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Monday, November 26, 2012

"Twilight is for teenage girls what porn is to teenage boys: sick, twisted, evil, dangerous, deceptive, and popular."

Posted by on Mon, Nov 26, 2012 at 10:40 AM

Mars Hill Pastor Mark Driscoll has seen the enemy, and it is Twilight:

As a father to a teenage girl, I find it devastating to simply read the most popular web pages that come up when searching for “teen vampire.” There, girls the same age of my 15-year-old daughter are talking about “awakening,” which is their word for converting to paganism (like the Christian word “born again”). In a perverted twist on Communion, their sacraments include the giving of your own blood by becoming a “donor.” This is entirely pagan. These storylines offer eternality without God and salvation; in the place of Jesus’ shed blood, girls and boys shed their own blood to be awakened to their own salvation of a new spiritual way of life filled with sex and occult behavior.

Full thing here!

 

Comments (30) RSS

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1
It's true that it's about as well-written as most porn.
Posted by Proteus on November 26, 2012 at 11:01 AM · Report this
2
actually an interesting perspective...
Posted by hgu8y7r5s4 on November 26, 2012 at 11:02 AM · Report this
ScrawnyKayaker 3
Ugh. Mars Hill Redneck Church: come for the hipsters, stay for the hillbillies.
Posted by ScrawnyKayaker on November 26, 2012 at 11:04 AM · Report this
wisepunk 4
From the headline I thought I might actually agree with ol pastor mark, but after reading his statement I kind of want to try out the teen vampire thing.

OK next year at HUMP! no more dance numbers in the mars hill parking lot, we need vampire porn in the mars hill parking lot.
Posted by wisepunk on November 26, 2012 at 11:10 AM · Report this
Skye Blu 5
Oh ferfucksakes!! There's plenty to complain about in Twilight... that some kids convert to paganism after reading mormon-porn is more a sweet sweet irony than a bad thing.
Posted by Skye Blu on November 26, 2012 at 11:10 AM · Report this
Knat 6
Good for Mark that fear mongering and blaming the most recent craze never goes out of style within a church. (See also: franchise, Harry Potter) He's just way late to the game on this one.
Posted by Knat on November 26, 2012 at 11:13 AM · Report this
Urgutha Forka 7
"You're a cult!" said the cultist to the cultist.
Posted by Urgutha Forka on November 26, 2012 at 11:13 AM · Report this
scary tyler moore 8
he's just jealous.
Posted by scary tyler moore http://pushymcshove.blogspot.com/ on November 26, 2012 at 11:23 AM · Report this
9
Weird... I thought Jesus was into getting his blood sucked and coming back from the dead. Plus the entire plot of Twilight is about abstinence until heterosexual marriage, where a woman submits to her husband and gains eternal life through him and the pain of childbirth. If Driscoll had any sense he'd be pushing Twilight to his younger followers to try to maintain a shred of relevance.
Posted by Narbles on November 26, 2012 at 11:31 AM · Report this
10
Dark Shadows turned me into a heroin-using, Satan-worshiping vampire.
Posted by Jared Bascomb on November 26, 2012 at 11:44 AM · Report this
Theodore Gorath 11
So is porn ok for teenage girls then? I am confused.
Posted by Theodore Gorath on November 26, 2012 at 11:44 AM · Report this
12
Gotta give Driscoll a bit of credit: at least he didn't bring up Stephanie Meyer being a member of the Mormon cult.
Posted by Jared Bascomb on November 26, 2012 at 11:45 AM · Report this
sikandro 13
"Tragically, many will be driven by their parents, including some cougar moms encouraging and joining their daughters’ obsession with handsome young males."

LOL.
Posted by sikandro on November 26, 2012 at 11:46 AM · Report this
Mike Force 14
I knew I liked Twilight for a reason. Thanks Pastor Whatshisface!
Posted by Mike Force http://www.autotone.net on November 26, 2012 at 12:05 PM · Report this
15
I like:

"Satan is real, clever, and a deceiver who [will] attempt to lure people towards darkness with methods like 'harmless' entertainment, possibly in the form of bad acting and melodrama."

