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Wednesday, October 17, 2012

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Posted by on Wed, Oct 17, 2012 at 11:08 AM

I just can't quit Peter LaBarbera...

Other shit that would shock our Founding Fathers: votes for women, a Secretary of State with a vagina (three of them!), an African American First Lady, toasters, 50 Shades of Gray, air travel, moving pictures, everything on Bravo, buildings taller than four stories, the 14th Amendment, Asian Americans, indoor plumbing, powderless wigs, binders full of women, Pop-Tarts, etc., etc., etc.


Comments (44) RSS

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"a Secretary of State with a vagina (three of them!)"

Are you saying that there are three Secretaries of State with vaginas? Or are you saying that Hilary Clinton has...

Posted by KAPatts on October 17, 2012 at 11:14 AM · Report this
venomlash 2
Are you comparing 50 Shades of Gray to skyscrapers?
Posted by venomlash on October 17, 2012 at 11:14 AM · Report this
You tell 'em, Dan.

I bet those things you mentioned shock many people today (if you know what I mean?).
Posted by Patricia Kayden on October 17, 2012 at 11:16 AM · Report this
David Schmader 4
Powderless wigs!
Posted by David Schmader on October 17, 2012 at 11:16 AM · Report this
Not to mention Bourbon since they all made and drank Rye
Posted by Merchant Seaman on October 17, 2012 at 11:19 AM · Report this
blip 6
Germ theory. Antibiotics. Curable disease. You know, health care. Shocking!
Posted by blip on October 17, 2012 at 11:20 AM · Report this
dirac 7
"#FoundersNotGods" Yes, please keep saying this FOREVER.
Posted by dirac on October 17, 2012 at 11:20 AM · Report this
dirac 8
Also, banned hemp farming.
Posted by dirac on October 17, 2012 at 11:21 AM · Report this
Chef Thunder 9
To be fair Rob McKenna's staff still finds Asian Americans shocking...
Posted by Chef Thunder on October 17, 2012 at 11:24 AM · Report this
Some of those things probably wouldn't have shocked the Founding Fathers - or at least a few of them. They were a lot more liberal than the Republicans pretend they were.
Posted by ToBeRead on October 17, 2012 at 11:24 AM · Report this
Catalina Vel-DuRay 11
I imagine that just about anyone would find a person with three vaginas shocking. But once the shock wore off, many people would undoubtedly find that delightful.
Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay on October 17, 2012 at 11:32 AM · Report this
Original Andrew 12
Horseless carriages and hummuhsekshal marriages!!

(clutching pearls)
Posted by Original Andrew on October 17, 2012 at 11:32 AM · Report this
Hell, they'd probably be shocked by indoor plumbing. Lets ban that too.
Posted by SeattleKim on October 17, 2012 at 11:37 AM · Report this
The Book Of Mormon, both literal and musical.
Posted by Suzy Greenberg on October 17, 2012 at 11:39 AM · Report this
Urgutha Forka 15
"Aberrant" is a totally relative word.
Posted by Urgutha Forka on October 17, 2012 at 11:46 AM · Report this
I think we can agree that this allegation that Hilary Clinton has 3 vaginas should be substantiated, or that sentence improved, before we continue.
Posted by jasonsewall on October 17, 2012 at 11:53 AM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 17
"Aberrant" to whom? Gay sex was no doubt around hundredes of thousands of years befor the two parent household. If you want aberrant, look at the priesthood. Now that's aberrant!
Posted by Pope Peabrain on October 17, 2012 at 11:56 AM · Report this
very bad homo 18
I honestly think Peter is mentally ill. There's no other explanation.
Posted by very bad homo on October 17, 2012 at 11:57 AM · Report this
MacCrocodile 19
@4 - Please watch your language. There are ladies present.
Posted by MacCrocodile on October 17, 2012 at 12:03 PM · Report this
Hilary Clinton with 3 vaginas is fun, but if you want it to say what you meant, move "(three of them!)" three words up to between "State" and "with." Actually just leave it where it is.
Posted by David from Chicago on October 17, 2012 at 12:23 PM · Report this
Pop-Tarts are pretty shocking. Who eats that shit?
Posted by Brooklyn Reader on October 17, 2012 at 12:26 PM · Report this
Akbar Fazil 22
I am fairly certain the three vaginas being referred to are those owned by the three female SoS we have had in the last 15 years. Hilary Clinton, Condi Rice, and Madeleine Albright.

But I too am intrigued by the possibility of a three vagina creature. I'm thinking it was what was under the hood of the three breasted hooker in Total Recall.
Posted by Akbar Fazil on October 17, 2012 at 12:26 PM · Report this
Mr_Friendly 23
I was with you until Pop-Tarts. I happen to know for a fact that toaster pastries were in an early draft of the constitution.
Posted by Mr_Friendly on October 17, 2012 at 12:28 PM · Report this
Sliced bread. Kleenex. Underwear.

