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Saturday, December 15, 2012

I Am Adam Lanza's Mother

Posted by on Sat, Dec 15, 2012 at 10:51 PM

Michael with a butterfly.
  • Michael with a butterfly.

This has been reposted from The Blue Review.

Three days before 20-year-old Adam Lanza killed his mother, then opened fire on a classroom full of Connecticut kindergartners, my 13-year old son Michael (name changed) missed his bus because he was wearing the wrong color pants.

“I can wear these pants,” he said, his tone increasingly belligerent, the black-hole pupils of his eyes swallowing the blue irises.

“They are navy blue,” I told him. “Your school’s dress code says black or khaki pants only.”

“They told me I could wear these,” he insisted. “You’re a stupid bitch. I can wear whatever pants I want to. This is America. I have rights!”

“You can’t wear whatever pants you want to,” I said, my tone affable, reasonable. “And you definitely cannot call me a stupid bitch. You’re grounded from electronics for the rest of the day. Now get in the car, and I will take you to school.”

I live with a son who is mentally ill. I love my son. But he terrifies me.

A few weeks ago, Michael pulled a knife and threatened to kill me and then himself after I asked him to return his overdue library books. His 7- and 9-year-old siblings knew the safety plan—they ran to the car and locked the doors before I even asked them to. I managed to get the knife from Michael, then methodically collected all the sharp objects in the house into a single Tupperware container that now travels with me. Through it all, he continued to scream insults at me and threaten to kill or hurt me.

That conflict ended with three burly police officers and a paramedic wrestling my son onto a gurney for an expensive ambulance ride to the local emergency room. The mental hospital didn't have any beds that day, and Michael calmed down nicely in the ER, so they sent us home with a prescription for Zyprexa and a follow-up visit with a local pediatric psychiatrist.

We still don’t know what's wrong with Michael. Autism spectrum, ADHD, Oppositional Defiant or Intermittent Explosive Disorder have all been tossed around at various meetings with probation officers and social workers and counselors and teachers and school administrators. He’s been on a slew of antipsychotic and mood altering pharmaceuticals, a Russian novel of behavioral plans. Nothing seems to work.

At the start of seventh grade, Michael was accepted to an accelerated program for highly gifted math and science students. His IQ is off the charts. When he's in a good mood, he will gladly bend your ear on subjects ranging from Greek mythology to the differences between Einsteinian and Newtonian physics to Doctor Who. He's in a good mood most of the time. But when he's not, watch out. And it’s impossible to predict what will set him off.

Several weeks into his new junior high school, Michael began exhibiting increasingly odd and threatening behaviors at school. We decided to transfer him to the district’s most restrictive behavioral program, a contained school environment where children who can’t function in normal classrooms can access their right to free public babysitting from 7:30 a.m.-1:50 p.m. Monday through Friday until they turn 18.

The morning of the pants incident, Michael continued to argue with me on the drive. He would occasionally apologize and seem remorseful. Right before we turned into his school parking lot, he said, "Look, Mom, I'm really sorry. Can I have video games back today?"

"No way," I told him. "You cannot act the way you acted this morning and think you can get your electronic privileges back that quickly."

His face turned cold, and his eyes were full of calculated rage. "Then I'm going to kill myself," he said. "I'm going to jump out of this car right now and kill myself."

That was it. After the knife incident, I had told him that if he ever said those words again, I would take him straight to the mental hospital, no ifs, ands, or buts. I did not respond, except to pull the car into the opposite lane, turning left instead of right.

"Where are you taking me?" he said, suddenly worried. "Where are we going?"

"You know where we are going," I replied.

"No! You can’t do that to me! You’re sending me to hell! You’re sending me straight to hell!"

I pulled up in front of the hospital, frantically waving for one of the clinicians who happened to be standing outside. "Call the police," I said. "Hurry."

Michael was in a full-blown fit by then, screaming and hitting. I hugged him close so he couldn’t escape from the car. He bit me several times and repeatedly jabbed his elbows into my rib cage. I’m still stronger than he is, but I won’t be for much longer.

The police came quickly and carried my son screaming and kicking into the bowels of the hospital. I started to shake, and tears filled my eyes as I filled out the paperwork—"Were there any difficulties with... at what age did your child... were there any problems with.. has your child ever experienced.. does your child have..."

At least we have health insurance now. I recently accepted a position with a local college, giving up my freelance career because when you have a kid like this, you need benefits. You'll do anything for benefits. No individual insurance plan will cover this kind of thing.

For days, my son insisted that I was lying—that I made the whole thing up so that I could get rid of him. The first day, when I called to check up on him, he said, "I hate you. And I'm going to get my revenge as soon as I get out of here."

By day three, he was my calm, sweet boy again, all apologies and promises to get better. I've heard those promises for years. I don't believe them anymore.

On the intake form, under the question, "What are your expectations for treatment?" I wrote, “I need help.”

And I do. This problem is too big for me to handle on my own. Sometimes there are no good options. So you just pray for grace and trust that in hindsight, it will all make sense.

I am sharing this story because I am Adam Lanza's mother. I am Dylan Klebold's and Eric Harris's mother. I am Jason Holmes's mother. I am Jared Loughner's mother. I am Seung-Hui Cho's mother. And these boys—and their mothers—need help. In the wake of another horrific national tragedy, it’s easy to talk about guns. But it’s time to talk about mental illness.

According to Mother Jones, since 1982, 61 mass murders involving firearms have occurred throughout the country. Of these, 43 of the killers were white males, and only one was a woman. Mother Jones focused on whether the killers obtained their guns legally (most did). But this highly visible sign of mental illness should lead us to consider how many people in the U.S. live in fear, like I do.

When I asked my son's social worker about my options, he said that the only thing I could do was to get Michael charged with a crime. “If he’s back in the system, they’ll create a paper trail," he said. "That's the only way you’re ever going to get anything done. No one will pay attention to you unless you’ve got charges."

I don't believe my son belongs in jail. The chaotic environment exacerbates Michael's sensitivity to sensory stimuli and doesn’t deal with the underlying pathology. But it seems like the United States is using prison as the solution of choice for mentally ill people. According to Human Rights Watch, the number of mentally ill inmates in U.S. prisons quadrupled from 2000 to 2006, and it continues to rise—in fact, the rate of inmate mental illness is five times greater (56 percent) than in the non-incarcerated population.

With state-run treatment centers and hospitals shuttered, prison is now the last resort for the mentally ill—Rikers Island, the LA County Jail and Cook County Jail in Illinois housed the nation’s largest treatment centers in 2011.

No one wants to send a 13-year-old genius who loves Harry Potter and his snuggle animal collection to jail. But our society, with its stigma on mental illness and its broken healthcare system, does not provide us with other options. Then another tortured soul shoots up a fast food restaurant. A mall. A kindergarten classroom. And we wring our hands and say, “Something must be done.”

I agree that something must be done. It's time for a meaningful, nation-wide conversation about mental health. That's the only way our nation can ever truly heal.

God help me. God help Michael. God help us all.

Liza Long is an author, musician, and erstwhile classicist. She is also a single mother of four bright, loved children, one of whom has special needs. To read more from the Blue Review, click here.

 

Comments (354) RSS

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1
Thank you so much for sharing your perspective so honestly and lovingly. This might be a question with no answer given our current systems - but if you could have any environment and treatment for Michael, what would it be? And what can people around you do to help in the meantime?
Posted by K3 on December 15, 2012 at 11:16 PM · Report this
4
Thank you for posting this, Dan. I haven't been able to get it out of my head.
Posted by kerri harrop http://generalbonkers.com on December 15, 2012 at 11:22 PM · Report this
5
Sorry, I thought Dan posted this. Thanks Liza. It's a super important read.
Posted by kerri harrop http://generalbonkers.com on December 15, 2012 at 11:24 PM · Report this
seatackled 6
Thank you for this thoughtful post, for offering the perspective that is so often lost, and for the courage to share this vulnerable aspect of your life.

And hey, Slog staff, why aren't these threads being restricted to registered commenters?
Posted by seatackled on December 15, 2012 at 11:31 PM · Report this
7
The comments on the original posting site are important to read. All the people... All the problems.... Oh, my god.
Posted by Brooklyn Reader on December 15, 2012 at 11:31 PM · Report this
gregok 8
wow - the most important and relevant piece I have read on this issue. Courageous woman needs a big platform to speak from.
Posted by gregok on December 15, 2012 at 11:37 PM · Report this
Megan Seling 9
Amazing, heartbreaking, and inspiring all at once. Thank you for being so strong and for sharing.
Posted by Megan Seling on December 15, 2012 at 11:40 PM · Report this
10
Thank you for writing this!
Posted by agatha on December 15, 2012 at 11:41 PM · Report this
11
@8: YES! This story must be shared worldwide. Mental health must be properly addressed.
Posted by auntie grizelda on December 15, 2012 at 11:47 PM · Report this
13
In this particular case, the unregistered commenter @3 is right. Gun control won't help the mothers -- and god knows I feel for them because there was no help for my (thankfully non-dangerous) daughter -- but it will make it a lot less likely that these school tragedies will happen. Unfortunately, Adam Lanza's mother had an arsenal in their house.

@2, go sell your damned special diet somewhere else, at some other time.
Posted by sarah70 on December 16, 2012 at 12:00 AM · Report this
sirkowski 14
You didn't buy him guns, that's a start.

What is it with people buying guns for their deranged siblings? Phil Hartman bought his wife a gun because she was depressed. I mean, what the hell???
Posted by sirkowski http://www.missdynamite.com on December 16, 2012 at 12:07 AM · Report this
15
Thank you so much for writing this - i couldn't possibly agree more. I've been having the same conversation with my friends and colleagues since this latest tragedy occurred. I really do feel that what we need now is a real discussion about mental illness, and how we are failing so many people and families in need. To this end I created a White House petition, but right now it's not taking off. If this piece resonates with you, please consider signing it.

https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petitio…

I do hope that if anything positive can come from the horrors that we have been witnessing, it's that we finally start treating mental illness as everyones' problem, not just the territory of the families who try to care for their loved ones. No society can be healthy and whole that feels that it's appropriate to allow these tormented individuals fall through the cracks until they either wind up in jail or worse.
Posted by labs on December 16, 2012 at 12:41 AM · Report this
Knat 16
This puts another very important perspective on the importance of healthcare reform in the US that I don't think was emphasized enough. I hope... well... I hope.

That's all I can manage. This story has been a psychic vampire on me for the last two days. But thank you for sharing, Ms. Long.
Posted by Knat on December 16, 2012 at 12:44 AM · Report this
17
Thank you so much for posting this - I couldn't possibly agree more with your statement that what we need now, more than anything, is a real and compassionate discussion about how we should be treating mental illness in this country. As things stand right now, we do little to nothing for this very vulnerable (and large!) portion of the population, and the results are disastrous to families and the rest of society as well.

I have launched a petition on the white house site to ask the current administration to consider reexamining our current mental health system as a method for helping prevent future tragedies of this nature. Please consider signing it and passing it along. https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petitio…
Posted by labs on December 16, 2012 at 12:48 AM · Report this
18
Thank you so much for posting this - I couldn't possibly agree more with your statement that what we need now, more than anything, is a real and compassionate discussion about how we should be treating mental illness in this country. As things stand right now, we do little to nothing for this very vulnerable (and large!) portion of the population, and the results are disastrous to families and the rest of society as well.

I have launched a petition on the white house site to ask the current administration to consider reexamining our current mental health system as a method for helping prevent future tragedies of this nature. Please consider signing it and passing it along. https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petitio…
Posted by labs on December 16, 2012 at 12:50 AM · Report this
19
@13 It'll help the mothers not get shot in the face with their own gun. I'm all for gun rights, but people with mentally I'll and potentially dangerous family members need to be able to prove their guns are safe (such as, not stored in the house or anywhere else the mentally ill person could get them) before being permitted to own them.

Anyway, is it just me, or was this mother about to let her son wear his navy blue trousers to school?
Posted by madcap on December 16, 2012 at 1:02 AM · Report this
20
@13 It'll help the mothers not get shot in the face with their own guns. I'm all for gun rights, but people with mentally ill and potentially dangerous family members need to be able to prove their guns are safe (such as, not stored in the house or anywhere else the mentally ill person could get them) before being permitted to own them.

Anyway, is it just me, or was this mother about to let her son wear his navy blue trousers to school?
Posted by madcap on December 16, 2012 at 1:09 AM · Report this
MacCrocodile 22
With severe mental illness in the family, this has always been one of my most dreaded fears. I've had nightmares about a family member doing something like what we're all thinking, and finding that my family name is forever ruined, or a beloved family member lost forever.

Mental healthcare is one of my dearest causes. The stigma is still great (as witnessed by some of our more fervent trolls), and regardless of the guns issue, it is my greatest wish that mental healthcare (and healthcare, in general) be a matter of course that no one need worry about, but merely seek out for help.

I'm sorry for all the superlatives, but fuck. I suppose I'm not thinking clearly right now.
Posted by MacCrocodile http://maccrocodile.com/ on December 16, 2012 at 1:30 AM · Report this
23
Thank you for posting such a brave article. Having to wonder if jail is the safest place for somebody you care for is a scary, isolating thought. I work in the mental health field and have struggled significantly about the best way to balance helping and humanizing my violent clients. I can't imagine what it's like to be the loving mother of these children (and adults).
Posted by Marone on December 16, 2012 at 1:33 AM · Report this
25
Dan thank you. This is exactly what my family goes through with my oldest son. We've been through this over ten years and now that he's 18, the system is failing. The cops won't take him, the hospitals don't have the leeway to keep him for more than a couple of weeks. At least I know I'm not alone.
Posted by Marty's mom on December 16, 2012 at 1:40 AM · Report this
27
There's a mental illness a lot like this in my family, although the patient in question is not as violent. All I can say is, she's lucky this started while he was still a minor, while he is still covered by her insurance and she can still be involved in his treatment. Once he's of age, her choices are a) paying for his treatment, through insurance or out-of-pocket, without necessarily being allowed to see the diagnosis or treatment plan (and patients like this are rarely willing to comply with their medication schedules on their own) or b) letting him take his chances in the public health system/on the streets/in jail. It's probably much the same as having a serious addiction in the family, except that there's no conscious choice by anyone that started the whole thing.
Posted by Prettybetsy on December 16, 2012 at 2:28 AM · Report this
28
I'm guessing the reason there are so many repeated comments in this thread is that they're taking forever to show up, which makes the commenters think they didn't go through and try again? Tech-savvy at-risk youth?
Posted by Prettybetsy on December 16, 2012 at 2:37 AM · Report this
30
A very good nutritionist might help. Mega-doses of omega-3 fatty acids, niacin and Vitamin C are worth a try, and certainly safer than a cocktail of psychiatric drugs. Doctors are idiots when it comes to this sort of thing, they aren't trained in nutrition.
Posted by Marrena on December 16, 2012 at 3:34 AM · Report this
33
Autism Spectrum Disorders themselves absolutely do NOT predispose people to violence, although they may make the world overwhelming and a harder place to understand. ... http://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism
Having another disorder present could make it that much harder to control the symptoms and reach your child though.
I commend you for having plans in place! You are definitely doing right by your children!
I think mental health care in this country sorely needs to be addressed. I'm also glad you aren't teaching your son to use guns, or keeping them around the house. I think children shouldn't have to be around that kind of thing, especially when you have to worry about their safety and self-injurious behavior so much.
You are a good mother, and facing such a complicated and difficult struggle. Your son is lucky to have you-- and don't forget that you are helping him immensely by being so loving and involved, so keep up the good work, no matter how hard it gets!!
Thank you for sharing your experience!
Posted by Sola on December 16, 2012 at 3:55 AM · Report this
34
Autism Spectrum Disorders themselves absolutely do NOT predispose people to violence, although they may make the world overwhelming and a harder place to understand. ... http://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism
Having another disorder present could make it that much harder to control the symptoms and reach your child though.
I commend you for having plans in place! You are definitely doing right by your children!
I think mental health care in this country sorely needs to be addressed. I'm also glad you aren't teaching your son to use guns, or keeping them around the house. I think children shouldn't have to be around that kind of thing, especially when you have to worry about their safety and self-injurious behavior so much.
You are a good mother, and facing such a complicated and difficult struggle. Your son is lucky to have you-- and don't forget that you are helping him immensely by being so loving and involved, so keep up the good work, no matter how hard it gets!!
Thank you for sharing your experience!
Posted by Sola on December 16, 2012 at 4:00 AM · Report this
35
This is the reality of human disfunction that no one wants to acknowledge. And there are no easy answers. Let us at least have the strength to engage in this discussion.
Posted by paulus on December 16, 2012 at 4:11 AM · Report this
40
If you want to be informed about what is going on in mental illness, both on a treatment level and a policy level, nationally or by individual state, please begin with NAMI.org. You can seek answers and resources there.

