We Couldn't Have Done It Without Them

Comments

1
"Thank you."
2
Whatevs, man, no party needed. But you could bring me coffee tomorrow morning.
3
Just have a happier life and marry if you so desire. It's embarrassing that it took this long for it to happen.
4
Thank You Straight People!!!! Bear Hugs!!! You're all invited to my wedding (bring your own bottle).
5
I think the 2013 Pride Parade Theme should be "Thank a Str8 Person". I'll contact SOaP about it.
6
It should never have needed a referendum. The legislature passed it, the Governor signed it. That should have been that.

(But, you're welcome. It was worth it. Hugs.)
7
Rent a big place and throw a party for 'em. Put the LGBT community's finest out there to celebrate all our top straight allies. Bring in a great queer emcee (maybe Rachel Maddow -- straight folks LOVE her), some LGBT performers and so on.

We have an inclusive ENDA, passed same-sex partnerships TWICE, anti-bullying laws, and so on, and it wouldn't have been possible without them. And all the stuff we still need to work on? We now know they'll be there with us.

Let's do it.
8
I don't think thanks are necessarily needed, but a party is probably in order, and if one is thrown, I suggest it be for all ages - something we can bring our kids to. (besides, I can't go anywhere without my kids these days, anyway)
9
Just so you know, equal civil rights helps everyone. The more I work to ensure LGBT civil rights, the more I see how much this helps the straight community too. We all benefit when our society is more accepting and just.

That having been said, fuck yeah, I'd love to join a kick-ass party. Can you figure out how to get me home afterwards? You know, just in case I have a bit too much to drink?
10
here's how you say thank you:

get behind voting rights for dc residents. voting rights for puerto rico. straight people helped gays get equal rights and justice, because we all deserve it. believe me there's people out there who need everyone to get behind their cause.

or this:

every single person in jail or with conviction for pot possession that would be legal after 502? Let them out of jail. Expunge their records. Free them. It's not a crime! get some retroactivity here.

be expansive and help others, that would be the way to say thanks.
11
That my friends, loved ones, and children can marry whomever they want is all the thanks I need. Next up: killing DOMA.
12
Uh, could you put in a good word for me with the straight girls? I'm sure it would help me out.

Or better still, how about helping out straight boys everywhere by declaring a national gay wing man night?
13
I thanked my coworkers this am
14
That's funny, just this morning, I was thinking, "Thank YOU, Dan Savage."

You've spent years fighting this fight before the rest of us got on board, putting yourself out there and absorbing unbelievable amounts of shit flung at you from all corners. But you're still here, still standing strong, still leading and inspiring.

So thank you.
15
No thanks needed. Just common courtesy and respect for others.

But you're welcome. I've been giddy about this all day.
16
I disagree only a tiny percentage of people are straight. I think only a tiny percentage are actually all gay or all straight, and the rest of us (I mean the most of us) have sexual responses to everything and everyone that turns us on regardless of gender. Publicly endorsing gay marriage moves us toward accepting ourselves and each other, so eventually we'll see it's true: at any one time, half the world is gay.
17
You are all heroes in my book! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
18
Thank you all!
19
Why thank us straights for helping with something that's so self-evidently the way things ought to be? Be happy that the fight has been won, even shake your head in wonder that the opponents dragged it out for so damn long, and go about your business of being regular humans with regular relationships.

Oh, and when you're/we're done celebrating this, let's continue to work on reversing federal tax (and other) discrimination.
20
Thank you!
21
And not just straight people, as I commented this morning, but all kinds of "other" people who voted in our favor or donated from near or far, or otherwise helped us along the way, especially those we might have called out in the past for having a higher percentage of anti-gay people unfortunately yoked with either their visible or self-professed "otherness."

