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Tuesday, July 3, 2012

SL Letter of the Day: Tabasco Surprise!

Posted by on Tue, Jul 3, 2012 at 4:07 PM

I am desperately in need of your help. After eight years of marriage, it turns out that the blowjobs I give are "good-but-not-great" and are now getting "boring." My husband is unable to tell me anything specific that he wants me to do, just that I should do something different and to "be creative." I've done pretty much everything I can think of over the years, fingers and hands included, so I have no idea where to go from here! My husband is my first partner, so I have no past experience to draw from, and porn hardly seems the proper inspiration: visually exciting (for a guy), but no visible technique other than some rather extreme deep-throating, which I am incapable of, as I have an annoyingly sensitive gag reflex. Is there anything non-standard but fun that you (or your fans) could suggest? I'm not exactly vanilla, so I'm willing to try pretty much anything at this point.

Thank you for any suggestions you might have!

Thought I Was Doing It Well

My response after the jump...

··························

Well, gee.

As I think saying, "You're doing it wrong, do it better, but don't ask me how I want it done," is an asshole move, TIWDIW, I'm tempted to give asshole advice. Something along the lines of, "Take a huge swig Tabasco sauce immediately before popping his dick in your mouth." Or better yet: "Tie his hands to the bedposts, blindfold him, and quietly pull out one of these babies. Then sit back, relax, and let it do all the work—while being sure to making occasional mouth-so-full/gag-reflex-engaged noises to maintain the illusion of blowjob."

You seem like a nice person, TIWDIW. A good sex partner, GGG, open to constructive criticism. But your husband hasn't given you constructive criticism. He's given you destructive criticism. "Your blowjobs bore me—fix it! Creatively!" is the kind of feedback that can leave a sex partner feeling inadequate and self-conscious. I'm not saying your husband was wrong to tell you that your blowjobs could be better; I heard the exact same thing from a boyfriend once, long, long ago, and I was grateful for the feedback. But simply communicating dissatisfaction isn't good enough. Your husband has to come through with some tips, some suggestions, some direction—something more helpful than an unhelpful "be creative."

Maybe your husband has no clue what he wants you to do. If he hasn't been with many women, TIWDIW, he might not have any ideas about new and different and totally awesome techniques. But that's still no excuse for, "Your blowjobs bore me. Fix it! Creatively!" Instead of ordering you to surprise him (just sayin': Tabasco sauce would certainly be a surprise), which was unfair of him, your husband should've tossed out some suggestions, invited you to do the same, and two should've give 'em all a whirl until you found a few new tricks that worked.

Now minor unfairnesses slosh around relationships like water in the bottom of a rowboat, of course, but "be creative!" in this context isn't just unfair. It's paralyzing. Putting all responsibility for busting out new tricks on the shoulders of the person whose blowjob/assfucking/bondage skills you've just slammed rarely results in your partner busting out new and mindblowing blowjob/assfucking/bondage moves. A destructively criticized sex partner is apt to shut down. So your husband isn't just guilty of unfair behavior here, TIWDIW, he's guilty of self-defeating behavior. Meaning: you may be to give better head—we all hav room for improvement—but this is not the way to go about getting better head from you.

Finally, TIWDIW, you mention that your husband was your first sex partner. Can I ask how many women he's been with? If the answer is "not many," then I would respectfully suggest to your husband that he may not benefit from large enough a frame of reference to craft a truly informed critique of your blowjob technique. For all he knows his wife gives amazing head. (Cue the straight men who'll tell your husband that he should be happy he's getting blowjobs at all, that you wouldn't catch them complaining if they were getting regular and enthusiastic blowjobs eight years into their marriages, etc.) But routine can make even the best blowjobs seem boring. So maybe you two shouldn't focus on the how of your blowjobs just yet, TIWDIW, and instead shake up the when and the where. Give him the same-old head in a new and exciting place, or in a new and exciting circumstance, and see if that doesn't make your blowjobs exciting again.

And while we're on the subject... how are your husband's cunnilingus skills these days?

 

Comments (70) RSS

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Pope Peabrain 1
I think most men really like being sucked hard. But try sucking and licking his balls. Find a good lube that taste like nothing. Or anything. Try new ways to squeeze his shaft and look for reaction. Slap his cock on your tits. Read the Kama Sutra.
Posted by Pope Peabrain on July 3, 2012 at 4:14 PM · Report this
addiemonroe 2
Spot on, occasional missing word aside.
Posted by addiemonroe on July 3, 2012 at 4:16 PM · Report this
despicable me 3
Biting is sounding GGG to me right about now.
Posted by despicable me on July 3, 2012 at 4:23 PM · Report this
BEG 4
I'm in with despicable me @3.
Posted by BEG http://twitter.com/#!/browneyedgirl65 on July 3, 2012 at 4:24 PM · Report this
6
Me too, @4. Seriously, what a dick.
Posted by Calvin&Hobbes on July 3, 2012 at 4:28 PM · Report this
7
Doesn't Babeland offer classes on this topic? Even if they don't I'm sure they have plenty of books and instructional aids that might inspire both wife and husband.
Posted by sloggerette on July 3, 2012 at 4:36 PM · Report this
Reverse Polarity 8
First, your husband is being a dick by demanding you figure this out on your own with no input from him. How can you possibly know what turns him on if he won't tell you?

Second, blowjobs are not the end all of sex. I love both giving and receiving blowjobs. But as much as I like receiving a blowjob, I almost never achieve orgasm that way. It feels great. I enjoy it. But it can't quite get me over the top. It is mostly fantastic foreplay for me. I'm not unique in this way. I've had quite a few sex partners who have felt the same way. They enjoy getting head, but need some manual stimulation to finish off.

So maybe your husband's expectations are off base, not your technique.
Posted by Reverse Polarity on July 3, 2012 at 4:37 PM · Report this
9
Yeah I agree with #3 - TEETH would be a surprise! Or try these *wonderfully* creative tips http://jezebel.com/5919206/cosmos-44-mos…

But I'm with Dan, in wondering how his oral technique on you is going.....and how often?
Posted by SexEd on July 3, 2012 at 4:41 PM · Report this
balderdash 10
If that's the best he can do, tell him he needs to get his hands on some useful reference materials - go check out Violet Blue and Tristan Taormino on Amazon, for example - and read them and then make some specific requests.

You can read them too, but I'm hesitant to put the onus for this on you after he's been such a douche.
Posted by balderdash http://introverse.blogspot.com on July 3, 2012 at 4:48 PM · Report this
11
Some techniques I use to change things up:

1) Have him lend a hand, so he's jacking off into your bobbing mouth.

2) Have him watch a porn blow job, while you're giving him a real one. Make some effort to imitate what's on the screen.

3) Give him more access to your body while you're blowing him. Sit on his face, or kneel on the bed at right angle to his body, so he can touch your body all over

4) Teeth. I know, I know, and generally I keep my teeth tucked away. But some men love the teeth. Since he is bored... maybe ask if he'd be open to the idea. Start gently :-)

5) Experiment with pushing past your gag reflex. Most people have a gag reflex. But you can get used to that feeling over time.

6) You can also simulate deep-throating, by squeezing the base of the shaft while using your mouth on the head and upper shaft.

7) Or, another variation: keep one hand at the base, tight. The other hand makes a ring, attached to your lips. Use lots of lube or, better, lots of slobber, so that the hand feels as wet as your lips. The hand that is attached to your lips does a swirly-thing around the head each time you bob up and down, as if you have amazing muscles in your huge lips. (Trust me :-)
Posted by EricaP on July 3, 2012 at 4:51 PM · Report this
12
So first you need to go on a hike and find a smooth rock...
Posted by Beguine on July 3, 2012 at 4:55 PM · Report this
15
Regarding this:

'"Be creative!" in this context isn't just unfair. It's paralyzing. '

... well, it's kinda true, but it is possible to have a partner who is very, very uncreative and just never shows even the slightest curiosity about anything beyond a very rigid routine, and to just think: "Don't you _ever_ want any variety? Aren't you into anything else? Really? Can't you change it up a bit? I don't even know in particular what I want you to do right now, just that the idea of doing this again and again is boring me to death." I have been with partners where I just can't understand why it never even seems to _occur_ to them to try something new, and while I could direct them to do X and Y, what I actually kinda wanted was for them to show a little personality. I don't even know how one deals with that.

Anyways, I don't think this is at all true of TIWDIS, mind you. She sounds like a fine partner who may well deserve better. I'm just responding to the sentiment above.
Posted by Morosoph on July 3, 2012 at 4:56 PM · Report this
16
AND REMIND HER TO READ THE COMMENTS THREAD!

