Slog Music

Music, Nightlife,
and Drinks

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Frozen "Macaroni & Cheese" Pizza: Why? WHY? WHYYYY???

Posted by on Wed, Sep 19, 2012 at 1:18 PM

I was in the grocery store, and then I saw this:


A few observations:
2) It's more than "GROSS," it's an affront to humanity.
3) Wait... just so we're on the same page here... this is a pizza. But instead of toppings, it's covered with macaroni & cheese—THAT'S BEEN FROZEN.
4) I just... I just don't...
5) Why does Tony's hate the world so much? Say what you will about Hitler, at least he didn't hate everybody. Tony's hates EVERYBODY.
6) BTW, my intention is not to belittle the experience of those who went through the Holocaust... just to be clear, this Tony's "Macaroni & Cheese" pizza is NOT worse than the Holocaust. However, it is worse than anything that happened in Darfur.
7) But let's put aside that this pizza is the edible equivalent to the human centipede. It's the upper right hand corner that's most infuriating of all. "New Square Shape Fills the Box." WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY, TONY?? Are you trying to say that there's more of this abysmally horrid pizza for those of us who are interested in DEATH? Or are you trying to tell us that a square pizza somehow reduces excess packaging, and that you are actually doing something worthwhile for the planet? EVEN WHILE YOU TRY TO PASS OFF A MACARONI & CHEESE PIZZA AS "FOOD"?


Comments (29) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
ArtBasketSara 1
No poll?
Posted by ArtBasketSara on September 19, 2012 at 1:30 PM · Report this
MacCrocodile 2
Hey, my grandmother lived through square pizzas in the forties. How dare you.
Posted by MacCrocodile on September 19, 2012 at 1:34 PM · Report this
mrbarky 3
Hmmm, is it really that much worse than the kind that you empty the orange powder in and glop a half a stick of butter? Also, nobody actually eat's Tony's pizza. I mean seriously, that's like those Banquet Fried Pigeon TV dinners.
Posted by mrbarky on September 19, 2012 at 1:36 PM · Report this
bleedingheartlibertarian 4 was it?
Posted by bleedingheartlibertarian on September 19, 2012 at 1:38 PM · Report this
internet_jen 5
two starches, one entree? no thanks.
Posted by internet_jen on September 19, 2012 at 1:38 PM · Report this
Hey, things are bad enough in Darfur without making comparisons like this.
Posted by Brooklyn Reader on September 19, 2012 at 1:38 PM · Report this
Big Matt G 7
On the plus side, the pizza-like substance is only $1.99!
Posted by Big Matt G on September 19, 2012 at 1:39 PM · Report this
that is the Homer Simpson pizza
Posted by neoanderthal on September 19, 2012 at 1:45 PM · Report this
Zebes 9
These are nasty, but processed pig anuses and raccoon elbows in a sausage tube? That's an American Tradition!
Posted by Zebes on September 19, 2012 at 1:46 PM · Report this
Posted by Jamie in Pittsburgh on September 19, 2012 at 1:47 PM · Report this
Urgutha Forka 11
When was the last time you really took a look around the grocery store?

It's marketed at parents who don't want to cook real food for their kids and also don't want to fight with them over every meal.

Kids will love this gross thing. Kids want plain cheese pizza and boring mac & cheese, this is perfect for them (and by "perfect" I mean, they'll love it... not "perfect" as in "healthy" which I suspect this thing is not even close to being).
Posted by Urgutha Forka on September 19, 2012 at 1:48 PM · Report this
Hmm. I get the feeling that living off of frozen pizza and microwavable mac-and-cheese for like 5 years had something to do with the development of this product (aahhh, college -- now I have a stomach ache just thinking about it).
Posted by Swearengen on September 19, 2012 at 1:51 PM · Report this
MacCrocodile 13
@9 - Actually, if you put some chopped-up pig anuses and raccoon elbows on this pizza, you'd almost have an edible product.
Posted by MacCrocodile on September 19, 2012 at 1:55 PM · Report this
stinkbug 14
Pizza Pi has offered a (vegan) Mac & Cheese (and Ham) pizza for years now during Pi days in March. It rocks.
Posted by stinkbug on September 19, 2012 at 1:56 PM · Report this
Kinison 15
Maybe it will sell well in Ireland. My sister ships my nephew in Dingle a few boxes of Mac n Cheese, they dont even have a generic version of that.
Posted by Kinison on September 19, 2012 at 1:57 PM · Report this
@7 Now that I think about it, what is the definition of "pizza," anyway? How can you tell if something is like a pizza?

