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Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Why Mitt Romney Is Unlikable: The Republican Edition

Posted by on Tue, Jul 31, 2012 at 8:02 AM

Slog tipper Shelley got this e-mail from a Mormon grandparent. She says, "The title is the same as your article, but from a universe not entirely based in reality!"

A lot is being said in the media about Mitt Romney not being "likable" or that he doesn't "relate well" to people. Frankly, we struggled to understand why. So after much research, we have come up with a Top Ten List to explain this "unlikablility."

Top Ten Reasons To Dislike Mitt Romney:

1. Drop-dead, collar-ad handsome with gracious, statesmanlike aura. Looks like every central casting's #1 choice for Commander-in-Chief.

2. Been married to ONE woman his entire life, and has been faithful to her, including through her bouts with breast cancer and MS.

3. No scandals or skeletons in his closet. (How boring is that?)

4. Can't speak in a fake, southern, "black preacher voice" when necessary.

5. Highly intelligent. Graduated cum laude from both Harvard Law School and Harvard Business School ...and by the way, his academic records are NOT sealed.

6. Doesn't smoke or drink alcohol, and has never done drugs, not even in the counter-culture age when he went to college. Too square for today's America ?

7. Represents an America of "yesterday", where people believed in God, went to Church, didn't screw around, worked hard, and became a SUCCESS!

8. Has a family of five great sons....and none of them have police records or are in drug rehab. But of course, they were raised by a stay-at-home mom, and that "choice" deserves America 's scorn.

9. Oh yes.....he's a MORMON. We need to be very afraid of that very strange religion that teaches its members to be clean-living, patriotic, fiscally conservative, charitable, self-reliant, and honest.

10. And one more point.....pundits say because of his wealth, he can't relate to ordinary Americans. I guess that's because he made that money opposed to marrying it or inheriting it from Dad. Apparently, he didn't understand that actually working at a job and earning your own money made you unrelatable to Americans.

My goodness, it's a strange world, isn't it?

As always, forwarded e-mails are forwarded because they're true. (I assume that "drop-dead collar-ad handsome" is in reference to the Arrow Collar Man ad campaign, which was wildly popular during the first three decades of the 20th century, which should give you an idea of the target audience for this e-mail.)


Comments (52) RSS

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Sargon Bighorn 1
Don't hate him because he's gorgeous!
Posted by Sargon Bighorn on July 31, 2012 at 8:07 AM · Report this
wingedkat 2
Wow, those Arrow Collar men *are* handsome!
Posted by wingedkat on July 31, 2012 at 8:09 AM · Report this
"Uses 'black preacher voice' only when bantering with Pullman porter."
Posted by gloomy gus on July 31, 2012 at 8:12 AM · Report this
His grandfather (or was it great-grandfather) wasn't married to ONE woman.
Posted by WestSeven on July 31, 2012 at 8:17 AM · Report this
mrbarky 5
That's....uh....not even Bob Hope funny.
Posted by mrbarky on July 31, 2012 at 8:27 AM · Report this
--MC 6
NB, did you know that the artist who drew the Arrow Collar ads, JC Leyendecker, was gay as May?

But as for point 7 on the list .. Rmoney represents the America of yesterday pretty well, since his father was the chairman of GM. I'm certain Mitt made ALL his opportunities and ALL his money his own self.
Posted by --MC on July 31, 2012 at 8:28 AM · Report this
Pick1 7
"religion that teaches its members to be clean-living, patriotic, fiscally conservative, charitable, self-reliant, and honest"

Interesting that no words like "tolerant, understanding, unprejudiced" seem to be on that list...I think that's the big problem I have with his religion.
Posted by Pick1 on July 31, 2012 at 8:30 AM · Report this
--MC 8
Make that point ten on the list. And as regards the incumbent, he's .. been married to the same woman for years .. and they have two daughters, neither of whom have police records or are in drug rehab either. But the incumbent can speak in a black preacher voice when necessary, which is apparently not a good thing ..
Posted by --MC on July 31, 2012 at 8:31 AM · Report this
rootwinterguard 9
"clean-living" huh?
Posted by rootwinterguard on July 31, 2012 at 8:32 AM · Report this
@9 you'd be living pretty clean too if you never had to share an elevator with the hoi polloi.
Posted by Daily in LA on July 31, 2012 at 8:34 AM · Report this
Posted by StuckInUtah on July 31, 2012 at 8:43 AM · Report this
Wait...from the Wikipedia article linked to:

Leyendecker's model was his live-in companion, a Canadian named Charles Beach

Apparently, the Arrow Collar guy was a homo! WHAT SCANDAL ARE YOU HIDING FROM US RMONEY? HMM?
Posted by Corydon on July 31, 2012 at 8:45 AM · Report this
As a swing voter, this is what I find bad, based on their own points (not even trying to go outside)

1: Because he looks and sounds like someone from central casting, and has a history of voting not on evidence or even on principle, but on political expediency.

2: Because he thinks his marriage is better than the loving relationships so many other couples of all different gender-configurations enjoy, that he should get benefits and deny them.

3: Won't even release his tax returns, despite the growing demand from within the party.

4: Appeals to people who thinks the voice you speak in matters to the policies you'll enforce.

5: Uses his intelligence to repress and advance his political career, rather than trying to make the world a better place.

6: Indeed, too square. Would further agendas oppressing others because he chooses not to do something, rather than giving others a choice. It's his choice, and by law he wants to make it yours, too.

7: Upholds the false notion we are a Christian nation, that belief in god is tied to morality, and other such falsehoods.

8: Would force others in less-rich homes to endure the cost and burden of having kids by banning abortion, given the choice. Would simultaneously defund programs in sex education and health that would help prevent the very abortions he detests.

9: Indeed, Mormon, a strike against the intelligence. There's at least one blind spot there, but that's irrelevant. What is relevant is his submission to church teachings rather than court rulings and the related constitutional underpinnings.

10: People say because of how he acts with his wealth he can't relate. Nor does it appear he tries. Maintains the illusion that he is solely responsible for his wealth, except when he doesn't.

11: Stole John Kerry's logo, flip-floppiness for political gain, hair, and inability to relate to the average voter. And Obama now is more popular than Bush was when Kerry was defeated.
Posted by Tawnos on July 31, 2012 at 8:47 AM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 14
Oh, he's so perfect I want to shit my magic undies! Bah! Fuck the aristocracy and it's perfect little fascist.
Posted by Pope Peabrain on July 31, 2012 at 8:49 AM · Report this
@8 "...and they have two daughters, neither of whom have police records or are in drug rehab either."

It may have escaped your notice, but they are black, which is to say, to a large portion of the target audience for this list, just give that a little time.
Posted by And we're all surprised they're not grandparents, yet on July 31, 2012 at 8:49 AM · Report this
Not GM (still in business) but American Motors (long gone).
Posted by david on July 31, 2012 at 8:50 AM · Report this
Theodore Gorath 17
So fitting that most of them are still just how he is not Obama. Dog whistles, ho!

Also, not sure if starting a company based upon money your daddy gave you, with the assurance that if you fail you can still get the old job back your daddy originally got for you is 100% self made.

Funny how Obama's journey from humble beginnings to president does not show how he is a self made man. I wonder what the crucial difference is between these two men...
Posted by Theodore Gorath on July 31, 2012 at 8:50 AM · Report this
Item #9
"... patriotic ..."

Item #8
"... a family of five great sons ..."

Romney did not serve his country by joining the military.
Romney's sons have not served their country by joining the military.
Must be that "wave an American flag (made in a Chinese factory)" brand of "patriotic".

Item #5.
"...and by the way, his academic records are NOT sealed."

But he won't release his tax records.
Wouldn't tax records be a little more important than academic records?

And the NUMBER ONE reason ...
"1. Drop-dead, collar-ad handsome with gracious, statesmanlike aura."

I don't think you know what the job of POTUS entails.
Posted by fairly.unbalanced on July 31, 2012 at 8:54 AM · Report this
McJulie 19
The only reason this list exists is because everyone already knows Mitt Romney is unlikable. If you read between the lines, it looks kinda desperate.

#1 -- Come on, he looks way presidential, that's got to count for something, right? #2 -- He's better than Newt Gingrich. #3 -- Boring equals scandal-free!
#4 -- He's not much of a rhetorician, but… Obama is BLACK! #5 -- Smarter than Dubya, at least. #6 -- No, he can't be the guy you have a beer with, because he doesn't drink beer. #7 -- Conservatives like old-fashioned, right? He's way old-fashioned. Not boring. Old-fashioned. Not snobby. Old-fashioned. Repeat after me. Old-fashioned. Old-fashioned. Old-fashioned. #8 -- Five sons = manly! Not a wimp at all! #9 -- Mormons are less scary than secret Muslims, right? #10 -- I know he seems snobby and out of touch, but… he made all that money all by himself! Purely through his own hard work! At a job! For real! He's just like you!
Posted by McJulie on July 31, 2012 at 8:54 AM · Report this
Posted by Xenos on July 31, 2012 at 8:59 AM · Report this
1. dude looks nothing like Pullman, Ford, or Fonda. In fact, that shit eating grin and his inability to not pull a gaffe at every corner is the antithesis of ‘statesmanlike aura’. Oh, and he’s got horrible taste in clothing who picks out his suits, Joseph Smith?
2. O’s been married to ONE woman his entire life. We don’t know that rMoney hasn’t been unfaithful to Anne – given his dickish attitude, I wouldn’t be shocked if he had.
3. Well, except that whole SLC Olympics thing that is itching to come out. Oh, and illegally deleting all his records before leaving gov’s office. The offshore accounts in Switzerland and the Caymans (betting against America) aren’t a scandal?!? The endless gaffes and insults on his 'I've got no foreign credentials' junket?
4. Nice dog whistle, bigot. rMoney’s been known to pull out the drawl when yucking it up with white trash, I mean southerners. And he’s still unable to do it without being condescending.
5. O’s records aren’t sealed – they aren’t a matter of public record (i.e. private). Same goes for Mitt’s. And mine, for that matter. Also, not that latin honors are a direct representation of intelligence, but while Mitt graduated ‘cum laude’ – Obama graduated 'summa cum laude'. That summa? It means he did better than that shiteater rMoney. And if you equate latin honors with intelligence, that means rMoney’s dumber than Obama.
6. Wow, he’s a good mormon. And yes, anyone who is too ‘square’ to have a fucking scotch before green lighting a nuclear war is too fucking rigid to have their finger on the trigger.
7. Ah yes, the return of the dog whistle. People from ‘yesterday’ didn’t screw around? They didn’t skip church? Funny – some of the most prominent religious leaders I know did both of those. Oh, and polygamy? Just church-sanctioned ‘screwing around’. Hard work? Mitt’s never had a day of hard work in his life.
8. Mitt’s got a police record. And just because his sons have stayed out of jail doesn’t mean they aren’t incompetent fuckwits. It just means their daddy kept them out of jail. It’s great that the rMoney’s had the ‘choice’ for Ann to be a stay at home mom. I guess inheriting a comfortable living from George didn’t hurt. It’s unfortunate that the rMoney’s don’t think others should be able to have that choice. Telling, really.
9. All the mormons I know are socially awkward and racist. And I know a lot of ‘em. Also, being forced to tithe isn’t ‘charity’. That’s what makes the Obamas much more charitable than the rMoneys – they did it by choice. And mormons aren’t self-reliant. That forced tithing funds their socialist ‘self reliance’ food banks and other programs. Mitt’s honest? Funny – dude lies so much he can’t even get his story straight. And then there’s the whole ‘lying for the lord’ bullshit.
10. rMoney didn’t make the money himself. And he DID inherit money from dad - without that inheritance and his father’s influence, he never would have had the opportunity for ‘success’ that he did (including a full ride through grad school). If you measure success by individual wealth, and not the amount of jobs and lives he destroyed, then I guess you can call rMoney successful.
Posted by mittsatwit on July 31, 2012 at 9:00 AM · Report this
MacCrocodile 22
1. I'll take Barack Obama over Mittens any day. I guess he's not quite as delightsome to some, but to each his own.

2. Obama has been married to one woman his whole life, and his church never even offered him the chance for more. Does it not count if Michelle Obama hasn't had public displays of illness? Is it not as sexy if she happens to have stayed healthy?

3. This one is hardly fair. The Taft Skeleton Vault is a traditional part of the White House. If Romney wins the election, he'll have all those skeletons to himself, too.

4. "... and that speech algorithm won't be ready for implementation for at least another nine years, so you never have to worry about a President Romney slipping into the speech patterns of a culture you're unfamiliar with or afraid of."

5. Obama, though, that guy's an idiot. Lets his financial records go all public like that. What a doofus.

6. "Why don't people like my candidate who has never lived a day in his life?"

7. "...whereas Obama represents a horrible future-land where people of all colors drink from the same water fountains and don't die of cholera somehow."

8. @8 - Maybe the point is that he has sons. Daughters don't count, not since Bush had his declared nonexistent in order to avoid a series of scandals.

9. "Fiscally conservative" apparently includes handing over ten percent of your income (before taxes) to the gold-plated church downtown. That's a good investment.

10. Wait, who are we attacking here? Mittens grew up in poverty and pulled himself up from nothing? That's news to me.
Posted by MacCrocodile on July 31, 2012 at 9:02 AM · Report this
Max Solomon 23
do they not understand that he put himself through school SELLING OFF STOCK HIS CEO OF AMC DAD GAVE HIM? to say nothimg of the source of the start up money he found for Bain Capital.

Posted by Max Solomon on July 31, 2012 at 9:07 AM · Report this
Fred Casely 24
Mormon be pretty bold invoking the whole black clergy thing.
Posted by Fred Casely on July 31, 2012 at 9:09 AM · Report this
Doctor Memory 25
I guess that's because he made that money opposed to marrying it or inheriting it from Dad.

Um say what?!
Posted by Doctor Memory on July 31, 2012 at 9:24 AM · Report this
You don't have to go any further than the first point for proof that this list wasn't even written by humans, it was written by some kind of alien life form, or possibly cephalopods. Obama is totally on my list of celebrities my partner would have to let me sleep with. Whereas Romney doesn't even make my list of humans I would sleep with sooner than I would swap DNA with a neandertal.
Posted by Margaret L. on July 31, 2012 at 9:24 AM · Report this
seatackled 27
Leading a pack of bullies to shave the head of a struggling classmate isn't a skeleton? Getting his legally blind high school teacher to walk into glass doors isn't scandalous?
Posted by seatackled on July 31, 2012 at 9:27 AM · Report this
thatsnotright 28
Those "collar-ad" men were always very white, no matter how handsome they were. I wonder why that is the first point to be made?
Posted by thatsnotright on July 31, 2012 at 9:30 AM · Report this
I thought "collar ad" referred to dog collars. As in, "Who let the dogs out? Who? Who?". And was shocked because everybody knows that Rmoney can't speak in a fake, urban black rapper voice when necessary.
Posted by stating the obvious on July 31, 2012 at 9:36 AM · Report this
Resident Clinton 30
11. He is one of the few men in this country who truly knows how to put on a pair of Jodhpurs.
Posted by Resident Clinton on July 31, 2012 at 9:38 AM · Report this
bleedingheartlibertarian 31
Romney may not have become wealthy from his father's estate, but he it is reported that he did finance his education by selling stock that his father had given him. (I believe Mr. Obama finished paying off his student loans a few years ago.)

I still think he can claim the title of "self-made" (in that he's much, much wealthier than his father) but let's not pretend he didn't have a bit of a running start.
Posted by bleedingheartlibertarian on July 31, 2012 at 10:03 AM · Report this
Westlake, son! 32
LOL, implying Obama is swimming in black privilege, was raised in a wealthy household, and has criminal children. WTF?
Posted by Westlake, son! on July 31, 2012 at 10:15 AM · Report this
You know what? I wouldn't trust a person who "has never done drugs, not even in the counter-culture age when he went to college." How can someone who has never tried any drugs have any kind of meaningful, informed position on prohibition?
Posted by sugar7898 on July 31, 2012 at 10:19 AM · Report this

Otherwise known as "Third Base Syndrome"...
Posted by COMTE on July 31, 2012 at 10:25 AM · Report this
Phoebe in Wallingford 35
So being faithful to a woman battling breast cancer and MS is a reason to dislike him?
Now I know I'm an old prude, but really, did any slogger here really get a chuckle over that one?
Posted by Phoebe in Wallingford on July 31, 2012 at 10:27 AM · Report this
Posted by Xenos on July 31, 2012 at 10:37 AM · Report this
#7. In the America of yesteryear nobody ever, ever screwed around. Not ever. Not even once. "Didn't need no welfare state/Everybody pulled his weight/Gee, our old LaSalle ran great/Those were the days!"
Posted by ignatz ratzkywatzky on July 31, 2012 at 10:41 AM · Report this

The problem for Romney is that he's more a model of success based on being intimately tied to the American system, but not any kind of Randian "rugged individualism".

He did not build Bain. He did not build the Olympics that he was a part of. Through heritage, and personal skills and effort, he was able to carve for himself a huge chunk of the system.

I myself has started several business, all of them financial failures, but many whose premises turned out to be correct in the long run. I didn't have access to the needed capital to keep it alive or get it going to create that success. Is that luck, skill, fate, personality? The debate goes on...but one thing is sure.

All current "solutions" are no longer workable.
Posted by Supreme Ruler Of The Universe on July 31, 2012 at 10:49 AM · Report this
Fnarf 39
Romney is nepotism in action. He didn't get his start from nothing; he inherited it from his Senator/CEO dad. Sheesh.
Posted by Fnarf on July 31, 2012 at 10:54 AM · Report this
1, 2, 5, 6 and 8 are just as true of Obama as Romney (some are false, but false in both cases); 3 and 7 are not-particularly-subtle racist dogwhistles; 10 is a flat-out lie.

9 is mostly true, but isn't correct about WHY people think mormons are creepy.
Posted by Anonymont on July 31, 2012 at 10:55 AM · Report this

True, but having gone to a fairly elite school, I know there are also many with that background who are colossal fuck ups.

Posted by Supreme Ruler Of The Universe on July 31, 2012 at 11:00 AM · Report this
Daddy Love 42
You know that Obama isn't highly intelligent, doesn't believe in God, doesn't go to Church, didn't work hard to become a success, and didn't make his money HIMSELF because blackity black black.
Posted by Daddy Love on July 31, 2012 at 11:19 AM · Report this
Needless to say, what isn't nonsense is a racist smear, and what's neither is a lie. In order:
1) Yup. Handsome figure of a man. So what?
2) We have no idea whether he's been faithful to her (and I've seen poorly sourced thirdhand claims that people who knew him in the 90s thought he wasn't). We also have no reason to think Obama has been unfaithful.
3) No scandals in his closet? What about his low taxes, and his overseas bank accounts? His shredding all the records of his term as governor and of the Salt Lake City IOC?
4) Isn't Black. This says far more about the people who'd find this appealing than it does about Mitt.
5) Romney's academic records aren't sealed? So far as I can Google, this is a lie.
6) That he's never drunk or smoke is hardly disqualifying, but it's hardly a recommendation, either.
7) Represents an America of Today, where you make big bucks stripping the assets of companies that employ large numbers of people who "believe in God, go to Church, don't screw around, work hard", raid their pension fund, and ship their jobs to China.
8) Romney's five sons? Enough said.
9) Gotcha. Mormons are better than everyone else. This is meant to appeal to everyone else how, exactly?
10) As a comparison to Obama - single mother, food stamps, scholarship kid - this would look bad enough for Romney. But as a recitation of the facts, it's nuts. Romney went to the fanciest prep school in Michigan (where he avoided being expelled for horrific acts by virtue of his daddy), his daddy's money supported him through undergrad and grad school, his daddy got him into Harvard Business and Harvard Law, and his daddy got him a job with one of daddy's rich friends. Once there, his daddy's friend set him up in his own company, where he used his daddy's rolodex to collect capital from which he could skim himself a fortune. The only differences between the careers of George W Bush and Mitt Romney are that the investors Romney's daddy lined up for him made money, where Dubya's didn't - and that Dubya's companies tried to make something (admittedly, that something was carbon emissions, but still), while Romney's business enterprises were classic Modern American Nihilist, pump-and-dump and ledger games.
Posted by Warren Terra on July 31, 2012 at 11:30 AM · Report this
balderdash 44
I don't understand why people are so fixated on how "handsome" he is. Are we judging him by some kind of extremely forgiving scale because he's a politician? He just looks like an average-featured, chronically constipated old white man with over-styled hair.

This is like the ridiculous obsession with OH SO SEXY Sarah Palin all over again. You guys, look: 1) It's not a necessary or useful qualification for Commander in Chief, and 2) No, they are not actually attractive at all, they are leathery and square-featured and your points of comparison are just hella messed up, AND, 3) Crazy eyes - be they of the delusional psychotic or the dead-inside variety - are NEVER hot.
Posted by balderdash on July 31, 2012 at 12:49 PM · Report this
balderdash 45
Also I'm pretty sure in this context "handsome," particularly with all those qualifiers, is unsubtle code for "comfortingly white."
Posted by balderdash on July 31, 2012 at 1:11 PM · Report this
Couldn't most of those qualities also apply to President Obama? I'm not getting the feeling that Romney is running on his "likability". He's pretty much seeking the "anything but Obama" vote.
Posted by Patricia Kayden on July 31, 2012 at 5:54 PM · Report this
Sandiai 47
"Drop-dead, collar-ad handsome with gracious, statesmanlike aura."

Describes President Obama perfectly.

"Looks like every central casting's #1 choice for Commander-in-Chief"

Do they even listen to the words coming out of their mouths? Or like Daddy Love said, "Blackity, Black, Black."
Posted by Sandiai on August 1, 2012 at 3:58 PM · Report this
Noadi 48
@26 Please do not impugn cephalopods like that.
Posted by Noadi on August 1, 2012 at 10:27 PM · Report this
Will in Seattle 49
What @48 said, Don't Whale on the Whales!
Posted by Will in Seattle on August 3, 2012 at 12:33 PM · Report this
anarchy burger 50
whales? jesus Will, those aren't even in the same phylum.
Posted by anarchy burger on August 3, 2012 at 6:28 PM · Report this
The five sons thing is a thinly veiled claim that sons are better than daughters. It's an appeal to traditional families, the ones where girl children are next to useless. The ones where boys became leaders and girls became breeders. Which is actually pretty close to Mormon society. Fuck that.
Posted by wxPDX on August 4, 2012 at 8:30 AM · Report this
1. mr. mitt loves ben bernanke, so do his buddies
2. mr. mitt’s dedicated to the good fight against civil liberties, oh how he loves the patriot act, the ndaa, and torture
3. after an intensive cost-analysis, mr. mitt has decided that a 1 trillion dollar war on drugs over the past 40 years has been obtained at a bargain price for the pleasure of imposing his morals on others
4. mr. mitt always listens, he is listening to you right now, he is going to wire-tap your soul
5. mr. mitt is a world-class panderer, he would have got the gold, but its not in the winter olympics
6. mr. mitt is a fantastic drummer (syria, iran ... perpetual) and his distinguished military career has given him a deep understanding of and respect for the constitution
7. mr. mitt appreciates the national debt crisis, his answer: more military adventure spending
8. mr. mitt delights that a president now has the ability to engage in war without congressional authority
9. mr. mitt heard the rumor that the constitution was written on hemp, so feels exempt from reading it
10. mr. mitt is the status-quo, his talk of change means fiddling with the tax code and some programs, and total war
Posted by macebarlow on August 9, 2012 at 7:29 PM · Report this

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