to the LW except why didn't she comment on the smell? Would she really break off an engagement without giving him a chance to explain, based on the opinion of a bunch of assholes on the internet (myself included)? Seems kind of strange. You don't have to be a psycho about it - it's easy to jokingly say "have you been eating Thai fish curry, or is that pussy I smell?" and gauge his reaction.
My husband usually grows a beard for a few months every year - usually in the winter - and it always does wonders for our sex life. The hyper-masculine appearance combined with the way sexual smells cling to a beard drives me crazy! He says that he loves the smell of my pussy on him all day - and yes, it does cling even after washing. (Maybe I've got one of those "aggressive" pussies? RAWR!) I'm always a little sad when the razor comes out in the spring.
I don't know what to say to the LW except why didn't she comment on the smell? Would she really break off an engagement without giving him a chance to explain, based on the opinion of a bunch of assholes on the internet (myself included)? Seems kind of strange. You don't have to be a psycho about it - it's easy to jokingly say "have you been eating Thai fish curry, or is that pussy I smell?" and gauge his reaction.
109
How big is your man's beard? I've dated many a bearded man and they (the beards) do not smell UNLESS it has been rubbed into something pungent. Pussy eating is one of those things.
111
My exes beard regularly smelled like pussy it was weird, but I never figured out why. My best guess is that it was mostly sweat. It wasn't from eating pussy either, it happened randomly, but regularly.
112
Yep, funniest SLLOTD comments section I can remember. I'm waiting for someone to say they're hosting a pussy-tasting/beard-sniffing party and we're all invited.
113
@90 Across-the-board pronouncements make you sound like a self-righteous douchebag. No exceptions.
114
Thanks @108! A woman who finds a bearded man sexy and masculine. Never understood why women want their men emasculated- we grow hair on our faces and it's shaving that un-natural. If you want a baby-smooth face, make out with a woman.
115
Speaking as a short-bearded gentleman myself, I have to ask -- could she be smelling her own pussy? Presumably he eats her out, too, oral comes standard etc. Has she gotten any head from him in the past 1-3 days, depending on how thick/gross his beard is? That smell can linger.
116
Just a reading comprehension point - she said 'beard area' not 'beard. Either way, what you eat (pussy or otherwise) can affect the scent of your face.
118
That happened to me about a month ago. My man came home, we kissed and I smelt pussy. After about 5 minutes of investigation the culprit was determined .... a fresh mango. He had another mango to verify. So if it is mango season where you live and he enjoys Hagens, it could of been that.
119
That happened to me about a month ago. My boyfriend came home, we kissed and I smelt pussy. After about 5 minutes of investigation the culprit was discovered. A fresh mango. He ate another one so I could smell for myself. Low and behold he did smell like pussy again. So if you live in an area with mangos(it is season now), like we do in South Florida it could be that. And just so you know, the mangos in question Hagens. Good luck.
121
Risotto immediately came to mind:
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/arch…
Seriously, just google risotto and vagina.
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/arch…
Seriously, just google risotto and vagina.
It came with a side of risotto that honestly tasted and smelled like a clean vagina. Eating the rissoto was literally a near-perfect facsimile of having oral sex with a woman - it was slightly musky and heady.
122
@90, 113: Worst I ever smelled belonged to a vegan. I think that is not unheard of, given that strict vegetarianism/veganism is often correlated with theories about personal hygiene that have no basis in reality. I wouldn't want to think about someone with her hygiene habits who ate a steady diet of cheap meat -- or any junk food, for that matter. But in my experience, meat consumption does not lead inexorably to Beaver of the Damned.
123
@122: Oh my god: "Beaver of the Damned!" I literally spit my pickle at the screen. (No, "spit my pickle" isn't an attempt at a humorous sexual act, and "pickle" wasn't meant as euphemism; I'm eating lunch.)
Thank you, aureolaborealis.
Thank you, aureolaborealis.
124
This is probably pretty unlikely, but I'll throw it out there...
When I wash my hands/sex toys, I use the same soap and have come to associate the smell of that particular soap with sex and pussy smells. When I wash my hands with the same soap other times I wonder why my hands smell like "pussy" because of the smell associations I have with that kind of soap.
Maybe the writer's boyfriend washes his face with the same soap he uses after sex?
When I wash my hands/sex toys, I use the same soap and have come to associate the smell of that particular soap with sex and pussy smells. When I wash my hands with the same soap other times I wonder why my hands smell like "pussy" because of the smell associations I have with that kind of soap.
Maybe the writer's boyfriend washes his face with the same soap he uses after sex?
126
I've smelled plenty of things that are reminiscent of pussy in various states of arousal, healthiness, and at various points in the menstrual cycle. I can't say that any of them are spot-on facsimiles of pussy smell, but some of them are close enough to where it's hard not to think of pussy when I'm around it--truffle oil, for example, really reminds me of aroused pussy.
I'd say there's a pretty distinctive smell to pussy at the source, but most of the notes in the smell are reminiscent of other things and when it's been transferred it becomes (at least for me) a bit harder to distinguish.
I'd say there's a pretty distinctive smell to pussy at the source, but most of the notes in the smell are reminiscent of other things and when it's been transferred it becomes (at least for me) a bit harder to distinguish.
127
Didn't read the comments so I don't know if someone's mentioned this already, but I swear hair can smell like vagina, especially if it has dandruff and sweat. I don't know if beards get dandruff. Do they? Dandruff has a weird smell.
It's important to know what this woman thinks vagina smells like. If her knowledge comes from the smell of pads, that smell could be mostly sweat.
I guess the solution is to have him run around and see what his sweaty beard smells like.
It's important to know what this woman thinks vagina smells like. If her knowledge comes from the smell of pads, that smell could be mostly sweat.
I guess the solution is to have him run around and see what his sweaty beard smells like.
129
125/127: If you've been with a person for a while, you've smelled their sweat/sebum, whatever. In many states. If they were a new couple, maybe.
130
Yo, beard haters: what gives? I enjoy a bearded man, but I think I like stubble more.
Anyway, put me in the camp of "the fact alone that you wrote this letter means you need to DTMFA."
Anyway, put me in the camp of "the fact alone that you wrote this letter means you need to DTMFA."
131
Also, @TVDinner: what purpose does it serve? The same purpose as all hair; to keep in warmth and to protect the facial region. If I could grow a nice beard in the winter that would be sick; I wouldn't have to wrap a stupid scarf around my face.
132
My friend experienced the exact same thing with her ex (who also vehemently denied that he had been with another woman) and found out weeks later that he had indeed been cheating on her. And yes, she had been kissing his pussy-stained lips weeks prior. Sometime you just have to go with your gut feelings.
133
Well, just thought I'd throw this in..
My girlfriend accused me of my beard smelling like pussy a couple times after I had been out and not answering my phone.. I'm a cleanly guy, I have really short facial hair and I hadn't been munching any box. In fact, I would even say I'm neurotic about not getting food on my face let alone in my beard.
I'm pretty sure it was just because she was being a crazy hose beast.
Point of reference - She has also accused me of having lipstick, perfume, glitter on me.. It was just her being crazy.
Second, I suppose dried cuttlefish like what they sell in asian markets could smell a little pussy like. Not really fishy but a little ocean-y, salty sweet.. Whatever.
Thirdly, baby wipes or wet naps will sometimes get oily lipid like smells off your beard, face or dick. The kind with alcohol. Works great for that I fucked with a latex condom and then passed out before I could take a shower, woke up late for work and now I have to run in and do something physical in shorts and realized whilst taking a piss that I reek of pussy, booze and condoms, I will throw up unless I do something about that immediately kind of smell..
Sometimes a smell that persists after a shower if it had time to set in.
Yea, baby wipes work good for that.
Stripper shower!
My girlfriend accused me of my beard smelling like pussy a couple times after I had been out and not answering my phone.. I'm a cleanly guy, I have really short facial hair and I hadn't been munching any box. In fact, I would even say I'm neurotic about not getting food on my face let alone in my beard.
I'm pretty sure it was just because she was being a crazy hose beast.
Point of reference - She has also accused me of having lipstick, perfume, glitter on me.. It was just her being crazy.
Second, I suppose dried cuttlefish like what they sell in asian markets could smell a little pussy like. Not really fishy but a little ocean-y, salty sweet.. Whatever.
Thirdly, baby wipes or wet naps will sometimes get oily lipid like smells off your beard, face or dick. The kind with alcohol. Works great for that I fucked with a latex condom and then passed out before I could take a shower, woke up late for work and now I have to run in and do something physical in shorts and realized whilst taking a piss that I reek of pussy, booze and condoms, I will throw up unless I do something about that immediately kind of smell..
Sometimes a smell that persists after a shower if it had time to set in.
Yea, baby wipes work good for that.
Stripper shower!
134
I just scratched my crotch area and then played with my hair. Then I thought, "Hm. I wonder if DB comes home and sniffs my nose-level-on-him hairline. He may smell my pussy!" Then I remembered this letter.
And, something else. BALL SWEAT smells an awful lot like vagina. It's summer, at least where I am. Could he have scratched his balls, really deep in there, then been just, stroking his beard, as beardy guys tend to do sometimes? Just saying.
And, something else. BALL SWEAT smells an awful lot like vagina. It's summer, at least where I am. Could he have scratched his balls, really deep in there, then been just, stroking his beard, as beardy guys tend to do sometimes? Just saying.
135
I knew a guy who was a virgin (found this out later when he lost it) and his beard always smelled like pussy, which always weirded me out. So, it's possible.
136
I have a feeling that the naysayers here, the "only-pussy-smells-like pussy" crew, must not be regular visitors to the more exotic gastronomic realms. I think there are a fuck-ton of foods out there that smell a lot like pussy, or should I say pussies. I find various vulvae offer an equally varied volley of distinct smells. Certain cheeses, certain raw meats, fish, seafood, thai and viet soups, natto, all immediately pop to mind. I also recently tasted Spanish Goose Barnacles for the first time, which happen to smell exactly like my day-old balls.
137
Well, I have a similar situation.... My boyfriend went out last nite drinking and when he came home drunk at 2am, he tasted EXACTALY like pussy.... We had been arguing earlier (when he was out) and had just cleared things up - plus he was drunk - so I didn't want to question him about it. I have never ever ever thought of him as the type to cheat.... but I can't help wonder. Any and all advice would be much appreciated!
138
This threat is bothering!!!! I've been with my bf for 11 years and when he sweats (he sweats a lot but doesn't really stink stink) his face smells a little bit like faint vagina...not bad at all I actually love to sniff him all over...his body odor is intoxicating to me in a good way!! When we first started and I smelled "vagina" on his mouth area I was so upset and confronted him and he got upset because he couldn't figure out what I was talking and yelling about...but then He slept over my house once and he spent the day remodeling my room...we didn't have sex because I was on my period and when I kissed him when he was done his face smelled like vagina...mind you...he showered at night at my house and in the morning at my house...and he scrubs every part of his...he's very anal and has a slight case of OCD so...bad thing is that he's so OCD that if he ever cheats I won't be able to smell juices on him because of it hahaha...so to those who are saying if you don't trust him then dump him...you're so wrong...she smelled Vjj on the dude!!!! I just had to write this so I can give hope to anyone that smells Vjj on their man and are a bit confuse...but don't sleep on it though!! You can never trust someone 100%
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