Slog
News & ArtsSaturday, August 11, 2012
2012 The Most Important Slog Poll of All Time! Paul Ryan: Hot or Not?
Posted by Paul Constant on Sat, Aug 11, 2012 at 1:20 PM
We told you about the rumors that Paul Ryan was going to be Romney's VP pick. We scratched the surface of what the rumors mean. We watched Romney flub the Ryan-as-VP rollout. We looked closely at Ryan's record on Medicare. We dug deep into his record on everything else.
But now, it's time to address something I've been reading all over the internet. The words "Paul Ryan" and "handsome" (or "attractive") seem to often appear in close proximity. And I've gotta tell you, Slog: I'm not one of those straight guys who's all like, "I just don't understand how anybody could find—ugh—a guy attractive." I generally know when a man is hot or not. But I'm baffled by these claims that Paul Ryan is handsome. Please go look at his official, hi-res photograph and then vote in this, the most important Slog poll of our time.
3
He looks sorta like a muppet on that pic you link to from his website. That's really the best pic they could come up with?
4
Republicans have a tendency to be sort of odd-looking to begin with (Gingrich, Reagan, Hannity, Falwell, Coulter, Malkin, Gay Gal for Romney, Lord Basil, Seattleblahs, etc) and they are more critical of other people's appearance as well - especially women's appearances. So when they get someone even passably attractive on their side, it's a big thing for them, and they'll make the most of it.
(OTOH, they have odd standards. Remember how they tried to make Fred Thompson into every woman's fantasy? )
In any event, now that they've decided on two former Montgomery Wards catalog models, I'm sure we'll be hearing about how "hot" they are - both from the GOP men who grew up obsessing over their type when they appeared in the underwear pages of the catalog, and the GOP women who yearn for a little beefcake in their lives, having toiled under Pillsbury Dough Boys for decades.
(OTOH, they have odd standards. Remember how they tried to make Fred Thompson into every woman's fantasy? )
In any event, now that they've decided on two former Montgomery Wards catalog models, I'm sure we'll be hearing about how "hot" they are - both from the GOP men who grew up obsessing over their type when they appeared in the underwear pages of the catalog, and the GOP women who yearn for a little beefcake in their lives, having toiled under Pillsbury Dough Boys for decades.
5
@2: Not me. Even if I thought he was hot (which I don't), my rule is that I don't engage in activities that could lead to pregnancy with people who wouldn't support my decision to get an abortion. My vagina, my choice. ;-)
6
He reminds me of a young Ron Pearlman, only not in the grisly manly Sons of Anarchy hot kinda way. More in the freshly evolved homo Neanderthalus kinda way. He needs to get his eyebrows shaped, there is damage control that needs to be done on his brow line.
7
They said exactly the same thing about Dan Quayle in 1988.
I'm not one who can really pick out which men are truly hot and which are not. But I think, given Ryan's high profile for the past several years, that if he were all that, it would have made the news already. (Quayle has virtually invisible before Bush picked him.)
This is basically what the GOP thinks of women voters. They think that if a male candidate is attractive enough, women will just be too smitten to delve deeply into what he stands for. They don't respect women one bit.
I'm not one who can really pick out which men are truly hot and which are not. But I think, given Ryan's high profile for the past several years, that if he were all that, it would have made the news already. (Quayle has virtually invisible before Bush picked him.)
This is basically what the GOP thinks of women voters. They think that if a male candidate is attractive enough, women will just be too smitten to delve deeply into what he stands for. They don't respect women one bit.
8
You always put down too many damn choices on these polls. Even though they're dumb to begin with, the results are always pointless. Whats the point of even having them? Keep it simple.
9
Republicans are only good for kinky sex. The pent up sexual frustration coming from years of self-directed homophobia leads to years of porn consumption, blue balls, and a tendency for the wild stuff.
Sex with Democrats tends to be more tender and loving, and they make better LTR partners. But if what you are looking for is NSA, Olympic quality fucking involving devices, costumes, special kinds of furniture, well, the GOP has it in abundance. The state with the country's highest amount of online porn consumption? Utah. When Dems get busted, its for something so tame it's boring-like sexting or using a cigar. When Republicans get busted, its for public sex at an airport, getting high on meth with a prostitute, or hiring a DC madam to dress them up and spank them. HOT!
Paul Ryan, I've never fucked you. But I'll bet that when I do, it'll be the craziest batshit sex my dick has ever seen. Wooot!
Sex with Democrats tends to be more tender and loving, and they make better LTR partners. But if what you are looking for is NSA, Olympic quality fucking involving devices, costumes, special kinds of furniture, well, the GOP has it in abundance. The state with the country's highest amount of online porn consumption? Utah. When Dems get busted, its for something so tame it's boring-like sexting or using a cigar. When Republicans get busted, its for public sex at an airport, getting high on meth with a prostitute, or hiring a DC madam to dress them up and spank them. HOT!
Paul Ryan, I've never fucked you. But I'll bet that when I do, it'll be the craziest batshit sex my dick has ever seen. Wooot!
10
Fuckable if I was really drunk and hard up. But only worth fucking him in a parking lot and leaving him used up on the hood of his BMW.
13
5
that is very responsible.
it is certainly smart to make sure everyone is on board when you set out to commit murder.
loose ends are so messy......
that is very responsible.
it is certainly smart to make sure everyone is on board when you set out to commit murder.
loose ends are so messy......
14
#4 - sorry, but Michelle Malkin is definitely hot.
...and I guess I kind of always assumed that Paul Constant was gay. Was I wrong?
...and I guess I kind of always assumed that Paul Constant was gay. Was I wrong?
15
@14, Everyone at the Stranger is gay. Paul is, in fact, the gayest gay that ever gayed. He's so gay, that even mentioning his name turns you gay.
16
5
it is also very kind.
your babies are much much better off dead than raised by you.
they, and society at large, support and applaud your decision.....
it is also very kind.
your babies are much much better off dead than raised by you.
they, and society at large, support and applaud your decision.....
18
I don't like his hairline. There I said it.
I'm very embarrassed that my (original) home state keeps repeatedly sending this evildoer to Washington.
Wisconsin, I thought I knew ya!
I'm very embarrassed that my (original) home state keeps repeatedly sending this evildoer to Washington.
Wisconsin, I thought I knew ya!
19
After more years on this blue planet than I can normally count, I would like to share a piece of advice I think worthy here.
Don't stick your dick in crazy (plumbing may vary).
Don't stick your dick in crazy (plumbing may vary).
20
@13 - Oh wow! Thank you! Your crafty anonymous byline about the innocent blood of 900,000 murdered babies has caused me to change my way of thinking, and so now I'm against abortion as well. I know that deep down in your heart, you thought "If only I could change just one person's way of thinking, then all my self-fucking-righteousness will be worth it". So congrats! I'm your person! Your bringing up the spilled blood of those poooor, innocent little fetuses over and over has done some good for the world. You should be so proud!
21
@18
According to Ryan's Wikipedia page, the Democrats in his district sent the same candidate to be defeated by him more times than Darcy Burner has run for Congress.
According to Ryan's Wikipedia page, the Democrats in his district sent the same candidate to be defeated by him more times than Darcy Burner has run for Congress.
23
20
now now.....
spare us your indignant buttsore snark.
we meant every word of it.
there are things worse than being murdered by your parents.
namely,
depending on the kind of folks they are,
being raised by them.
we think Liberal abortion is a swell thing.
for Liberal's babies and for America.
please please promise us you will abort each and every baby that has the misfortune to be conceived by you....
now now.....
spare us your indignant buttsore snark.
we meant every word of it.
there are things worse than being murdered by your parents.
namely,
depending on the kind of folks they are,
being raised by them.
we think Liberal abortion is a swell thing.
for Liberal's babies and for America.
please please promise us you will abort each and every baby that has the misfortune to be conceived by you....
