McGinn Makes Peace with the Seattle Weekly: Mayor Mike McGinn says city departments can resume advertising in its pages now that the paper's new parent company has separated from, the Cayman Islands of child prostitution.

And Now a Little Something for the Kiddies: McGinn also wants to trade developers building height for an elementary school in our kid-free downtown.

Well Fuck, Jim McMahon, Can I Buy You a Beer? "Ex-QB Jim McMahon has early dementia, wishes he'd played baseball."

Listen Up, GOP Feminists (?): It's time you rise up like a swelling tide of lilac-scented fury and take back the Republican Party, says Gloria Steinem. (And then burn it on college campuses throughout the country.)

Battling the Army's Suicide Problem: This year we've lost about one soldier a day to suicide, on average—more than we've lost through combat.

Free Speech Is for Suckers, Hoss: Egypt's new president, Mohamed Morsi, rejects Obama's calls for broader free speech rights, instead urging the U.N. to crack down on religious defamation.

$1 Million and a Personal, Hand-Written Apology: That's what a group of 21 UC Davis students are entitled to after being pepper sprayed by campus security while participating in a peaceful campus protest last November. Money is grand, but good goddamn! personal hand-written apologies are more precious than baby livers on the black market.

Cinching the Girdle: Spain embraces mooooar austerity cuts—$39 billion euros worth—amidst protests, a deepening recession, and 25 percent unemployment rate. Perhaps they are hoping to starve away their problems?

Snapping the Girdle: Greek protestors are marching 200,000 strong on their parliament to oppose new wage and pension cuts.

Got Your Nose Drug Lord: The Mexican Navy has captured a top Zeta drug cartel leader known as "El Taliban."

Teen Jailbreakers Charged: After escaping from Echo Glen juvenile detention center last Saturday. Three of the teens could be charged as adults for assault during the breakout.

Man Sentenced for Killing His Genie Wife: A UK man was sentenced to life in prison after killing his wife during an exorcism gone awry, because he maybe thought she had a genie in her. Sigh. If only he'd rubbed her and wished hard, things could've turned out better.

And finally, let's take our relationship to the next level, Slog, with a little Sex House, courtesy of the Onion: