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Tuesday, October 2, 2012

The Other Other White Meat

Posted by on Tue, Oct 2, 2012 at 4:06 PM

Oregon farmer Terry Vance Garner, 69, never returned from feeding his hogs last week on his Coos County farm:

A family member found Garner's dentures and pieces of his body in the hog enclosure several hours later, but most of his remains had been consumed, District Attorney Paul Frasier said. Several of the hogs weighed 700 pounds or more.

Garner was "a good-hearted guy," said his brother, Michael Garner, 75. Deliciously-hearted too, apparently.

"Those animals were his life," Michael Garner said. Yeah... um...

I know I shouldn't laugh at something so tragic and horrific, but it's hard to resist the irony. Pigs are the only common Western farm animal that serves no other purpose but to be eaten. (Fowl can be raised for their eggs, cows, sheep and goats for their milk, sheep for their wool, draft animals for their labor.) Pigs are also believed to be the most intelligent farm animal, and the only one that occasionally kills and eats its master.

But mmmmm.... bacon!

 

Comments (36) RSS

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Posted by Emily on October 2, 2012 at 4:13 PM · Report this
2
Cue pleased vegan right abouuuuuuut... Now.
Posted by NateMan on October 2, 2012 at 4:14 PM · Report this
3
In Soviet Oregon, bacon eats YOU!!
Posted by Hanoumatoi on October 2, 2012 at 4:21 PM · Report this
4
“Be Wary of any man who owns a pig farm”
-Brick Top
Posted by Jonathank5 on October 2, 2012 at 4:24 PM · Report this
Urgutha Forka 5
That's why I can't be a vegetarian... we've gotta eat them before they eat us!
Posted by Urgutha Forka on October 2, 2012 at 4:26 PM · Report this
knobtheunicorn 6
Ummm, this is tasteless?
Posted by knobtheunicorn on October 2, 2012 at 4:27 PM · Report this
7
Isn't this common farm knowledge lo, these thousands of years, alongside how to grow beans and tomatoes and whatnot?
Posted by gloomy gus on October 2, 2012 at 4:27 PM · Report this
mkyorai 8
@6 nope. Pork chops are delicious.
Posted by mkyorai on October 2, 2012 at 4:41 PM · Report this
9
"Soylent Pink is people!"
Posted by SuperSteve on October 2, 2012 at 4:46 PM · Report this
long-time reader 10
@6, yes. Yes, it is.
Posted by long-time reader on October 2, 2012 at 4:46 PM · Report this
11
Flashbacks of Deadwood.
Posted by pony on October 2, 2012 at 4:46 PM · Report this
Sir Vic 12
@4 And gypsy boxers.

This is why last week's "bacon shortage" hoax was so funny. Pig feed is becoming more expensive, ergo, pork prices will rise.
Um, maybe pig farmers can find something else for their herd to eat, like .... ANYTHING!
Posted by Sir Vic on October 2, 2012 at 4:54 PM · Report this
13
Reminds me of this great scene from the movie Snatch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBvCPTK1M…
Posted by I Got Nuthin' on October 2, 2012 at 5:07 PM · Report this
Gern Blanston 14
Those pigs will soon get theirs...
Posted by Gern Blanston on October 2, 2012 at 5:09 PM · Report this
15
Pigs serve no purpose but to be eaten? You're such a dumbass, Goldy. Pigs are the best land clearers in the animal kingdom, and they have been used for that purpose since they were first domesticated.
Posted by City people are so fucking dumb on October 2, 2012 at 5:24 PM · Report this
16
"Pigs are also believed to be the most intelligent farm animal, and the only one that occasionally kills and eats its master."

Correction: There appears to be no evidence that the pigs killed him. They may have just eaten him. A retraction may be in order here. Don't want you to get suuuuu-eeeeed.
Posted by stating the obvious on October 2, 2012 at 5:32 PM · Report this
17
His poor family. Hoe do you have a funeral for a pair of dentures? If he has grandkids, they'd better get used to being tormented by their peers. (Cue lunchroom bullies):
"These hushpuppies are gross!"
"Yeah, I think they made 'em from Garner's grandpa. Hey Garner, wanna bite?"
Posted by Joe Glibmoron on October 2, 2012 at 5:32 PM · Report this
Sandiai 18
@7. Yes. Yes it is. We kids and teenagers were never allowed in my grandma's pig's pen, because, as she described the pig, it was, "a kid-killer." I don't know about actual killing, but the damn thing would try to take a bite out of you like you were food, which is scary enough.

I know pigs will eat any kind of table scraps, but they're still expensive to fee. They also need a high-calorie diet in order to put on weight. Grains at a minimum. That's why their commercial chow is a kind of rich oatmeal containing corn and meat. Free-range pigs mostly eat high-calorie nuts, like chestnuts and acorns, yet they still need their diet supplemented by the farmer. Compare that to cattle, who can prosper on the cheapest of feed: grass.
Posted by Sandiai on October 2, 2012 at 5:36 PM · Report this
Sandiai 19
doh! feed.
Posted by Sandiai on October 2, 2012 at 5:37 PM · Report this
20
Love the quote from the district attorney. Well-phrased...
"For all we know, it was a horrific accident, but it’s so doggone weird that we have to look at all possibilities."
Posted by Nitidiuscula on October 2, 2012 at 5:46 PM · Report this
Max Solomon 21
port coquitlam trumps this horror
Posted by Max Solomon on October 2, 2012 at 6:39 PM · Report this
22
Humans are part of the food chain just like every other animal and plant on earth, and all of nature is red of tooth and claw, besides you really don’t want to know what I learned about cod back in my commercial fishing days
Posted by Merchant Seaman on October 2, 2012 at 7:00 PM · Report this
thatsnotright 23
During the Civil War when people lived in hunger because the war disrupted planting and destroyed crops in the field, many people refused to eat pork because it was well known that feral pigs feasted upon the corpses of falle soldiers. There may well be very graphic reasons why early semitic people chose to include a ban on pork eating while creating their theology.
Posted by thatsnotright on October 2, 2012 at 8:54 PM · Report this
venomlash 24
@15: "Pigs are the best land clearers in the animal kingdom"
Some elephants would like to have a word with you.
Posted by venomlash on October 2, 2012 at 9:56 PM · Report this
rob! 25
Oh, you're a sly one, @21.
Posted by rob! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZBdUceCL5U on October 2, 2012 at 9:57 PM · Report this
26
#22, I want to know. And tell me, are black cod as badass as I suspect?
Posted by Mister G on October 2, 2012 at 10:00 PM · Report this
27
In so far as pigs have "no purpose" beyond meat. In old school farming methods they're used to turn over and mix soil. They become an integral part of proper land management. More over their self reliance makes them one of the best animals to raise from a subsistence point of view. If your options are work all day to make cows, sheep, or goats produce less food than you need; or grab a couple pigs and leave them to their own devices. You're going to go with pigs. Pork was one of the two things that kept my own family alive during the Irish famines.
Posted by Ryuthrowstuff on October 2, 2012 at 11:27 PM · Report this
28
"I know I shouldn't laugh at something so tragic and horrific ..." So don't.
Posted by yuiop on October 3, 2012 at 12:34 AM · Report this
29
As #28 said, next time try a little harder to "resist the irony." This stuff just makes you look bad.
Posted by cool on October 3, 2012 at 2:05 AM · Report this
30
At least we've found a solution to the bacon shortage.
Posted by MemeGene on October 3, 2012 at 4:30 AM · Report this
Rob in Baltimore 31
Troy: ...in nature, one creature invariably
eats another creature to survive.
[Images of various wild carnivores attacking and eating
others appear.]
Don't kid yourself Jimmy. If a pig ever got the chance,
he'd eat you and everyone you care about!
Posted by Rob in Baltimore http://www.wishbookweb.com/ on October 3, 2012 at 6:37 AM · Report this
32
@6, 28, 29 FTW. Goldy, STFU. A man died, asshole. Let's start (and end) there.
Posted by Centrists Rule the World today on October 3, 2012 at 9:06 AM · Report this
33
I'm surprised no pointed this out. Since when did China become the west? They eat a shit ton of pork and have been doing before the West was thing. You know like 5,000 years ago.
Posted by CbytheSea on October 3, 2012 at 10:13 AM · Report this
34
@18, correction, please ....

It's not simply "grass" anymore, but "Monsanto GMO-compromised grass" ....
Posted by sgt_doom on October 3, 2012 at 10:22 AM · Report this
35
Wasn't pig eats man in one of those Hannibal movies? Creepy.
Posted by Patricia Kayden on October 3, 2012 at 11:54 AM · Report this
knobtheunicorn 36
@32 While Goldy's post did make me cringe and yeah it was a in bad taste, I suppose, I'd feel remiss in not admitting that I was trying to bank a joke off of his bad taste hence the question mark after "tasteless". Because y'know pigs taste good and apparently they feel the same way about us and I was anticipating the disapproval of...oh never mind. I apologize.
Posted by knobtheunicorn on October 3, 2012 at 4:51 PM · Report this

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