Posted by viiless on November 26, 2012 at 12:07 PM · Report this
very bad homo 16
LAUGHING FOREVER.
Posted by very bad homo on November 26, 2012 at 12:20 PM · Report this
McGee 17
Breaking News: Christian idiot can't grasp subtext.
Posted by McGee on November 26, 2012 at 12:41 PM · Report this
ScrawnyKayaker 18
@12 That omission is a bug, not a feature. The more hypocrisy, the better.
Posted by ScrawnyKayaker on November 26, 2012 at 12:49 PM · Report this
19
Twilight is about sexy vampires and werewolves. It truly reveals the deepest fetishes that all teenage girls possess: necrophilia and bestiality.
Posted by GermanSausage on November 26, 2012 at 1:14 PM · Report this
Norbeck 20
Never thought I'd see the day I'd appreciate something about Twilight.

http://theoatmeal.com/story/twilight
Posted by Norbeck on November 26, 2012 at 2:43 PM · Report this
21
I'll just leave this here.
Posted by sisyphusgal on November 26, 2012 at 2:51 PM · Report this
leek 22
I'm genuinely horrified by the idea that teenage girls might be influenced by the ideas of Mark Driscoll, whereas I'm just kind of mildly disgusted that they might be influenced by Twilight.
Posted by leek on November 26, 2012 at 2:55 PM · Report this
23
I think it's hilarious if a bunch of girls liked the pro-Mrmon, pro-abstinance, anti-choice Twilight except that they decided to spin it to be pro-Paganism and pro-sex, because they didn't car for or get some of the messages of the book.
Posted by uncreative on November 26, 2012 at 3:10 PM · Report this
ScrawnyKayaker 24
@20 Thank you! I'm shocked that I've managed to spend a couple of hours in recent weeks reading The Oatmeal, and failed to see that. Hee-larious.
Posted by ScrawnyKayaker on November 26, 2012 at 3:27 PM · Report this
bleedingheartlibertarian 25
...proving that you can be largely correct, for completely wrong reasons.
Posted by bleedingheartlibertarian on November 26, 2012 at 4:50 PM · Report this
26
he shouldnt stop at Twilite....how about, in no particular order:

Dracula, Frankenstein,Faust, Divine Comedy, MacBeth, well, almost all of Shakespeare really, anything with ghosts...Dicken's A Christmas Carol e.g.

How many of the classics of Western Literature that have been taught forever.... most mention non 'Biblical' gods, ghosts, demons and their ilk.... crike, Beowulf, The Odessey, The Aenid, most Camelot tales...when does the Ballard book burning begin?

at least I feel condident that long after Mars Hill is bulldozed to build more condos and Driscoll is long forgotten that kids will still be downloading vampire-zombie-alien movies on the latest e-gizmo and enjoying their porn.

Driscoll is a tool. How anyone takes him seriously both amazes & scares me.

Posted by Cassette tape fan on November 26, 2012 at 6:12 PM · Report this
Catalina Vel-DuRay 27
".... to be awakened to their own salvation of a new spiritual way of life filled with sex and occult behavior."

What's not to like about that? Sounds like my twenties.
Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay http://www.danlangdon.com on November 26, 2012 at 8:38 PM · Report this
Free Lunch 28
In the place of Jesus’ shed blood, girls and boys shed their own blood to be awakened to their own salvation of a new spiritual way of life filled with sex and occult behavior.
At least the vampire gives the gift of eternal salvation personally, instead of covering his ass gift-wise for all humanity until the end of time.

"Thanks for the gift Jesus. I guess the name tag fell off, huh?"
Posted by Free Lunch on November 26, 2012 at 8:44 PM · Report this
29
I wish I didn't have to live in a world with Twilight or these religious wackos. Sheesh.
Posted by Ciaran on November 26, 2012 at 9:49 PM · Report this
30
ARE YOU MAD? Paganism is in NO WAY associated with blood sacrifices. You have that confused with satanism. I guess when you become a Pastor, they don't teach you the difference between religions. Idiot.
Posted by Witch_101 on November 27, 2012 at 10:31 AM · Report this

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