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Wednesday, November 14, 2012

"A restaurant that would be indicted for crimes against humanity..."

Posted by on Wed, Nov 14, 2012 at 4:38 PM

"...if only that crime fell within the Department of Health’s purview." It's another great review of Guy Fieri's Times Square restaurant. (Thanks, flightlesswing!)


Comments (15) RSS

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Damn, this thing is getting a lot of attention. I bet the place turns a weekly profit on people trying out how bad it is.
Posted by ultrasuedecushion on November 14, 2012 at 5:46 PM · Report this
It's going to become the "Springtime for Hitler" of Times Square, making a fortune from food bloggers and critics desperate to outdo each other.
Posted by LMcGuff on November 14, 2012 at 7:17 PM · Report this
@2 FTW
Posted by I Got Nuthin' on November 14, 2012 at 8:46 PM · Report this
I hated this review. The guy starts reviewing the restaurant but when he bridges over to this mindset that Fieri supposedly puts in people's heads he goes way off the deep end of bad 200-level philosophy paper.
Posted by The CHZA on November 14, 2012 at 9:04 PM · Report this
Joe Szilagyi 5
Foodie haters gonna hate. I don't give a shit, I like Fieri now that I watch Diners, Drive Ins and Dives. That show is one of the few that:

A) constantly show you interesting places
B) constantly show you really cool food you'd eat
C) constantly shows you how they make it

The C is the best part.
Posted by Joe Szilagyi on November 14, 2012 at 9:22 PM · Report this
Cephalodude 6
@5- I gotta agree. His persona's a bit grating but that show is a hoot and a half.
Posted by Cephalodude on November 14, 2012 at 10:18 PM · Report this
So basically the place is a Cracker Barrel, with tattoos and hubcaps instead of old washboards and patent medicines. Same obesomatic food, same gross political donations. 
Posted by Prettybetsy on November 15, 2012 at 6:20 AM · Report this
Cato the Younger Younger 8
These reviews are gonig to make Guy unstoppable and the next Julia Child.
Posted by Cato the Younger Younger on November 15, 2012 at 6:53 AM · Report this
@8: bite your tongue!!
there will never (never!) be another Julia.
christ, i am all discombobulated at that comment of yours.
show some respect, you.
Posted by Rowlf on November 15, 2012 at 7:11 AM · Report this
Pick1 10
@5 I dunno, for me it got old quick. "Watch me eat fried, fatty foods for 30 minutes" just doesn't manage to keep my interest for too long. Plus the sounds he makes as he eats food makes me think I'm watching porn.

And I really don't have any interest in watching Guy Fieri porn
Posted by Pick1 on November 15, 2012 at 7:11 AM · Report this
Cato the Younger Younger 11
@10 Oh come's not like it's the show "Man Vs. Food"
Posted by Cato the Younger Younger on November 15, 2012 at 7:23 AM · Report this
willendorf 12
I love the phrase "Jeff Koonsian poop." That really does sum up Times Square.
Posted by willendorf on November 15, 2012 at 7:24 AM · Report this
@7: Don't go slandering Cracker Barrel. Soulless corporation they may be, but they do good simple comfort food and do it right. The farthest thing from Guy's "let's mash together three different ethnic traditions for no reason, deep-fry it, and add three more ingredients and garnishes at random!"
Posted by Pope Buck I on November 15, 2012 at 7:32 AM · Report this
Catalina Vel-DuRay 14
As someone who learned to cook at my Home Ec teacher's knee (Mother Vel-DuRay is an excellent cook when she pays attention, but she doesn't always pay attention) and who actually cooked at one of those "delightful" dives (RIP Bleu Ox) I find most of the programming on the "food" network to be overwrought and overdone. Diner food is amazingly simple, and only an idiot could mess it up. Soups and sauces, despite whatever the menus say, are almost always pre-made, and the whole place is ran on salt and Crisco. What a lot of people insist is "flavor" is actually the result of poorly cleaned grills and fryers.

And these overly flashy restaurants, with their engineered kitsch (as opposed to places like Charlie's, which is organic kitsch) use decor in an attempt to hide how sub-par the food is. And it works.

As others have noted Fieri is smart: the restaurant will last a year or so, then be replaced by another odious concept house. Fieri will go on, there will be reverential references to his "famous Times Square Restaurant" as if it were Delmonico's, made by people who never went there, but are paid handsomely to hype garbage. It's the way of the world.
Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay on November 15, 2012 at 8:26 AM · Report this
I hate the review. It's like those early Pitchfork reviews: it's all about the author, and only tangentially about the place being reviewed. He actually compliments the burger and the service...and says very little about the other dishes. So the cajun chicken alfredo has a lot of calories in it? Did it taste good? I have no idea from the review.

Anyway, it's a tourist trap family eatery for vacationers. I'm from the camp that believes there's a time and place for everything. Sometimes I want the Michelin star experience; and sometimes I want some processed crap at Cheesecake Factory...usually when the kids are screaming, which is the point of virtually every Times Square restaurant. Tourist traps are never my first preference, but when you're vacationing with kids sometimes they can be a godsend. If you're going to review this place, it should be reviewed on that level. This reviewer criticized the place for being what it is.

Does he go to Disney World and complain that the rides don't have enough character depth and nuance? Asshole.

So ultimately the review is useless. The restaurant may very well be a shitty tourist trap, or it may be a quality tourist trap...but it's impossible to tell from the review.

And lastly, the diatribe against the obesity problem is completely misplaced. Obviously this country has an obesity problem...but it isn't because people eat too much when they go on vacation. Vacations have always been a time to ditch the diet and eat some crappy food. The problem is our eating habits the other 51 weeks of the year.
Posted by dave1976 on November 15, 2012 at 9:42 AM · Report this

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