I usually get annoyed when columnists respond to people's feelings but neglect to list actions that could be used as solutions, but darn it to heck are people providing TIWDIW with good ideas here!
Posted by DRF on July 3, 2012 at 5:13 PM · Report this
17
Stick a finger in his butt.
Posted by Ben on July 3, 2012 at 5:14 PM · Report this
18
sometimes some hot dirty talk livens up even the most uncreative endeavors......and thats truly a space to get creative...really explore the space...more cowbell?

how about 'your cock is so much biggerr than your brother's.....'

Posted by Cassette tape fan on July 3, 2012 at 5:14 PM · Report this
rob! 19
I noticed belatedly that Dan was suggesting a Fleshlight— but I was thinking, yeah, tie him up, saw on his glans with a rubber-bristled pet brush combined with e-stim up the pooper until he comes or or goes [into a coma]. Jerk.
Posted by rob! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZBdUceCL5U on July 3, 2012 at 5:16 PM · Report this
Simple 20
try putting the tip of the cock under your tongue. rub the underside of your tongue on his tip. to me that feels really good. Also kiss him with a mouthful of cum. That should surprise him at least, and if he is cool should really turn him on.

To #11 Erica, I hope we meet sometime.
Posted by Simple on July 3, 2012 at 5:16 PM · Report this
21
Since he's unable to give suggestions, maybe she should practice on someone else.
Posted by Shannon Murphy on July 3, 2012 at 5:29 PM · Report this
Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In 22
In light of your previous post, http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archive…, I'm wondering why it was the woman writing in, and not Mr. TIWDIW complaining about his wife's poor blow jobbing skills.

Probably because Dan would tell him he's an asshat for complaining w/o communicating and (conjecture here) not going down on his wife like she deserves.
Posted by Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In on July 3, 2012 at 5:36 PM · Report this
ForkyMcSpoon 23
I'm gonna be mostly useless for advice and just mention how much easier this is for gay guys (and lesbians, in the case of cunnilingus). You can learn both from giving and receiving oral sex how to do it better. I've learned moves from having it done on me.

Ooh, maybe you should have your husband try trading some blowjobs with another guy so that he can get some ideas for you to try!

I'd say that learning how to get a blowjob has helped me too. I used to never get off from it, but after having a couple better partners, I think that partly removed some kind of mental block or something. But I also improved from having a better idea of what I liked and from being better about giving feedback - if you're changing things up and he just sits there and doesn't say anything, he's not doing either of you any favor. It can be a bit like a game of hot and cold - even if it's not yet hot, he should at least tell you when you're getting warmer.

Ok, ok, I'll at least *try* to explain something more specific... it's hard to explain some maneuvers with your mouth cuz I'm not completely sure what I'm doing as far as which parts I'm using. It's something like get the tip in your mouth and rubbing the top of it against the roof of your mouth, while to some extent keeping your tongue in the same place on his dick and changing your angle a little bit as you do that so that it moves along the curve of the roof of your mouth rather than straight in and out. I really feel like that sounds a lot more basic than it actually is, but that's my best attempt.
Posted by ForkyMcSpoon on July 3, 2012 at 5:44 PM · Report this
biffp 24
@11, wow.
Posted by biffp on July 3, 2012 at 5:46 PM · Report this
treacle 25
Well, let's see about some more creativity: You could slap his balls around real hard! Or tie him up and pull out some needles! Or squash his cock & balls between two sheets of lucite, tightened with bolts. Or tie his balls and cock up so tight he gets hard and comes nails. I'd start with grasping his glans firmly with your molars and slapping his balls real hard. No warning, of course! Then, since he's still securely tied up, ride his face until you come a few times, slapping his dick around for encouragement.

:D
Posted by treacle on July 3, 2012 at 5:48 PM · Report this
sirkowski 26
and porn hardly seems the proper inspiration