Many of my friends have heard my question about this, but are there any studies about a correlation between video games and the personalities developed by the young men that have perpetrated the 61 mass killings since 1982. To my knowledge the 80's and 90's were the real revolution of gaming and it fits with the age profile of some these mass killings. How many of those boys played video games? I know the games desensitize and distance you from realities, but unsure if a study has been conducted. If you know of any can you please send me information? Thank you.
Posted by SantaCruzLynda on December 16, 2012 at 6:14 AM · Report this
41
I completely understand. I have 6 children. At 14 my now 16 year old daughter (3rd child) was diagnosed Bi-polar and ODD. She had been increasingly violent, had the mood swings, and her favorite phrase was "I do what I want." I always knew there was an issue. My ex husbands mom committed suicide when he was 19, due to undiagnosed bi-polar. He has depression and anxiety, and my daughter, has had full blown anxiety attacks since she was 4. She would also tell people, at the elementary school level, she had fragile feelings. She struggled in school. Although she tests extremely high, she is very disorganized (typical bi-polar). At 14 she came to me shaking saying she needed to go to the hospital, because she just wanted to die. We had always had open discussions in our home about mental illness due to my background in mental health and her dad's family history of mental illness. After diagnoses, she got to point where she refused to take her meds and she hit me. I filed domestic violence charges (had tried unruly before and no one would let me file.) and was the best thing I ever did. Yes, 3 days in jail was hard on her, but the judge court ordered her to take meds and follow all doctors orders or she would be put in a residential facility. That and having a good probation officer was the turning point. With no choice (she did not want to go to residential) she took her meds, we moved her to a special school for kids with behavior issues, and of course continued therapy. She is 16 now and spends half day at that school and half at the local career center. She had one suicide attempt, which would have been fatal, had she not panicked and called, but other than that, she has been doing wonderfully. These kids have to be held accountable. They have to be taught right from wrong, and that their are consequences for their actions. They also have to be taught they have a choice. Manage the illness or let it manage you. Empowering my daughter in her treatment and giving her consequences has worked well. I know many times bi-polar is misdiagnosed as ASD and ADHD and those meds will just make worse. Also every kid different, so one course of meds that works for one, will not work for another. You just have to keep trying, but set the behavior boundaries firm now, or once they get big enough, can be dangerous. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
More...
Posted by Buckeyegal0330 on December 16, 2012 at 6:18 AM · Report this
43
Thank you for sharing this post , I find it very sad to have our people go through so much hurt, physically, emotionally, and psychologically.All because it seems as though it is a black and white world with no shades of grey and nothing matters but the green. So sad for your hurt and your loss.
Posted by Fourluvs on December 16, 2012 at 6:25 AM · Report this
49
You are amazing sharing your experience. You are right. We have to deal with mental health. Jails are not the answer, we need a policy change, and educate people about this problem, it is not a shame to have a mentally ill member in our families, it is a shame ignoring the problem.
Posted by mgomez on December 16, 2012 at 6:53 AM · Report this
50
To answer a previous comment / question, I would imagine that Michael's mother would
prefer that he live a normal life in his own home with his demons under control. With any luck, somehow, someday, that will be a real possibility. We all need to help each other in that quest.
Posted by Holly Clark on December 16, 2012 at 6:54 AM · Report this
51
Thank you for posting your story. I was experiencing deja vu as I read because I have lived what you are living through except my troubled child is a girl. I spent years trying to get help in a system that is extremely broken. I too was told to go through the courts and have her committed to juvenile detention. But she is mentally ill! Not a criminal! I finally found a childhood psychiatrist who helped me commit her to a lock down treatment facility for 4-1/2 months. It was the key we were looking for but getting it about destroyed our family. My heart goes out to you and all the other parents dealing with a mentally ill child. I've been on the bandwagon for more mental health funding and research in this country. Maybe now politicians will listen.
Posted by Tracey on December 16, 2012 at 6:56 AM · Report this
53
@ 41, as you live in the US i can hardly imagine this hasnt been checked yet but i got miracly cured from my own anxiety disorder (and the "depresions" it caused) by finaly choosing to drug treat my ADD (i take a pretty low dose of ritalin now a days).
my ADD (already diagnosed as a kid) never felt seriously enough for treatment with what is after all an amphetamine ("okay i didnt go to univerity but college is good too so what" i thought) so i never did. Sadly it caused me to develop an undiagnosed co-morbid anxiety disorder which caused in turn a severe burn out, mild but escalating substance abuse and an undiagonsed chronic-hyperventialation problem which led to several years of intense medical problems (severe dizzyness, insomnia etc etc). when i finally got my anxiety disorder diagnose i got first behavior therapy (which didnt help much), then psychotherapy (which really didnt help), it was when in the end it seemed that only heavy downers would be the last option i myself discovered through anylising my (moderate) substance abuse and wikipedia sleuthing that anxiety-disorders (and bi-polar, OCD, ODD, depresions etc etc) can develop as a response to untreated AD(H)D.
now i'm like said on a small dose of ritalin and it really does seem like a miracle.
if you didnt already check it out, like you yourself say, often bi-polar is misdiagnosed as adhd but also very often bi-polar is mistaken for the problem and not a symptom.
there are way, way to many kids (esp in the US) completely unnescary on aderal and such but for some it is needed and can make an huge difference.
Posted by dutchie on December 16, 2012 at 7:04 AM · Report this
54
You should read "The Boy Who Loved Tornadoes"
Posted by mommasito on December 16, 2012 at 7:11 AM · Report this
55
I struggled for years with a son who had several provisional diagnoses and no real treatment or help. Unless he perpetrated crimes we could not get any real help. He had incredibly violent moments and most of the time the police viewed those issues as "domestic" and as my failure as his parent. There was a lack of financial resources according to social workers to help him because he didn't fit in to their disability need profiles. When he turned 17 - Wisconsin considered him an adult and the few bits of support we had in place were taken from us. I sent him to Challenge Academy at Fort McCoy and although this program is supposed to help kids just like my son - they kicked him out after 5 weeks - and it was because he finally made the right decision to not partake in illegal activities but angered another cadet in the process. This was a turning point in my son's life and I am relieved to say that at age 21 he's not in prison or worse. But I often wonder if he had had the benefit of more positive support and help and if he had been able to complete that program, could things be better? I feel like my son was pulled away from that cliff, but not far enough away to ensure his future stability. Now he can't get help as an adult because he's been inconsistent about follow up and again because he's not actively a criminal. There is no help in preventive efforts; it's only in the tragic aftermath does this become a discussion point that is quickly forgotten. I understand completely this mother's fears, and other than sharing my own story - I have no words that can help calm them.
Posted by ZanyZanne on December 16, 2012 at 7:11 AM · Report this
62
Thank you for posting this insightful story. It really seems to get to the core of what must be done to avoid these types of horrific situations. But I still belive there is a gun control piece that must be considered. This responsible mother put all the sharp objects into a tupperware and carried them around with her. It is my understanding that Adam Lanza's mother had multiple firearems in the house. How could that be? Perhaps we need background checks not only on indivduals purchasing a gun, but on their immediate family members. It may have helped in this case.

Posted by bruceatlime on December 16, 2012 at 7:35 AM · Report this
64
My heart goes out to this mother. The system is indeed broken. Prison isn't the answer.
Poster 17, your petition may get more responses on change.org. I agree that we need to focus the discussion on how to treat mental illness with accessible, early intervention. Focusing on gun control misses the root cause of the issue.
Posted by DaRob on December 16, 2012 at 7:39 AM · Report this
66
I am the older brother of someone with very similar symptoms. the fact that there is no solution is the most draining feeling in the world. my mother and father have sacrificed so much and i feel so bad for them. all i can do is wish he had never been born.
Posted by peedrama on December 16, 2012 at 7:46 AM · Report this
kim in portland 68
Dear Slog,

Would you all consider signing this petition for mental health care?
https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petitio…

Kindest regards,
kim
Posted by kim in portland http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2010/11/fast-paced_video_provides_a_fu.html on December 16, 2012 at 7:48 AM · Report this
69
I write as a mother and a mental health worker. I have been kicked, slapped and head butted by my child. I was lucky. I had money, I lived in a blue state, I had health insurance and because I was training in the mental health field, I had access to good advice. My child is okay now. And now I work in the mental health field and every now and again, someone will come to me with with this combination of developmental delay and emotional outburst and brilliance. I am able to see just one case like this at a time. The work is exhausting and a little scary. Rage is a frightening thing. It blows things up. It rampages. It's a seizure with action and words.
Posted by momof on December 16, 2012 at 7:50 AM · Report this
70
This is ridiculous. Why cant they diagnose this kid? Because there is no code for BRAT! Sorry mom, you blew it, somewhere way back in his childhood was the moment when you should have taken your hand to his ass and taught him that there would be consequences far worse than losing a video game. Your child still does not understand that he controls his world because you did not teach him how. Staying calm when he calls you bitch? Really? And before you say I dont know, I do, because I raised one like this. Instead of bemoaning his issues, I got to work, a lot of love and time teaching him social skills and my hand on his ass when he broke the rules. Anyway, now you have a big shit that you are scared of because you did not handle this when he was a little shit. What do we do? I have no idea. But I hope the next generation starts PARENTING instead of saying any kid who doesnt fit the angel mold (I have one of those too, what a pleasure) is mentally ill. No, they are individuals and require whatever type of parenting they need to learn life skills...one of them being, you dont call your mother a bitch. Period.
Posted by TiredOfTheExcuses on December 16, 2012 at 7:51 AM · Report this
71
Please, please consider Bach flower remedies and Homeopathy. Your son seems to have so much potential to have a bright future. I feel so sad that he had to go to the mental hospital and God knows what the pharmaceutical drugs must be doing to him.
Posted by Emerald C on December 16, 2012 at 7:53 AM · Report this
72
President Obama, promised the nation that it is time to take a look at why this keeps happening. Well, President Obama, please take a look at our mental health situation in this country. Open up a dialogue on Mental Health issues, that have long been stimgitized in the U.S. Prison is not the answer. I have mental health issues myself, generalized anxiety disorder, and PTSD. When I was 18, I tried to commit suicide. My parents intervened, and for the next 20 years, I was mis-diagnosed, given all sorts of pharmacetical remedys. This is not a political issue. I sat and watched the shootings at Sandy Hill...and of course the shooter had mental health issues. Who in their right mind would do something like that. I am doing well now, but I had to fight tooth and nail for the right therapist, group, and treatment center. I was fortunate enough to find a therapist who worked with DBT, and EMDR. I am on a mild anti-anxiety medication from a knowledgable pschiatrist. When are we going to take the stigma out of mental health? When? Until we do something about this , we will keep asking "why". Thank you Michael's mother who wrote this article. Please, lets open up our eyes and our hearts to those who suffer from mental illness. It is no different than cancer or diabetes. And look at all the funding that goes into that. I pray that this does not become a political issue of gun control...another gridlock in our society. I will pray for Michael, and our nation, to finally look into the real problems that we have.
Posted by greyeyedgirl56 on December 16, 2012 at 7:54 AM · Report this
77
Mental health is important, unfortunately a lot of people can not accept or understand that it is a medical problem. We have heart disease, liver disease etc. Why can the society accept that our brain can be ill. The manifestation of brain (mind) disease can be observed by our behaviour and thought processes. If a diabetic kid has to take insulin for the rest of his life. It is so difficult to accept taking psychiatric medication if the kid mental health is improved. I am not taking about unethical practice of a small number of psychiatrists. Most of us as a psychiatrist, we do in good faith, to heal, to comfort and not too harm, In most of the international psychiatric meetings, there will be an antipsychiatric demonstrating outside the convention hall.
I hope society can see that our brain (mind) as vulnerable as others organs in our bodies can be ill also. thyen@hotmail.com
Posted by thyen on December 16, 2012 at 8:19 AM · Report this
78
I saw this yesterday. I'm glad I'm seeing it again today.
Posted by suddenlyorcas on December 16, 2012 at 8:21 AM · Report this
80
Zyprexa is being administered to hyper-sensitive beings with a high amount of psychic conductivity. Zyprexa is basically a death sentence for the unfathomable mental power these people have, that is not being handled well at all, due to the high anxiety levels of those who think there's something "wrong" with them.
Posted by AtmaKaram on December 16, 2012 at 8:23 AM · Report this
81
The alternative medicine crowd is out in force today.

If it performed better than a placebo, it wouldn't be "alternative."
Posted by doceb on December 16, 2012 at 8:26 AM · Report this
85
The guns aren't the problem (of course they certainly don't help), because if it wasn't a gun, it might be a knife or a rope or...you get my point. Look at all the stabbings in China on that very same day...also involving school children, 22 children to be exact. The problem here is our health care system. Our poor children are suffering from a very toxic world. The toxins spiral epigenetic changes and then we add insult to injury with toxic foods, toxic cleaners, toxic vaccinations, toxic fillings, toxic pesticides and then ultimately toxic meds when they don't behave the way society expects them to.

We need to shift our thinking to the biochemistry involved in the mental well-being of our children. Their whole body is involved and this is a medical crisis. I too have children who are effected by the changes in our world in combination with our genetic mishaps. Genetics load the gun, our environment pulls the trigger. I have been able to naturally pull my boys out of this dark hole, but not without a LOT of hard work and research. The average parent doesn't have the time it takes to experiment and research and waste precious time on the trial and error of various treatment choices. Our medical community needs to get with the program. We need help. Doing this on my own is costly and time consuming and most parents don't have excess of either.

I would love to see a lesson taken away from this gargantuan and heartbreaking event. My heart breaks not only for the families who have had their babies and relatives stolen away from them, but for Adam and his family who were so obviously failed by the medical system. Drugs won't help these kids, they need real deep healing from multiple medical ailments. And it needs to start WELL before they get so sick.
More...
Posted by luckylot1999 on December 16, 2012 at 8:31 AM · Report this
90
thank you for sharing this--I am a R.N. certified in mental health nursing. I have no doubt Adams mother shares your story and have been having conversations about our lack of Comprehensive Mental Health system. Lets stop fooling ourselves that it only about gun control---it is clearly about the lack of understanding by our politicians .As a country we need to address our health system and social concerns with more money and top priorities. when budgets are cut mental health is at the top of the list---by our govt. and the insurance companies are allowed to follow this lead.Wake up America and do something real for a change--for our children before it is too late. These tradegies begin in childhood. Wake up PARENTS and see your childrens needs and address them.
Posted by popper1937 on December 16, 2012 at 8:38 AM · Report this
91
Thank you so much for sharing. I have 3 children adopted from foster care, all of whom have mental health issues. We are lucky that because they are adopted we get Medicaid, I cannot imagine having to try to get the services we need without it. So many pediatric services no longer exist or have long waiting lists leaving parents who need mental health services for their children in dangerous situations. My daughter (8) has been hospitalized 4 times in the last year for suicide attempts, harming her brothers and me and uncontrolled rage leading to thousands of dollars of property damage. I pray he gets the help he needs and your family finds a semblance of peace.
Posted by Adopted3 on December 16, 2012 at 8:39 AM · Report this
92
Thank you for posting this. It is not easy to open up on a subject so close to the heart as one's own. Our children are our pride and joy and our legacy.
This could very well be my story. I also have a son with mental illness. He has been diagnosed with ADHD, Autisim, OCD, etc. A long list of accronyms that do nothing but cause people to look at him and turn the other direction for lack of anything better to say.
He was in and out of court 3 times by the time he was 10. At school their answer was to move him from program to program because they could not handle him. When he reached the end of those moves, they would lock him in a cement closet during his melt downs to protect the teachers and the other children. Then they would call the police and have him suspended from school for 3 days. He had no remorse and did not understand any of this. Our Community Programs paid to have a specialist brought in to the class room to observe him and give recommendations but the teachers and administration did not respect those recommendations and closet confinement continued. We had to hold him back from being advanced to the middle school because he did not tolerate large group environments and knew that this would truly put him 'over the edge.'
When he was 9, he pulled out a butcher knife and threatened to kill himself and his 17 year old brother was able to wrestle it away, miraculously without anyone getting even a scratch. 2 days later, I was finally able to get him admitted to a mental health unit at a hospital out of town but not before jumping through hoops. We have no mental health facility or immediate care for mental health issues where we live and can not get in to another county facility without all the red tape and questions, some of which you described.
He injured and destroyed people and belongings for years and no one would do anything about it. He set my livingroom on fire 3 times. He is smart and devious and creative and with 5 children and being a working mom, it was impossible to keep up with him all the time. As a family we needed help. Our lives rotated around him and he learned how to use his behaviors as his advantage at a very early age. Every one was scared of him.
I've been down your road many times and your post gave me the chills remembering what it was like. My son will turn 21 in January. Fortunately for him, we were able to get him help, but it has not fixed the issue of mental illness. Last night when he threatened to break the dogs neck because he was angry with the dog at the time, my mind jumped back 10 years to when his issues became more than I was physically, emotionally and mentally able to cope with. I realized that I am still frightened of him. I am totally with you when you say that we need to address mental illness on a full national scale. We can't wait for all the face book posts to fix things even though people think that they are doing good by them. Mental illness is a real and serious issue. How many more mass slaughters will it take before this is recognized.
More...
Posted by Rev on December 16, 2012 at 8:44 AM · Report this
93
Thank you for sharing this. I am wondering if anyone who is going through this with a child has heard of, or visited, Dr. Daniel Amen. He has done revolutionary work with ADHD...not sure about his experience with autism spectrum disorders (I read his book on ADHD), but his focus is on brain imagery, and inevitably there are "dark" areas of the brain where blood flow is not normal in a lot of these kinds of situations. Pharmaceuticals are often a shot in the dark to address what is happening without a "road map" of seeing what is actually going on in the brain with impaired frontal cortex functioning of different manifestations.

Blessings to all the parents who are bravely struggling with this, and prayers for all the children.
Posted by karmababies on December 16, 2012 at 8:44 AM · Report this
95
Thank you for sharing this. I am wondering if anyone who is going through strugles with a child with psychological disabilities has heard of, or visited, Dr. Daniel Amen. He has done revolutionary work with ADHD...not sure about his experience with autism spectrum and other disorders (I read his book on ADHD), but his focus is on brain imagery, and inevitably there are "dark" areas of the brain where blood flow is not normal in a lot of these kinds of situations. Pharmaceuticals are often a shot in the dark to address what is happening without a "road map" of seeing what is actually going on in the brain with impaired frontal cortex functioning of different manifestations.

Blessings to all the parents who are bravely struggling with this, and prayers for all the children.
Posted by karmababies on December 16, 2012 at 8:48 AM · Report this
96
Awesome story, and yes mental health treatment, AND long-term, indeterminent, LOCKED, psychiatric hospitalization is clearly needed, but it does NOT address the issue of how those with these adolescents with mental illnesses, STILL GET ACCESS TO DEADLY WEAPONS (mainly firearms!). A psychotic kid is one thing. That kid having LEGAL AND PHYSICAL ACCESS TO DEADLY WEAPONS is quite another!
Posted by AtheisticallyYours on December 16, 2012 at 8:54 AM · Report this
97
"The morning of the pants incident, Michael continued to argue with me on the drive. He would occasionally apologize and seem remorseful. Right before we turned into his school parking lot, he said, "Look, Mom, I'm really sorry. Can I have video games back today?"

"No way," I told him. "You cannot act the way you acted this morning and think you can get your electronic privileges back that quickly."

His face turned cold, and his eyes were full of calculated rage. "Then I'm going to kill myself," he said. "I'm going to jump out of this car right now and kill myself."

That was it. After the knife incident, I had told him that if he ever said those words again, I would take him straight to the mental hospital, no ifs, ands, or buts. I did not respond, except to pull the car into the opposite lane, turning left instead of right.

"Where are you taking me?" he said, suddenly worried. "Where are we going?"

"You know where we are going," I replied.

"No! You can’t do that to me! You’re sending me to hell! You’re sending me straight to hell!"

I pulled up in front of the hospital, frantically waving for one of the clinicians who happened to be standing outside. "Call the police," I said. "Hurry."

Michael was in a full-blown fit by then, screaming and hitting. I hugged him close so he couldn’t escape from the car. He bit me several times and repeatedly jabbed his elbows into my rib cage. I’m still stronger than he is, but I won’t be for much longer."

This child is a master manipulator. His rages come when it doesnt work. Why does she keep doing the same thing qnd getting the same result? That is the definition of insanity, right? Mom, step back and read what you just wrote.. Leave the other stuff out. Maybe a new perspective will help you help him.
More...
Posted by TiredOfTheExcuses on December 16, 2012 at 8:55 AM · Report this
98
There is, in reality, very little we, medicine or society can do for children like this. You've already tried the medication route. You've already tried the long suffering patient parent route. This child will end up in a clock tower with a high powered rifle someday, and innocent people, multiple innocent people will die.
I'm sorry. This kid needs to be in jail.
It doesn't matter how smart he is, or how cute his Harry Potter doll collection is.
Lock this kid up or someone who doesn't deserve to die, likely his parents first, then others will die.
Do it now. His brain doesn't work right. It's not going to. It's sad. It's a tragedy.
Lock him up!
Posted by Racetothebottom on December 16, 2012 at 9:10 AM · Report this
levide 99
Would it be remiss to point out that we don't really know anything about Adam Lanza yet? Not that the piece isn't worth consideration, just maybe premature?
Posted by levide on December 16, 2012 at 11:24 AM · Report this
100
I am Adam Lanza's mother as well. My sons have both been through hell with mental disabilities. Someone better figure something out fast! We are all innocent victims, including the killers themselves. Please find out what is going on with our brains!!!
Posted by CandyB82 on December 16, 2012 at 11:25 AM · Report this
101
I don't mean to seem callous in my succeeding comments. "It takes a village to raise a child" and you clearly require and deserve support from your society and community for mental health and other services.

