Someone who works for America's Got Talent contacted me to let me know that the television show America's Got Talent is hosting Seattle auditions at the Convention Center on November 29th. If you've ever wanted to humiliate yourself in front of as large a group of people as is humanly possible, you should probably show up for this. And who knows—while you're waiting in line, you might meet someone else whose parents didn't give them enough attention, and you might fall into a dysfunctional version of love that will surely end in a terrible, and very public, divorce!

To everyone else who doesn't want to be humiliated on national television, I urge you to keep away from the Convention Center on November 29th, unless you get off on cruelly laughing at people who are so needy that they will seek out any attention—even the most negative kind of attention—at any opportunity. It should be a real shit show.