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Thursday, November 1, 2012

Real-Life Mayans Tell Doomsday Fetishists to Shut Up About the End of the World Already

Posted by on Thu, Nov 1, 2012 at 3:06 PM

Once the media cycle has stopped obsessing over and vomiting up words about November 6, it can resume freaking out about December 21, the so-called end of the Mayan calendar. (Remember that?)

Meanwhile, currently existing Mayans are calling bullshit on the authors, filmmakers, and gurus cashing in on the doomsday fetish:

"We are speaking out against deceit, lies and twisting of the truth, and turning us into folklore-for-profit. They are not telling the truth about time cycles," charged Felipe Gomez, leader of the Maya alliance Oxlaljuj Ajpop.

But end-of-the-worlders will not be deterred! The hot action on the big day will be in two tiny towns, one in France and one in Turkey, that will supposedly survive the eschatological crisis because aliens (or something) are slumbering in nearby mountains and will wake up to save the chosen few. The hordes have already begun to descend:

A tourism manager in the village, Engin Vatan, said the village had not received foreign guests between Dec. 15 and 31 in past years but this year was different. “Reservations have been continuing since the beginning of the year. We have never had foreign guests during the Christmas holiday, but this year we have guests from all around the world. Almost all the rooms in the village have been sold,” he said.

The towns' mayors seem split between enjoying the tourist attention and worrying about crazies, chaos, and mass suicides. "I don't want to tell anyone how to live," the French mayor said to a German newspaper, "but when hundreds of people storm our village, we won't be able to guarantee public safety anymore."

Hopefully, some publication with means will send a kick-ass feature writer to one of those villages for a few weeks of anthropological journalism about what happens when a tiny town becomes a global magnet for doomsday zanies. I want to know what that looks, sounds, and smells like on the days before, the day of, and (most importantly) the day after.


Comments (24) RSS

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Matt from Denver 1
You think real-life Mayans are just going to admit that this is it? DO YOU? Fools.

Anyway, the real survivors know that the secret gathering place is going to be Safford, AZ. Keep it under your hat.
Posted by Matt from Denver on November 1, 2012 at 3:24 PM · Report this
Fnarf 2
Me! Me! Send me! I'll write a really great, in-depth report on all the crazies, complete with photos and everything! It'll be the greatest thing The Stranger has ever published! Unless, of course, I find a bar with a bottle of rum in it; then I'll just drink til I pass out and wake up with the world's stupidest blistering sunburn on my back. God, I hope it's my back.
Posted by Fnarf on November 1, 2012 at 3:26 PM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 3
An archeological dig in Turkey recently was discovered to be a five thousand year old fortified village where salt was made. Salt was extremely valuable. You have to think we humans always lived on the precipice. Just a moment from annihilation from unseen forces. It's in our nature.
Posted by Pope Peabrain on November 1, 2012 at 3:33 PM · Report this
Will in Seattle 4
@1 exactly. We all know only certain places will survive.

Surprisingly, with the exception of most of "downtown" Seattle, we'll be relatively unscathed.

@3 actually, the crucible of being at the edge of annihilation forged the DNA which is humanity from our ancestors.
Posted by Will in Seattle on November 1, 2012 at 3:37 PM · Report this
treacle 5
I'm more interested in why Westerners in general continue to latch on to such "millinarianism" and periodic 'end of the world' fantasies -- that to date, have yet to come true, of course.

We've been doing this to ourselves for centuries now (not millenia, I don't believe), and STILL we haven't caught on to the rather obvious truth that it's not actually going to happen.

Oh sure, each of us individually will die, and that will be our personal 'end of the world'; but people in other cultures don't fetishize "total doom" like we do. It's just us. It's a cultural sociopathy I think.

Also, fuck all those people trying to capitalize on this B.S. Cynical assholes.
Posted by treacle on November 1, 2012 at 4:22 PM · Report this
Eastpike 6
LOL at "hundreds" of people being a public safety crisis. Might cost One Million Dollars!
Posted by Eastpike on November 1, 2012 at 4:34 PM · Report this
internet_jen 7
There was a NASA scientist giving an interview on Science Friday a few weeks ago, and his piece was about adolescent aged kids being scared about the Mayan 2012 event. He get's emails from scared kids, some even saying that they are considering suicide so they do not see the end of the world. He mentioned that these kids are just getting their dooms day info from crack pot websites because no one of authority is saying it is not real, at least not enough or in a manner that would penetrate into the world of a kid.
Posted by internet_jen on November 1, 2012 at 4:54 PM · Report this
internet_jen 8
BUT my friends and I have toyed with the idea of our holiday party being Hannahpacolypse themed, I read somewhere the end of the world is supposed to have on Friday, December 21st, too perfect. Our holiday party is always Hanukah themed.
Posted by internet_jen on November 1, 2012 at 4:57 PM · Report this
kim in portland 9
It's my birthday and I'm using it as an excuse to buy obscenely priced whisky to celebrate with. I will not be deterred.
Posted by kim in portland on November 1, 2012 at 5:29 PM · Report this
keshmeshi 10

Why not millennia? Christians have been anticipating the end of the world for nearly 2,000 years. Early Christians thought Christ's return would happen very soon after his death. Some Byzantines thought their war with Persia would bring about the apocalypse, and they had similar sentiments about the Islamic conquests.
Posted by keshmeshi on November 1, 2012 at 5:33 PM · Report this
Cthulhu don't need no stinkin' Mayans to tell His Tentacliness when the stars are right.

On the more serious side, we can't tell what the weather will be in a frigging week with supercomputers and weather satellites. I'm getting tired of people telling me a bunch of guys without basic dentistry knew when the world was going to end. Especially since their civilization couldn't be bothered to stick around for it.
Posted by NateMan on November 1, 2012 at 5:33 PM · Report this
Michael of the Green 12
Lee Camp's riff on Mayan EOW fetishists, positing that maybe it was actually an ancient Mayan suggestion, not prediction, given the advent of beer enemas, poop tea, etc.:
Posted by Michael of the Green on November 1, 2012 at 6:09 PM · Report this
@11: snark and all I get it. But, really, Mayan calendrics are pretty friggin amazing. Most accurate calendrical system until after the advent of the telescope. And, of course, anyone with even passing knowledge of Mayan calendrics would know right away that the end of the world bullshit was just that: bullshit.
Posted by gnossos on November 1, 2012 at 7:02 PM · Report this
I would hesitate to take either this prophecy or its denial seriously, were not "felipe gomez, oxlaljuj ajpop" such a transparently obvious anagram of "peep le poof jox, llama jiz jug".
Posted by RonK, Seattle on November 1, 2012 at 7:16 PM · Report this
Eastpike 15
I keep calling it "The Hippy Y2K"...
The mystery of this civilization's "golden age" remains: how did Mayans -who had incredibly advanced knowledge of astronomy, especially solving the calendar problem of the solar year, and predicting eclipses- Get through the beginning and end of a grand civilization (and building pyramids!) without having invented the wheel?!
Posted by Eastpike on November 1, 2012 at 7:20 PM · Report this
keshmeshi 16

I'm pretty sure they did invent the wheel, or so says Jared Diamond. The Mayans used wheels for children's toys. The thing is, they lived in incredibly dense jungle which, without a massive system of paved roads, makes wheeled transportation completely useless.
Posted by keshmeshi on November 1, 2012 at 9:10 PM · Report this
When there are mysterious beings living in the mountains, that not usually the place you'll want to be congregating...…
Posted by madcap on November 1, 2012 at 9:24 PM · Report this
orino 18
The maintenance schedule in the owner's manual of my car goes up to 160,000 miles. Once past that point, start over, it says. Same deal with the Mayan calendar...
Posted by orino on November 1, 2012 at 10:11 PM · Report this
Christampa 19
Are any of these people bothering to book reservations beyond December 22? That wouldn't show real commitment.
Posted by Christampa on November 1, 2012 at 10:51 PM · Report this
Simone 20
Good job Mayans for calling out all the bullshit that has been created around the Dec 21 EOTW.
Posted by Simone on November 1, 2012 at 10:59 PM · Report this
gwhayduke 21

How do you feel about giving anthropologists the chance to report, perhaps alongside their simultaneous professional of scientific study? Oh, wait, they are. Cite cite cite.

The corporate media just doesn't care.

It would be nice if the millions who have informed ideas had a voice in mass communications, you know, beyond the so-called professional journalists, pundits, and their sources/guests.

Anyway, interesting idea. I don't know if my research proposal hits home here, but perhaps it can in other intriguing spots where the interests of serious journalism and science coincide.
Posted by gwhayduke on November 1, 2012 at 11:44 PM · Report this
Will in Seattle 22
Just a question, when is the Jewish millenial year? Isn't it something like 5454 or something like that right now?

I figure Y6K is going to be big.

@9 for Best Response to Calendar Fetishists.
Posted by Will in Seattle on November 2, 2012 at 10:23 AM · Report this
venomlash 23
@9: Hey, it's the day before my birthday!
The day after the world ends, I reach the legal drinking age. Lookout, y'all.
Posted by venomlash on November 2, 2012 at 1:09 PM · Report this
kim in portland 24

Consider me warned. Cheers!
Posted by kim in portland on November 2, 2012 at 9:24 PM · Report this

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