I'm on hiatus while working on a manuscript for a new book. In the meantime, please enjoy these classic Savage Love letters pulled from previous columns. I will be back when the book is finished. —Dan
Originally published March 29, 2007:
I am a recently married 30-year-old straight guy. My wife is great, and in fact, I have a baby on the way. My relationship with my wife is a good one. We married for all the right reasons after a long "courtship." My problem lies with my addiction, if you will, to receiving head from a particular male. He performs his work with a level of skill that no one has ever matched. My cock is above average in size, closing in on 10 inches. The guy performs wonders; it's mind-boggling. As much as I would like to quit this activity, it is just so good that I can't. I don't go around looking for others. I have an exclusive arrangement with him. I walk in, unzip, get off, and go. My wife doesn't like to perform oral sex, and when she does, she won't really take more than the tip. In fact, I have never met a woman who can perform as well as this guy.
Tell me, am I laying the groundwork for ruining my marriage and family? It is understood with this guy that this is a private thing between us, no one knows, and I trust him on this. I've been seeing him for this service, and only this, for a few years now. But since I married, I'm struggling with my needs. Give me your thoughts, Dan.
Deep Dickin' Dude
My response after the jump...
As much I hate to come between a gay brother and closing-in-on-10-inches of straight cock, DDD, you must stop seeing this wonder-performing, mind-boggling cumdump. I admire your finely honed sense of right and wrong, to say nothing of your ability to accept blowjobs from a dude while still identifying as straight (seriously—I do admire that), but your myopia on one aspect of this arrangement seems, well, I'll be charitable and say thoughtless. Two more drinks and I'd be calling your myopia willful and you dishonest.
Surely, DDD, you realize that while you enjoy an exclusive arrangement with him, it's highly unlikely that he enjoys an exclusive arrangement with you. The kind of gay man who gets off on orally servicing a straight man—the straight guy walks in, unzips, gets off, and goes, no reciprocation, no American Idol gossip (Sanjaya? Pro? Con?)—typically doesn't limit himself to one frustrated, head-deprived straight man. You're probably just one of the many men your cumdump currently services.
Which means, DDD, that every time you get a blowjob from this guy, you're placing your wife—your pregnant wife—at risk of contracting a sexually transmitted infection. Oh, I wouldn't worry too much about scary ol' HIV; blowjob-giver to blowjob-receiver transmission of HIV is practically unheard of. What we do hear about, however, and what you should be concerned with is, oh, oral gonorrhea, oral syphilis, herpes, and, of course, cooties. And guess what? Not only are you placing your wife at risk of contracting an STI, DDD, you're also placing your unborn child at risk. Didja know that syphilis can work its way through the placenta and infect a fetus? You do now. Explaining an acquired-outside-the-relationship STI to the wife is never fun. Explaining a baby born with syphilis—and, oh, blind and brain damaged—to the wife is, well, I don't know what it is. Except for something you want to avoid at all costs—including the cost of those spectacular blowjobs.