by Dan Savage
on Wed, Jun 27, 2012 at 5:43 PM
I don't really have a question. I just need you to tell at me to ovary up, if you happen to read this in the next few days. I'm a 28-year-old straight woman. I'm usually not shy at all, and that works really well mostly.
So, I've been commuting to my job for the last three years and there's been this guy on my train for the last four months or so. We made eye contact a few times and something just... happened. I haven't had this kind of crush since middle school, and I just don't know what to do. I blush, I get nervous and pretend to not see him, I stare at my newspaper. The last few days we've actually managed to smile when I get off the train, and I'm absolutely positive he thinks I'm hot too. I start a new job in August and I'll only be take this particular train for just seven more days. I KNOW what to do obviously, but I'm just stuck in my sudden shyness. I can't get the words out. But if Dan Savage tells me to do it, there is just no way I could chicken out. (And of course I'll let you know how it turns out.) Please, Dan, give this girl the kick in the ass she needs!
She Hasn't Yet
P.S. Thanks for everything you do, it's making a huge difference for so many of us.
My response after the jump...
Yesterday's crowd-sourced SLLOTD response was such a success—who knew so many different things could smell like pussy after curdling in a dirty hipster's beard?—that I'm going to toss SHY's letter to SLLOTD readers.
If you've ever screwed up the courage to talk to a cute stranger who was eye fucking you on a train, bus, or airplane and you were happy with the results, please share your success story in the comments thread. Did that convo lead to a relationship that lasted a lifetime? A one-night stand so hot you're still beating off about it ten years later? Or maybe that convo resulted in a rejection that stung, for sure, but the experience helped realize that rejection really isn't that scary and you had an easier time asking out the next cute stranger who eyefucked you on a train, bus, or airplane? Share your story with SHY.
And here's the advice you wanted from me, SHY: OVARY THE FUCK UP. Give the cute dude on the train your phone number before it's too late! Hand him your card and say, "I'm not going to be taking this train anymore so you'll have to call if you want to keep seeing me.") And don't wait until your last day on that train to give him your number. (What if he calls in sick to work seven days from now? Or he starts a new job six days from now?) And remember: the only way guarantee romantic failure in a situation like this is to be so paralyzed by your fear of rejection that you do nothing. If you don't say anything to this man, SHY, you'll never see him again. If you give him your number and he never calls, you'll never see him again. But if you give him your number and he calls, you get to see him again!
Do nothing and the bad outcome—never seeing this man again—is guaranteed. The only way to get a good outcome—that lasting relationship, that scorching one-night stand, the rejection that helps you overcome your fear of rejection—is to OVARY THE FUCK UP and give the man your number!