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Thursday, October 4, 2012

McKenna Love Letter of the Day

Posted by on Thu, Oct 4, 2012 at 1:27 PM

Rob McKenna didn't write this.

The prospect of writing today's "Savage Love Letter of the Day" gave me pause. But some younger members of my staff convinced me to play along. While Mr. Savage has made several large campaign donations to my opponent, and while that is one of the reasons I've declined to speak with any of the "reporters" on the staff of his newspaper, I must say that I respect the what Mr. Savage has accomplished with his advice column. Mr. Savage found a way to monetize both his penchant for profanity and his appalling sexual "ethics." And while I don't think Mr. Savage should be able to legally marry in Washington state, and while I believe that what Mr. Savage did to my good friend Rick Santorum was in bad taste, I do appreciate Mr. Savage's contributions to our local economy in the form of property and business tax revenues.

Mr. Savage was kind enough to send me a few softball questions from his "Savage Love" email account. My apologies in advance to readers who were hoping to get a response from Mr. Savage himself.

So I want to buy my girl some nice lingerie, but it's obviously a death wish to buy some and if it winds up being the wrong size. Snooping around to find out her sizes just seems creepy. How do I solve this dilemma? I've asked and she won't tell me. She just laughs it off.—Panty Chaser

I had a similar dispute with my wife a few years ago. Perhaps it's an overstatement to call it a "dispute." It was more of a disconnect. I surprised the wife with some lingerie that I had purchased for her and she professed delight when she opened the package. But time went by and she never wore the lingerie. As it turned out my tastes didn't quite "align" with her own. (And we will leave it at that.) But I solved that problem by purchasing her a gift certificate. She selected lingerie that appealed to her and all was and remains well. Perhaps your girlfriend is reluctant to share her sizes with you because, as was the case in my relationship, your significant other does not share your precise taste in frilly undergarments. I would advise you to go the gift certificate route.

Let's make this really simple: I am a gay male and I want to know how to tell my boyfriend without weirding him out that I have a foot fetish.—Boy's Foot Fetishist

Consider the sexual activities that homosexual men not only engage in routinely, BFF, but seem to regard as grimly "vanilla." I speak of anal intercourse, oral intercourse, and oral-anal contact, three sex acts considered quite shocking by most of the heterosexuals that I personally know. (You can call them prudes and squares, if you like, but I prefer to call them hardworking mainstream Americans.) As your boyfriend is presumably accustomed to placing his tongue on your anus, and as doing so somehow fails to "weird him out," I can't see why he would object to placing his tongue on your foot, BFF. Okay, I only have time for one more (I am running for governor)...

My fuck-buddy made out with another one of my friends. I'm fine with the fuck-buddy making out with (or doing whatever else with) whomever she wants, as long as they're not my friends. In any case, my question isn't about the fuck-buddy. I'm not sure how to feel about the other friend. Is there a standing rule of friendship that any active, sexual relationship a person has with your friend renders that person off-limits without the express consent of your friend? Effectively, Dick and Jane are fuck-buddies; Jane is hot; Dick's your friend. Is Jane up for grabs?—Disappointed In Comrades Kissing

If you would like sexual exclusive rights to Jane—or your "f***buddy," as you so delicately put it—you should consider making and honoring a lifelong commitment to her. A lifelong monogamous commitment. Absent that sort of commitment, DICK, you have no right to place restrictions on who else your f*** buddy f***s.

That was easier than I thought it would be. If I don't win the election—and I plan on winning this election—I may start an advice column of my own.


Comments (34) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
no mas, por fa-fucking-vor.
Posted by gloomy gus on October 4, 2012 at 1:31 PM · Report this
eastcoastreader 2
OK, maybe I'm slow, but this has got to be a joke, right?
Posted by eastcoastreader on October 4, 2012 at 1:35 PM · Report this
Still doing this, huh guys? Fuck it, I'm out.
Posted by johnjjeeves on October 4, 2012 at 1:39 PM · Report this
I for one find all of this hilarious, including the increasingly outraged comments inter-sprinkled with total whooshes, and hope it keeps up all day.
Posted by JenV on October 4, 2012 at 1:39 PM · Report this
At least we got a new SLOTTD out of this Stranger mindfucked day.
Posted by SeattleKim on October 4, 2012 at 1:44 PM · Report this
dnt trust me 6
Hello? This our Declaration of Independence Day. We can say whatever we want day. We don't need mom and pop providing their invented guidance. What do you want to talk about? How about the Brevik trial in Norway?
Posted by dnt trust me on October 4, 2012 at 1:45 PM · Report this
yelahneb 7
What the goddamn. Ok guys, I give up - I'll check back tomorrow when this is (hopefully) over.
Posted by yelahneb on October 4, 2012 at 1:45 PM · Report this
Yeah. I'm with you on that. Ciao all!
Posted by fairly.unbalanced on October 4, 2012 at 1:47 PM · Report this
Urgutha Forka 9
I disagree *slightly* with the last one, the fuckbuddy one.

I think it's acceptable for the guy to ask his fuckgirlfriend to not do anything with his friends. The fuckgirlfriend can say she's going to anyway, or ignore him, but he can at least ask her. And tell her if she does do his friends, he's done with her.

It's just communication. Ask her and go from there.
Posted by Urgutha Forka on October 4, 2012 at 1:48 PM · Report this
Rob McKenna - Governor?
Rob McKenna - Sex Columnist?

I'll go with Sex Columnist, he'll ruin less lives.

But seriously, stop it. Is everyone on "The Stranger" doing shots today?

October 4, not April 1.
Posted by Bugnroolet on October 4, 2012 at 1:48 PM · Report this
Teslick 11
I realize the phrase "jump the shark" has jumped the shark, but you guys have really jumped the shark.
Posted by Teslick on October 4, 2012 at 1:50 PM · Report this
Whoa! I haven't been checking in regularly because of the hiatus, but this is kind of wild...glad I took a look!
Posted by knkycva on October 4, 2012 at 1:51 PM · Report this
Posted by kaz on October 4, 2012 at 1:54 PM · Report this
Oral sex is pretty damn mainstream, dude
Posted by bigdman on October 4, 2012 at 2:03 PM · Report this
Matt from Denver 15
@ 4, it was starting to get old, but I agree, all the confused anger from the regulars keeps giving it life.
Posted by Matt from Denver on October 4, 2012 at 2:04 PM · Report this
Theodore Gorath 16
@4: Total agreement. I think the repeated angry comments are awesome (is someone forcing you to read?), the way-too-late whooshes are really showing who the true dumbasses are (I will admit I was clueless for the first two posts for about ten minutes), and the demands commenters are making for it to stop are hilariously impotent.

Still looking forward to what everyone had to say about the debate though. This was probably the "we're all a bit hungover from the debate party" plan.
Posted by Theodore Gorath on October 4, 2012 at 2:05 PM · Report this
Saying the phrase "jump the shark" has jumped the shark has motherfucking jumped the shark....
Posted by _db_ on October 4, 2012 at 2:14 PM · Report this
Gay Dude for Romney 18
It is a joke, says the Seattle Times.
Posted by Gay Dude for Romney on October 4, 2012 at 2:14 PM · Report this
thelyamhound 19
I've got to hand it to you guys--you're going with it, despite the fact that not one SLOG visitor is the least bit amused.

Even a foolish tenacity is worth of some respect.
Posted by thelyamhound on October 4, 2012 at 2:17 PM · Report this
Will in Seattle 20
Correction, @18 is a joke, as is the Suburban Times.

You do know ST is a parody, right?
Posted by Will in Seattle on October 4, 2012 at 2:20 PM · Report this
@19 I am very fucking amused.....
Posted by _db_ on October 4, 2012 at 2:26 PM · Report this
err... first i was gonna comment seriously, but then it seemed like everyone was into shark-fucking jokes, but then i thought there was another joke that i was missing...

so i'm just going to write "fuck" "santorum" and "toe licking" a lot.


santorum toe licking

toe licking fuck

fuck toe licking

fuck fuck fuck

Posted by PinkieB on October 4, 2012 at 2:30 PM · Report this
I'm having a hard time understanding why anyone would NOT want to read the thoughts of the other side. Know your enemy.
Posted by stuffandthings on October 4, 2012 at 2:40 PM · Report this
@18 and your point?

The Stanger's staff is having a bit of fun both with Rob McKenna and it's readers. Good for them.
Posted by Machiavelli was framed on October 4, 2012 at 2:47 PM · Report this
Grrr 25
This totally reminds me of a Neil Hamburger stand-up routine. Especially the part where the audience gets increasingly irritated.
Posted by Grrr on October 4, 2012 at 2:53 PM · Report this
@16 I was also fooled by the first couple posts. I honestly thought it'd be really ballsy of the guy to want to interact with people who clearly don't like him. That said, I still feel like an idiot having wasted brain cells. Sadly, each post is getting less funny as the day progresses. Oh well, here's hoping Eyeman gets to do a guest appearance.
Posted by CbytheSea on October 4, 2012 at 3:02 PM · Report this
stirwise 27
@19: Who has two thumbs and IS amused? This guy! (I am pointing my thumbs towards my own chest). So, at least one visitor is amused. You may carry on with whatever it is you do all day now.
Posted by stirwise on October 4, 2012 at 3:07 PM · Report this
ArtBasketSara 28
I am also amused...especially by whistle-blower GDforR.
Posted by ArtBasketSara on October 4, 2012 at 3:21 PM · Report this
@19: count me as another regular who is highly amused. I find it hysterical.
Posted by gnossos on October 4, 2012 at 3:59 PM · Report this
Big Matt G 30
It was funny. It went on and stopped being funny. It went on longer and now it's funny again!

Sing along with me, People: "Kristin Schall is a horse!"…
Posted by Big Matt G on October 4, 2012 at 4:10 PM · Report this
@28 that has been the best part.
Posted by CbytheSea on October 4, 2012 at 4:36 PM · Report this
Occupy Seattle 32
Rob My-Koch-enna,
Here's a question you can ask Dan Savage: "I haven't had sex in 10 years. My wife seems to think that it is a problem. But my robot friends assure me that once adequate number of offspring have been born, sex is no longer necessary. I am confused. Is sex a prerequisite to become a Governor? No one ever said it was. But then, I think that maybe I can win over more women votes if I started having sex again. Advice much appreciated, before November."
Posted by Occupy Seattle on October 4, 2012 at 5:32 PM · Report this
Sandiai 33
@28 and @31. I know, right?

Posted by Sandiai on October 4, 2012 at 8:20 PM · Report this
I really think "square," as a slang term, needs to come back into common usage. There's just no other word that means quite what "square" means.
Posted by ChaosRocket on October 8, 2012 at 4:38 PM · Report this

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