Research shows that school shooters typically "fly under the radar" of organizations that would detect their illnesses, which emerge in adolescence. That a clear picture of your son's illness already has emerged bodes well for him, for you, and for our community. Moreover, producing a school shooter requires four other factors . Improved mental health services and gun control both would be a good start to a more secure future for our children and us.
Posted by ProfessorHudak on December 16, 2012 at 11:26 AM · Report this
102
I hold you in the light.
We do not do what we ought to for people living with mental illness in this country. Couple our lack of support for the mentally ill who may become violent and our gun-loving culture and you have a recipe for repeated disasters.
It's time to get very serious about funding hospitals, residential programs and lock-down units, as well as research in therapies, for those who suffer from mental illness.
Posted by Beverly on December 16, 2012 at 11:34 AM · Report this
103
@97: Because what else can she do? She's right, jail isn't the right place for him- it's just as likely to make him worse as make him better.
Posted by alguna_rubia on December 16, 2012 at 11:36 AM · Report this
104
Liza, et al, here is a policy statement that my husband wrote up last night, it addresses THE issue, mental health...

Please feel free to spread it far and wide.  

I only ask that everyone please include the title, which gives my husband credit for writing it up.  Thx! 

--------

Policy Statement by Peter Corkett (kathleencorkett@gmail.com)

Mandatory Gun Ownership Insurance

It’s time for the gun community to shoulder the cost:

I am tired that society as a whole must pay for the cost of the damages wrought by firearms. 

Though no monetary price can ever truly provide recompense from the tragedy of a life stolen, the quantifiable costs ought to be burdened by the industry and consumers of firearms and ammunition.

To that end, be it resolved that anyone who produces, manufactures or supplies a firearm, or ammunition, will be required to possess a policy for the full indemnification for any harm or damage to any person or property resulting from the use of that firearm or ammunition.

And such policy of insurance will be required until such time that the firearm or ammunition has been duly sold to a third party, and that party has provided evidence of a policy of insurance releasing the seller of that said liability.

All owners and producers who do not obtain firearm insurance will be held financially liable for all damages resulting from use of any firearm or ammunition they own, even when the use thereof that was not authorized by the owner or used with owner's knowledge, including firearms the owner, producer or seller can no longer account for.

Accordingly, if a firearm or ammunition is stolen or used without the knowledge or consent of its rightful owner, that owner must still provide for the full indemnification of such damages resulting from its use.

The producer of firearms or ammunition who sells said products, but does not have evidence that the buyer insured it, must provide for the full indemnification of such damages resulting from its use. This liability shall hold true for all firearms and ammunition produced prior to adoption of this resolution.

All insurers must keep all funds collected for the purpose of firearm indemnification separate from all other insurance funds and may not use other funds to indemnify firearm related damages, such that health, motor vehicle, home, life and any other insurance premiums are not affected by claims for firearm related damages.

With that said:
If you own a gun responsibly, your insurance premium will be low, but the price will rise for the irresponsible owner who will then be incentivized to act with due diligence or abandon ownership entirely.

Insurers may offer lower premiums to the insured who submit to regular mental health assessments, and may require that the insured take scheduled training classes regarding the proper storage and safe handling of firearms.

Insurers may set premiums based on the full assessment of risk factors that each policy warrants, including:

   -->the type and quantity of firearms or ammunition
   -->the past criminal activity or mental health of the insured,
   -->the commercial conduct of the insured as it relates to the production and distribution of firearms and ammunition,
   -->the insured's association with individuals likely to pose risk; and
   -->the rate of firearm related crimes in the community in which the insured resides or distributes firearms and ammunition therein.
If you find this insurance to be expensive, then don't buy, manufacture or sell guns. 

But if you do; you and those like minded individuals such as yourself who choose to be gun owners are required to shoulder at least the financial responsibility that such a wide distribution of firearms places on society as a whole.  By:  Peter Corkett (kathleencorkett@gmail.com)
More...
Posted by KathleenC on December 16, 2012 at 11:37 AM · Report this
105
There are now programs in many states because of the closing of all the mental health facilities.I advise you to look up benchmark/ AWS and the states that it is available in and we are expanding as well.
Posted by lanidelene on December 16, 2012 at 11:38 AM · Report this
106
Thank you for posting your honesty. That is important, and I agree there needs to be more mental health benefits. The insurances pay for about ten visits to a therapist and expect people with mental health issues to be better by then. I totally understand and live in frustration about the mental health coverage. Most insurances do not even cover mental health, in patient, out patient programs for mental health, half way houses, etc. I have spent thousands of dollars myself with no help from insurance. We need to take a stand and fight for mental health coverage.
Posted by Frustrated Mom on December 16, 2012 at 11:39 AM · Report this
107
Liza, et al, here is a policy statement that my husband wrote up last night, it addresses THE issue, mental health...

Please feel free to spread it far and wide.  

I only ask that everyone please include the title, which gives my husband credit for writing it up.  Thx! 

--------

Policy Statement by Peter Corkett (kathleencorkett@gmail.com)

Mandatory Gun Ownership Insurance

It’s time for the gun community to shoulder the cost:

I am tired that society as a whole must pay for the cost of the damages wrought by firearms. 

Though no monetary price can ever truly provide recompense from the tragedy of a life stolen, the quantifiable costs ought to be burdened by the industry and consumers of firearms and ammunition.

To that end, be it resolved that anyone who produces, manufactures or supplies a firearm, or ammunition, will be required to possess a policy for the full indemnification for any harm or damage to any person or property resulting from the use of that firearm or ammunition.

And such policy of insurance will be required until such time that the firearm or ammunition has been duly sold to a third party, and that party has provided evidence of a policy of insurance releasing the seller of that said liability.

All owners and producers who do not obtain firearm insurance will be held financially liable for all damages resulting from use of any firearm or ammunition they own, even when the use thereof that was not authorized by the owner or used with owner's knowledge, including firearms the owner, producer or seller can no longer account for.

Accordingly, if a firearm or ammunition is stolen or used without the knowledge or consent of its rightful owner, that owner must still provide for the full indemnification of such damages resulting from its use.

The producer of firearms or ammunition who sells said products, but does not have evidence that the buyer insured it, must provide for the full indemnification of such damages resulting from its use. This liability shall hold true for all firearms and ammunition produced prior to adoption of this resolution.

All insurers must keep all funds collected for the purpose of firearm indemnification separate from all other insurance funds and may not use other funds to indemnify firearm related damages, such that health, motor vehicle, home, life and any other insurance premiums are not affected by claims for firearm related damages.

With that said:
If you own a gun responsibly, your insurance premium will be low, but the price will rise for the irresponsible owner who will then be incentivized to act with due diligence or abandon ownership entirely.

Insurers may offer lower premiums to the insured who submit to regular mental health assessments, and may require that the insured take scheduled training classes regarding the proper storage and safe handling of firearms.

Insurers may set premiums based on the full assessment of risk factors that each policy warrants, including:

   -->the type and quantity of firearms or ammunition
   -->the past criminal activity or mental health of the insured,
   -->the commercial conduct of the insured as it relates to the production and distribution of firearms and ammunition,
   -->the insured's association with individuals likely to pose risk; and
   -->the rate of firearm related crimes in the community in which the insured resides or distributes firearms and ammunition therein.
If you find this insurance to be expensive, then don't buy, manufacture or sell guns. 

But if you do; you and those like minded individuals such as yourself who choose to be gun owners are required to shoulder at least the financial responsibility that such a wide distribution of firearms places on society as a whole.  By:  Peter Corkett (kathleencorkett@gmail.com)
More...
Posted by KathleenC on December 16, 2012 at 11:39 AM · Report this
108
Reading this reminded me of my 20 year old younger brother, who has Intermittent Explosive Disorder. It sounds like him TO A TEE when he was 13 and even still. He has been and still is on medication, has been through counseling, has been institutionalized, been to juvi & jail and not much has helped. He is a very likeable person as well most of the time, but he can be downright frightening during his episodes. I wish you the very best of luck getting help & answers.
Posted by Lilashoo31 on December 16, 2012 at 11:41 AM · Report this
DOUG. 110
I don't think it's correct to include the Columbine shooters with the others she mentions. Acting in concert with another is a different form of criminality which can't be explained by mental illness alone.
Posted by DOUG. http://www.dougsvotersguide.com on December 16, 2012 at 11:45 AM · Report this
111
I saw someone else post about Bach flowers as a remedy. I have been using this for my husband for years and the improvement is phenomenal. B-complex vitamins are helpful as well but you also should lay off processed foods. I do not think that man-made drugs are a panacea for ANYTHING, and changing and mixing the drugs and dosages cannot possibly have a positive effect on anyone. If you find something that works, as did the poster with the low dose of Ritalin, fantastic! that is great news and the drug has worked as intended, as many drugs will for those who were truly properly diagnosed AND are not allergic or sensitive to the drug - but if you are mixing things up, it cannot possibly be beneficial.

We didnt have these kinds of mass murders at this rate before processed foods, GMOs and mass-marketed psychotic drugs were around. Think about THAT. The pesticides and herbicides we eat are poison. And while I dont believe they are the sole reason for any of this madness, I believe they do exacerbate the condition. There are many who believe that all illness, mental or physical, is curable by diet alone, and while I am not fully convinced, I believe these methods have merit that need more research.
Posted by steph819 on December 16, 2012 at 11:47 AM · Report this
112
First of all, parents have to get back to disciplining our children. There is no way I would ever be intimidated by a child of any age. The bible says spear the rod spoil the child. Children do what they sea lowed to. We can blame it on a mental condition, but what's it comes down to is stop trying to be there friends. "Time out" is cool,but sometimes they need more. You need to take control back from 7 year old. Next he calls you a bitch, which tells me he has called you that before. Make him eat a bar of soap. This passive parenting creates these thing. It is never acceptable to let's your children talk to you any kind of wayway or put their hands on you. I have a 7 year old, and of he don't do because we don't accept it.
Posted by ballmaurice@hotmail.com on December 16, 2012 at 11:49 AM · Report this
113
I completely agree with you. I have struggled with depression from time to time, mostly when I was a teenager and in undergrad. I remember going to the University's psychiatric services department and they told me I needed more 'permanent help' and handed me a list of people to call. I went down the list and nobody could see me for the next 2 months. By the end of the list, I was crying and hopeless and even more depressed than I was before. I ended up drinking an entire bottle of vodka, and luckily my roommates came home and found me passed out on the couch. So I can't even imagine what you go through - mine was just depression and I fortunately hadn't had any thoughts about hurting somebody else, but if I did...well...something is just broken in our system.
Posted by OneGirl on December 16, 2012 at 11:49 AM · Report this
114
I read your article thoroughly and hung on each word. I work in a state run group home and I work with individuals just like your son. As a parent myself and as a provider of services, i feel your pain and I agree that there is a serious lack of option and treatment for these troubled individuals. I have not read all of the above comments but I wonder, has anyone ever considered a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder for your son? I pray that more can be offered not only to the troubled individuals but also for their family members because it truly is a family illness.
Posted by Csp on December 16, 2012 at 11:51 AM · Report this
115
As a society that recognizes children who suffer from varied disability, perhaps if we had a better system established from an early determined diagnosis age with proper treatments & educational needs we wouldn't have these reoccurring issues today. When a school district feels that they "did their job" by placing a child in their special needs program and wipes their hands. That's not enough. Parents live with these children 24/7, we say we need help we reach out to all agencies, departments & doctors- none want to step in and help. It's your child your headache, your heartache. Years ago these children were institutionalized. Today's society declares it inhuman to place your child in an institution (which is called residential living today) you didn't see or hear about children with mental illness. As President Obama stood before America on tv shedding tears for those families in this Connecticut tragedy, he wasn't offering an ounce of help to the families that live with this everyday. He wants to cut more Federal funding for special needs children's education & programs. So who and where do we get help to prevent circumstances like this from escalation? These are children who are trapped &tormented within their own bodies all they really want is help and a windows chance at being like everybody else.
Posted by cb224 on December 16, 2012 at 11:52 AM · Report this
116
For those of you assuming he is just a brat, take a step back. While I'm the first to agree there is way too much lax parenting in this country, that doesn't mean this is a case of it. There is a big difference than bratty and mentally ill. With most bratty kids, you don't have to fear that they will do someone serious physical harm. There are actual chemical imbalances that a swat on the rear will not help. Even a simple food allergy can cause severe behavior problems. You need more info on the situation before you can make an assumption like that and more information on mental illness.
Posted by saddened on December 16, 2012 at 11:56 AM · Report this
117
Sorry, but I need to put this out there: if Adam Lanza's mother was even remotely concerned about his condition, why did she keep a semi-automatic combat weapon within his reach (not even locked up)? Do I really restate that her very available weapons are at least partially responsible for the deaths of 20 children? If anyone has a reasonable answer for this, I'd love to hear it. Thanks.
Posted by bloodgimp on December 16, 2012 at 12:01 PM · Report this
118
Immediately when I saw the argument about the pants and Michael calling you a bitch—I connected with you. That is my life. I don't always handle it as deftly as you, I am in a isolated area and have trouble finding the help I need, but the school district is working closely with me, CPS has connected me with some resources and we are finally on our way to getting more assistance in day-to-day life. Life is hell for us, it makes me cry often, but those bright spots make all the difference. Thank you for sharing, it is always nice to know I am not alone.
Posted by gabby2001 on December 16, 2012 at 12:04 PM · Report this
119
dear cb224... keep your hatred to yourselves.. you must be reflecting your own hatred you see when you blame mr. Obama... for he holds malice toward none.. even people like yourself who sees hatred where there is none...oh gosh... could it be you suffer from a disorder...one that sees distortions... ... hmmm... get yourself some help instead of blaming the innocent.
Posted by nowonder on December 16, 2012 at 12:05 PM · Report this
120
I have three adult children who are finally, after years of struggles with what seemed to be simple depression and/or alcohol or drug addiction carryover from their high school days, getting help and realizing they have BRAIN CHEMISTRY DISEASE - one or two of a variety of disorders caused by Brain Chemistry Imbalances.

I could not agree MORE with this article and the need for a national discussion on Mental Health. Let's begin, please, with a paradigm shift on the name, thus label, thus stigma of the term Mental Illness. Perhaps if we called it by a term that truly describes what it is, a disease caused by chemical imbalances in the brain, then perhaps we can create an environment that feels safer and more inviting for those suffering from these imbalances, and their family members and friends, to leave behind their fears and denial, and let's begin a process of more awareness, acceptance, action and healing for ALL.

Posted by Roni on December 16, 2012 at 12:07 PM · Report this
121
My thirteen year old grandson mirrors this story.he is a state ward.they blame the parents and family.they think a new family will work.by taking him away they are creating a catastrophe in the making.our state systems are SO wrong.god help these children
Posted by pjk on December 16, 2012 at 12:07 PM · Report this
122
My thoughts are with you. I don't have a situation like this but mental illness has to come first. I wish I knew what to do, where to start, to make a change. Why is it that all thee horrible things happens and it's about the guns? If it were Cancer it would truly be considered a do ease and you could get help. Kids are required physicals every yr or whatever it is for their age, but not a mental health check-up?? Like mental disorders and disease isn't important? It makes no sense to me at all. Peace be with you and your family. Thank you for sharing your story. Will be sharing!
Posted by Slkisstephanie on December 16, 2012 at 12:09 PM · Report this
123
I'm sorry, but I need to put this out there: if Adam Lanza's mother was even remotely concerned about his condition, why did she keep a semi-automatic combat weapon within his reach (not even locked up)? Do I really restate that her very available weapons are at least partially responsible for the deaths of 20 children? If anyone has a reasonable answer for this, I'd love to hear it. Thanks.
Posted by bloodgimp on December 16, 2012 at 12:11 PM · Report this
124
First of all, parents have to get back to disciplining our children. There is no way I would ever be intimidated by a child of any age. The bible says spear the rod spoil the child. Children do what they are allowed to. We can blame it on a mental condition, but what's it comes down to is stop trying to be there friends. "Time out" is cool,but sometimes they need more. You need to take control back from your year old. Next he calls you a bitch, which tells me he has called you that before. Make him eat a bar of soap. This passive parenting creates these thing. It is never acceptable to let's your children talk to you any kind of wayway or put their hands on you. I have a 7 year old, and of he don't do because we don't accept it.
Posted by ballmaurice@hotmail.com on December 16, 2012 at 12:12 PM · Report this
125
Zyprexa should NOT be given these children.crazy drug
Posted by pjk on December 16, 2012 at 12:14 PM · Report this
126
It has been shown that ALL mental illness has a physical cause. It could be a hormonal balance, like a thyroid issue. It could be a tumor in the brain. But most often it is food intolerances causing mental problems.

My husband's cousin was suffering for many years from absolutely debilitating depression. They tried every anti-depressant there is, nothing worked. Until they found out that she is dairy intolerant. Once completely off dairy, her depression completely lifted within a week. If she cheats and eats a yogourt or ice cream today, she will be back in the deep black hole of depression by tomorrow.

All schizophrenics are gluten intolerant, 100% of them. Nearly all (about 95% ) will be completely cured on a gluten free diet. Too bad that would put psychiatrists out of business, so they don't want to know, and they certainly don't want their patients to know.

Gluten has also been shown to cause depression, bi-polar, anxiety attacks, ADHD, OCD, defiant behaviour, anger problems...... really ANY mental illness there is, in people who are intolerant.

I used to have complete meltdowns about once a week or so before eliminating gluten from my diet. I am also on the autistic spectrum, which makes me more susceptible to be gluten intolerant.

It sounds like this young man might has Asperger Syndrome, like me...... and eliminating gluten and/or dairy from his diet to see if it helps would be a good idea.
Posted by ursulamargrit on December 16, 2012 at 12:14 PM · Report this
keshmeshi 127
I'm still not seeing what the solution is to this other than bringing back institutionalization and forced medication.

You all know the reason why jail and prison are the only "solution" for the mentally ill, right? Because its illegal to forcibly institutionalize someone who's not almost literally frothing at the mouth. It is not illegal to throw them in jail. Regardless of whether mental health care is accessible and affordable, the second Michael reaches adulthood, unless he's essentially already been cured, he will spend his entire life in and out of jail because its *his* choice whether to accept treatment or not.

A major theme in these mass shootings is that the shooter refused treatment at some point, or at many points, in his adult life.
Posted by keshmeshi on December 16, 2012 at 12:15 PM · Report this
128
I wonder if the son ever had a serous *head-injury*? (A serious concussion, like from falling off a bike onto concrete without a helmet.) The behavior and symptoms are consistent with this, though of course it's not the only possibility.
Posted by Dave145 on December 16, 2012 at 12:15 PM · Report this
129
@70, get a life and quit presuming to understand other people's children, you don't live with them. Since her other two children don't suffer from these problems, I severely doubt that it is her parenting skills that have ANYTHING to do with Michael's behavior. It is people like you who put a stigma on these kids and don't search out the solution to the problem.
Posted by gabby2001 on December 16, 2012 at 12:17 PM · Report this
ballard dude 130
reading that is just heartbreaking...
Posted by ballard dude on December 16, 2012 at 12:23 PM · Report this
131
Thank you for your post. My uncle was diagnosed with a form of schizophrenia at age 47. He had 3 adult children and two small grandchildren. He had been divorced for many years and was living with my widowed grandmother. He went for many months saying that "they" were out to get him, "They put lenses in his eyes and microphones in his ears." He would argue and fight with my grandmother and push her and call my father all hours of the night to fight over the phone. A few years back when my grandmother was on vacation with some friends he stood in am old fashion, metal wash basin full of water and dropped a toaster into the water while it was plugged into the wall. When he was taken to the hospital they treated him for some time on the mental illness and realized he needed triple bypass surgery. When he left the hospital after this who ordeal he seemed much better, maybe it was just the lack of O2 to his brain due to the heart issues?? We didn't know, but it seemed as though things were on the mend. A year ago my father received another 2am phone call and he decided to try to wrap his brain around the mental illness at this point, he took the following day off work and went to my grandmother's home to address the situation, to take my uncle to get mental assistance once again. When he arrived my uncle pulled a gun on him, the police were called and when it was all said and done there was a court issued restraining order against my uncle. Now these are just the highlighted stories of this whole ordeal, there was much more to this situation involving the cops and medications and drug abuse. You see we come from the stereotypical middle class family, we aren't poverty stricken or ultra wealthy, by all standards we are completely "normal". 5 months ago, my grandmother was making dinner in her kitchen and she heard a blood curdling scream from her attached garage, she ran out the door to see my uncle crawling on his belly to get outside under the garage door- FULLY engulfed in flames from head to tow. He burned 85% of his body, top-to-bottom, inside and out. He lived for 2 months in a burn unit in Toledo OH and eventually his body couldn't take it any more. My family lived in turmoil for many years and denial most of those years. Even to this day, some people will not say that his burning body was self inflicted. I ran the 2nd largest homeless shelter in the city of Chicago and 75% of the individuals we served had some form of mental illness and there is little-to-no help out there for people. We must come to a point where we realize that a mind can be sick and/or get sick just like anything else. I thank you ma'am for sharing. I don't talk about this much in terms of my uncle and I think I should start. It isn't a happy thing to speak about, but it is oh so very necessary. Because no matter how "normal" your family is you can still have someone in it who is sick and needs help. If we are ever to prevent another situation like this from happening we must all stand arm in arm and begin a dialogue and begin a path to help those who suffer because of mental illness. I will be praying for you and people like you in this world and I will be talking about these issues with as many people as I can, in my little corner of the world. I encourage others to do so as well.
More...
Posted by Lindskl1 on December 16, 2012 at 12:23 PM · Report this
132
I think this mother's comments are an illustration of the tip of a very large iceberg. I am a retired former teacher who spent my entire career teaching learning different children. Many of them suffered from conditions that impaired their ability to socialize appropriately and communicate their feelings in acceptable ways. The parents of these children love them and want the best life possible for them, but they know the challenges they present. Even with the most stringent effort of diligent and caring teachers, when placed in a traditional setting, these children will often be ostracized by other "normal" students who, disturbed by their tantrums and bizarre behavior, often react by bullying or teasing them. As a teacher, I, too, struggled with my feelings of helplessness, frustration and often guilt in being unable to provide what they needed. I hope this mother's letter can help bring attention and positive solutions to this growing problem.

Yes, some might say that without the guns that were available to him, Mr. Lanza would not have been able to commit this terrible act. But a mentally-ill person intent on causing harm to others will find a way, whether with a gun, running a car into a crowd, or strapping a bomb on his body and detonating it in a crowded place. As our world population continues to grow exponentially, so will the number of mentally-ill people. We need to listen to concerned teachers and parents like this one and identify potentially dangerous individuals and intercede before their behavior can escalate into another mass murder.
Posted by busP on December 16, 2012 at 12:29 PM · Report this
133
I agree with a lot of what I've read and sympathize with this mother and the parents of mentaly ill family members it truly has to be difficult to live this way day in and day out day after day.

As much as we all wish the solution to this problem was in sight, it is not.

I hope I am not viewed as insensitive but till there is a solution to this problem I think that if you know your child is a danger to themselves, to you, your children or your community, you must do whatever you have to do prevent that danger including incarcerating or placeing the ones you love the most in an institution,

Posted by Calling it as I see it on December 16, 2012 at 12:32 PM · Report this
135
Who the hell is Adam Lanza?
Posted by DisorganizedReligion on December 16, 2012 at 12:44 PM · Report this
136
I feel the need to speak out about the recent school shooting. We always go to the gun control side of this problem. Every shooter we have had in our history has a mental problem. That is the real problem. We need to address it. I have a sister who has suffered with schizophrenia all of her life. She is 3 years older than me. When I was under school age, she was my hero being the older sister. I knew immediately upon entering kindergarten that she was not like the rest of the kids. Through my elementary school time I kept telling my parents what she did, like talking to her hand and laughing at inappropriate times. They used to tell me that we were two different people and she was just different from me. I became ashamed to admit she was my sister especially in high school as her behavior became really noticeable. She was a genius on the verge of insanity. She went to college and got a master's in education and actually taught elementary school students until she finally had the first break down and she was fired and diagnosed. The voices they hear in their heads are real. Those voices tell them what they should do. She was "Susan Christ” when she was off her meds. Our family was lucky in the only violent thing she did was punch out an Atlanta policeman.
I watched for years as my parents struggling with her behavior and the fact that they had a flawed child. She became unmanageable and it was finally decided to get her into a home. She was a disruption to the family and when she was finally removed from the family home it was a major relief. She has been in and out of homes, mental hospitals all of her life as they do not like to take the drugs and go off of them at that point. She was so smart she could go into a mental hospital and have herself out within 24 to 48 hours. Jimmy Carter did away with mental hospitals and gave them the personal right to be in charge of themselves. She has to be talked into doing everything. Recently my sister and I and a whole nursing staff had to talk her into putting a "feeding port" in so she would not starve herself. The years of psycho drugs has made her bones brittle so she cannot escape anymore and do damage to herself or anybody else. She walks with a walker. She has resolved herself that this is life and the way it is going to be. She is like talking to a 5 year old. One time when she went on one of her "off the drugs" binges, my dad was angry at her and giving her the devil, she said to him "But Dad, you don't know what it is like living with a mental illness." When I talk to her now I remember that statement and I think, she is still my hero.

I get very angry when I hear things like the psychologist at the University of Arizona knew there was something wrong with the theater shooter and just released him from the college. To me he was textbook schizophrenic. Look into their eyes. A schizophrenic's eyes are in constant motion. I can look back at family photos of my in the past and see the distant look in my sister's eyes. Parents: Please admit your child has something wrong and get help. Psychologist: Please diagnose them correctly. Law Makers: Please make some laws that will not allow them to go back out into society where they can harm themselves and other people. And give them a place to live out their lives in the best possible way that they can. And colleges, they thrive in an educational setting. Most of them are very smart and excel in academics. They are in their early to mid twenties when these voices become out of control. Be prepared. Too many mentally ill people are out there with out the proper treatment and care.
More...
Posted by csquared9 on December 16, 2012 at 12:44 PM · Report this
137
I am a psychologist who has worked in community mental health for years and done some time in a hospital ER. Sometimes the work is incredibly rewarding, like when you know that your empathy and validation made a difference or when you had a lightbulb moment and some luck and got someone into the program they needed without a week-long wait. But there is a part of the job that is so frustrating. Because the thing is- we have programs to help the most seriously mentally ill (not perfect by any means and we need mental health parity and more funding and on and on....) and sometimes the people who need these programs most say no to them either directly or behaviorally. Want to know how many times I've gotten someone an intake appointment for case management so that they could get more intensive treatment in the community that they didn't show up for? More than I can count. And sometimes the most effective intervention has been the natural consequence of involvement with the law. I think incarceration system needs an overhaul full stop but when someone refuses to take the medications that keep them relatively regulated, it's a very tough battle for any mental health practitioner. We need a system where we can more actively mandate treatment and safeguard the public when mandated treatment isn't complied with.
V. Cane, Kalamazoo MI
Posted by torycane on December 16, 2012 at 12:51 PM · Report this
138
This took courage to share, and was painful to read. I cannot imagine the fear a parent in this aituation must have. And I have no doubt that our broken mental health and health insurance systems are indeed part of what we are witnessing in our world today.

However, it is this state of affairs PLUS the easy availability of automatic weapons and limitless rounds of ammunition that has resulted in repeated massacres and created a unique crisis. Unlike the author, Adam Lanza's mother was a gun enthusiast who took her boys to shooting ranges and kept guns in her home, including the military grade assault rifle and handguns that claimed the lives of 26 human beings in addition to her and her mentally ill son. I would ordinarily never want to judge the parenting skills of others or presume to know best how to deal with another parent's child. But when you have a child prone to violent or self destructive outbursts, you have a responsibility to change your lifestyle accordingly - for the sake of your self, your child, and the lives of others.
Posted by FCB on December 16, 2012 at 12:54 PM · Report this
139
My step son fits your childs description to a Tee. If you haven't lived it, you cannot know the difficulties. We were always in fear, because he had no concept of boundries or sociatal norms. Fists through the walls, explosive anger, intimidating and belly bumping his mother.... Sweet boy and exceptionally smart and inciteful when he is in a good mood, unpredictable and scary when he's not. Most frustrating is there is little help available. He's been diagnosed Asbergers. Special needs schools won't take him because he's not bad enough, social programs are full, therapists can only see him once a month, etc... We worked with the school, councilors, probation officers, teachers, etc.. His anger issues and feelings of being a victom cause lots of resistance on his part. We lived our lives for years around what happens when his school calls. Not if but when... who will have to leave in the middle of work to get him from school, who takes sick days when hes suspended, etc... For two years, I locked our bedroom door at night for fear he might try to kill us in our sleep. His issues caused intense strain on our family and on our marriage. He is 18 and has been out of our house for 1-1/2 years but we still worry about him. He won't take his meds any longer and we have no say in his life. He talks about having evil in his heart but won't talk to anyone and hasn't done anything.... yet. Though I have intense anger at the young mans actions, I have intense sorrow and understanding for his mother. I'm sure she loved him and wanted to protect him, even at the loss of her own life, up to the very end. There but for the grace of God go I... Please know that there are others of us in your same position. You are not alone.... If you cannot help him, help yourself. Accept that you're not a bad mother. Your actions didn't cause this. Find a support group of people with similar situations to yours to help you find stable ground.... good luck and god bless
More...
Posted by kcbob on December 16, 2012 at 12:56 PM · Report this
141
Thanks for stating the obvious that this cheapskate society tries so hard to ignore. Anything that can't be solved with tax cuts, the magic of "free markets" (whatever that is supposed to mean), deregulation, government spending cuts or brute force just can't be solved, and shouldn't even be discussed or "politicized" apparently.
I think Mrs Lanza had a deathwish. I might have felt sorry for her, but she chose assault weapons instead of a set of ginzu knives. I really have to conclude that she felt like others should have to suffer the consequences too, for leaving her in that situation.
Posted by jussmbdy on December 16, 2012 at 1:02 PM · Report this
Cook 142
Thank you for writing this, Liza. I'm at a loss for words in how to respond to your piece, especially the difficulty in getting treatment, but I would love to know more or be able to help in any way possible--not just for your family, but all those unable to get mental health treatment like Michael.
Posted by Cook on December 16, 2012 at 1:04 PM · Report this
Mothermarion 143
Thank you for the sharing...... I so resonate with this story....having loved and supported my own adult child through mental illness accompanied with her Parkinsons disease... she took her own life tragically and I care for her child...... It scares me sometimes...... sometimes I ask what is normal tolerance for some behaviours..... and what is because of his tragic life experiences..... Love, compassion , understanding..... allowing space for the special gifts "these children" bring into the world and there are so many more of them today..... it is an oppourtunity to wake up and begin to teach and provide for our children differently......All the time I was reading the above I kept thinking of oUr Education Minister of our Government in New Zealand and she and her sources of information need to take stock! and be a little more creative in their output and planning. GRatitude for the lovely souls who are always willing to listen and support...... My heart and soul go out to this woman , myself and others who are still able to find the energy and time to make a stand.......<3
Posted by Mothermarion on December 16, 2012 at 1:04 PM · Report this
144
@comment 70... there is always SOMEONE in these discussions that pops up that has never been touched my mental illness and that refuses to acknowledge that they exist. Please don't comment... you don't have enough real world knowledge to add to the discussion. Mental illnesses like depression and whatever illness the child in this article has are most definitely real and the are most definitely being ignored by U.S. society right now.
Posted by dlefevre on December 16, 2012 at 1:10 PM · Report this
145
its to bad not all parents are like you . we have a child a teen that my sons have gone to school with and it will just be a matter of time till he snaps , the parents turn a blind eye from him and so do the schools..... tic tock we moved far away from him and pulled our kids from the school. not waiting around to see him explode.
Thank you for being a responsible and loving parent
Posted by jm92563 on December 16, 2012 at 1:14 PM · Report this
146
its to bad not all parents are like you . we have a child a teen that my sons have gone to school with and it will just be a matter of time till he snaps , the parents turn a blind eye from him and so do the schools..... tic tock we moved far away from him and pulled our kids from the school. not waiting around to see him explode.
Thank you for being a responsible and loving parent
Posted by jm92563 on December 16, 2012 at 1:15 PM · Report this
147
I'm loving all the comments from people with PhDs in the hard biological sciences citing double-blind studies and peer-reviewed metastudies proving beyond any doubt that all mental illness is caused by nutritional deficiencies, that no mass murders happened before the days of pesticides and herbicides, that mega-doses of Omega-3 fatty acids and niacin cure all ills, that a gluten-free diet cures schizophrenia, etc., etc. Jesus, the only thing worse than pharmaceutical companies that push crappy, overpriced drugs by rigging FDA studies, advertising on TV, and giving doctors kickbacks are the morons who reject all evidence-based medicine because of how corrupt our healthcare system is.
Posted by PCM on December 16, 2012 at 1:16 PM · Report this
148
I applaud the moms who have the courage to talk about this. I also want to encourage those moms who feel they are at the end of their ropes to look into something called, Brain Highways. It is not new, but it is spreading and it is giving lots of parents hope.
You can google Brain Highways or just type in the name with .com. You won't regret it.
Posted by lori10 on December 16, 2012 at 1:22 PM · Report this
150
In traditional societies, how would this be handled? I'm guessing via physical coercion from powerful relatives, who would beat up the son if/when he acted-out. (He wouldn't have access to assault weapons there, either.) Perhaps that's a better way to go?
Posted by Dave145 on December 16, 2012 at 1:23 PM · Report this
151
Impossible not to be in tears. Thank you to the brave mother and family for writing this, and thank you for posting.
Posted by RachelFlotard on December 16, 2012 at 1:23 PM · Report this
Chelydra_serpentina 152
@97 - Enlighten us. Please recount, step-by-step, exactly what the mother did wrong in this scenario, and what she should have done instead.

Be very explicit -- tell us exactly what you would say and what you would do to bring the situation to a peaceful end, with Michael in school, wearing the correct color of pants, and learning along with his classmates. And then explain exactly what you would say and do if the action you took at each step did not help, but rather escalated the situation, bringing on the kicking-screaming-thrashing-biting stage even sooner.

And no cop-outs. You can't say, "His mom already ruined him; there's nothing anyone could do." Pretend you're his new parent, and you are charged with taking the first steps to turn this kid's life around.
Posted by Chelydra_serpentina on December 16, 2012 at 1:26 PM · Report this
153
Tears came to my eyes, I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel. But I feel you did the right thing for the safety of yourself and your children. I pray that he gets the help he needs. You are a good mother
Posted by Bonadela on December 16, 2012 at 1:31 PM · Report this
154
Am I seriously the first person to wonder where this kid's father is? Why did he leave this poor woman to raise four kids, one mentally disturbed, by herself? And where is Adam Lanza's father, for that matter? Were they such horrible men that these women thought they would be better off raising mentally ill sons on their own?
Posted by The Magic of Television on December 16, 2012 at 1:50 PM · Report this
155
Thank you Ronald Reagan
Posted by cocopuffs on December 16, 2012 at 1:51 PM · Report this
156
Thank you Ronald Reagan!
Posted by cocopuffs on December 16, 2012 at 1:55 PM · Report this
157
I would say this is a genuinely valuable article, that even perhaps Adam Lanza's mother could have benefited from. Her purchasing of guns and sharing in their use with him even possibly being the individual to train him to shoot, was in hindsight the biggest mistake of all. There must surely be something more we as a nation can do to provide better and more thoughtful care to those with mental and emotional disorders. That said, our gun culture and the ease with which guns are purchased and brought into any and every household must be curbed.
Posted by ICR on December 16, 2012 at 1:56 PM · Report this
158
I feel terrible for this mother and what she has gone through ... this is clearly a mental health issue. And I pray for their family

But as I read about the Columbine shooting, I can't help but think that besides it being a mental health issue, it's definitely a BULLYING issue. These two boys where bright and smart, and ostracized from their classmates because they were different. All they wanted to do was be accepted. There are accounts of those boys even having human feces thrown at them ... like really? I do believe though that it is completely and utterly tragic that the way they had dealt with their issues was in an absolutely devastating way, resorting to violence; ultimately taking lives and then their own at the very end. It's really, truly sad, and my heart goes out to all those families who have lost their loved ones because of these people.

While I agree it is definitely a mental health issue, but we need to stop the bullying as well.
Posted by ddd278 on December 16, 2012 at 2:06 PM · Report this
159
I feel terrible for this mother and what she has gone through ... this is clearly a mental health issue. And I pray for their family

But as I read about the Columbine shooting, I can't help but think that besides it being a mental health issue, it's definitely a BULLYING issue. These two boys where bright and smart, and ostracized from their classmates because they were different. All they wanted to do was be accepted. There are accounts of those boys even having human feces thrown at them ... like really? I do believe though that it is completely and utterly tragic that the way they had dealt with their issues was in an absolutely devastating way, resorting to violence; ultimately taking lives and then their own at the very end. It's really, truly sad, and my heart goes out to all those families who have lost their loved ones because of these people.

While I agree it is definitely a mental health issue, but we need to stop the bullying as well.
Posted by ddd278 on December 16, 2012 at 2:07 PM · Report this
160
The guns aren't the problem (of course they certainly don't help), because if it wasn't a gun, it might be a knife or a rope or...you get my point. Look at all the stabbings in China on that very same day...also involving school children, 22 children to be exact. The problem here is our health care system. Our poor children are suffering from a very toxic world. The toxins spiral epigenetic changes and then we add insult to injury with toxic foods, toxic cleaners, toxic vaccinations, toxic fillings, toxic pesticides and then ultimately toxic meds when they don't behave the way society expects them to.

We need to shift our thinking to the biochemistry involved in the mental well-being of our children. Their whole body is involved and this is a medical crisis. I too have children who are effected by the changes in our world in combination with our genetic mishaps. Genetics load the gun, our environment pulls the trigger. I have been able to naturally pull my boys out of this dark hole, but not without a LOT of hard work and research. The average parent doesn't have the time it takes to experiment and research and waste precious time on the trial and error of various treatment choices. Our medical community needs to get with the program. We need help. Doing this on my own is costly and time consuming and most parents don't have excess of either.

I would love to see a lesson taken away from this gargantuan and heartbreaking event. My heart breaks not only for the families who have had their babies and relatives stolen away from them, but for Adam and his family who were so obviously failed by the medical system. Drugs won't help these kids, they need real deep healing from multiple medical ailments. And it needs to start WELL before they get so sick.

The first place I would look is in the literature regarding PANDAS/PANS.
More...
Posted by luckylot1999 on December 16, 2012 at 2:13 PM · Report this
161
This woman's article puts into words so many things I've thought and wondered about families of mentally ill people. I wish her and all the other families of mentally ill people all of the help and care that she deserves. Thank you for posting it.
Posted by mitten on December 16, 2012 at 2:17 PM · Report this
162
First of all,...PLEASE don't start judging these Mothers or even Fathers...it could happen to anyone! No One,..and I mean no one truly believes their child could do something this horrible, but mental illness does things to a person beyond our imaginations. I am a Mother who knows this all too well. There are mean, ignorant people out there who think they and their families and friends are PERFECT, but trust me...YOU know someone who is mentally ill! My Son killed no one but himself but I grieve (even after 11 years) as deeply as all the parents who lost their precious babies on the 14th of Dec 2012 but I have no one to blame. Mental illness is so very hard to explain or accept for some people. My Son sought out help but was TURNED AWAY FROM A HOSPITAL 10 days before he died! When is this country going to accept the facts and start DEALING with mental illness?!!! How many of these shootings is it going to take? There were WARNING SIGNS in this case..as in so many others...they were just ignored and BABIES paid the price! Oh please, think before you judge the parents...most of us ask for help,..I know I did.
Posted by Julia Williams on December 16, 2012 at 2:18 PM · Report this
163
I have a friend whose son tore through (tore the door off its hinges) her bedroom door to get at her when she turned off his Internet access. He was a big gamer - involved in some multi-layer war game where he was some kind of "general" or something (with kill authority.)

This is not an isolated incident.

It would not surprise me AT ALL to hear that Adam Lanza's mother turned off his Internet access (or some other denying action) and that, mixed with the cocktails of psychotropic drugs (probably) in his system derailed/unglued/infuriated him long enough for him to wreck destruction on the planet.

It will happen again. And again and again until we, as a society, recognize that the TV is NOT a babysitter and the Internet is NOT ALWAYS a teacher and the kinds of "games" distributed to our children DO NOT bear their best interest at heart nor have a positive impact on their (developing) minds.

What happened here is the "Perfect Storm" of mixing all kinds of addictions - Internet, drugs (legal or illegal) and a medical/pharm profession motivated and fueled by profit.

On some level Adam may not be to blame.

We all need to look at ourselves and the part we play in our childrens' lives (and the lives of other children.)
Posted by MaureenSharib on December 16, 2012 at 2:19 PM · Report this
165
At what point in your son's life did you start putting him on psychiatric drugs? Many children are put on these meds at 3 and 4 years old. No one knows all the potential side effects, and no one questions this practice. I have a son with "learning disabilities" and was constantly told by school "officials" to put him medication. Medication for what, I asked? He had problems socializing with peers and talked differently, so was told he had a "communication disorder". He was bullied quite a lot, but had no violent tendencies in spite of it; "Do they make a pill that will make his peers want to talk and socialize with him?", I asked. A huge number of these shooters were prescribed powerful psychiatric drugs, but no one questions whether it's the drugs themselves that are causing the problem. Why did we not have these shootings 15-20 years ago before the widespread prescribing of psychiatric drugs to children?
Posted by toyprob on December 16, 2012 at 2:21 PM · Report this
166
Thank you for sharing your personal story. I totally agree with you. As a society, we clearly need to do more to research, educate, treat, and support those with mental illness and their families. Criminalization of the mentally ill is not the answer. It sounds as though you have taken every possible opportunity to protect your son as well as others and get him the treatment that he needs. You have maximized the resources available to you. In my mind, you are not Adam Lanza's mother. If you were, based on the information we have learned, you probably would have known that providing access to a cache of weapons and training in the use of lethal force with those weapons would not have been in your son's best interests, the interests of your family or the interests of his community. My heartfelt wishes for the health and happiness of your family, especially as we try to make sense of this tragedy.
Posted by Darden Rice on December 16, 2012 at 2:27 PM · Report this
167
for those touting gluten free diets and flowers and whatnot, please share info on where to find the research that backs up your claims. not trying to be a dick, i actually would like to know more about natural therapies in mental healthcare.
Posted by cb on December 16, 2012 at 2:27 PM · Report this
168
We are all to blame for what happened In Conn. First when I saw the photo of the killer when he was younger, I had the feeling he was ADHD or bipolar, or both. I know some children like that, and they have no feelings for anyone or anything. Then you let them play those violent, combative, video games on the computer, and they are getting good feelings from killing people online. I have seen how it affects those youngsters. They have toy guns that they point at people and shoot them or toy swords that they use in a very negative way. All learned from playing those games. It is only a game, but to ADHDs, or kids who are bipolar, they don't see the difference. Then they grow up, read about a shooting somewhere and they say to themselves, "I can do better than that", then they go out and do it. Think about it, the guy started off the day shooting his mother in the face. He had probably misbehaved, and when his mother reprimanded him, just shot her. What normal child could shoot his mother in the face?

We allow those game people to put those games online. Yes, parents can try to stop their child, but these children are bright, and know how to manipulate computers - I've seen it - at seven and eight they know more about computers than they let on. These children are very manipulative and know how to get what they want. Why aren't those games made illegal and taken off the Internet? The answer is the same for all of the things that are bad for us, Tobacco, GMOs, leaf-blowers, to name a few.

The answer is simple - money. As long as we put money before right, we are losers.
That is no reason to allow the stupid manufacturers of those violent games, designed for kids, to continue to stimulate those violent inner feelings, and desensitize their inborn feelings of brotherhood. This is the first reference to the type of child he was, or what his computer habits were. Is the media protecting the game business? Do we need that kind of business - one that can cause a person to shoot his mother in the face? We allow it, and we are as guilty as the shooter. It cannot be lightly passed over. If we allow it, we will also be responsible for the next shooting. There are hundreds of ADHD and bipolar kids out there who are queuing up for the next round.

I believe that children with ADHD and, or bipolar symptoms should be treated in a special way. I don’t mean drugged, I mean find out at an early age, how to help them grow up in this world of violence in a way that they can be productive. My experience with them has shown me that they are far advanced mentally, but have traits that affect their behavior. They have a lot to offer, if we can only see the way to help them.
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Posted by Parsecsam on December 16, 2012 at 2:30 PM · Report this
seandr 169
Great piece. Thank you, Liza.
Posted by seandr on December 16, 2012 at 2:39 PM · Report this
170
This is such a well written, articulate article. You are Adams mother as we are all Adams mother, we are all Andrea Yates sister....we are all connected and need to pay attention to those around us. NO ONE should be so alone that they have the ability to unleash such destruction. We must ask ourselves what OUR culpability in all of this is. Where were were at the time, where were we when they were growing this destruction.
So, when somebody says, in what ever way they are capable "I need help" do not turn away....Give generously, give genuinely, with love.
Nancy
Posted by Nancyanne6 on December 16, 2012 at 2:50 PM · Report this
171
"Stigma"? Thinking badly of a boy who threatens his mother and siblings with a knife isn't a stigma. It's accurate.

Still, a safe place where this young man could be educated and use his talents for good--his own first of all--would be very good. In addition to any damage he might do to others, he himself would be wasted in jail.

Sometimes these kids get less intense if they get older, past twenty-five or so. Fingers crossed.
Posted by DRF on December 16, 2012 at 2:52 PM · Report this
173
You have written an insightful piece about your son and your life. Reading your essay brought back memories of growing up with my family's Michael. One difference for your Michael is that he has at least one parent who is insightful, willing to be somewhat objective about the fact that he has a disability and is willing to read and learn as much as possible on behalf of her child and other family members. If I had one wish for our Michael, it would be that he had the same. Instead, he has a mother who chooses to deny problems, indulge his every wish even when it went from wanting a toy to wanting a business or odd exotic pets (and subsequently buying him out of all the disruption he caused and the financial ruins he left along the way) and she rejected all advice from knowledgable people interested in helping. The result is that his mother encouraged things that doomed him to failure, and doomed the family to long-lasting misery and worse.

As you know, the DSM is changing its dx of Aspergers but that is probably the best characterization of children with these characteristics. The current changes in the DSM won't help your Michael or anyone's Michael--as the public has been miles ahead of the mental health community on issues related to Aspergers--which is not really a mental illness (but a developmental disability which is a life long condition that is more similar to mental retardation in the sense that it is congenital and life long) although a person can also have a co-existing mental illness--a co-morbidity (currently Axis 1 and 2). Aspergers is not Borderline personality disorder even though they may exhibit some similar behaviors (as cancer isn't a broken leg but both can involve pain).

Those with Aspergers don't usually cut themselves and don't usually have histories of substance use. They also don't necessarily come from chaotic families or have histories of abuse.

And, in contrast to borderlines, Aspergers is present at birth and is likely both congenital and genetic. Not everyone with Aspergers has all the characteristics I will describe but all have some (otherwise they would not have the dx).

People with Aspergers have difficult adapting-especially to change to their routines or interruptions of the habits. Adults with Aspergers may resist things typical people embrace-fun surprises, new cars, vacations at different place. They have great anxiety about any change although they don't express it as anxiety but as a preference for the same. They will often list many reasons for declining the change-none of which is particularly compelling. They may appear very bright but then do things that are inexplicable to others (from the standpoint of others). They tend to be concrete and don't like abstractions, may have a series of obsessive interests, lack the ability to take the perspective of others (so they don't see how their interests aren't shared, for instance), have persistent and pervasive difficulties with interpersonal relationships despite wanting to interact (they can't figure out the subtle rules of interaction and why they are so off beat)-they can't connect to others in a typical way although they may relate to their parents-but even that is not typical.

Adults with Aspergers often get in the same difficulties again and again without noticing a pattern. They don't see their role in the problems that surround them. They will blame others even when they obviously caused the problems. They don't learn from others; observing others doesn't teach them how to interact or how to improve on any dimension. And, they often steadfastly refuse to change even if it is obvious to everyone else that there is something they are doing that is causing everyone else great grief. They won't change even when a small change in an unimportant thing would make everyone around them much happier. They usually lack the natural ability to communicate using nonverbal cues. So, they may talk at somebody for a long time about their obsessions without noticing the dazed look on the other person. If the other person cuts them off or walks away they will get angry at the other person's "rudeness". They may know etiquette but not manners. They are rule governed but confabulate to make their own conduct match the rules. Since they can't take the perspective of another person, they can't see how their own conduct might be hurtful even if they use proper etiquette. They focus on details but ignore the bigger picture. They often have limited ability to tolerate frustration and obstacles and often fail to see when problems are emerging. When they encounter frustration they can't call upon the coping strategies typical people take for granted. Because they can't take the other person's perspective (theory of mind) they also don't really think about others as having feelings, ideas, and lives that are just as real and just as important as their own. Adam Lanza, for example, probably did not really consider the children as being such-they were not that much different to him than if they had been dolls or toys. Had he lived, he might have been remorseful but not more so then had he ruined his mother's collection of teacups. And his remorse would be directed at being sorry he made his mother angry rather than being sorry about what he actually did.

Not all people with Aspergers are violent and/or have problems regulating their emotion and using adaptive problem solving. But to avoid the discussion for fear of stigmatizing people is also a mistake. Aspergers is not a new phenomenon and the mental health community has not figured out how to deal with disorders that are developmental in nature. The kids won't grow out of them. The dialogue should focus on how to prepare parents and kids for the teen years and adulthood when a child has a developmental disorder and how to change the laws so that they permit people to access life span care at the level necessary to ensure their safety and well being.
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Posted by Arelative40years ago on December 16, 2012 at 2:57 PM · Report this
174
THIS WOMAN NEEDS TO DO SOME RESEARCH. AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDERS ARE NOT MENTAL ILLNESS. YOUR CHILD IS ACTING OUT FOR A REASON. BE HIS MOTHER AND DO YOUR BEST TO FIGURE OUT WHAT HE IS TRYING TO COMMUNICATE TO YOU WITHOUT BEING ABLE TO SAY IT WITH WORDS. CHILDREN LIKE THIS OFTEN HAVE AN INABILITY TO PUT INTO WORDS WHAT IS WRONG, SO THEY ACT OUT. THEY HAVE EXTREMELY RIGID IDEAS ABOUT RULES. IF ANOTHER CHILD WORE PANTS LIKE THAT TO SCHOOL AND IT WAS ACCEPTABLE IN HIS MIND THEY BECAME OK AND HER NOT LETTING HIM WEAR THEM ACTUALLY VIOLATED HIS "INTERNAL" RULES. MANY CHILDREN LIKE THIS HAVE DIFFICULTY WITH SENSORY OVERLOAD. MY SON IS ON THE SPECTRUM AND WILL NOT PUT ON CLOTHES THAT ARE COLD OR EAT FOODS WITH CERTAIN TEXTURES. IF I TRY TO FORCE THE ISSUE HE MELTS DOWN HOWEVER IF I PUT HIS CLOTHES IN THE DRYER FOR A MINUTE SO THEY ARE WARM HE GETS READY WITH NO PROBLEM. SOUND OVERLOAD IS ALSO AN ISSUE WITH MANY ASD PEOPLE. THEIR BRAIN DOES NOT FILTER AMBIENT NOISE SO THE GET OVERWHELMED EASILY. I'M SURE THE POLICE BLAZING IN WITH THEIR SIRENS AND TOO MANY PEOPLE SPEAKING TO HIM AT ONCE JUST MADE THE SITUATION WORSE. POLICE DEPARTMENTS ALL OVER THE COUNTRY ARE HOLDING TRAINING TO BETTER UNDERSTAND HOW TO DEAL WITH PEOPLE WITH ASD. PLEASE LOOK, INTO SOMETHING CALLED THE INCREDIBLE 5 POINT SCALE, YOU CAN MAKE ONE FOR FREE AND USE IT TO HELP DETERMINE WHAT YOUR CHILD'S TRIGGERS ARE. THEN TRY TO SEE WHAT SIMPLE THINGS YOU CAN DO TO MAKE THOSE TRIGGERS MORE TOLERABLE. THERE ARE PARENT GROUPS ALL OVER THE COUNTRY THAT MEET AND HELP EACH OTHER WORK THROUGH THESE TYPES OF ISSUES. BY HER DESCRIPTIONS IN THIS ARTICLE "MICHAEL" DOES HAVE SOME TRAITS OF AN AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDER, BUT IT DOES NOT SEEM LIKE THAT IS ALL THAT IS GOING ON. BUT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON'T STIGMATIZE YOUR CHILD OR ANY OTHER CHILDREN LIK,E HIM BY COMPARING HIM TO ADAM LANZA. WITH SOME HARD WORK AND UNDERSTANDING ON YOUR PART YOU CAN AVOID THAT FOR YOUR CHILD.
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Posted by Aspergers mom on December 16, 2012 at 2:59 PM · Report this
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To add:
The difficulties for children with Aspergers have nothing to do with the TV shows they watch, computer games they play, artificial ingredients they eat, whether they come from a two or one parent household, etc. They don't outgrow Aspergers -it is a life span disorder-but they can develop compensatory skills that help them deal with the difficulties in a more adaptive fashion and that help the family deal more effectively with the problems. Aspergers is a genetic congenital neurological disorder. It probably has to do with aberrations in synaptic pruning, among other neurological aberrations. Other family members often have the same (or similar) disorder in a milder form and the family configuration reflects a rate of attention deficit disorder and some more subtle difficulties at a rate higher than the rest of the population.
Posted by Arelative40years ago on December 16, 2012 at 3:07 PM · Report this
177
I hear you so loud and clear. Four years ago we adopted a 15 year old boy. He so small and so abused his whole life. My husband and I were sure we could make a difference. We had raised 3 wonderful children, one with special needs. I was home full time. So here we go. The first year went very well. He was mainstreamed in regular educational classes and was on the honor roll. He worked and tried so hard. We never lacked on support and structure that we were told was so important. Then he began change. First a push here and there then the cussing began. In six months time we no longer knew who is was. He had become violent at school and home. He did not care who he hurt and long as he hurt someone. Total strangers were not even left alone. He has put bruises on me, on my husband, he as abused our dogs and tried to ruin our lives. He calls me names I can't even repeat. I AM afraid of my son. I have had friends tell me to put a baseball bat under my bed but if he ever got his hands on it you would not be able to identify my body. This has gone on for the last two years. He is out of high school now. He is currently in jail but will be out on Jan 2. We have begged for mental health services for him. No one will listen!!! He IS going to kill us and or others. We have asked the judge, the probation officer anyone we can get to listen. NO CARES ABOUT THESE KIDS, ADULTS UNTIL SOMETHING HAPPENS. GUNS ARE NOT THE PROBLEM! MENTAL ILLNESS IS THE PROBLEM.
Posted by kathisigntome on December 16, 2012 at 3:09 PM · Report this
178
lower case keys are more soothing and friendly :-)
Posted by Arelative40years ago on December 16, 2012 at 3:09 PM · Report this
179
having had a lifetime of battles thru out my life with mental illness i must say that i agree and disagree with this whole theme going on here. My parents tried to pretend i was normal and keep me mainstream and I had a host of issues within the system but i made thru. Now what I am about to say is my opinion and I am not trying to force it on anyone . That being said. I am of the belief that the kids that are committing these crimes have a 2 part issue. maybe 3. Most of them have been diagnosed somewhere along the line and for whatever reason the suggested regime was ignored or dismissed as a wrong diagnosis, because they were afraid of the stigma that comes with such . I can relate to that but i would rather deal with the stigma that ever risk an incident like this happen. But perhaps the most trouble thing i see is that some kids today have no moral compass, no sense of right and wrong. they think any kind of press is good press and the media feeds that notion. It should be about the victims and their families not about the person that did this very vile act. The idea of gun control to stop this is absurd. I would be willing to debate anyone on the subject.. In closing we need to pray for the families of the victims and do what we can to help them heal. the you man that fif this is where he belongs. I have no sympathy for anyone who would harm a small child. If I offended anyone I am sorry you are offended but i fiemly stand by what U said
Posted by kletus on December 16, 2012 at 3:10 PM · Report this
180
As a school nurse for 20 years, I saw many children that would fit this mold, parents begging for help, and we never had this situation but many that could have been. Gun control is fine, but it is not going to stop this type of behavior. Parens of these children cry for help, teachers beg for help, some get it - some are told to control their classroom.
Hard to do when you have a child that constantly requires your attention and is angry at everyone They need early intervention and the sooner the better- reach out if you can - spent extra time with a child that is taking all the teachers time. It may not be a fun experience but it may help this individual feel like that are worthwhile.
Posted by Bibi on December 16, 2012 at 3:18 PM · Report this
181
Folks, I admit this is sad, but the time for pity and feeling sorry for people is over. But are we really, TRULY ready to talk about all the issues that might play into these children who grow into monsters??? Almost all of the experts agree that in this particular kind of situation you have a OFF THE CHARTS INTELLIGENT child, both Adam Lanza and this child, but this kind of madness doesn't appear over night. As these smart kids grow up the anger compounds and grows with them. What is Michaels biggest concern????? GETTING HIS VIDEO GAMES BACK! Are we ready to talk about the damage that these absurdly horrible games have on growing minds that are already angry?? Taking away his video games as punishment only makes him angrier. Why is a kid like this losing himself in video games when he needs 24/7 attention and stimulation. I'm sure it's getting to the point where his mother is so worn down that a few hours of him on video games allows her to keep her sanity just long enough to get up and live this nightmare all over tomorrow. What about the other three children in this family. Their formative years aren't playing with their friends (probably because nobody will let their own child in that house) or quietly reading a book, it's knowing escape plans from their brother so he won't kill them. Where is the father???????????????? Any boy needs a strong father figure, but a child like this needs it ten-fold. There is no way this mother can support the family, take care of three other children ( who are going to have some issues because their childhood's are being stolen) and see to it that Michael is in constant mental health care. So I ask you, are we really ready to address all these issues, or will will the walls go up when people are confronted about their out of control child and feel like they are being accused of being bad parents?......will gamers laugh and say "I'm not a killer so games aren't the issue...." are we ready to talk about institutionalizing these children??? I hope so.....but like most things after the sting of this leaves our consciousness will it just be status quo again?
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Posted by Worriedsick on December 16, 2012 at 3:26 PM · Report this
182
Thank you for sharing this heartfelt story of your everyday life dealing with your mentally ill child. It's very enlightening and more than a little bit touching, and I'm very sorry that you have to deal with such a heartbreaking situation.

