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Friday, October 26, 2012

Arnold Schwarzenegger Plays Conan Again: What Do You Think?

Posted by on Fri, Oct 26, 2012 at 8:04 AM

Deadline broke the news last night:

Universal Pictures has made a deal for The Legend Of Conan, an action film that will star Arnold Schwarzenegger in one of his signature roles as Robert E. Howard’s mythic barbarian. The deal brings Conan and Schwarzenegger back to Universal, which released the first film that launched Schwarzenegger’s movie career back in 1982. Universal has world rights on the film.

Here's a dirty little secret about that first Conan movie: It's boring as hell. Of course, it does have quite a few exquisite moments in the middle of all the dross:

But it seems like a bad idea for Schwarzenegger to try this role again. I know that Conan is one of those rare fictional characters with a life that extends from almost birth to old age, but I don't think Schwarzenegger is going to be able to play King Conan with anything more than a wink and a perfunctory "Ah am geddin too oul fa dis schitt" line before the ass-kicking begins. It could be really embarrassing to watch. What do you think?


Comments (20) RSS

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Cato the Younger Younger 1
Conan the Geriatric?
Posted by Cato the Younger Younger on October 26, 2012 at 8:24 AM · Report this
I think he was badly miscast in the first one, and that was when he was young and in shape.
Posted by GermanSausage on October 26, 2012 at 8:24 AM · Report this
Gordon Werner 3
@1 Conan the Sexagenarian to be exact
Posted by Gordon Werner on October 26, 2012 at 8:26 AM · Report this
Rotten666 4
When is the last time you watched the movie? I've said it before and I'll say it is the best revenge movie of all time.
Posted by Rotten666 on October 26, 2012 at 8:32 AM · Report this
The first Conan is awesome. You shut your mouth Paul Constant.
Posted by Conrad McMasters on October 26, 2012 at 8:37 AM · Report this
zombie eyes 6
I'd rrreeeeally like to sank ze Academy for zis little golden shtatuette. Ja, rrreeeally! Zis is fantastish!! You like rrreeeeally, rrreeeeally like me. I'll be bach!
Posted by zombie eyes on October 26, 2012 at 8:49 AM · Report this
I'll only watch this movie if Grace Jones is in it.
Posted by a twelve-ounce bag of individually wrapped candies on October 26, 2012 at 8:52 AM · Report this
Matt from Denver 8
I was going to defend the first Conan movie, too, but after realizing that I hadn't seen it since I was maybe 14, and have never wanted to watch it again since then, that there's probably a good reason for that. All I can really say is that I know it was better than the sequel and the truly putrid Red Sonja. James Cameron really rescued Arnold's career (as well as his own), and given the way Schwarzenegger hasn't ever looked back, it's sad that he's doing that now. He'd be better off teaming up with Alyssa Milano and making a sequel to Commando.
Posted by Matt from Denver on October 26, 2012 at 8:52 AM · Report this
Urgutha Forka 9
Conan and the Quest to win back Maria
Posted by Urgutha Forka on October 26, 2012 at 8:59 AM · Report this
Schwartzy is a terrible actor and his movies uniformly suck so there isn't much doubt about whether it'd be embarrassing to watch.
Posted by anon1256 on October 26, 2012 at 9:12 AM · Report this
ScrawnyKayaker 11
@10 Are you kidding? The first two Terminator movies are near-perfect macho bullshit films. Schwartzenegger was genius casting for those: he has exactly the right emotive range to portray a robot.

I'll agree that the rest of his roles are unwatchable, with the possible exception of Twins. But I may have been really high when I saw Twins, so I'm not going to stand by that statement.
Posted by ScrawnyKayaker on October 26, 2012 at 9:33 AM · Report this
south downtown 12
considering what happened to Lance Armstrong, maybe Arnold should be stripped of all his movies...
Posted by south downtown on October 26, 2012 at 9:47 AM · Report this
The second Conan movie is actually really fun - it's like a filmed Dungeons & Dragons campaign. Plus it contains Grace Jones! (If, in fact, anything can be said to "contain" Grace Jones.) The first one is as bloated and self-important as anything else John Milius ever did.
Posted by Pope Buck I on October 26, 2012 at 10:35 AM · Report this
dwightmoodyforgetsthings 14
A: The first Conan movie was AMAZING.

B: Conan never get's too old for any shit. By Crom he kills until he is killed.

C: A Conan the King movie with Arnold isn't a terrible idea but the script will be key.
Posted by dwightmoodyforgetsthings on October 26, 2012 at 10:59 AM · Report this
What Paul Constant calls "boring" used be called pacing.
Posted by Jizzlobber on October 26, 2012 at 11:09 AM · Report this
ArtBasketSara 16
I really liked the first one (James Earl Jones!)...and the second I suppose. They're movies from my childhood and I think about the only bonding I ever had with my Dad. And I still enjoy watching them.

But. A new one? I like the originals for their 80's, near 70's glory... I guess it can't be as bad as the recent remake.

Posted by ArtBasketSara on October 26, 2012 at 11:19 AM · Report this
Cascadian 17
I don't think the first Conan was great, but it had its moments. I'm with those who thing that this could work (as a fun, disposable, self-consciously B movie) if it's got the right script. If they try to make it more than the pulp adventure it is, they'll fail.
Posted by Cascadian on October 26, 2012 at 11:28 AM · Report this
Sir Vic 18
Above my summer camp bunk bed, some kid from some other camp had written "Conan the Percussionist" in glow-in-the-dark ink. I've always wanted the next Conan movie to have Arnold playing in a calypso band. Keeping my fingers crossed!
Posted by Sir Vic on October 26, 2012 at 11:28 AM · Report this
Fnarf 19
"To crush your enemies, see them driven bef--OW OW OW FUCK OH GOD MY BACK WHERE'S MY FUCKING ZIMMER FRAME?"
Posted by Fnarf on October 26, 2012 at 12:31 PM · Report this
Yes, the first Conan movie was irretrievably boring to watch in a theater, if one was an adult.

But anything to keep Swartzenegger out of politics!
Posted by judybrowni on October 26, 2012 at 1:39 PM · Report this

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