24
The troll is right - the more abortions, the better. Our planet cannot support many more people.
catsandbanjos, I will agree that Michelle Malkin is a lovely woman when her face is in repose. But too often, she looks like this.
http://www.hip-hopkings.com/wp-content/u…
Perhaps it's a medical affliction, in which case, you would think she'd get some help.
catsandbanjos, I will agree that Michelle Malkin is a lovely woman when her face is in repose. But too often, she looks like this.
http://www.hip-hopkings.com/wp-content/u…
Perhaps it's a medical affliction, in which case, you would think she'd get some help.
25
@13: You should indeed be grateful. If it wasn't for the blood of aborted fetuses, what would Ann Coulter have to bathe in to keep her looking so youthful since her days as Lady Bathory? Virgins aren't as easy to come by as they used to be.
26
I will confess that if I can set aside his abysmal politics, he is hot enough that I would gleefully grudge fuck him. It would not be pretty, and he would never admit to liking it better than I do.
Seriously, he's pretty good looking for his age. He has good hair for a middle-aged guy, a nice (if vacant) smile, and is in pretty decent shape for mid-40s. I totally get the attractive rep.
Fortunately for democrats, Barack Obama is WAY hotter. I would make sweet, sweet love with that man for hours. Mmm...
Seriously, he's pretty good looking for his age. He has good hair for a middle-aged guy, a nice (if vacant) smile, and is in pretty decent shape for mid-40s. I totally get the attractive rep.
Fortunately for democrats, Barack Obama is WAY hotter. I would make sweet, sweet love with that man for hours. Mmm...
28
@26 I dont think he's that good looking for his age. I'm about 5 years older than him and when I saw his picture I was sure he was old than me.
Also, I don't know if anyone else noticed it, but in the pictures I have seen his suits look a little too large. What kind of a ticket is it if the presidential candidate can't find a pair of jeans that fits properly and the vp candidate doesn't have a suit that fits?
Also, I don't know if anyone else noticed it, but in the pictures I have seen his suits look a little too large. What kind of a ticket is it if the presidential candidate can't find a pair of jeans that fits properly and the vp candidate doesn't have a suit that fits?
29
@troll One can make a factual argument that if it wasn't for legalized abortion, is tied to our historically low crime rates, that started one generation after Roe v Wade passed. Raise taxes to take care of the unloved and supported, or shut the fuck up.
@26 Consider yourself Slut Shamed (I kid).
Maybe it's just me, but Randians just don't seem like the GGG type.
@26 Consider yourself Slut Shamed (I kid).
Maybe it's just me, but Randians just don't seem like the GGG type.
31
29
you do kid, don't you....
you want Real America to pay more taxes to raise the filthy unwanted spawn of Liberals, when instead we can just let them murder their baybeeeez?
no thanks.
of course the crime rate went down when Liberals started slaughtering their filthy spawn. you could have seen that one coming a million miles away.
so here's the deal:
1-we will not raise taxes.
2-you can murder your children with impunity (and your homosexuals as well, if you want a cure for AIDS find it your fucking self....)
3-we will continue speaking The Inconvenient Truth.
K?
you do kid, don't you....
you want Real America to pay more taxes to raise the filthy unwanted spawn of Liberals, when instead we can just let them murder their baybeeeez?
no thanks.
of course the crime rate went down when Liberals started slaughtering their filthy spawn. you could have seen that one coming a million miles away.
so here's the deal:
1-we will not raise taxes.
2-you can murder your children with impunity (and your homosexuals as well, if you want a cure for AIDS find it your fucking self....)
3-we will continue speaking The Inconvenient Truth.
K?
33
It's the dark hair blue eyes thing. He's not conventionally attractive (kind of looks like his face was pressed against the glass and then got stuck that way) but for some reason that combo is always considered beautiful or handsome.
34
I wouldn't even notice him if he walked by. Totally unimpressive and rather dorky looking. OTOH, considering that beauty is only skin-deep and I know what's beneath HIS skin, I wouldn't touch him with rubber gloves.
35
i liked the poll in his '88 yearbook better; http://thedailywh.at/2012/08/11/yearbook…
yes he was voted "biggest brown noser" of the year...
yes he was voted "biggest brown noser" of the year...
37
+1 @1.
Hard to find someone attractive who isn't rational enough to support same-sex marriage, reproductive rights, etc.
Hard to find someone attractive who isn't rational enough to support same-sex marriage, reproductive rights, etc.
38
Addendum: He's reasonably handsome for someone his age, and handsomer than the average politician. But not hot. He's too clean-cut and generic, like a model from the Lands' End catalog who happens to be in politics.
39
@18 is on to something with the hairline. While a widow's-peak can be attractive, it's generally associated with the demonic.
...And that leads naturally to @30's winning meme, which has been noted previously.
...And that leads naturally to @30's winning meme, which has been noted previously.
42
What was that old line?
"He was attractive until he opened his mouth and started talking."
I do think it's amazing that, despite what Beavis and Butthead told me many years ago, you can indeed polish a turd.
"He was attractive until he opened his mouth and started talking."
I do think it's amazing that, despite what Beavis and Butthead told me many years ago, you can indeed polish a turd.
43
It's difficult to think of Eddie Munster as a sex object. An object of curiosity and some trepidation, yes. But doing the nasty with this guy? I don't think so.
47
@46, Sorry. Joe Fitzgibbon is the standard for HOT in politics. (someone insert obligatory picture of Joe Fitzgibbon)
48
Troll dear, the great thing about easy access to abortion is that a lot of your womenfolk - who, let's face it, really aren't that crazy about you - will be able to get rid of those extra burdens without you knowing.
Given that your gene pool doesn't have a deep end (which is fine, as long as your offspring doesn't take innocent people with them when they decide to go for the gold in a Darwinian sense) we can easily bring the population down.
Given that your gene pool doesn't have a deep end (which is fine, as long as your offspring doesn't take innocent people with them when they decide to go for the gold in a Darwinian sense) we can easily bring the population down.
49
didn't read all the comments, not sure if this term has come up yet: hate fuck. that is what I want to do to him. same thing i wanted to do to palin. when someone is borderline attractive, but is also kind of a despicable person politically, it makes them crazy dirty hot to me. maybe because it is "wrong". therefore, yes, absolutely, hate fuck. preferably with a huge dildo.
52
How is this pretty much the only comment thread up on the Slog right now that Gay Dude For Romney HASN'T weighed in on!?! I mean, I never really bought into the whole "he's a paid republican shill" conspiracy theory (and truth be told, I actually generally respect, though certainly don't agree with, his opinion on matters) but if there's one person who should qualify as any sort of "authority" on this issue it's gotta be him right??!!!
53
Mike,
the Dude is busy snorting meth in an airport bathroom with a prostitute he's paid to dress up like Santa Claus and spank him while he dangles from a leather harness tied to the bathroom ceiling.
in other words, it's your average Saturday night out for a Gay republican.
I'm certain he will post again after Church tomorrow. no doubt to scold us all for lusting after such an upright member of Congress.
the Dude is busy snorting meth in an airport bathroom with a prostitute he's paid to dress up like Santa Claus and spank him while he dangles from a leather harness tied to the bathroom ceiling.
in other words, it's your average Saturday night out for a Gay republican.
I'm certain he will post again after Church tomorrow. no doubt to scold us all for lusting after such an upright member of Congress.
54
Probably counts as "hot for politics" but I have to restrain myself from punching my computer screen whenever his face pops up. Then again I feel the same about Bradley Cooper and at least some people think he's the sexiest man alive (TM). "Condescending Asshat" just doesn't do it for me.
55
My knowledge of his agenda and my shame that he is from my state combine to color my impression of him negatively.
Even when I try to think about it objectively though... Obama is just way hotter.
Even when I try to think about it objectively though... Obama is just way hotter.
56
@45: Instead of knocking him up, could you maybe just knock some sense into him? That would be super.
59
@30 and @33 are both right.
Even intelligent women sometimes vote for a handsome man. Clinton, for instance.
Even intelligent women sometimes vote for a handsome man. Clinton, for instance.
61
Never ever thought Bill Clinton attractive, I just liked his intelligent liberalism and thought he'd be able to keep that big ego in check (ha!). I still like him pretty well, but attractive he is not (To me. Is he really attractive to some people?).
63
@52: I would consider Paul Ryan to be hot. Nice bod, nice eyes, strong chiseled nose and jaw. However, generally speaking, "technical beauty" (like Ryan) isn't my cup of tea anymore.
And, thanks for those other refreshing comments. Yes, I'm not a paid shrill. I always thought folks were saying it tongue-in-cheek, but I think some actually believe it!
@53: I suppose everyone would need meth to get horny enough to get it on with Santa in an airport bathroom as you described; but no, my Saturday nights are delightfully dull in comparison with highlights being hosting small dinner parties.
And, thanks for those other refreshing comments. Yes, I'm not a paid shrill. I always thought folks were saying it tongue-in-cheek, but I think some actually believe it!
@53: I suppose everyone would need meth to get horny enough to get it on with Santa in an airport bathroom as you described; but no, my Saturday nights are delightfully dull in comparison with highlights being hosting small dinner parties.
64
@64, imagine the thoughts that would flit through the heads of Money & Munster if invited by you to sit on your gay chairs and eat off your gay dishes.
66
Small "dinner parties" is but a euphemism for some of the GOP's edgier sex parties. We all know what you like to do when you get a Senator stretched out on a table with an apple shoved in his mouth.
70
He's weird-looking in an interesting, drawn-by-Brian-Froud way (maybe Ryan's a goblin changeling?). I can see how voters' genitals could be confused into a state of misdirected excitement.
71
@70,
I vote with my dick. I mean that literally. I use my erect penis to pull the curtain shut behind me, select the candidates of my choosing, and pull the lever to open the curtain after I leave. When voting in states that have voter ID laws, I use my penis to reach into my pocket and withdraw my wallet to present my driving license. I also sign my name in their silly little book with my erect penis.
I then spooge all over the poll workers and any observers that might be present that day. Sort of like offering someone an after-dinner mint, only not.
I vote with my dick. I mean that literally. I use my erect penis to pull the curtain shut behind me, select the candidates of my choosing, and pull the lever to open the curtain after I leave. When voting in states that have voter ID laws, I use my penis to reach into my pocket and withdraw my wallet to present my driving license. I also sign my name in their silly little book with my erect penis.
I then spooge all over the poll workers and any observers that might be present that day. Sort of like offering someone an after-dinner mint, only not.
74
Slog, I'm disappointed in you! 73 comments and not ONE mention of how disproportionate his teeny tiny head is to the rest of his body???? Seriously??? That creeps me out too much to notice anything else.
76
I don't care about such a major ground-breaking issue like the hotness of Paul Ryan. I'm more interested in aborting babies of conservatives. That's hot!!
80
14, 24, re: Michelle Malkin. I think the complaint is the fakeness that seems to surround all conservatives. She certainly has the potential to be attractive, but every picture I could find of her all I could think was "those veneers are too big for her mouth" and "damn, did she buy out Rite-Aid's makeup supplies?" It looks to me like if she put down the blusher and opted for a slightly-more-realistic fake smile (I'm not one to judge too harshly, I have fake teeth...of course that's because I broke my real ones) she'd be really attractive, and in an approachable way, even! As it stands, she's like a mildly-ethnic stepford wife.
And, of course, that's how conservatives LIKE their women. The amount of bleach sold to the wives of republican candidates probably keeps L'Oreal in business.
And, of course, that's how conservatives LIKE their women. The amount of bleach sold to the wives of republican candidates probably keeps L'Oreal in business.
83
Gross, he looks like a doofy lookin' pissy pants weasel. Besides, guys that look like that always have a very hairy asshole and stinkin' rotten taint. He needs a cheek lift and to lose that ugly side part in the hair. I'm also pickin' up some child molester tendancies with him...give it a couple more years.
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