From the I, Anonymous mailbag:
You "donated" your black DeLonghi coffee pot to the Ballard Goodwill. I bought it for $12.99. Short of brewing a full pot in the back aisle by the skis and old CD players I tested it as well as I could. It seemed solid. However, after a thorough white-vinegar enema and scrubbing, it proved to be a lemon of a machine. A runny meconium drained out of its base and stained our countertop. You knew full well this brewer was incontinent yet you thought, "Lets give it to the needy." I bet you give your old stained underwear to Northwest Center and your Canadian coins to the Salvation Army bell ringers. You are not charitable, you are an A$$ H0L3. Seattlites know that coffee karma is very, very real. I wish unto you the most annoying of fates. May your next latte lid be aligned perfectly with the cup seam so that it drips on your chest ever so gently, unnoticed, until your boss points it out at the 8:00 am staff meeting. Good day to you!