I'm kinda reticent to leave out the whole parmigiana topping thing from the definition, which would just leave it as pretty much anything on, in or near a crust. I mean, how can you tell if something is a pizza, or a gyro, or a pancake, or a steak and kidney pie, or for that matter, a bagel?
Posted by Brooklyn Reader on September 19, 2012 at 1:59 PM · Report this
They stole it from the Domino's affront to human waistlines:…
Posted by fuddy on September 19, 2012 at 2:01 PM · Report this
Big Matt G 18
@16 "I knows it when I sees it."?
Posted by Big Matt G on September 19, 2012 at 2:02 PM · Report this
very bad homo 19
I had a fresh slice of Mac & Cheese pizza in NYC two years ago, and it was delicious. I probably wouldn't buy the frozen variety though.
Posted by very bad homo on September 19, 2012 at 2:10 PM · Report this
ItsAllOverNow 20
Zayda Buddies in Ballard has had one of these for years too.
Posted by ItsAllOverNow on September 19, 2012 at 2:14 PM · Report this
@15 I'm not sure about Ireland, but in England, mac 'n cheese is sold as "Kraft Dinner," and has been for decades. Same shape and color box, same picture, different words. I'd be shocked if it wasn't available in Ireland, too.
Posted by Brooklyn Reader on September 19, 2012 at 2:15 PM · Report this
Macaroni and cheese pizza was a frequent offering in my college dining hall. Whenever there was left over macaroni and cheese they would throw it on a pizza for lunch the next day.
Posted by swankylemming on September 19, 2012 at 2:22 PM · Report this
Dear Hump:

I take exception to the gravamen of particular # 3, to wit that:

It's covered with macaroni & cheese—THAT'S BEEN FROZEN.

Have you ever had Trader Joe's frozen macaroni and cheese? It's fucking delicious. It's more fucking delicious than any other macaroni and cheese I have ever eaten. So let's just strike that bit of superfluous nonsense from your diatribe, why don't we?

As for the rest of it, no objection from me (and I lost half of my ancestors in the Holocaust!). I'd rather try the corn-and-squid pizza at a Japanese stadium concession stand than put this fluorescent orange abomination into my mouth.
Posted by PCM on September 19, 2012 at 2:37 PM · Report this
sheepsclothing 25
I'd hit it...I mean eat it...
Posted by sheepsclothing on September 19, 2012 at 3:05 PM · Report this
They call it Kraft Dinner in Canadia too.

I'm pretty sure that the boxed dried stuff REQUIRES margarine and that if you put real butter in it, the real butter automatically curdles and is spoiled.
Posted by Mike Friedman on September 19, 2012 at 4:08 PM · Report this
Simone 27
At sights like this I'm glad I'm wheat/gluten intolerant.
Posted by Simone on September 19, 2012 at 4:22 PM · Report this
Andy 28
I'd eat something like that if it were cooked from scratch.
Posted by Andy on September 19, 2012 at 4:42 PM · Report this
stirwise 29
@24: WORD. That said, this probably isn't the same caliber of mac & cheese, and frozen pizza is rarely decent, let alone good. So two strikes against, methinks.
Those that say "fresh" mac & cheese pizza is tasty I will believe, however.
Posted by stirwise on September 19, 2012 at 6:14 PM · Report this
So don't eat it. What's the big deal?
Posted by I have always been... east coaster on September 20, 2012 at 5:41 PM · Report this

Add a comment

Commenting on this item is available only to registered commenters.

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC
1535 11th Ave (Third Floor), Seattle, WA 98122
Contact | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy