In case you aren't in possession of a Revenge-y advent calendar filled with tiny-yet-practical weapons for the modern woman—sharpened carpenter nails, sharpened wine bottle openers, cans of lipstick duct taped to cans of mace (and then sharpened)—I'm here to tell you that the season 2 premier of Revenge debuts THIS SUNDAY:

SQUEEEEEE! I'm criss-crossing my legs every 30 seconds to keep from PMPing*!!!

Any hopes or predictions for Season 2? Personally, I hope lonely billionaire Nolan Ross's heterosexuality is awakened by the volumes of erotic fan-fic I've been writing on the Internets and he invites me to live in his glass castle filled with tasteful whale art, where we can bicker over who owns the cutest collection of sweater vests for the next 50 years. But I'm predicting that won't happen.

I also predict that fake Amanda Clark gives birth to a bottle of Jack and that Victoria Grayson will RISE AGAIN. FROM THE DEAD, if need be! She can't be dead—Emily Thorne and I would miss her elegantly cruel, puffy face much too much.

Revenge simply isn't Revenge without a woman like Vicky.

*Pee my pantsing.