Hahaha! Oh wow...
Posted by sirkowski http://www.missdynamite.com on July 3, 2012 at 6:10 PM · Report this
seatackled 27
Not tabasco. Sriracha.
Posted by seatackled on July 3, 2012 at 6:12 PM · Report this
28
Agree with Dan. But it's possible that he just doesn't know what he wants, so... Try using hand and mouth up and down in sync, while twisting the hand and mouth in opposite directions. Imagine rotation with the dick as the axis. Keep the tongue moving on the head too. No idea if this is out of the ordinary--or out of your ordinary--but in the years since I happened upon this, it's been well received.
Posted by LittleRedT on July 3, 2012 at 6:19 PM · Report this
29
Try this technique: DTMFA!
Posted by G-man on July 3, 2012 at 6:37 PM · Report this
30
Hmm, unless you are just trying to get his dick hard for the main event, blowjobs should be an aerobic activity. Men aren't women. Women like all the mix-it-up stuff (lick the alphabet, etc.). Men are generally more straightforward. He says he wants creativity, but I'm guessing he's using that as a polite euphemism for "be a cock-gobbler." Work on the gag reflex, and get to the point where you can time your breathing between bobs. If your neck isn't sore the next day from the bobbing, try, try again. You can use a hand to make a tube if you just can't throat it, particularly if he's hung, but take as much as you can.
Posted by Marrena on July 3, 2012 at 6:42 PM · Report this
Max Solomon 31
8 years into your marriage, and you're still getting blowjobs. STFU.
Posted by Max Solomon on July 3, 2012 at 6:57 PM · Report this
33
I skipped the last several so I may be repeating someone....

Stick a finger up his ass and see how surprised he is.
Posted by Tor on July 3, 2012 at 8:08 PM · Report this
34
No, no, no. She should not drink the Tabasco. That's just punishing her. She should blindfold him, then coat her finger in the Tabasco and shove it up his ass during. Then she can say she saw it in an episode of "Curb Your Enthusiasm."
Posted by nokidsandthreemoney on July 3, 2012 at 8:18 PM · Report this
Canadian Nurse 35
@14: Make the call. We're depending on you!
Posted by Canadian Nurse on July 3, 2012 at 8:19 PM · Report this
36
Am I the only one that finds people seem to be reading into the guy's tone a little too much based on the very limited context provided? "How dare he DEMAND better blowjobs without giving more useful critique!" I mean, maybe I'm reading into it the wrong way, but here's a hypothetical: What if she's the one initiating the blowjobs, he's not getting off very easily, and so she asks him why. The fact that she is even asking for advice kind of makes it seem like it is important to her. Maybe he doesn't want to risk offending her by being like "yeah your blowjobs are boring I don't really want them anymore".

Think of it this way: Let's say someone wants to cook you a meal, you know, to make you happy and stuff. Let's say the person cooking isn't the greatest chef in the world, and they cook you the same boring thing once a week. You're appreciative of their efforts, but your ability to communicate openly with them isn't the greatest, and you don't want to offend them, so you just keep going along. Eventually they begin to sense your dissatisfaction and ask you if you actually like their cooking. Again, you two aren't the greatest at communicating with eachother, and you yourself are not a good enough cook to know how to provide useful suggestions, but you don't want to offend them. How do you proceed?

Again, this is all hypothetical. I'm not saying this guy's actually awesome and misunderstood, he might be a total dipshit. I'm just trying to frame this differently because there seriously doesn't seem to be enough context to accurately judge the situation. Though obviously the real problem here is they don't seem to be communicating very effectively, at least with regard to sex.
Posted by Phroxel on July 3, 2012 at 8:27 PM · Report this
37
The first blow job after a month of none will be AMAZING for him.

You, of course, still get oral because oral is only for people who aren't whiny.
Posted by EclecticEel on July 3, 2012 at 8:49 PM · Report this
38
The plus side is that if #36 is right and he's just not that into the blowjobs, it'd give him a month off.
Posted by EclecticEel on July 3, 2012 at 8:51 PM · Report this
39
I pretty much love all of Dan's advice but this is the best one yet. I needed to hear this at least 20 years ago!
Posted by mitten on July 3, 2012 at 9:30 PM · Report this
lauramae 40
I'm sure Lorena Bobbitt surprised her husband
Posted by lauramae on July 3, 2012 at 9:30 PM · Report this
mydriasis 41
I'm guessing if her gag reflex is really sensitive that's probably her problem. As far as I know there's not too much you can do about that.

Homeboy needs to chill the fuck out and appreciate what he's got going. Not everyone is going to be a superstar in every aspect of the relationship.
Posted by mydriasis on July 3, 2012 at 9:54 PM · Report this
42
I'd also just like to point out that I am almost positive I have heard my hypothetical scenario before (possibly multiple times) as call-ins on old episodes of Loveline or something. Ie, "My boyfriend/girlfriend wants to give me oral because they think I like it, but I don't know how to tell them I'm not that into it/they're not very good at it." Adam would probably comment on how they (particularly if it was a guy calling in) were crazy and that he could live on nothing but blowjobs. Dr. Drew would then try to give a serious answer and point out that while it seems weird, some people just don't really like receiving oral sex.
Posted by Phroxel on July 3, 2012 at 10:07 PM · Report this
43
a) which of them brought up the issue in the first place? I'd just like it confirmed that he raised the subject; clever writers have pulled the wool over the eyes of the commentariat before.

and

b) why is the password so often "adversarial"?
Posted by vennominon on July 3, 2012 at 10:16 PM · Report this
44
Oh, and a point for Mr Savage for askig the obvious question.
Posted by vennominon on July 3, 2012 at 10:17 PM · Report this
BEG 45
Another point to @37

I tried feeling charitable, as many ppl made good points. But I'm still left with meh. If he's willing to finally rock the boat enough to complain about it, he can damn well work with her to try and figure it out rather than leave her at her wits end...
Posted by BEG http://twitter.com/#!/browneyedgirl65 on July 3, 2012 at 10:39 PM · Report this
46

A: Because they have to.
Posted by Supreme Ruler Of The Universe http://_ on July 3, 2012 at 10:46 PM · Report this
sissoucat 47
@44 You mean, the question about his cunnilingus skills. I totally agree.
Posted by sissoucat on July 3, 2012 at 11:28 PM · Report this
48
1) "Surprise me" is the guy equivalent of "does this make me look fat?".

2) LW should bring home a cute guy and have her husband demonstrate exactly the technique he likes on said guy. Actions speak louder than words, after all...

3) Another vote to hear how he's been on his cunnilingus... and PIV screwing too while we're at it.
Posted by MemeGene on July 4, 2012 at 1:56 AM · Report this
49
Blowjobs are simple. No need to do those swirling or lapping moves you see in porn. It's a dick, not an ice cream cone. Back and forth with good pressure between the roof of the mouth and the tongue works better. Take in as much as possible and wrap a hand around the rest. And watch the teeth!
Posted by WestSeven on July 4, 2012 at 4:57 AM · Report this
50
@33 I'm glad I wasn't the only one rooting for "Team Surprise Anal."
Posted by Howlin' Jed on July 4, 2012 at 6:06 AM · Report this
51
"For all he knows his wife gives amazing head. (Cue the straight men who'll tell your husband that he should be happy he's getting blowjobs at all, that you wouldn't catch them complaining if they were getting regular and enthusiastic blowjobs eight years into their marriages, etc.)"

Oh! Sorry, but I guess I missed my cue! But even before the cue, I couldn't help thinking about the last time my very beautiful but non-GGG wife gave me a blowjob... It seems like yesterday -- if yesterday were to feel like a generation ago... In fact, George Bush was president, and I don't think any of us imagined that some day, there would actually be another president with the same name, just as I couldn't imagine that this sweet girl I loved so much would simply cease all oral activity after our wedding day. I certainly never imagined that almost 2 decades and 4 kids later, she'd admit that she never even liked kissing, but did it, as she said, "...because I wanted you to marry me."

Sometimes we never know just how good we have it. And sometimes, we're so blinded by "love" or whatever to fool ourselves into thinking someone will give more than they've ever intended to give.
Posted by michael610 on July 4, 2012 at 6:18 AM · Report this
52
Ms Sissou - Exactly. This one goes right up there on the list of things that Ought Not to Require Repeating, but sadly do (like Presumed-Without-Confirmation Interest in the Opposite Sex).
Posted by vennominon on July 4, 2012 at 8:14 AM · Report this
54
Okay, when I say "stick a finger in his butt," I don't mean it as "Ha ha, THAT'LL serve him right, having the most unpleasant of possible things happen to him!"

Imagine a dude. He's been married 8 years or so. He's curious about getting into ass play, but doesn't want his wife to think he's gay or something. He knows every other issue of Cosmo has a sex tip about putting your finger in your man's butt while you blow him, so he figures "hey, if I tell her to try new stuff during beejers, maybe she'll try that. It'll be her initiating it, so she won't assume I'm gay!"
Posted by Ben on July 4, 2012 at 9:00 AM · Report this
reverend dr dj riz 55
' i don't know, surprise me ' doesn't even work when you're trying to figure out what to make for dinner, let alone anything sexual.
i was with a guy who was into light s&m and he wanted something painful during foreplay and said that exact thing when i asked for suggestions. being creative, i bit him on the armpit. hard. well.. lemme tell ya, that learned em !
Posted by reverend dr dj riz on July 4, 2012 at 9:37 AM · Report this
56
@55: Haha, that was a good one ^^ How could he not know what kind of pain he wanted? I'm a masochist, when I want something painful, I know full well what kind of pain I'm looking for.
Posted by Friendstastegood on July 4, 2012 at 10:42 AM · Report this
Tim Horton 57
@11 EricaP - I have added meeting you in person, and going through your post, in order, to my bucket list. Hot!
Posted by Tim Horton on July 4, 2012 at 10:51 AM · Report this
58
@51 How old is your youngest? Might be time to make a clean break, live a little.

@53 great suggestion -- I don't think I've ever come while giving a blow job, but now I have a new summer goal. I bet that would be hot.

@56 Me too. But sometimes when I ask for one thing, they give me something else. Damn those sadistic sadists!

@57 lol
Posted by EricaP on July 4, 2012 at 11:16 AM · Report this
60
@58: Well, sadists are a whole other issue than GGG-vanilla people indulging a masochistic kink.

Masochist: "Spank me!"
Sadist: "No."

;-)
Posted by Friendstastegood on July 4, 2012 at 11:49 AM · Report this
61
It took a time with an exceptionally skilled woman to realize that I'd been getting average blow jobs all this time - she literally made my toes curl. Alas, she is out of the picture, and she didn't seem to do anything explicitly different then any other women I've been with. I'd have no idea how to tell one what to do in order to improve.
Posted by fetish on July 4, 2012 at 7:09 PM · Report this
62
Here's an alternative narrative (assuming you print letters unabridged or mostly unabridged):

Husband does not particularly enjoy his wife's blowjobs, but does not comment on it (for whatever reason - respect, or he's uncomfortable, or perhaps he is aware he doesn't have any answers), but over the years, wife notices his ever-lessening enthusiasm for receiving oral sex, and asks what is wrong. After three or four years of "oh nothing you are doing great honey", he breaks down and says he doesn't enjoy her blowjobs anymore. Being both young and otherwise inexperienced, he still doesn't have any advice.

What advice would you give them in that scenario?
Posted by fetish on July 4, 2012 at 7:50 PM · Report this
63
There are all kinds of ways to change things up; just bobbing up and down seems kind of cheap and easy. Use really firm tongue strokes right at the place where his legs join his torso. Bite him lightly on his inner thighs. Do some ass play with your fingertip. Take his balls in your mouth. Wake him up with a blow job instead of putting him to bed with one. Take his whole cock in your mouth and move the back of your tongue from side to side without bobbing up and down. Use the tip of your tongue on his frenulum. Take the tip in your mouth and twist your lubed hands around his cock in opposite directions, back and forth. Grip his ass cheeks, hard, while he's in your mouth. As long as you've got your hands back there, spread his cheeks really far apart. Cradle his balls in your hand and lightly (lightly!) scratch your smooth nails along the surface. Alternate licking and sucking. Press his cock flat against his lower abdomen and run your very wet lips (sideways) up and down; it'll feel as if he's against your pussy and the cool air will contrast with the heat from your mouth.
Posted by Sarah in Olympia on July 4, 2012 at 9:00 PM · Report this
64
Surprise! Stop giving them. When they are rare and he is begging for them he won't be bored any longer...
Posted by subwlf on July 5, 2012 at 11:00 AM · Report this
sissoucat 65
@52 and other cunnilingus-interested people :

This month I met a female doctor, for a complete STD checkup (available on an anonymous and free basis in my country). I asked her what was the latest in STD-protection for oral sex. Her answer : "a male condom covers it all". A bit puzzled, I said, "OK, but a male condom is not useful for some oral activities, I mean the other-way-around oral sex". Her answer : "well, you know, for fellatio, there's nothing protecting better than a condom". I had to say "I meant cunnilingus" for her to understand what other kind of oral sex I was talking about.

A few years ago a 30-something very good-looking female once confided that she needed to use towels on her bed linen when her boyfriend ate her pussy, because of the amount of her liquids. I asked her if that happened often. She told me "once a month". I've never ever had cunnilingus discussions with any of my female friends before that.

My country is so backwards. Sigh.
Posted by sissoucat on July 5, 2012 at 12:07 PM · Report this
mydriasis 66
@65

French, right?

That story would be funny if it weren't true.

It's also strange because my experience with casual sex was always 'um, no I don't do that' when it came to cunnilingus. Last I heard the only option of protection is a dental dam (I've never met a guy who carries those) and it doesn't really do it for me. Why have unprotected oral sex when I can have protected PIV and actually have a good time? It's a no brainer in my books (although of course a LTR is a different situation).

You'd be surprised how often I had to defend that position. To men.
Must be that thing of people wanting what they can't have.
Posted by mydriasis on July 5, 2012 at 12:29 PM · Report this
carriemcc 67
Take a glazed doughnut and put it around his cock, then nibble on the doughnut!
Posted by carriemcc on July 5, 2012 at 1:55 PM · Report this
68
*sigh* Thanks 67, now I want a cock AND a donut!!

+ 1 vote for Team Surprise Anal!
Posted by jujubee80 on July 5, 2012 at 3:42 PM · Report this
70
@65 and @66: Well, here in Sweden they recommend that for cunnilingus you simply take a condom and a pair of scissors and cut the condom open, and then place it as a barrier between mouth and vagina. Never tried it though so I don't know how optimal it is.
Posted by Friendstastegood on July 6, 2012 at 4:38 AM · Report this
71
@66, 70: saran wrap.
Posted by Violet415 on July 6, 2012 at 10:27 AM · Report this
Arsenic7 72
@65 and 64:

People in general just don't have any awareness of dental dams. Nor that someone might consider protection for oral sex necessary. I'm polyamorous and have brought up dental dams with a number of people and most are surprised by the idea. Some are turned off by it...I've only met one person who seemed a bit turned on by it.

I think it's largely due to people not understanding that there are sexual risks beyond pregnancy.

The idea of guys just not "doing" cunnilingus is hilarious to me and Dan has covered that issue pretty thoroughly in other questions. Those guys need to be told to grow up before anyone has sex with them.

In any case, buy some dental dams. Saran wrap makes far too much noise. Seriously, it can sound like someone crushing a paper bag when it gets all wet. Condoms are oddly shaped when cut up and often have strange textures or lubes that don't mesh well with that activity.
Posted by Arsenic7 on July 6, 2012 at 11:48 AM · Report this
73
@71: Actually they specifically advice against that, it breaks to easily and is much to porous to protect against STDs.
Posted by Friendstastegood on July 6, 2012 at 12:04 PM · Report this
Arsenic7 74
@73

Breaking can be a problem, but it's generally only microwave safe saran wrap that has the pores.
Posted by Arsenic7 on July 6, 2012 at 12:57 PM · Report this
sissoucat 75
@Mydriasis

Yep French, it's on my profile. Eating pussy is not mainstream here. You know the discussions about sex that junior-high schoolers have, a long time before they engage in sex ? Sex meant PIV, and "what drove guys wild was a blowjob, ewww". I hope it changes one day. I know of several married females who complain that "sex now is only PIV, he doesn't bother anymore with foreplay", foreplay being possibly an euphemism for cunnilingus. Women are not supposed to speak crudely about sex, even among themselves ("only whores speak about it").

@70 That's the advice the doctor gave me : a split condom. I haven't tried it either. But Arsenic7 seems to have way more experience. I think I may be falling in love with Arsenic7.

Arsenic7, would you tell us more about the use of dental dams ? Assuming you're a pussy-licker and not a pussy-lickee, what do your partners think of dental dams vs no protection ? Same sensations ? Assuming you are male, what do you think of condom-blowjob vs bare-blowjob ? I'm a sucker for taste and texture, me, so I don't do casual oral sex, because I fear it won't be the same experience with protection.
Posted by sissoucat on July 7, 2012 at 12:27 AM · Report this
76
@74: Yeah but people are stupid, which is why the healthcare professionals here in Sweden don't want to take any chances and thus come out against plastic wrap, and I think that's probably a smart thing.
Posted by Friendstastegood on July 7, 2012 at 3:07 AM · Report this
mydriasis 77
@72

Never done this but couldn't you just cut the tip off then cut down the length? I imagine that would give you a rectangle assuming geometry still exists. As for the taste, I'd say go for a flavoured condom - they're obviously not wonderful but might be somewhat more pleasant.
Posted by mydriasis on July 7, 2012 at 8:03 AM · Report this

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