SL Letter of the Day: It's Not Adultery


The part of this that Dan didn't cover, is that NAAH defines himself as "not the other" and that there is something about him that caused him to turn down this sex that I agree that he wants, except for the whole involved in cheating thing.

For myself, I regret the times I was involved with cheating more than the sex I turned down, although this may be because I didn't go very far into non-partner-approved territory, and therefore didn't get much sexually out of my forays into being a piece of shit.

NAAH, and those in similar situations, should also consider what they'll regret more down the road.
dude, you seem to get drunk a lot.....
I think with so many of us dating for years (maybe decades if you are gay and can't marry) before marriage, the cheating/adultery distinction is kind of pointless.
or, maybe you will knock her up, and her bf will dump her, and she can add to the out of wed birthrate, and we can read about her and your kid and her latest loser in "Every Child Deserves...."
or, maybe you will knock her up and then she will pay some fine health care provider sworn to do no harm to kill your child.
Ummm... or maybe you could fuck one of the millions of women who aren't in a relationship, thus saving yourself the potential trouble and keeping your ethics? Also, in young, totally immature women, "I'm not over you" means "I'm not over being turned down". You're not really that special of a snowflake, or else she would have dumped the bf and been with you.

Doing the wrong thing - pay now, or pay later, you're eventually gonna have to pay.
But there's also the fact that she didn't take his NO seriously and pursued him when drunk. That's sketchy behavior.
And how, exactly, did he find himself to be drunk in her presence a couple of times? He likes the drama and games as much as she does. Maybe they are meant for one another.
Given this was 2008, I'd love to see an update.
I think Dan's basically right. There's one other factor to consider though, and that's the "crazy" factor. And just to be clear I'm not saying "Oh, all womenfolk are crazy" just that there are people who are crazy enough to use things like cheating to gain power over other people. Maybe her b/f is the insanely jealous type who may become violent (towards you) if he were to discover her cheating. She lets this slip to you after you've done the deed, and now she has that hanging over your head.
The above example was the situation a friend of mine found himself in, and while such things can be long shots they do happen. Check to see if she has some screws loose before you hop into bed with her.
Thanks for letting the world know how totally irresistible you are, NAAH. We agree that you're exceptionally hot. Are you happy now?
You guys are crazy. If it's wrong for her to cheat on her boyfriend, why are we endorsing that this guy help her do that?

He can fuck anyone. He should stay away from the crazy one.
I agree with Lauchlin. We can argue over whether helping someone cheat is okay or not (I lean toward not) but I think we can all agree that putting it in crazy is a bad idea. You never know what crazy will do next.
Shame on you, Dan. Women who sleep around are not whores. Is all the slut-shaming and misogynistic language really necessary?
@10 YES. THIS.

Been there, done that, and the crazy one kept saying all kinds of things like "it'd be a shame if anyone found out."

The regret from not participating in her cheating will be significantly less than any regrets that are possible if you do. Plenty of fish and all that. Move on, dude.
It's a good way to get your face rearranged by her boyfriend. This may be something she does to get attention from him, make him jealous by going after other men, having men fight over her to boost her self-esteem.
Tell her you'll ask her boyfriend if it's OK.
Personally, this sounds a little too close to sexual assault to me. Reverse the sexes in this story and it might be more obvious.

If this woman doesn't respect your wishes - you turned her down multiple times - and keeps pursuing you, I'd start seriously worrying about your safety if I were you.
@14: She's going behind her boyfriend's back to try and get with other guys. That's not okay in most circumstances.
7, 10: Exactly. If it's not a problem that she'd be cheating with you, it should be a problem that she just won't leave you the fuck alone and respect the answer you gave the first two times.

People like this tend to get worse, not better, after you've slept with them. Fuck somebody else.
Short, boring update, since it's past my bedtime:

We never got together.
Wow, how was this not setting off more potential-stalker/rapist alarm bells, Dan? Plying someone who's intoxicated for sex after they've already said no and looking them up to continue to proposition them after moving far away are red-flag behaviors.
"Don't put your dick in crazy" - and this situation had the red flags flying!