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Tuesday, December 11, 2012

I, Anonymous: One Man's Donation Is Another Man's Garbage

Posted by on Tue, Dec 11, 2012 at 9:06 AM

From the I, Anonymous mailbag:

You "donated" your black DeLonghi coffee pot to the Ballard Goodwill. I bought it for $12.99. Short of brewing a full pot in the back aisle by the skis and old CD players I tested it as well as I could. It seemed solid. However, after a thorough white-vinegar enema and scrubbing, it proved to be a lemon of a machine. A runny meconium drained out of its base and stained our countertop. You knew full well this brewer was incontinent yet you thought, "Lets give it to the needy." I bet you give your old stained underwear to Northwest Center and your Canadian coins to the Salvation Army bell ringers. You are not charitable, you are an A$$ H0L3. Seattlites know that coffee karma is very, very real. I wish unto you the most annoying of fates. May your next latte lid be aligned perfectly with the cup seam so that it drips on your chest ever so gently, unnoticed, until your boss points it out at the 8:00 am staff meeting. Good day to you!


Comments (28) RSS

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Cato the Younger Younger 1
First world poor problems if there ever was one
Posted by Cato the Younger Younger on December 11, 2012 at 9:14 AM · Report this
Rotten666 2
oh, horrors!
Posted by Rotten666 on December 11, 2012 at 9:20 AM · Report this
Goodwill got $12.99 for someone's garbage which you can go ahead and donate right back to them. They can then sell it for another $12.99. It's Goodwill's funding model. Brilliant! If it becomes unsellable they can then dispose of it at the city's transfer station for about 40% less than other customers are charged! I really don't see the problem here.
Posted by troutbum on December 11, 2012 at 9:24 AM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 4
It's a Goodwill. It's unwanted, secondhand stuff. The money spent is for charity. Chalk it up to lessons learned.
Posted by Pope Peabrain on December 11, 2012 at 9:26 AM · Report this
care bear 5
This is probably the same person who leaves their junk in the common spaces of the apartment building, or on the curb, with a FREE sign on it because he or she is too lazy to get rid of it properly. If you don't want your broken down trash, nobody else is going to either. Throw that shit away, don't make other people clean up your mess.
Posted by care bear on December 11, 2012 at 9:27 AM · Report this
sloegin 6
Caveat emptor.
Posted by sloegin on December 11, 2012 at 9:27 AM · Report this
Zebes 7
Don't give Canadian coins to the Salvation Army. I'm pretty sure they hate Canadian gays, too.
Posted by Zebes on December 11, 2012 at 9:29 AM · Report this
If I ever adopt an animal or infant I shall name he/she/it "Runny Meconium".
Posted by gloomy gus on December 11, 2012 at 9:29 AM · Report this
Posted by Could Care Less on December 11, 2012 at 9:38 AM · Report this
De'Longhi aint cheap. Maybe you thought you were getting the deal (steal) of the year for $12.99. Oops, guess not.
Posted by JimmyCap on December 11, 2012 at 9:43 AM · Report this
Doctor Memory 11
Quick, you know what we need to know here? What does a 67-year-old virgin shut-in dipsomaniac who spends all of his time yelling at the television think of this story?
Posted by Doctor Memory on December 11, 2012 at 9:48 AM · Report this
Doctor Memory 12
(pssst! Arthur! Ziffy! That's your cue! Get on stage you worthless... oh goddamnit, he's passed out and pissed himself again. Someone call the understudy.)
Posted by Doctor Memory on December 11, 2012 at 9:49 AM · Report this
Jason Josephes 13
Maybe this Portlandia sketch will be funny after a couple of rewrites, but I doubt it. "Coffee karma"? Jesus Christ...
Posted by Jason Josephes on December 11, 2012 at 10:02 AM · Report this
reverend dr dj riz 14
' a white vinegar enema'
Posted by reverend dr dj riz on December 11, 2012 at 10:19 AM · Report this
Fnarf 15
@10, huh? DeLonghi is in the same market as Mr. Coffee, pretty much. If the one he got at Goodwill is the same model we had in our office, it cost $35 new. Come to think if it, we just got rid of ours because it leaked out the bottom....
Posted by Fnarf on December 11, 2012 at 10:20 AM · Report this
south downtown 16
people use Goodwill instead of the transfer station. and they don't filter so well...
Posted by south downtown on December 11, 2012 at 10:21 AM · Report this
Man. Now I feel just terrible about that Bang and Olufsen Beosound 4 sound system I donated. I knew when I dropped it off that had that slightly tinny treble range in the quadraphonic tweeters. I'm sure it will drive some poor family mad when they are listening to Dvorak's Symphony No. 3 in E flat major. The guilt. It plagues me. I AM SO SORRY! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!
Posted by tkc on December 11, 2012 at 10:21 AM · Report this
Giving Canadian coins to charity is actually more charitable than American cash.
Posted by piratesmile on December 11, 2012 at 10:25 AM · Report this
@10 At $12.99 it was probably the most expensive thing in housewares at Goodwill. I bought a huge desk there with attached bookshelf for $17.
Posted by Prettybetsy on December 11, 2012 at 10:30 AM · Report this
What? Something you got from Goodwill doesn't quite work as well as you thought it would? And you haven't called the police yet?
Posted by suddenlyorcas on December 11, 2012 at 10:35 AM · Report this
Unregistered User 21
Can't you get a new drip coffee maker for $13? I've bought certain kitchen accoutrements from second hand stores, but I don't think I would ever buy a coffee maker that way.
Posted by Unregistered User on December 11, 2012 at 10:35 AM · Report this
Hawke 22
I see zero problem with donating crap to Salvation Army. They aren't exactly our friends. Donate to Goodwill instead and stick chocolate coins tied to a note about why SA isn't getting real money from you.
Posted by Hawke on December 11, 2012 at 10:55 AM · Report this
emor 23
So lame. Buying coffee machines at thrift shops is a disgusting, bad idea. Also, get a fucking French press. They can be had for less than $20 at any big box store (I know) and will work flawlessly until you break the glass trying to get yesterday's grounds out.

I think this thread should now be about everyone's favorite thrift find. Here's mine: a framed pre-1960s "Evergreen Playground" map from Kroll for $25. I know it's pre 60s because there's no SR520 bridge on it. I saw a later edition (has the bridge) in much worse condition at an antique store for a few hundred dollars. I don't know if mine is worth that, but I don't care. It's a beautiful map and I'll cherish it forever.

I'm also fond of my 1982 WSF in mostly pink watercolor. It features dolphins riding the wake of the Walla Walla in Elliot bay. So good.
Posted by emor on December 11, 2012 at 11:54 AM · Report this
Sir Vic 24
@12 The only Goodwill comes from COCAINE and MALT LIQUOR! Save the vinegar enemas for visits to a real coffee shop.
Posted by Sir Vic on December 11, 2012 at 11:59 AM · Report this
snacktruck 25
Purchasing any kind of coffee maker at Goodwill seems idiotic as I too echo the French press route. Furthermore, Goodwill sells the majority of the great stuff here… - YES, gasp people, all donated and be sure to look at the completed listings. ack!
Posted by snacktruck on December 11, 2012 at 12:26 PM · Report this
The letter writer doesn't seem to understand that the charity of Goodwill is not selling 2nd hand stuff to poor people - it's about providing employment, job training, and experience to poor people who would otherwise not be able to get a job. The goods donated are just free inventory that the charity uses to train their employers.
Posted by johnjjeeves on December 11, 2012 at 12:49 PM · Report this
I disagree with most of the commenters. I think if you're going to donate to Goodwill, you should only donate quality items. I say this as somebody who grew up in a family that could only afford to shop at places like Goodwill and SA.

Same thing with food banks -- give them the food you'd eat yourself, not your almost-expired creamed corn. Better yet, give good quality infant formula, diapers, or feminine products, which are really hard to obtain when you're relying on food banks.
Posted by wxPDX on December 11, 2012 at 12:59 PM · Report this
More, I Say! 28
What if you purchased your french press at the Goodwill? It was a bodum, and it worked awesome (because duh) but I gave it away because I don't drink coffee and I don't drink mushroom tea anymore...

But for real? Don't donate stuff that is garbage, that's lame. Of course you should be scrutinizing what you buy at the thrift store, but it's pretty much barrel-scraping human behaviour to donate broken junk that could be even easier thrown away.
Posted by More, I Say! on December 11, 2012 at 1:27 PM · Report this

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