Come on, with the exception of Ben Franklin, the Founding Fathers would faint dead away if they were magically transported from 1776 to 2012.
Posted by Bugnroolet on October 17, 2012 at 12:40 PM · Report this
Fifty-Two-Eighty 25
Three vaginas would really be kind of a waste — especially since half the women in this country (especially the "happily married" ones) don't appreciate the one they already have.
Posted by Fifty-Two-Eighty on October 17, 2012 at 12:43 PM · Report this
urn 26
I'll just leave this here.…
Posted by urn on October 17, 2012 at 12:56 PM · Report this
"He spoke into this small black rectangular laquer box... oh! God Protect us! It shines forth with an other-earthly light of it's own and look - projects devilish runes of some ancient power upon it's smooth face!"

"Mr. Jefferson.... it's an iPhone..."

"Argh! A demonic force!"

"No. You use it to talk to your friends over great distances."

"You.. Oh. Ingenius! Hmmm... but AT&T... TIS SATAN AFTER ALL!"
Posted by tkc on October 17, 2012 at 1:22 PM · Report this
Snooki. Honey Boo Boo. Dr. Drew Pinsky.
Chicken McNuggets.
Jerry Falwell. Pat Robertson. The entire Televangelism industry, and every priest, minister or politician who has ever suggested that the laws of the country be based upon biblical principles.
Posted by Clayton on October 17, 2012 at 1:30 PM · Report this
Jefferson inherited his slaves.
Posted by maybe Danny can pay through the nose a get a brain on October 17, 2012 at 1:36 PM · Report this
McJulie 30
Maybe the most shocking thing would be the way the right wing misrepresents their views. Thomas Jefferson would never stop having to say, "No, I'm a deist."
Posted by McJulie on October 17, 2012 at 1:45 PM · Report this
gr8lakesgrrl 31
That's right #24, Ben would be too busy checking out all the new microbreweries to be shocked by anything. :-)

@26 FTW!
Posted by gr8lakesgrrl on October 17, 2012 at 1:48 PM · Report this
Agree with your sentiment that the founders are not gods, but doubt that Jefferson would find the idea of free blacks shocking considering he freed several in his lifetime and in his will. Also, Europe had banned slavery so he was certaining familiar with the concept.
Posted by sf gal on October 17, 2012 at 2:29 PM · Report this
@32 Yeah but he was such a prick about it. Seriously. Read the Smithsonian article. He never freed all slaves even in death or when paid for it and split up families when he did.
Posted by TjJr on October 17, 2012 at 2:41 PM · Report this
I really don't think 50 shades would've shocked the founders. The Marquis De Sade had invented and had published works that established the genre of fictional sadism around the time that Ben Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, and John Adams were in it's not too big a leap that they would've read his works.
Posted by Ely on October 17, 2012 at 3:17 PM · Report this
@33: Yahtzee would probably shock the founding fathers indeed, a British person living in Australia that's not a criminal or poor person? Shocking indeed...

Also I can't wait until I get my hands on a copy of Jam ^^
Posted by Friendstastegood on October 17, 2012 at 3:41 PM · Report this
@35: That doesn't mean that they wouldn't have been publicly shocked though, reading Marquis De Sade was never considered "good taste" and he was always most popular with lower classes since most of his work was a brutal satire of the ruling class, if you cared too look beyond the perversions of it all.
Posted by Friendstastegood on October 17, 2012 at 3:47 PM · Report this
50 Shades wouldn't have shocked them. They had badly-written porn back then too.
Posted by MarBeth on October 17, 2012 at 5:09 PM · Report this
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn 39
John Jay actually had 3 vaginas. Not many people know that today, but in 1789 it was widely talked about and the young nation was surprisingly liberal on the question. It wasn't until well after Reconstruction that cabinet members with multiple female sex organs fell out of favor.
Posted by Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn on October 17, 2012 at 6:51 PM · Report this
I trust that the reason no one has said this is that it's obvious, but, for the record:

Rights for those who love members of their own sex--or whose love otherwise doesn't fit conventional gender norms--aren't based on sex (aberrant or otherwise).
Posted by Brett Alan on October 17, 2012 at 7:01 PM · Report this
Electricity too. I understand one of them was *quite* shocked by it, in fact.
Posted by gromm on October 17, 2012 at 7:11 PM · Report this
Dear Dan Savage, I have three vaginas. Do you think I should put that on my resume when I apply for political positions, or is it just understood that that is a required qualification?
Posted by fotoeve on October 18, 2012 at 12:04 AM · Report this
Hilary Clinton has 3 vaginas? No wonder Slick Willie strayed. No man could satisfy a woman with 3 vaginas.
Posted by twiggn on October 19, 2012 at 3:21 PM · Report this
Ballard Pimp 44
I strongly object! Ben Franklin would take all that in stride, though he might ask what "pegging" is. He was big on threesomes, though.
Posted by Ballard Pimp on October 20, 2012 at 12:08 PM · Report this

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