However, I must point out one aspect where you clearly are NOT like the mother of Adam Lanza. While you go to the trouble of keeping all potentially dangerous knives and sharp implements out of the hands of your son, Nancy Lanza tragically failed to keep her mentally ill son from gaining access to her collection of lethal firearms. I see her not only as a victim, but as an enabler and facilitator as well.

I know in my heart we can never remove guns from our firearm crazed society, but surely we can demand that gun owners take responsibility for keeping their lethal weapons out of the hands of those who are prepared to use them against us. If your hobby includes stockpiling weapons capable of facilitating mass killings, you had damn better have the means and willingness to keep the rest of us safe from them. But progress in this area will be difficult in a country where the NRA has bought out such a large number of our elected representatives.
Posted by ReverendGoodwin on December 16, 2012 at 3:27 PM · Report this
183
Aspergers Mom- True. I know that this must be difficult for the mom, but I can see that by further pathologizing her son and linking him with such a horrible crime, there is a real issue on the parental level of compassion and understanding for his disorder. This is the most heartbreaking part of it all. You have turned against your own son when he is not well. He needs just the opposite. He needs a mom who will work to understand him and his disorder so that he is soothed.
Posted by kdu2101 on December 16, 2012 at 3:28 PM · Report this
185
Apparently not every child is a blessing.
Posted by tiktok on December 16, 2012 at 3:31 PM · Report this
186
I live your story with my 12 year old son. Have you gotten an ASO level on Michael? This cyclical behavior could be from Strep or Lymes...I am not joking. My son changed demeanor at 9 years old when he punched me one day for taking away his wii remote. He proceeded to trash our home. After months of this very cyclical behavior our pediatrician amazingly noticed something...it was always after a sore throat. Justin was diagnosed with PANDAS (pediatric autoimmune neuropsychological disorder associated with Strep) and the story continued to get worse with him trashing our home every few months or all the sudden flipping on me that I was a stupid retard or dumb b**** when he didn't get his way. he has been diagnosed Aspergers and ADHD but our behavioral specialist who has helped us through this said its too cyclical to be either of these diagnosis. After 3 years and numerous trips to the Dr or ER including one that involved the police and paramedics when he tried to put a sledge hammer through my SUV window BUT doesn't remember it we finally have an answer. He was admitted the a Children's hospital and treated with IV IG to help his strep levels and Lymes levels so that we may regain the amazing son we have raised. This may not be your situation but what could it hurt to test ASO level, western blot test, etc and keep a record of what happens the weeks leading up to his outbursts. It just may help diagnose something that so many don't believe exists because its so new to the medical world. Our children today are having neurological symptoms related to infections that have gone undiagnosed or aren't completely cleared by antibiotics. My prayers are with this family and so many others living these stories.
Posted by Mom2all3Js on December 16, 2012 at 3:31 PM · Report this
187
In some ways, yes you are the mother. But in one crucial way, you aren't: you have had the good sense not to have assault weapons within easy access of your son.
Posted by sasquatch breakdancer on December 16, 2012 at 3:40 PM · Report this
188
I read this mother's post with total compassion and understanding. I have two grown children whose mental illnesses were not diagnosed until after they had gone into crisis. Yes, we can talk all we want about these events, but mental illness is definitely the conversation we need to be having. So many desperate parents in North America are trying to deal with situations that need a LOT of support they seldom receive. Due to financial restraints a lot of supports that used to be there have been cut. Families are paying the price. And, too often, society itself, as witnessed by this week's horrifying events.

I am glad this mother is speaking out. I wish every major newspaper in North America would carry her story. There are people in every town, and sometimes every street who are in over their heads dealing with situations trained professionals find difficult.

My heart goes out to them all, parents, siblings, and the mentally ill child/adult involved. There are few paths more difficult. Plus they love their children. Which makes it all the more heartbreaking a struggle.
Posted by Sherry Marr on December 16, 2012 at 3:40 PM · Report this
189
I know a man who has (mild) asperger syndrome, and is bi-polar. He isn't violent, and off medication, and as an adolescent he is/was very outgoing and brilliant. He isn't even temperamental at all- he did, however spend 21 years in a drunken haze, and once he sought treatment for his alcoholism, he was medicated with Zyprexa, Lithium, Paxil, and other drugs here and there to "tweak" his treatment. All this did was make him a walking zombie, someone who was unable to express himself at all, and was zoned out most of the time. He has since decided to see what his life is with out the meds, under supervision. So far, so good, but it will be a while before it is known what will happen.
This man has a 15 year old son. This son, who is intellectually brilliant as well, also has asperger syndrome to a much more severe degree, is often unable to feel much interest about anything unless it is something HE has chosen, he closes other people out, refusing to interact with others, doesn't know how to respond to affection, and finds the most enjoyment in violent video games, Stephen King novels, and angry, often hateful and violent music, probably because it forces him to have an emotional reaction to something. When he loses his temper, it is scary. I know this child well, and I worry about the things he has an interest in, because to my way of thinking, an overdose of violence could negatively affect even a well-thinking, well-adjusted person, much less a boy who is dealing with an inability to connect with emotion and with other people, one who bounces between not caring what anyone thinks and caring too much. Until this last week, my biggest fear with this young man was that he might be a danger to himself, I now am afraid that something could send him over the edge and hurt another person. Luckily, his family isn't the type to carry or even own firearms....but what if they were?
I tell you the conditions of both gentlemen because I think it is important to understand the variances in the conditions, and what may or may not be triggers. I think, especially in recent years, as this (mass murder situations) has been something that has grown so exponentially, that we need to also look at our way of life as Americans, our obsession with violence as recreation (look at our films, our video games, our modern literature), our godless views (while I am a Christian, I am speaking of a lack of faith or sense of spiritual responsibility of any sort, not just my faith) our ideas of avoiding responsibility (look at how easily we choose the path of least emotional, fiscal, and social responsibility, and have made it so easy to walk away from relationships, jobs, and communities), and see that we need to identify the things that are not edifying to our society, and may cause injury to this growing group of people with mental issues. We ALL have to take responsibility for the betterment of our society, even if something is inconvenient or undesirable to someone who is mentally healthy. WE have to protect our future.
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Posted by redusky on December 16, 2012 at 3:41 PM · Report this
190
No worried sick, I don't think video games is the issue here. In a different era the tantrum would be about getting the legos back. You may prefer legos over video games but neither is causing the extreme meltdowns/tantrums. Not getting whatever it is that they want is perceived as an obstacle to their goal. When they encounter obstacles they don't have the ability to regulate their emotions (for example, stay cool while they think things through, distract themselves with other things to cool down, etc). Instead, they use one coping strategy-tantrum, exploding, etc. And, as they age tantrums become more violent. So, whatever is around is thrown, broken, whatever.
Posted by Arelative40years ago on December 16, 2012 at 3:41 PM · Report this
191
I know a man who has (mild) asperger syndrome, and is bi-polar. He isn't violent, and off medication, and as an adolescent he is/was very outgoing and brilliant. He isn't even temperamental at all- he did, however spend 21 years in a drunken haze, and once he sought treatment for his alcoholism, he was medicated with Zyprexa, Lithium, Paxil, and other drugs here and there to "tweak" his treatment. All this did was make him a walking zombie, someone who was unable to express himself at all, and was zoned out most of the time. He has since decided to see what his life is with out the meds, under supervision. So far, so good, but it will be a while before it is known what will happen.
This man has a 15 year old son. This son, who is intellectually brilliant as well, also has asperger syndrome to a much more severe degree, is often unable to feel much interest about anything unless it is something HE has chosen, he closes other people out, refusing to interact with others, doesn't know how to respond to affection, and finds the most enjoyment in violent video games, Stephen King novels, and angry, often hateful and violent music, probably because it forces him to have an emotional reaction to something. When he loses his temper, it is scary. I know this child well, and I worry about the things he has an interest in, because to my way of thinking, an overdose of violence could negatively affect even a well-thinking, well-adjusted person, much less a boy who is dealing with an inability to connect with emotion and with other people, one who bounces between not caring what anyone thinks and caring too much. Until this last week, my biggest fear with this young man was that he might be a danger to himself, I now am afraid that something could send him over the edge and hurt another person. Luckily, his family isn't the type to carry or even own firearms....but what if they were?
I tell you the conditions of both gentlemen because I think it is important to understand the variances in the conditions, and what may or may not be triggers. I think, especially in recent years, as this (mass murder situations) has been something that has grown so exponentially, that we need to also look at our way of life as Americans, our obsession with violence as recreation (look at our films, our video games, our modern literature), our godless views (while I am a Christian, I am speaking of a lack of faith or sense of spiritual responsibility of any sort, not just my faith) our ideas of avoiding responsibility (look at how easily we choose the path of least emotional, fiscal, and social responsibility, and have made it so easy to walk away from relationships, jobs, and communities), and see that we need to identify the things that are not edifying to our society, and may cause injury to this growing group of people with mental issues. We ALL have to take responsibility for the betterment of our society, even if something is inconvenient or undesirable to someone who is mentally healthy. WE have to protect our future.
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Posted by redusky on December 16, 2012 at 3:43 PM · Report this
192
In some ways, yes you are the mother. But in one crucial way, you aren't: you have had the good sense not to have assault weapons within easy access of your special needs son.

Too many guns, too easy to access. Terrible.
Posted by sasquatch breakdancer on December 16, 2012 at 3:44 PM · Report this
193
Point taken--the way we handle mental illness in this country has never been good. It's not good now when we either don't treat people or send them to prison, and it wasn't good in the 1950's when people were institutionalized at alarming rates in asylums.

However...we still need to talk about guns. Would this latest shooter have managed to kill 20 young children if he didn't have FIVE GUNS--including three semi-automatic weapons-- in the home he shared with his mother? I think probably not. The struggling parent who wrote this article had the wherewithal to remove sharp objects from her home. Perhaps it's time we all decided to get the dangerous fire-arms out of our homes as well. The fact is, you can't kill 20 children in 30 minutes without a semi-automatic weapon.
Posted by cheerio54 on December 16, 2012 at 3:46 PM · Report this
194
Point taken--the way we handle mental illness in this country has never been good. It's not good now when we either don't treat people or send them to prison, and it wasn't good in the 1950's when people were institutionalized at alarming rates in asylums.

However...we still need to talk about guns. Would this latest shooter have managed to kill 20 young children if he didn't have FIVE GUNS--including three semi-automatic weapons-- in the home he shared with his mother? I think probably not. The struggling parent who wrote this article had the wherewithal to remove sharp objects from her home. Perhaps it's time we all decided to get the dangerous fire-arms out of our homes as well. The fact is, you can't kill 20 children in 30 minutes without a semi-automatic weapon.
Posted by cheerio54 on December 16, 2012 at 3:47 PM · Report this
195
Have any of the powers that be considered doing a study on the folks that have performed these horrendous acts, typically taking their own lives to see, chemically, what their DNA have in common? Is this something that is occurring because of an environmental agent? Are we hearing about it more because of 24/7 news and social media? Have folks with these problems always been? There has to be a common thread.
Posted by AnnaH on December 16, 2012 at 3:52 PM · Report this
196
@ 190 -- I like video games fine, and I PLAY the silly things. Our society though, has in the last 20 years, become increasingly obsessed with violence as a form of entertainment. Yes, if someone is mentally ill, they are mentally ill, and they will have a reaction to things, regardless because they are mentally ill. What I AM SAYING is that when a parent gives their 8 year old 'Modern Warfare,' 'Call of Duty,' and 'Halo,' and then wonder why that child at 13 has a violent streak, I think that it at least needs to be looked at as a possible trigger. You become what you immerse yourself in-even if you are mentally healthy. That has been proven. True, 95% of people playing those games are just not going to go out and start killing people, but people with forms of autism or aspergers sometimes have a difficult time discerning reality from fantasy. We have a society that has highly increasing numbers of people with different forms of learning disabilities, mental illness, and chemical imbalances. We should at least investigate what has caused the pandemic, and see how different stimuli affect the patients.
Posted by redusky on December 16, 2012 at 3:54 PM · Report this
Matt from Denver 197
A day late... I'm surprised no one has wondered if this boy is a psychopath. I thought of this story immediately when I read this.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/13/magazi…
Posted by Matt from Denver on December 16, 2012 at 3:54 PM · Report this
198
I made a French translation of this article so that I can share it with my friends here in Quebec. It wasn't easy to translate for two reasons: because of the story itself and the fact that my daughter who has a deficit disorder (but not a mental disease) mentioned she wants to kill herself when she was 8 years old. Anyone willing to share the French version, please email me at canfrancebouchard(at)hotmail.com.

Enough speaking about mental diseases; it's time to build and implement solutions!!!
Posted by Katevale on December 16, 2012 at 4:02 PM · Report this
199
You brave woman. I went through PPD and that small, treatable incident opened my eyes to the hell that is mental illness. I admire your strength.
Posted by snwillson on December 16, 2012 at 4:03 PM · Report this
201
Do any of these problem children ever get tested for food chemical allergies and/or sensitivities? My son (who is now 32 and lives by himself, in another city,) has several environmental and food allergies/sensitivities, plus Celiac Disease and a high functioning Autistic Spectrum condition.

When he was in his mid and late teens, through some allergy testing and mostly trial and error, it was discovered that any foods containing dairy and beef, consumed by my son, can trigger mood swings, anxiety, and depression. Prolonged exposure to some chemicals such as tobacco smoke, perfumed cleaning products, and off-gassing by materials in some furnishings and furniture can also cause mood alterations and at times, he can become quite mean and agitated over things that he may usually ignore when he is not exposed to the chemicals.

I have also experienced mood swings, anxiety, and panic attacks after consuming dairy or beef. Now, that my son and I have eliminated anything beef or containing beef from our diets, we both no longer experience the frequent bouts of out of control panic that nearly caused us both to be housebound and surviving a fear-filled life on maintenance drugs.
Posted by 14education on December 16, 2012 at 4:06 PM · Report this
202
Another teacher with the same type of child. Could this be a clue? That the state sanctioned atheist institutions and their minions are creating the nightmares that leak into our lives? This child didn't decide to be this one day, he was groomed for it, because his ass was never beaten and he never had any fear of his God. A child saying they will kill themselves is inundated with evil. He has normalized it, and even thinks it's good. He's lost who he is, and the parent blames others instead of themselves. Your children are sick because YOU ARE SICK, and unless you get serious about GOD being the end all beat all to this existence, and violent behavior needs to be curbed by violence, to stop it, you will never get it under control.
Posted by Catheriena on December 16, 2012 at 4:09 PM · Report this
203
You just described my son perfectly. We ended up having to send him to a treatment ranch for 6 months. The hardest 6 months of both of our lives. He is home now and so far he is better but by no means perfect. We still have at least 1 major outburst/violence every week but that's good compared to 4 times a week like it used to be. My heart goes out to you as I have been there and know how lost you must be feeling and how you are probably blaming yourself. The only thing that got me through it all was to remind myself that God only gives us what He knows we can handle. I'm not a religious person but I became closer to Him when I needed Him the most. Nobody will eve perfectly understand what you are going through but just know that you are not alone. Love your son no matter what he may say or do and always remember that even when he explodes he still loves his mommy.
Posted by Tysmomma on December 16, 2012 at 4:10 PM · Report this
204
Unfortuately we have been in your exact same situation. 99% of the time things are fine. 99%......
Posted by ajspayd on December 16, 2012 at 4:14 PM · Report this
205
Okay, I think it's interesting that Teachers are the ones having this problem with their kids. Could it be the atheist institution and their minions are creating these psychopaths? Blame the healthcare, blame the society, but why not blame the parents? I'm sorry, however The reason these kids are so innendated with evil is because their parents are just as sick as they are. Your child calls you a bitch and you use words to deal with that? The hell you do! You smack that little face, and make him eat soap until he begs for forgiveness! You drag him to church, and make him kneel on his knee's before his creator until the attitude changes. You don't drop him at the next govt agency to pass the BUCK! UGH..this is a SICKNESS from godlessness and narcissism. The solution is GOD and OBEDIENCE! Both which seem to be highly frowned up on schools these days. A Standard in acceptable behavior and a re institution of the value of human life, is all that can save us from Hedonist psychopaths, regardless of age.
Posted by Catheriena on December 16, 2012 at 4:18 PM · Report this
207
I agree one hundred present I also have a step son with these same issues and there is no one to help they can not be bothered to find out what the problem is he can not read are write within is grade level is is almost 14 and a 5 year old does better the he does but does anyone really care no just keep pushing him though school he has threaten many people many times it is a shame but god willing no one will get hurt or killed but i know deep down he will hurt someone and there is nothing i can do about it. So I will say I am sorry now instead of later and god willing I will have already passed when this happens because I will not be able to handle the guilt that will fellow. I have had him committed his mother gets him out the law say I have to let him visit his father so i do I leave my home when he come because I will not be his victim. The world needs to change mental health is a huge problem I know mental Instuitions are a think of the past but when there where around this problem was not repeated over and over again there needs to be some place for these people to live happily and safely without hurt anyone else.
Posted by waiting for bad news on December 16, 2012 at 4:25 PM · Report this
208
I am a mother of special needs children and your story touched my heart. I cannot imagine what you are going through. There is such a stigma out there and parents hands are tied when it comes to insurance coverage, medications, etc. We know what our children need but are forced to choose between very bad options. I pray for you and your family that you get the help you need. Take care of yourself, too. You don't want your own health to suffer. And if you don't already do so, look into counseling for your other children. It must be excruciating to go through this kind of struggle on a day to day basis when you are just a young child. Sending prayers and good wishes your way.
Posted by momofspecialkids2 on December 16, 2012 at 4:29 PM · Report this
209
Thank you for sharing my fears for this country and for children like yours so artfully. I am a 25 year-old pediatric nurse and I have come along many children with various mental illnesses- many of which are intelligent and bright- and I have wondered, "what will happen when these children grow up?" Now along with that question after reading your article, I wonder, "What is happening to the parents of these children while they are still children, and then into adulthood?" With the absence of institutions in the US for the mentally ill, and our broken healthcare system the future scares me. I hope we can come together and find a solution for what we can do to help these children- who are bound to grow into adults- and their families. Thank you for sharing and I hope more people share their stories so that we can make some progress on this complex issue.
Posted by eroseRN87 on December 16, 2012 at 4:30 PM · Report this
210

The following hate-filled comment was just previously made by Catherine -
"Another teacher with the same type of child. Could this be a clue? That the state sanctioned atheist institutions and their minions are creating the nightmares that leak into our lives? This child didn't decide to be this one day, he was groomed for it, because his ass was never beaten and he never had any fear of his God. A child saying they will kill themselves is inundated with evil. He has normalized it, and even thinks it's good. He's lost who he is, and the parent blames others instead of themselves. Your children are sick because YOU ARE SICK, and unless you get serious about GOD being the end all beat all to this existence, and violent behavior needs to be curbed by violence, to stop it, you will never get it under control."

Shame on you! Your comments are ignorant and hateful. You are a HATER, Catherine and I'm a sadder person for reading your vile comments. People like you create a very bad impression about people (like you) who claim to be Christians.
Posted by 14education on December 16, 2012 at 4:30 PM · Report this
211
14education. IT wasn't hateful it's the truth! I am accountable for what i say, not for what you understand. YOU raise narcissistic Brats with no God, you get monsters.
Posted by Catheriena on December 16, 2012 at 4:33 PM · Report this
212
Catheriena, It is unfortunate that people are looking for simple solutions to very difficult societal problems. I've know very religious parents with 3 very obedient respectful offspring who attend church regularly and who are active in the church and who live their beliefs but they have a child who is 2nd to the youngest who has outbursts in church and at home and who can't stand the sound of the socks scraping against his dress shoes and insists on sneakers. And all the obedience and piety in the world doesn't do a whole lot to calm this child. But, hey Catheriena, don't let contrary evidence interfere with your beliefs that all these children with difficulties are being raised by permissive atheists. After all, why let evidence alter what you believe..you being as pious as you are, I mean, how could you be wrong. Not that you would ever pass judgement on another, of course, being of the church and all.
Posted by Arelative40years ago on December 16, 2012 at 4:35 PM · Report this
213
Thank you for sharing my fears for this country and for children like yours so vividly and honestly. I am a 25 year-old pediatric nurse and I have come along many children with various mental illnesses- many of which are intelligent and bright- and I have wondered, "what will happen when these children grow up?" Now along with that question after reading your article, I wonder, "What is happening to the parents of these children while they are still children, and then into adulthood?" With the absence of institutions in the US for the mentally ill, and our broken healthcare system the future scares me. I hope we can come together and find a solution for what we can do to help these children- who are bound to grow into adults- and their families. Thank you for sharing and I hope more people share their stories so that we can make some progress on this complex issue.
Posted by eroseRN87 on December 16, 2012 at 4:35 PM · Report this
214
I agree one hundred present I also have a step son with these same issues and there is no one to help they can not be bothered to find out what the problem is he can not read are write within is grade level is is almost 14 and a 5 year old does better the he does but does anyone really care no just keep pushing him though school he has threaten many people many times it is a shame but god willing no one will get hurt or killed but i know deep down he will hurt someone and there is nothing i can do about it. So I will say I am sorry now instead of later and god willing I will have already passed when this happens because I will not be able to handle the guilt that will fellow. I have had him committed his mother gets him out the law say I have to let him visit his father so i do I leave my home when he come because I will not be his victim. The world needs to change mental health is a huge problem I know mental Instuitions are a think of the past but when there where around this problem was not repeated over and over again there needs to be some place for these people to live happily and safely without hurt anyone else. they do not belong on the streets free to harm whom ever they want it is not wrong
Posted by waiting for bad news on December 16, 2012 at 4:39 PM · Report this
215
Wow look at some of the comments. "My kid is sick with x y z and govt takes care of them blah blah blah and i'm sick and i have all these problems...." Well geez, why the shock your kid is having problems when YOU ARE HAVING PROBLEMS? Crap doesn't run up hill, it runs DOWNHILL, and this is no different! Govt will not fix your family problems, it's your responsibility to fix them!
Posted by Catheriena on December 16, 2012 at 4:39 PM · Report this
216
Arel..there was not school shootings until God was taken out of School. IT's not rocket science. You hand your kids over to atheist institutions with a chip, don't be surprised you kid's an atheist with a chip.
Posted by Catheriena on December 16, 2012 at 4:41 PM · Report this
217
And Caheriena, can I guess that your house is made of ...glass. Catheriena I am so glad that you are the holder of the truth. With so much kindness, warmth and sympathy..well could truth be in better hands. And those Catheriena fearing folks will all be cured if they were obedient and if they just followed the commandments. Wait, I meant Caheriena fearing..no I meant God fearing. Oh what the heck, that's probably the same thing right?I mean, readers, don't you all get the feeling that this Catheriena is really the earthly manifestation of God? Only joshing with you Catheriena. I know you have nothing but love in your heart because ..well...that's the Christian way.
Posted by Arelative40years ago on December 16, 2012 at 4:42 PM · Report this
218
Thank you. It is a gift that you have shared. We seem to be a nation driven by the profit motive. I am afraid that those men, women and children trapped by mental illness are not very profitable to our society.
I belong to a local Catholic Church which ha been making to slow slog to accept and severally mentally ill woman in our parish. Now is the time to insist that our nation seek a provide real care for children like you son in a safe, caring environment. No parent should be left to struggle on their own. Mary
Posted by grateful on December 16, 2012 at 4:47 PM · Report this
219
Finally some Truth ... Thank you!
Posted by lenazink on December 16, 2012 at 4:48 PM · Report this
220
Catheriena, there was no effective therapy for childhood leukemia until they took God out of School. Cancer was uniformly fatal in childhood before they took God out of the schools. There was no cure for polio until they took God out of the schools. There was no prevention of measles, mumps or chicken pox until they took God out of the schools. Childhood injury was at an all time high until they took God out of the schools. People lived much shorter lives until they took God out of the Schools. Blacks in the south could not sit in the front of the bus until they took God out of the schools. There were no electronics until they took God out of the schools. People died of bacterial infections at a much higher rate before they took God out of the schools. Women were restricted from loads of professions and paid much less then men before they took God out of the schools. Many more children died in childhood before they took God out of the schools.
Posted by Arelative40years ago on December 16, 2012 at 4:49 PM · Report this
221
Our country is going to HELL... We have neglected our mentally ill for far to many years now it is time to start to fix these grave errors made by previous administrations. Not only does this endanger our citizens, it reak havoc on Economic Development as well. How many down town cities do you know that are trying to renew there waterfronts,parks, Historic areas only to have vagrants roaming and living in them scaring, begging and attacking the people trying to work and live there. IT IS TIME TO FIX, MEND AND REPAIR AMERICA AND AMERICANS AND STOP TRYING TO FIX THE REST OF THE WORLD WITH MONIES THAT SHOULD BE SPENT AT HOME FIXING OUR CHILDREN BY FEEDING THEM, PROVIDING THE BEST EDUCATIONS THIS WORLD HAS TO OFFER THEM. CREATING JOBS FOR PARENTS SO THEY CAN AFFORD TO PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE, PROVIDED DOCTORS AND DENTIST FOR THEMSELVES AND THEIR CHILDREN AND KEEP A DECENT ROOF OVER THEIR HEADS. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD THIS IS THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA THE WEALTHIEST MOST POWERFUL COUNTRY ON EARTH YET WE HAVE THE HIGHEST UNEMPLOYMENT, WELFARE, FORECLOSURES, BANKRUPTCIES, FAILED BUSINESSES AND CRIME RATES WE HAVE EVER SEEN IN OUR LIFE TIME. WHAT THE HELL ARE WE LEAVING FOR OUR CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN. WE NEED GOD BACK IN OUR LIVES, FAMILY VALUES, RESPECT FOR EACH OTHER AND EACH OTHERS BELONGINGS, WE NEED TO GET BACK TO WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS BUILT ON "ONE NATION UNDER GOD WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL". MY GOD BLESS US ALL AND SEE US THOUGH THIS HORRIFIC TIME IN OUR HISTORY. AMEN
Posted by malderman58 on December 16, 2012 at 4:50 PM · Report this
222
This sounds all to familiar to me as well. The adolescent mental health facilities are all full in the Minneapolis area as well. It's so depressing to try and deal with.
Posted by tired mom on December 16, 2012 at 4:54 PM · Report this
223
Arel..also you seem to have this camelian belief in God. IF his nature is relative then why bother worshipping God at all? God does have an opinion, whether you agree with it or not, however just because you chose to do different than God's position on a certain topic, DOES MEAN you are responsible for the cause and affect of that decision. We all have to suffer the consequences for your dysfunction. This whole "judge not least you be judged" is BS, because The truth is? GOD JUDGES, and He has stated his opinion on many of the behavior problems in this country that are now considered NOrmal and even okay! Just because you forgive the sin and the sinner, does NOT mean God has, and just because you justfy someone's sinfulness doesn't mean the cause and affect will Spare you or other innocent people around the consequences. It won't. Another broken family employed at schools, blaming everyone around them for the lack of spirituality Which is necessary for good mental health! So you spent a total of 10 hours with your kid that week, while the school spent 80, and that's to stop the relative sickness being implemented? Fat chance.
Posted by Catheriena on December 16, 2012 at 4:56 PM · Report this
224
Are...great so how many have died from cancer and how many buy a gun in the last year?
Posted by Catheriena on December 16, 2012 at 4:57 PM · Report this
225
Liza Long is so courageous to write and share this. And she is so very right.
Posted by smokinmiles on December 16, 2012 at 5:00 PM · Report this
226
I am sure many people will crucify my comments, but I have to wonder 1) how many times these young people were taken to a good church where they heard about the love of God and 2) how many times the hand of discipline was applied to their backside.
Posted by smooth horn on December 16, 2012 at 5:01 PM · Report this
227
Our country is going to HELL... We have neglected our mentally ill for far to many years now it is time to start to fix these grave errors made by previous administrations. Not only does this endanger our citizens, it reak havoc on Economic Development as well. How many down town cities do you know that are trying to renew there waterfronts,parks, Historic areas only to have vagrants roaming and living in them scaring, begging and attacking the people trying to work and live there. IT IS TIME TO FIX, MEND AND REPAIR AMERICA AND AMERICANS AND STOP TRYING TO FIX THE REST OF THE WORLD WITH MONIES THAT SHOULD BE SPENT AT HOME FIXING OUR CHILDREN BY FEEDING THEM, PROVIDING THE BEST EDUCATIONS THIS WORLD HAS TO OFFER THEM. CREATING JOBS FOR PARENTS SO THEY CAN AFFORD TO PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE, PROVIDED DOCTORS AND DENTIST FOR THEMSELVES AND THEIR CHILDREN AND KEEP A DECENT ROOF OVER THEIR HEADS. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD THIS IS THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA THE WEALTHIEST MOST POWERFUL COUNTRY ON EARTH YET WE HAVE THE HIGHEST UNEMPLOYMENT, WELFARE, FORECLOSURES, BANKRUPTCIES, FAILED BUSINESSES AND CRIME RATES WE HAVE EVER SEEN IN OUR LIFE TIME. WHAT THE HELL ARE WE LEAVING FOR OUR CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN. WE NEED GOD BACK IN OUR LIVES, FAMILY VALUES, RESPECT FOR EACH OTHER AND EACH OTHERS BELONGINGS, WE NEED TO GET BACK TO WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS BUILT ON "ONE NATION UNDER GOD WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL". MY GOD BLESS US ALL AND SEE US THOUGH THIS HORRIFIC TIME IN OUR HISTORY. AMEN
Posted by malderman58 on December 16, 2012 at 5:03 PM · Report this
228
I refuse to have this or any other conversation with you, Catheriena. You obviously have issues. I pity any child or animal under your version of "Christian" ? !! dominance.

Have a good life, Catheriena.

What goes around, comes around.
Posted by 14education on December 16, 2012 at 5:03 PM · Report this
229
thank you for your embarassing stories--all of us parents who have these same stories now don't feel so alone in our frightening journey
Posted by mommaof3 on December 16, 2012 at 5:07 PM · Report this
230
arel...actually my house isn't made up of as much glass as you think. I have been in a committed monogomous relationship for 15 years and i have a very well behaved loving son. The reason he's that? He was Drug to church, drug to the corner when misbehaving, disciplined for lying, swearing, or cheating. He goes to church on Sundays, and We pray every morning and every night. We remind ourselves EVERY DAY that we are imperfect, and are to immitate as much as possible the Deity JESUS CHRIST. Anything outside of that is UNACCEPTABLE. You realize, JEsus even whipped the money changers out of the temple right?
Posted by Catheriena on December 16, 2012 at 5:07 PM · Report this
231
Smooth.>AMEN!
Posted by Catheriena on December 16, 2012 at 5:08 PM · Report this
Donna Davis 232
I too have a son that threatened to kill his siblings and myself. As I was unable to find a facility to place him in, I had to put him in DHS custody. I had worked with them and CASP workers for six months trying to get placement before he left the mental facility. I was turned down. If I brought him homw it would have meant losing my other children due to "Failure to Protect" and "Child Endangerment". Wit in a week of him going into DHS custoy , he was placed in the Methodist Children's Hospital. Since that time DHS has treated me like a criminal because I can't bring him home. They have even tried to get me on abandonment charges. This son also had charges filed against him for threatening to kill the teachers at his school. He was given a forensic psych exam that proved he knew & was capable... but he was given a pat on the butt as he was doped up with thorazine that day. He has PDD... ODD and several other psychiatric diagnosis... he is now 19 and time is running out for the facility to keep him. More and more pressure is put on me to bring him home. I have never abandoned him ... but I cannot and will not endanger myself and children any further... We have been a victim of his abuse too many times in the past.... and still there is no answer...
Posted by Donna Davis on December 16, 2012 at 5:10 PM · Report this
233
14 great...I hope what comes around is a self sufficient accountable adult with Good mental health like his grandparents and ME and my hubby. Go ahead and feel sorry for my son for having discipline in himself and his life. I pity the lost children of America whose parents think the govt can fix their screw ups.
Posted by Catheriena on December 16, 2012 at 5:10 PM · Report this
234
Why is the post filled with seemingly mentally ill people?
Posted by CbytheSea on December 16, 2012 at 5:18 PM · Report this
235
The same goes for malderman58. Whew, what does anything you spewed have anything to do with people struggling to care for children suffering with mental health issues?

Since you seem to have so much in common with Catheriena, why don't the two of you go some other place where your comments fit in. There are plenty of (scary) websites that cater to people with your views.

Oh, and thanks for writing in CAPS, it's easy to see what not to bother reading.

As I said before, "What goes around, comes around."
Posted by 14education on December 16, 2012 at 5:19 PM · Report this
238
As I read this I feel like I'm reading a page from our own family's history. My brother is 35 and has only now been diagnosed with BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER. Have they ruled it out or even looked into it at all?

Posted by toots80 on December 16, 2012 at 5:28 PM · Report this
239
Saw this lady on NBC. She memorized every word she said, came off wooden and programmed, and I have serious concerns about her own mental health. Even the drama and over writing in her blog makes me think she has serious issues. I bet the kid is alone all the time playing violent video games. Where is the father figure? What if this kid straightens out quickly? She marked him for the rest of his life for the while world to see. She has ruined her own child.

Her own fear has given her and the world false futures about this kid, and he has been robbed of a normal life. Also, zyprexa is a well documented disaster of a drug. And, the psychiatric community would look at this woman and say, "What the hell are you doing telling the whole world about this?".

It is really sad. I think that woman has issues. Also, genetics is a huge factor in illness and when I saw her on NBC she came off as sick herself.

No, she's not Mrs.Lanza or Mrs. Anything but herself. She's an actress with ego, no conscienece and a horrible figure that has betrayed her son. God help him. God help our perceptions on people who struggle.
Posted by nobias on December 16, 2012 at 5:29 PM · Report this
243
Thank you for sharing this. I feel like I was reading my life through your story. My son has Tourettes Syndrome, ADHD, OCD, Intermitent Explosive disorder, and when we finally removed him from our home last year for three months he was diagnosed with Aspergers. We lived in terror and it is better now, but every time he gets angry, I am afraid. I feel for you and send love to all moms with a mentally ill child. Everyone is so bent on hating this kid for this terrible crime, but no one understands he was mentally ill. These kids need help! I pray for all the families who lost a loved one, and I pray for all the families who are afraid this could happen to them. God give you strength!!!
Posted by beverley on December 16, 2012 at 5:41 PM · Report this
Matt from Denver 244
@ Catheriena, no.
Posted by Matt from Denver on December 16, 2012 at 5:41 PM · Report this
246
i can see where this lady is coming from, but not all people with mental illnesses are murderers, dangerous or killers. I AM a bipolar schizophrenic !!! ... i do NOT see a therapist, i no longer have treatment, but that does NOT make me dangerous, I HAVE a mental illness, BUT i am a loving wife, a mother to 6 children... SIX children. IF my illness was such a threat or considered dangerous ... Don't you think that my previous therapist would have had my children taken away due to suspect that i am dangerous due to having a mental illness?? i hate that people think you must have a mental illness to be a killer, be a danger to society. I have seen many NORMAL people ... harm others, kill people, threat people, its cold having no conscious, no remorse, and a cold blooded heart... WTF is wrong with people? dont judge and blame mental illness, if you do not understand the illness. I have lived with these illnesses most of my life, yet i am the most caring person you will ever meet, i have a very care free soul, i help others before myself, i am a mother, a wife, a home-maker. i am loving and i care for all society. so before you judge and "THINK" you know about illness, do your homework, or better yet, actually try having the illness and see what it is REALLY like, dont judge until you have walked in my path.
Posted by vmhreha on December 16, 2012 at 5:42 PM · Report this
247
This is incredible- I can't imagine how heartbreaking this situation must be. I support K3's comment/questions- what WOULD be the ideal treatment be....and what can we do to help make this vision a reality?
Posted by Kduguay55 on December 16, 2012 at 5:42 PM · Report this
248
I am glad you posted this. So many are tweeting and saying how scary what you wrote was. It isn't scary it is what we go though every day. Every day is different. Never knowing what will set our kids off. It isn't easy and mostly we keep it to ourselves. Outside help only makes it worse for us sometimes. I had to do the same thing to my son over the summer. He has bipolar, adhd and oppositional defiant disorder. He has been this way since he was born.

America needs to wake up and realize this is going on under their noses. Mother's who live just to keep our kids calm and balanced.

Blessings
Chrissy
Posted by PsychicC on December 16, 2012 at 5:44 PM · Report this
249
i can see where this lady is coming from, but not all people with mental illnesses are murderers, dangerous or killers. I AM a bipolar schizophrenic !!! (and it can be genetic to my children... my children are smart, always happy, playing and having fun, they have no signs of my illnesses and i am lucky, my kids are 3,4,5,9,12,14 ) ... i do NOT see a therapist, i no longer have treatment, but that does NOT make me dangerous, I HAVE a mental illness, BUT i am a loving wife, a mother to 6 children... SIX children. IF my illness was such a threat or considered dangerous ... Don't you think that my previous therapist would have had my children taken away due to suspect that i am dangerous due to having a mental illness?? i hate that people think you must have a mental illness to be a killer, be a danger to society. I have seen many NORMAL people ... harm others, kill people, threat people, its cold having no conscious, no remorse, and a cold blooded heart... WTF is wrong with people? dont judge and blame mental illness, if you do not understand the illness. I have lived with these illnesses most of my life, yet i am the most caring person you will ever meet, i have a very care free soul, i help others before myself, i am a mother, a wife, a home-maker. i am loving and i care for all society. so before you judge and "THINK" you know about illness, do your homework, or better yet, actually try having the illness and see what it is REALLY like, dont judge until you have walked in my path.
Posted by vmhreha on December 16, 2012 at 5:45 PM · Report this
250
I am glad you posted this. So many are tweeting and saying how scary what you wrote was. It isn't scary it is what we go though every day. Every day is different. Never knowing what will set our kids off. It isn't easy and mostly we keep it to ourselves. Outside help only makes it worse for us sometimes. I had to do the same thing to my son over the summer. He has bipolar, adhd and oppositional defiant disorder. He has been this way since he was born.

America needs to wake up and realize this is going on under their noses. Mother's who live just to keep our kids calm and balanced.

Blessings
Chrissy
Posted by PsychicC on December 16, 2012 at 5:48 PM · Report this
251
Mrs.Lanza must have seen signs of what her son was capable of so why did she have 3 guns in her home? Yes gun ownership is a right but it is also a huge responsibility.
Posted by Troop on December 16, 2012 at 5:55 PM · Report this
253
Your writing is incredible. I just want to point out that there are other options to juvenile hall, such as group homes. I work in group homes with probation boys, most of whom have some sort of mental health diagnosis. I don't know what state the author lives in, but if the state has this type of program, the son can get help and be kept safe, and the family can feel safe.