In short, and especially, people of color, people of faith, people of a certain age or background or residence through no fault of their own in some backwards shithole :), who have done the soul-searching and the mental work to arrive on their own at the conclusion that civil rights are civil rights and they should put their vote, or time, or wallet, or earnest internet expostulation, in service thereof. Thank you.
22
Thanks for having our backs, straight folk!
23
I will send a check from Alaska to help fund it!!!
24
My gay brothers and sisters have saved and enriched me so much over the years, that this just felt like a downpayment on paying them back the favor. Lots of work to do yet....
25
No thanks needed. We thank you for your courage. That's more than enough.
26
Dan, please read my comment on this morning's post. THANK YOU, friends, family, co-workers, neighbors, strangers, DAN SAVAGE, JOE JERVIS, ANDREW SULLIVAN, JOHN ARAVOSIS, HRC, Marriage Equality, et al. Sorry for any names not mentioned above but you are all very much appreciated and included in that THANK YOU!
27
A party is the right answer. Because nobody -- I mean, NOBODY -- can throw a party like we gays.

THANK YOU to all our straight allies who made this possible. Thank you for taking a chance, for being willing to be scorned, for looking beyond the rhetoric. THANK YOU!
28
Thank you Dan and everyone who helped frame the debate and provide us straight people with such eloquent talking points and reponses to those who were either undecided or were against R-74. I have been so excited and emotional all day. My high point here in Arizona was when my 83 year old snow-bird grandma said rather loudly before her very Republican-conservative cousins "By the way honey, I made sure to vote for R-74 before I left Washington to come down here." So incredibly proud!!!
29
Sometimes we just need someone/something to bring an issue to our attention. Mine was an artist who I feel deserves everything that this life has to offer, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. If that includes marriage to his partner, go for it. How dare anyone say he can't.
My children did not have anyone vote on whether they were able to marry, so it sucks that someone else's child/children has to be put through that.
Congrats for the success in this election, now lets yank the rest of the USA into the 21st Century.
30
i so totally get this impulse, and love the idea. i just love allies, in general -- straight allies of lgbt folks, of course, but any allies, any person who steps outside of their own privilege and says, i stand with you!

maybe you could have some kind of event where straight folks get in free, queer folks make some sort of donation, and you give the money to some other cause, some cause that is not specifically about queer folks. not sure what it would be -- maybe immigration reform? standing with dream act kids? some cause that queer folks should be allies of, and you could give the donation on behalf of, in honor of, all the straight allies who came through for us.
31
Please don't. Continue to live your lives with dignity, that's all I ask. You are my closest friends, allies, heroes, and mentors. You, (the LGBTQ community and Dan Savage) have taught me more than I can ever thank you for so it seemed like the least I could do. Maybe that's why it took so long for me to jump on board - because it didn't occur to me often enough that there were differences in how we were seen and treated under the law. I always assumed we were equal. I'm just sorry it didn't come sooner.
32
Congratulations, people of Washington.

This isn't new. For women to get the vote (federally in 1920 and state-by-state before that), men had to vote to approve it. For blacks to get the vote, whites had to vote to approve it. The only difference with recognizing the rights of gays was that they were able to vote the whole time. But whenever a minority group of people wants something that the majority has and they don't, the majority has to agree to share it. It's to the credit of the whole effed species that it's happened at all, let alone so many times.

Here's to the work done and the work that there is yet to do.

And remember, like in New York, every married gay couples in Washington and Maine will prove to the rest of the country that married gay couples are a good thing. More states will follow.
33
I get it.

As a straight guy who had the "I'm okay with the gays, but not gay marriage" position for years (and the "I'm not okay with the gays for religious reasons" position before that), but came around on it long before this came up for a vote, I can't think of any way to say the above without it seeming like I want a pat on the head.

I don't. After all the awesome gays and lesbians I've gotten to know in the theater community (some of whom performed at my wedding!), I would've been ashamed of this state if we had denied them the right to enjoy the same happiness in public.

So I made calls, and I donated cash. I even talked a few people into rethinking their position. It'd be nice if I'd never had a "journey" toward acceptance to go on, but I wasn't born or raised in a vacuum. And being raised with beliefs that I no longer hold made it easier to talk to people who still hold them. To try and eke out a bit of compassion from people who will hang out in a copout, libertarian rut of "They can just sign a contract with each other for all of that, and the government shouldn't be in the marriage business anyway!"

It can happen. It will happen, over time. As the cognitive dissonance kicks in for people who realize that they can't support gays while opposing gay marriage, and as the most stanchly moralistic opposition gradually passes away, we will progress.

There will be holdouts, but things will get better.
34
So Dan, are you getting married (again)?
35
I am a straight woman and a regular listener of your podcast. I've heard you stand up for my rights a million times - we are all in this together! Loved seeing the picture of your family last night on Twitter - seriously brought tears to my eyes. The world is a better place today.
36
The only thing you need to do is this:

Be good to each other. Be good husbands, wives and partners. Be good to the children you raise and to the families you create. Be good citizens, and help others in their own quest to become full citizens, because there's always someone else in need of support. Be inclusive, not divisive; be kind and not selfish. But most importantly, be happy; in the end, it really IS the best revenge!
37
No thanks needed. We just tried to do what was obviously the right thing.

Personally, my phone banking experiences left me deeply ashamed that I haven't done more. Sure, I did my little part for R-74. But I was profoundly moved by the people I was sitting next to: gay folks in my community who were making the case -- over and over again to complete strangers -- that they should be allowed to marry the partners they love. It was enraging and heartbreaking all at once in ways that I can't really describe.

I'm all for parties. But what I'd really like is that when my kid grows up and learns about the long-past history of legal discrimination against gay people, I'll be able to look him in the eye and tell him I tried to do the right thing.
38
Everyone I know is asking when we'll get married, and can they attend? I think a big mass-wedding/reception is in order. The people who put in the effort want to celebrate, and what could be more of a party than a bigass gay wedding for the masses?
39
It is much appreciated, but as others have pointed out, we're all in this together. Injustice for any group in society is injustice for everyone. Even Maggie Gallagher. No one is so imprisoned as the inmate who thinks he's free.

I feel proud for WA & for the other states who have joined the enlightened world. Our fight for justice continues, but every victory should be celebrated.

Because, let's face it, we throw better parties than they do.
40
I don't need a cookie for being a decent human being, I just want to see people enjoy the rights they deserve.
41
I like the idea of all you gay people having bigass gay weddings to celebrate this victory. Can I come? I have a bigass gay wedding hat (even though I'm straight). I want to go to a wedding. Lots of weddings. Bring it on, gay brethren (which includes ladies).
42
I hope by pain killers, you just mean advil, and you didn't fall off a balcony or something last night.

Anyway, happy enough about the results, but wouldn't say no to a party.

Thanks for doing what you do.
43
I'm crying reading this post and all of the lovely responses. The universe bends towards justice, indeed.
44
I can always use help with my fashion sense. :-)
45
Seriously, though, I'm with @3.
46
My only request is, if you have a party, to have it after February 1, so I can be there. I'm moving to Seattle in January, and while I wasn't able to get out there in time to vote, I donated several times to Washington United For Marriage in the hopes that my newly adopted home state would have true marriage equality when I arrived. :)
47
Send some love to Mary Margaret Haugen, who paid for her support of the bill with her seat last night.
48
My 18yo daughter dragged me to the victory party at the Westin last night. We are both straight, and both worked on the campaign (her more than me). I got all the thanks I needed from all the happy folks in the R74 room. Great party. Lets do that every year (or two).
49
Just have good food at your weddings, that's plenty. And open bars if you can afford it.
50
@47- Crap! I hadn't heard. Can we sent her a card or something? How do we get all of SLOG to sign a card for her?
51
I really like @38's idea: look at all the folks we know who have already gotten married here and there in other states. It was always a half-step feeling. How about a giant wedding reception for all those folks, everybody who phone-banked, straights and gays, are invited? A dj plays crappy wedding dance standards and there are toasts, and garters and bouquets are thrown and clinking on glasses so gays and straights and everybody can kiss!
52
Basically, the best thanks is invite your straight friends and relatives to your weddings.

Those that want to be there will show up and have fun too.

Those that don't will send you presents anyway, cause that's how it works.

Win. Win.
53
Blow jobs for straight dudes?
54
We are in this together. We straight people need you. Let us keep working together.

Thank you for your kind words, Dan.

*Hugs*
55
I love Anna Minard!!!
56
Here's why we won. It was one of my favorite moments while canvassing for ref 74. I told a straight couple that had voted to approve 74 that they were awesome. The wife's response, "No, we're not awesome. WE ARE NORMAL."

Thank you, Dan, for all you do, and for recognizing how great the contribution was from all our straight allies. I hope we do give them one hell of a party.
57
YOU'RE WELCOME! And thank you for helping make this a better state for my gay brother and sister, all my gay friends and all of us who have been STRAIGHT BUT NOT NARROW for years and years and years. God bless us, everyone.
58
And... I hope to see your sweet faces when it is Oregon's turn.
59
You know what's cool about this? Eight years ago, Republicans might have salivated at the prospect of having a same-sex marriage question on the ballot, because it would have ramped up their turnout -- but now, a mere eight years later, I don't think McKenna got the slightest bump from it, and if anything, it was the other way around: INSLEE got a bump from people who voted HELL YES on R-74 and thought, what the fuck, I'll throw a vote Inslee's way. It's astonishing to me: the gay bogey man has lost a lot of his ability to scare people, and so quickly.
60
Oh stop, you're embarrassing me!
61
I agree with the idea of some sort of big circlethank event. Music (not Journey again please)! Lights! Noshes!
62
I grew up reading (and later listening to) Savage Love. The positive effect it's had on my relationships over the years is more than enough thanks.

Lots more work to be done!
63
Where's Loveschild when I need to rub something in someone's nose?
65
I'm a straight woman who did my part for equal rights yesterday. I'm so glad this passed--now I can sing as my cousin's wedding! You don't need to throw us a party, but if you DO throw one, I'll be there to celebrate!
66
I was hoping Minnesota would pass gay marriage so Dan and Terry could tie the knot and then come and stay at our "straight but not narrow" farm across the river is Wisconsin. Congradulations, one and all !!
Peace
67
Nobody has mentioned the role of the media and of common, everyday LGBT people coming out of the closet to their families, friends, and coworkers. Remember that it used to be that the only image most people had about this tiny minority was the crudely perverse stereotype peddled by churches, movies and the media at large. People thought gays and lesbians were these sick sex freaks who dressed in leather, partied all night, did all sorts of things, and got AIDS for their troubles. There's nothing inherently wrong with the first three, but it didn't reflect well on people's minds.

I don't know when the change came and how much the HIV pandemic played into it, but I think we turned a corner when the public started seeing this tiny minority as real, normal people, both in their TVs and movie screens as well as in their personal lives. I'm not good with the movie knowledge, but the title Long Time Companion springs to mind, right off the top of my head.

Insofar as popular culture and real life reflect each other, I don't know which one took the first step in presenting a realistic portrayal of LGBT people. However I give much credit to those sexual minorities who took the courageous step to come out, specially when doing so entailed the risk of great sacrifice. They may have lost in the short run but, many years later, we can say that the momentum is now firmly in the direction of eventual equality.

So yes, straight people needed to lend you their support. But before that could happen, they needed to see sexual minorities for who they are, for real - not sick freaks, but regular people. So gays and lesbians can thank themselves for living their lives openly. They really couldn't have done it without themselves, either.

(And that means you, Dan! With your cultural megaphone.)
68
You can't realistically throw a party for "straight people" who support us, as that would involve inviting half the population of WA. It is more realistic to throw an amazing celebration for the more limited group of straight people who went above and beyond and gave their time, energy and money to R74. Depending on how you define this group, you are talking several thousand to 20,000. Since they wouldn't all be able to attend, I could see a huge block party for this group. Gay people could come and show them some love and gratitude. Awards. Free gifts. Performance by Macklemore. Let's do it.
69
For what it's worth, Dan and others, You're Welcome!

I say 'for what it's worth', because it actually pisses me off that people are allowed to vote on whether or not other people have civil rights or not. Rights are rights. Period. /end rant

But, that said, this straight woman is beaming in happiness for family, friends, and friends of family who are gay and lesbian and have now had their right to love accepted officially! Congratulations, and job well done for never giving up!

Now to continue the fight in the rest of the states!
70
What I want to know is if Dan's Canadian marriage is going to be recognized, or there's going to have to be a redo in Washington State.

I am absolutely giddy about this. Everything is moving so far so fast, I can only imagine where we'll be in a few years.

Also, yay to my home state of Minnesota! We still may have that fucking anti-same sex marriage law in place, but we defeated the obscene anti-same sex marriage constitutional amendment. We even rejected that "government issued photo ID for voting" measure, which is also wonderful. Sadly, this "yay" is somewhat offset by the fact we managed to reelect Michele Bachmann. o_O
71
Jesus fucking christ. Do gay people not realize they have been discriminated against all this time? They do not owe us the straight people even a thank you. We owe you an apology that it took this long.
72
All the thanks I need I can get by watching the Maggie Gallaghers of the world twist and scramble to try and explain what happened. I can be totally at peace just by watching the realization slowly dawning on them, which they can see now but can't admit, that they are on the wrong side of history, that their worldview is as doomed as that of a flat-Earthers. That's plenty thanks enough. That, and seeing people who deserve happiness, happy.
73
As I've whinged on about, I was pleased to be one of the volunteers here in Maine. It was an honor and a slog and a genuine inspiration and I genuinely expected the campaign to lose, based on what I saw ... but am absolutely elated to have been dead wrong. I was practically skipping around at work today.

How exciting is it, witnessing history like this. It's truly thrilling and exhilarating.

As far as a celebration, I can't help it, Dan - I'm a sucker for romance - marry Terry, and this time, throw a big public party so we can all toast you both!

74
@71: Nailed it. It's just about the least we can do (other than simply voting the right way).
75
I really love your books, and one of the things that has stuck with me is the image of the "serious" wedding rings that you and Terry keep tucked in a drawer.

What I want -- the "thank you" that would be meaningful to me personally -- is a picture of those rings on your hands, when we hit the point that you feel like you can wear them.
76
Can some talented person make a graphically attractive version of Dan's beautiful quote from above. I think the words I've copied below would be easily shared on social media sites if they could be broken up into pretty lines and fonts like those quotes and prayers that make the rounds. Straight people read social media, right?

"Why don't we throw them a party? A big party to say, you know, thanks. Not, "Oh, gee, straight people, thank you so much for the civil rights." Rights are rights. We shouldn't have to beg for them. We shouldn't have to say "thank you" when they're recognized. We shouldn't even have to ask for them. But the sad fact is that we have had to fight for our rights. And the happy fact? We didn't have to fight this one alone. We had help. Thousands of straight people stood with us and fought for us. That's what we should thank the straight people for. Not for the rights—rights are rights are rights—but the way they joined our fight."
77
Geez, it was totally selfish on my part. (All I did was vote.). I love weddings and want to go to as many as possible!!!
78
I'm with @71(Idaho), a "Thanks for being decent human beings" party is too much. The fact that one day this won't be remarkable is beautiful.

I do want to find the Guerrilla Gay Bar (turning bars gay for a day!) in Napa Ca. for a party on the 20th if the supremes refuse to hear prop 8 or when it passes for the nation in June othewise. I'll go to a party for freedom but partying for us would be embarrassing; I'm just happy to be here.
79
Invite us to your wedding receptions, please, please, please! Oh, and Love Wins!!!
80
Happy to help. Hooray!!
81
Winning was my reward! However, how can you (the general you) thank us? Have really expensive weddings! I don't normally advocate spending more than about $3K dollars on a wedding, but seriously, if you can afford it, please give us a wedding industry that can tell other states, "It's been great for us, great for the economy!"

And if you want a party for the straight allies, and who doesn't want a party? - How about a "what's next" party. Let's kick off a new effort to help other states, and get DOMA repealed, and start working harder for transgender rights. Capture the momentum!

As others said, thank us by enjoying this.
82
I was blown away by all the support we had on this. I'm still wiping my tears away almost 24 hours later.
83
I'm thinking more like 71. It's like when I lived in Louisiana in the 80's and black people would thank me for not being racist. That would always make me sad, because non-bigotry should be the standard or default position. Same with The Gays: It's the very LEAST we straight people can do.
84
@ 71. I think it's complicated, the way many of us gay people feel. Take the 80-year-old gay Maine man who is similarly amazed by marriage equality as by the feat of walking on the moon, and yet he does admit to feeling like he was born 50 years too soon. In a way, the amazement at many straight people getting involved is really sort of a back-handed compliment, isn't it?

http://gay.americablog.com/2012/10/what-…

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/09/opinio…
85
If they can deny your rights, they can deny mine. If they can can use your sexuality to deny your fundamental humanity, then someone can judge mine, and do the same to me; no one is truly safe.
Fighting for equality and basic rights is ALWAYS enlightened self-interest for any human being.

(A good example is your own vocally pro-woman, pro-choice campaigning, Dan. It's not like you were ever gong to need birth control, or have to decide what to do about an unplanned pregnancy. But you were in there pushing and shoving with us, just the same. )
So yeah, thank YOU.
86
Congrats. We San Francisco queers salute you ad your straight allies. I could not be happier.
87
This straight guy demands a free makeover
88
It was an honor to work on this campaign. Good job, everyone. Love wins.
89
It's not "you" and "us," it's just US. Nice work, us!
I lived in California during the prop 8 vote and then offered only a ballot. During the strange toss-up time, I had the privilege of officiating the wedding of two beautiful women, one of which is now dying of ALS while her wife wonders if her marriage rights will be upheld. There's still a lot of work to do, but I'm so incredibly happy that she lived long enough to see Washington take this step.
Just continue to be a good husband and a good dad, Dan. (Or throw a party, too! I'll join, but it's not required nor expected.)
90
Been crying a lot here too. As a straight woman who fought hard, I enjoyed champagne with my gay dad and my fiance's gay moms. And thought about "our" daughters that were made with love, intention, a turkey baster and an amazing lesbian couple. Today, finally, our unconventional, and very queer, family feels recognized for what we are - 3 generations of mundane tradition held together with love. And sometimes tears and champagne. Thanks for letting us fight this fight. It's for all of us, not just "you gay people." We all deserve this world to be better than it was.
91
You're thanking me? Thank YOU, gay people! Thank you for being JUST WHO YOU FUCKING ARE. I don't apologize for who I am and I don't expect you to do so either.
92
We don't need a party. We did what was right. Sorry it took so long and that it had to go on a ballot to get there. <3
93
Echoing @47 - There is probably only one straight person whose life was/will be negatively affected by this whole Gay Marriage vote: Mary Haugen, who lost her senate seat because she did the right thing. Send HER a card or a thank you note. http://www.senatedemocrats.wa.gov/senato…
94
@85 is right. I can't remember how many times I, a generally straight guy, have been called a faggot by shitheads. It's become one of those things where even though we might not specifically play for the same team, we play for the same team. If nothing else, we're all anti-shithead.

Though I have long-held issues with voting, I voted for the first time in my life this election, largely because I'm from Wisconsin and Scott Walker went on his rampage against the teachers' union my mom is part of. I'm glad I helped fight the shitheads out here, and I'm glad everything seems to have worked out amazingly.
95
Seeing 4 of 4 victories was enough for me! And I am still on board to help with the next step. It feels so great to finally have won at the polls!!!
96
It ain't no thing, Dan. Happy to help.

Today is a happy sandwich with schadenfreude sauce. I try not to rejoice in the suffering of others but I gonna make a giant exception for Maggie Gallagher today.
97
I echo the other straight allies who are embarrassed at both the suggestion that we deserve something special and that our country is still so backwards on gay rights. I did what I could and wish desperately I could've done more. I knew I couldn't live with myself if we failed and I hadn't done everything I could possibly justify getting out and doing these past six months.
98
I posted this elsewhere when I spread the link around:

As a straight ally, I know it is NOT about me. I know that it is my job to listen, learn, and understand gender/orientation minorities' narratives, listen to what they need, and help them accomplish the goals they share. However I was awfully pleased to read this and it makes me feel proud to have been part of this movement.
99
It ain't no thing, Dan. Happy to help.

Today is a happy sandwich with schadenfreude sauce. I try not to rejoice in the suffering of others but I gonna make a giant exception for Maggie Gallagher today.
100
What a deserving thread to be the first to crack a hundred comments since ages ago.