"The well-meaning staff seems to realize that this is not a real restaurant."


This review has made my morning. Glad to see it's leading the day on slog.
I've only been to NYC twice, and not since the mid 90s. So I have to ask if any actual New Yorkers will eat at a place in Times Square? Because that sounds like a restaurant meant to lure tourists too scared to venture to where the real food is served.
Sounds delish! Must visit.
Lasagna noodles on nachos?

And pepperoni?
I threw up in my mouth a little.
I've the misfortune to eat at both Applebee's and Ruby Tuesday, and this sounds like the worst of both menus.
@2: I've lived in New York for 6 years (born and raised in Denver, actually!), and you are 100% correct. Everyone who lives in NYC knows that any restaurant in Times Square is overpriced tourist garbage. Not only do New Yorkers not go to any of those restaurants, they avoid the entire area as much as humanly possible. It's baffling to me that people take trips across the country just to eat at Olive Garden and Red Lobster in Times Square, especially when there are tons of tasty, inexpensive, and tourist-friendly restaurants just a couple of blocks away.
@2: There are some good places off on the side streets that would still be considered Times Square, but if you mean a theme or chain restaurant like Guy's, Bubba Gump's, Ruby Tuesday's, Olive Garden, Roxy Deli, etc.?

This made me hungry for Katzs. The #1 place I still miss from back East.
@2, restaurant row is near Times Square (46th between 8th and 9th) and can be worth checking out. Hell's Kitchen also has some good places. But NY'ers generally steer clear of Times Square. I try to avoid walking through it or even dealing with the subway station there. It's a tourist trap and not at all representative of the city. I live in Queens and therefore usually go out there but even when I go out in Manhattan it's not to Times Square, never there.
"Why does the toasted marshmallow taste like fish?"

Just wanted to see that again.
I would have enjoyed the review a bit more if it hadn't been taken from the questions-only game from Whose Line is it Anyways?
All because you have a TV show on a network for glutons doesn't mean you know anything about food.
Guy couldn't even bother to frame a real american flag. He has to have a picture of one in a frame. Horrible.

Oh, and the food doesn't look appetizing to me. Nor does the prices.

@8, 9, 11, thanks for the quick info on where to eat and where not to eat when visiting NYC.
@ 11, that jibes with my memory. As long as I wasn't where the tourists were, every meal I ate in NYC was good.

@ 14, he was a chef first. I think almost every Food Network host is. I have no idea how accomplished he was, but there's no need to resort to libel.
Meant to say @ 8, 9, and 11.
@15, if you're ever visiting and want some actual recommendations feel free to ask. I'm always happy to point people to places I enjoy.
"Is the shapeless, structureless baked alaska that droops and slumps and collapses while you eat it, or don’t eat it, supposed to be a representation in sugar and eggs of the experience of going insane?"

This may be the best sentence I've read, ever.
I loved this review so much I laughed out loud over and over again .. sound like a corp restaurant experience worse that The Cheesecake Factory ... amazing as that might be.
This review totally pales in comparison to the one Joshua Stein at the Observer did on the same awful restaurant. It is the BEST shutdown restaurant review ever, forever: http://observer.com/2012/10/the-crispy-c…
I am shocked--SHOCKED--that a 500-seat tourist trap restaurant in Times Square based around a Food Network "personality" would fail to deliver quality cuisine.

Avoiding restaurants near tourist attractions is generally a good rule of thumb anywhere in the world.
I thought this review was gratuitous and annoyingly pretentious.

Guy Fieri is disgusting. Times Square is a shithole. Guy Fieri's restaurant in Times Square is a disgusting shithole. That's all you need to know.
I didn't eat at the restaurants in Times Square when I lived in NYC, but I DID take people who visited me there just to see it.

Times Square is touristy, but it's also very distinctive of Manhattan, as much as Radio City Music Hall, the Empire State building, and the Statue of Liberty are.
When I lived in New York I ate in Times Square exactly once, because me and a friend (who had lived there much longer than I had) were stuck there, and we were late for a meeting, and we were desperate, and of course since neither of us had ever spent any time in Times Square we had no idea where anything was, so we just said "fuck it" and ate at Sbarro's. Like at any airport or food court, meh.

As far as "Times Square is a shithole" goes, Talib Kweli had something interesting to say the other day on Anthony Bourdain's show, which was in part about gentrification: "I don't like the Disneyfication of Times Square anymore than the next guy...but I remember what Times Square used to be like." Nostalgia for "Murder Avenue" and the gritty bad old days isn't anymore authentic than Guy Fieri.

Funny takedown, though. Fieri is a douche of the highest order.
Guy Fieri is undoubtedly a butthole but this looks like the writer set out to write a hatchet piece. I'm sure the restaurant is shitty but the NYT wouldn't review an IHOP why would they review and restaurant of Fieri's? Also why does nobody mention that the worst thing about Fieri is that he doesn't like eggs?