Downtown Ride-Free Zone Ends Saturday: No surprise, poor people will be hit hardest by the change. Members of Seattle's Transit Riders Union are planning a funeral march to mourn its demise on the 28th.

First Degree Murder Charges: Brought against Dinh Bowman for the late August shooting death of Yancy Noll. Dinh is accused of pulling his silver BMW alongside Noll's vehicle at a stoplight and shooting the 43-year-old three times in the head.

The Moral Abyss: Iranian ministers are scheming new ways to get young people married, lest they lose their way down the pious path and remain hot, loose, and single forever.

The Moral Abyss II, AKA Put a Dick in Her: A Hong Kong tycoon is offering a $65 million marriage bounty to any man who can tame the wild heart of his freshly married lesbian daughter.

Good News for the Family! Scientists have unlocked the secrets of the Squid from Hell.

Sex and Voting: Yesterday was National Voter Registration Day (REGISTER GODDAMMIT) and today is World Contraception Day! Go read why stuffing half a lemon or weasel testicles up your vagina isn't as effective as a plain ol' condom. What a fun week we're having!

Fecal Transplant Saves Woman's Life: "I've been so happy," said 20-year-old transplantee, Kaitlin Hunter. "I'm cured."

Building a Funeral Pyre on Moon River: Eighty-four-year-old crooner Andy Williams is dead.

"A 32-ounce soda at McDonald's is called a large soda, but the same drink at Wendy's is called a medium": A study in how food and clothing labels affect how much we eat and wear.

Serial Rape Suspect Arrested: A Seattle litigator named Danford D. Grant has been arrested on suspicion of assaulting multiple women at knife point. His first court appearance is today.

And finally, are you afraid of heights? Me too! Let's watch this video on free-climbing radio towers and die a little inside, together: