I'm on hiatus while working on a manuscript for a new book. In the meantime, please enjoy these classic Savage Love letters pulled from previous columns. I will be back November 1st, when the book is finished. —Dan
Originally published November 12, 2009:
My boyfriend and his best friend are close. Last summer, I noticed that when my boyfriend gets drunk he tries to grab his friend's ass, throws his arm around him, and sits close to him. Then one day I found a pair of underwear in our bedroom that belonged to my boyfriend's best friend. My boyfriend said he didn't know how they got there. I figured he and his pal messed around and he didn't know how to talk about it honestly because he's pretty macho. I was jealous, but I asked myself if I could accept a bi boyfriend and decided that I could.
So a few days ago, my boyfriend's best friend asks me if I tell my boyfriend everything he, the best friend, tells me. I say no, not necessarily. So he asks me to promise not to tell my boyfriend what he's about to tell me. I say that depends. He brings up the underwear incident and says that he called a prostitute that night and fucked her in my bed, and that's why his underwear was in my room. He tells me that my boyfriend let me think they were gay for each other rather than tell me that they called a hooker. And he tells me my boyfriend didn't touch the hooker—to which I say yeah right.
Why did he tell me this? And what do I do with it now? Please give me some advice. I feel like I can't trust either of them right now.
Secrets And Deceit
My response after the jump...
Why would your boyfriend's best friend come to you now, SAD, so many months after the Underwear Incident, and tell you this involved, incriminating, improbable story and then swear you to secrecy? Either he's gone rogue on your boyfriend and made up all of this crap about the hooker in an effort to sabotage your relationship, SAD, or he and your boyfriend are concerned that you're onto them and this is some bizarre effort to cover their tracks, i.e., to offer some excuse for the sole piece of incriminating evidence that indicates they may be something more than best friends.
Fucking each other or not, your boyfriend's best friend is fucking with your head, and you're under no obligation to keep this conversation secret from your boyfriend—and your ass is more than covered by that "that depends." Talk it out with your boyfriend, SAD, and tell him you want the truth. Is he bisexual—emphasizing that you can live with bi—or is he gay? Or is he really such a scumbag that he'd tag-team a hooker in your bed with his best friend? Give him a chance to come clean and/or come out. And if your gut tells you he's lying, SAD, end it.