Paul's Still Braving the Convention: He's got all your election/convention/Florida news right here!

I Will Say One Thing: "A member of Mitt Romney's Secret Service detail was removed today from a campaign trip after she accidentally left her firearm unattended in the candidate's charter plane bathroom." A reporter found it. Whoops!

Hurricane Isaac Finally Left New Orleans: And it's expected to weaken to a tropical depression. Sounds sad. :( Oh, and now gas prices are going up, too.

Speaking of Scary Weather: A boat lost during the Japan Tsunami has washed up in Canada.

The Paralympics Have Begun!: This year's games (held in London) will host the largest number of athletes since being founded in 1960—there are 4,280 competitors representing 164 nations.

The Good News Is People Still Read Books: The bad news is the new book, No Easy Day, gives a first-person account of the raid that killed Osama bin Laden, and it contradicts what Obama's administration reported (it claims he was unarmed when shot, but whatever—part of the reason he was being shot was for that time he WAS armed with motherfucking airplanes).

New Virus Alert: It's called the Heartland virus, and two farmers in Missouri got it after being bitten by ticks.

McGinn Hopes to Eliminate Traffic-Related Deaths: His goal is no deaths or serious injuries by 2030.

MARY! Look! DINOSAUR NEWS!: Researches found a last meal in the tummy of the fuzzy dinosaur.