@ vmhreha (post # 249): You are correct - most mentally ill are not criminals; however, most criminals have some kind of mental health issue.
Posted by cavila0284 on December 16, 2012 at 6:04 PM · Report this
254
As I read this I feel like I'm reading a page from our own family's history. My brother is 35 and has only now been diagnosed with BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER. Have they ruled it out or even looked into it at all for your son?

I love my brother, but he is ill. He has moments of rage that are, to us, unfounded. In these moments: he has threatened us with knives; worked out detailed plans of how he would kill each of us; has threatened many times to kill himself; said he sympathized and understood how mass shooters felt; the list goes on. But when he comes down, he is so remorseful and describes it as an out-of-body experience and his other, kinder, self feels bad looking on, knowing that he is hurting those he loves. He cries in our arms, apologizing and then swells up with frustration that no one can help him. My parents brought him to a psychiatric hospital when he was young and they turned him away saying he only needed love. The police said they couldn't do anything unless we reported a crime. But he doesn't belong in jail!! He is willing to check himself into a psych ward but they won't take him because, according to him, he is not a danger to others since he hasn't done anything yet. What???

He is now being followed, he is on medication and is doing better, day by day. But we got lucky that one psychiatrist out of a hundred decided to believe him. The rest are not so lucky.

How long will be continue to treat the symptoms instead of the illness?
Posted by toots80 on December 16, 2012 at 6:06 PM · Report this
255
Mental illness is thought by many intelligent doctors to be a nutrient deficiency. A ND or a functional MD can do wonders for people suffering from mental illness. Andrew Saul and Dr. Mark Hyman are two such men.
Posted by Trying to be part of the solution on December 16, 2012 at 6:08 PM · Report this
256
For over 10 years, I lived with a bright, energetic boy who had no control of his emotions, and often, his actions. He is 27 now, living in his own world, in his own reality. The last I heard of him, his Mother told me he had totaled her car while drunk. Neither of us were able, even with the best psychiatric care available, and the most love we could give, to keep him safe from himself.

I truly hope our society has learned that mental health care must be a priority in the schools and in society in general. We must stop looking outside ourselves for answers and rely instead on our own commitment to whatever resources are needed to address these problem children and get them the care they need to become, if they can, normal members of our society. To do otherwise is giving in to the cynicism of despair, and the inevitable violence we will have visited on us by their disorders.
Posted by jimmirorie on December 16, 2012 at 6:11 PM · Report this
257
As I was reading this, I kept thinking: oh my gosh, this is (daughter) to the t! My family has been dealing with this for years and have gotten nowhere. She has beat up teachers, principals, myself and she is only 11 years old. I'm terrified of how she will be in another year or two and can completely over power me. I've said more than one that if we can't find help for her soon, she will be the next kid on the news. I hate saying that, but I am honestly scared that that is how it will be. My thoughts are with you. When I heard about CT, I immediatedly said, mental health needs to be a top priority... this breaks my heart...
Posted by mcotten84 on December 16, 2012 at 6:14 PM · Report this
259
Definitely thanks for being so brave as to write that article. My prayers are definitely with you and your family.
Posted by andy232 on December 16, 2012 at 6:20 PM · Report this
260
This is a very powerful statement and it's so important to recognize the reality that many parents experience. When society blames parents, they are more likely to hide the problem. This is a crucial level to address; we need new answers, new efforts to support parents generously and then to help kids learn to cope with mental and emotional disorder.
Posted by lynnfena on December 16, 2012 at 6:23 PM · Report this
261
Christianity is the worst mental illness.
Posted by Did on December 16, 2012 at 6:25 PM · Report this
262
I have experienced your fear Liza. My son is now 40, but 24 years ago he lashed out against the world. At the time, I wondered how anything could be worse than what he was doing, but that was before the incidents of killing. Here is my concern: the system does not provide for mental illness, and to further exacerbate the problem, those youth in turmoil too often refuse help if offered. They believe that they are the aggrieved, and the fault lies with those around them.

My son has Anti-Social Behavior Disorder, and this continues to this day, although in a more docile form. I don't know what the answer is. In the time of my despair, Tough Love was a strong organization and provided moral support for me and all members. I was able to craft behavior that did not rescue and enable anti-social behaviors. Did the experience change my son? No, I don't think so, but it helped me.

I share this with you because I know you are hurting, and encourage you to continue to seek ways that will protect and honor you. Your article was a great and brave effort.
Posted by sjill on December 16, 2012 at 6:32 PM · Report this
kim in portland 263
@ 216

History says that you are incorrect. The first school shooting on US soil was July 1764.

The first mass school shooting was on April 9, 1891.

Between 1900s-1930s there were 21 total school shootings.

1940s there were 12 total school shootings.

1950s there were 19 total school shootings.

From 1960 to 1962 there was a total of 5 school shootings.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/School_shoo…

So, your proclaiming there were no school shootings before "God was taken out of schools" in 1962 is utter complete bullshit. History shows that 58 total school shootings took place before 1962.

I hope you care about the truth, and perhaps you were uneducated. Unfortunately, I suspect by your vitriol and name calling that you are more interested in pissing on others; that you lack any sympathy or compassion for the children who begged God in prayer to not die on Friday. As a self-proclaimed "Christian" you should know that Jesus Christ said that his children were the dwelling place of his Holy Spirit, and thus God was in Sandy Hook Elementary School on Friday morning.

Posted by kim in portland http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2010/11/fast-paced_video_provides_a_fu.html on December 16, 2012 at 6:34 PM · Report this
264
I think it took a lot of courage and hope for this mother to post her story and open herself and her family everyone trying to analyze the problem with her son. I, having been a single mom of multiple children happen to think that she is probably doing everything possible to keep her child in a normal range of behavior and from affecting others from his outbursts. It's sad to me that she has been made to feel so alone and isolated because there is not available the kinds of help she so desperately needs for her child. I wish there were something that I could say that might make it all make sense, but there's not. I can't even begin to imagine her life on a daily basis. I don't think it's anything she's doing wrong as a parent though because she obviously cares or she would not remove sharp objects etc. I think she's doing all she can with all the resources she has available to her. I don't feel like prison or jail is the place for him. Yes, I think we all agree this country has a serious health care crisis, mental health crisis etc. So why are we recognizing that but our government officials are not acting on it? They are too busy driving around their big fancy cars, living in big fancy homes, living off monies they get from big corporations and the business community. When are we going to sit down and begin to talk, listen, plan, implement, etc.? I think there's too much political bullshit that gets in the way and we may never see change. I hope that we will but I'm not as hopeful as I'd like to be. I'm so sorry that you feel you are like Adam Lanza's mother. I didn't know his mother and I don't know what she was doing for her son's condition. But, I feel like you should not be compared to her. Yes, I'm feeling that over the next few days, weeks, months, we will be finding out more about her and how things were with her son, why there was no father present etc. Will that knowledge do any good, I don't know. I think the more we publicize the people who commit these crimes, the more we set it up for someone else to come along and want to out-do what has been done before...I don't know what it will take to make this violence stop. I hope and pray that we can make the changes happen that are so needed. I pray for all those families who lost children in this horrific crime. I pray for those wonderful school teachers and staff who made the ultimate sacrifice to keep their school children safe. I pray for all the first responders and those who had to walk into this horrible crime scene and do a job that took guts of steal. I pray for this entire community that they will be able to offer comfort to those who need it. I pray for our entire nation whom I think is mourning the loss of these precious souls because it could have been any city in the USA or any other country. I pray that we all find answers and find the courage to be the change we want the world to see.....Thank you Liza for having the strength and courage to make public your story. I do hope that you are able to finally find the kind of help that is needed for your family. I too like others here hope that every major paper in the country will re-print your story. It has to be a first step to change. Thank you for reading what I have to say. I'm no one special, just someone who has found it very hard to cope and stand idle watching all of this unfold over the last few days. I wish there was something I could do. And, #70, I think your post is totally out of line and you must be pretty damn crazy yourself.
More...
Posted by slewis234 on December 16, 2012 at 6:36 PM · Report this
265
I think it took a lot of courage and hope for this mother to post her story and open herself and her family everyone trying to analyze the problem with her son. I, having been a single mom of multiple children happen to think that she is probably doing everything possible to keep her child in a normal range of behavior and from affecting others from his outbursts. It's sad to me that she has been made to feel so alone and isolated because there is not available the kinds of help she so desperately needs for her child. I wish there were something that I could say that might make it all make sense, but there's not. I can't even begin to imagine her life on a daily basis. I don't think it's anything she's doing wrong as a parent though because she obviously cares or she would not remove sharp objects etc. I think she's doing all she can with all the resources she has available to her. I don't feel like prison or jail is the place for him. Yes, I think we all agree this country has a serious health care crisis, mental health crisis etc. So why are we recognizing that but our government officials are not acting on it? They are too busy driving around their big fancy cars, living in big fancy homes, living off monies they get from big corporations and the business community. When are we going to sit down and begin to talk, listen, plan, implement, etc.? I think there's too much political bullshit that gets in the way and we may never see change. I hope that we will but I'm not as hopeful as I'd like to be. I'm so sorry that you feel you are like Adam Lanza's mother. I didn't know his mother and I don't know what she was doing for her son's condition. But, I feel like you should not be compared to her. Yes, I'm feeling that over the next few days, weeks, months, we will be finding out more about her and how things were with her son, why there was no father present etc. Will that knowledge do any good, I don't know. I think the more we publicize the people who commit these crimes, the more we set it up for someone else to come along and want to out-do what has been done before...I don't know what it will take to make this violence stop. I hope and pray that we can make the changes happen that are so needed. I pray for all those families who lost children in this horrific crime. I pray for those wonderful school teachers and staff who made the ultimate sacrifice to keep their school children safe. I pray for all the first responders and those who had to walk into this horrible crime scene and do a job that took guts of steal. I pray for this entire community that they will be able to offer comfort to those who need it. I pray for our entire nation whom I think is mourning the loss of these precious souls because it could have been any city in the USA or any other country. I pray that we all find answers and find the courage to be the change we want the world to see.....Thank you Liza for having the strength and courage to make public your story. I do hope that you are able to finally find the kind of help that is needed for your family. I too like others here hope that every major paper in the country will re-print your story. It has to be a first step to change. Thank you for reading what I have to say. I'm no one special, just someone who has found it very hard to cope and stand idle watching all of this unfold over the last few days. I wish there was something I could do.
More...
Posted by slewis234 on December 16, 2012 at 6:39 PM · Report this
268
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I have been living with this for the last several years. My son is a very bright 10 year old. He can be such a sweet child, but I live in fear because I never know when he is going to "lose it". We have experienced some of the same situations you described. He was diagnosed with ADHD 4 years ago, but I felt that there was clearly more going on. His new doctor thinks that he has a type of developmental disorder, PDD, and he is now being treated for that, as well as ADHD. Thank you again for posting this. It seems like no one else understands what I'm going through.
Posted by tlsanders on December 16, 2012 at 6:52 PM · Report this
269
i do sympathize with mothers who have special needs children. you have used common sense to take your sharp and dangerous objects and protect everyone around you as best as you can. what i don't understand is why a school teacher keeps guns (semi automatic ones)at home where she has a son with special needs????? why does a school board hire a teacher who has guns at her house????
Posted by ms.v. on December 16, 2012 at 6:55 PM · Report this
270
Thank you!
Posted by cjelley on December 16, 2012 at 7:00 PM · Report this
271
@263. I wouldn't waste your time commenting in this thread. It's become quite a shitshow. Where did all these new commenters come from?
Sharing your empathy for the author is fine. But trust me, true psychotic break don't care about god, discipline, vitamins, fame, etc. It's as dumb as saying blind people can't see because they're lazy, dumb or evil.
Lastly, if you're new to Slog and want to post something, don't double post it's really annoying. Stop it.
Posted by CbytheSea on December 16, 2012 at 7:06 PM · Report this
272
Thank you for sharing your story and the story of the families and the children.

I completly relate when families are told to have their child charged with a crime to begin a paper trail allowing for some form of help. I relate because I work in a residential treatment facility for adjudicated youth ages 12-18yrs old. I have worked as a direct care staff, program coordinated and currently as a family worker. I have been doing this for 20 yrs and for 20 yrs I have heard repeatedly from the families that they have tried to get help for the child with no success except for the rounds of different medications which is the usual "cure all" drug at that moment. Our agency has went from gang bangers/drug dealers to youth charged with school truancy/incorrigibility. They do not belong in a 4-9month treatment program. When their child comes to us the families are exhausted and now stigmatized as bad parents by relatives, society, and the juvenile system. They must be doing something wrong for their kid to act like "this" and be "locked up".

The family and kid go through treatment process. Psychiatrist make diagnosis, medications are prescribed, psychologist seen, educational needs identified, and if we are lucky the youth becomes "stabilized" for lack of a better word. The families are hopeful that this time things will be different. And the process of reintegration (returning home) begins.

And this part kills me.

I begin the process of assisting the youth and family come back together. Assisting them in finding resources in the community; psychiatrist, counseling, education, and support for the family. But my job is to give this plan to the community worker (DHS) and they are suppose to follow up and provide their own supports. Unfortunately they often don't. And soon there becomes a problem in the home; realistically there would be but plans were put in place to assist in helping to solve those problems but sadly when the families are expecting support and get none things quickly spin out of the control.

I don't mean to sound like I have the solution, I don't, or that my agency is wonderful but show how the "system" works.....and it doesn't. The help needs to be there in the first place. When the families ask; when they have reach deep down inside and admit that they cannot help their child by themselves.

I can go on and on with stories; how closing of mental health facilities has created a crisis; how those agency's that want to help continue to have their funding cut however I will just say Thank You for sharing your story.

God Bless You and Your Family.
More...
Posted by Justi on December 16, 2012 at 7:27 PM · Report this
274


Thank you for sharing your story and the story of the families and the children.

I completly relate when families are told to have their child charged with a crime to begin a paper trail allowing for some form of help. I relate because I work in a residential treatment facility for adjudicated youth ages 12-18yrs old. I have worked as a direct care staff, program coordinated and currently as a family worker. I have been doing this for 20 yrs and for 20 yrs I have heard repeatedly from the families that they have tried to get help for the child with no success except for the rounds of different medications which is the usual "cure all" drug at that moment. Our agency has went from gang bangers/drug dealers to youth charged with school truancy/incorrigibility. They do not belong in a 4-9month treatment program. When their child comes to us the families are exhausted and now stigmatized as bad parents by relatives, society, and the juvenile system. They must be doing something wrong for their kid to act like "this" and be "locked up".

The family and kid go through treatment process. Psychiatrist make diagnosis, medications are prescribed, psychologist seen, educational needs identified, and if we are lucky the youth becomes "stabilized" for lack of a better word. The families are hopeful that this time things will be different. And the process of reintegration (returning home) begins.

And this part kills me.

I begin the process of assisting the youth and family come back together. Assisting them in finding resources in the community; psychiatrist, counseling, education, and support for the family. But my job is to give this plan to the community worker (DHS) and they are suppose to follow up and provide their own supports. Unfortunately they often don't. And soon there becomes a problem in the home; realistically there would be but plans were put in place to assist in helping to solve those problems but sadly when the families are expecting support and get none things quickly spin out of the control.

I don't mean to sound like I have the solution, I don't, or that my agency is wonderful but show how the "system" works.....and it doesn't. The help needs to be there in the first place. When the families ask; when they have reach deep down inside and admit that they cannot help their child by themselves.

I can go on and on with stories; how closing of mental health facilities has created a crisis; how those agency's that want to help continue to have their funding cut however I will just say Thank You for sharing your story.

God Bless You and Your Family.
More...
Posted by Justi on December 16, 2012 at 7:31 PM · Report this
275
thank you for having the courage to say this I know that this is one of the hardest things to do...You have done all the right things and I suggest that the only thing left to do is to start a writing campaign to our elected officials to let them know we are tired of getting pushed under the rug and that we want some answers, some real answers not the cursory "we'll have to figure this out and that just medicate and things will be fine" Good luck and God Bless you.
Posted by MystiP on December 16, 2012 at 7:32 PM · Report this
276
Be strong my dear. I know it very difficult as he is your son. You did the right thing. God I provide the good way for you and him. May The Lord be with you and take away all your sadness and bring peaceful to this family. I prays in the name of Jesus Christ. Holy Mary please be with them.
Posted by ElizabethKanyawee on December 16, 2012 at 8:01 PM · Report this
277
@239... thank you for saying exactly what i was thinking!

also, did Anyone actully factcheck this story? i remember when it would be slightly unprofessional to let a story be run in the newspaper without factchecking.

i would not be surprised if this turns out to be fake.

even if true, it seems in horrible taste and timing to make this so public, and especiallyntrue given that she lives in a small town, and her son will definitley be teased about this media free-for-all.
Posted by Cassette tape fan on December 16, 2012 at 8:17 PM · Report this
278
Thank you for this heartbreaking story!

Posted by aka on December 16, 2012 at 8:29 PM · Report this
281
I totally empathize with parents trying to deal with kids that have challenging mental health issues, however, why would these parents have accessible firearms in the household?
Posted by Libertarian25 on December 16, 2012 at 8:46 PM · Report this
282
I totally empathize with parents that deal with children that are facing mental health issues, however, why would any of these parents have accessible firearms in the house?
Posted by Libertarian25 on December 16, 2012 at 8:53 PM · Report this
283
Thank you for being willing to share this. I have a 14 year old son that I worry about every day for very similar reasons. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your son.
Posted by lrs on December 16, 2012 at 8:58 PM · Report this
284
We should be talking about a society that is ill rather than trying to pinpoint the problem on some subset of the species of inhuman little monsters who are just born “mentally ill” and their poor parents who are stuck through them through some random fluke, some mistake on the part of genetics or God. First of all what do we even mean by mental illness. Some people are born with what is called Developmental Disabilities/Disorders. I prefer the word condition but disability/disorder is fine here, seeings as how far people like myself will have to climb back in the public consciousness being called a “retard” would be a step forward over mass murderer. Then there are personality disorders and mental emotional problems we develop along the road of life as we face problems and heartbreaks and don’t always process them in a healthy way. People with a condition like Autism or Aspergers or ADD or Schizophrenia may or may not have these kinds of emotional problems, like anyone else. They may or may not be very selfish or coldhearted, it’s not really a hallmark of their condtion. Despite the fact a few quack authors may say so. The parent of this child was a gun fanatic who didn’t seem to notice something was wrong with her son at all, and took no precautions to make sure the gun didn’t fall into his hands. Rather she filled him with an uncritical love of guns and gave him access to a high powered rifle. In a way her attitude and her actions is like in miniature whats wrong with America on this gun and violence problem. She just loves loves gun so much( guns can be fascinating exciting even artistic target shooting can be fun, and hunting isn’t personally my thing but I see no problem with it, that said they are lethal killing machines.) that to take safety precautions or to worry about what impact all these guns around might have on her son were anathema to her. Guns are good, to even say be careful about your son and guns would be to imply guns are somehow bad and that would be sacrilege. America needs to talk about these guns and reconcile the two sides of this we like gun rights but not mass murders that simply aren’t happening in other countries near as much as they do here where the gun laws are so loose. Just like this woman needed to come to grips with having a hobby that happens to involve deadly weapons and being a parent. The thing about a gun that makes it different than a sword or knife or your fists is how easy and detached it is to kill with one, just squeeze the trigger. Don’t we all get mad enough sometimes? I don’t think I have it in me to smite a few skulls with a medieval battleaxe, too gruesome but squeeze a trigger, I could do that. What all these perpetrators have in common is young and immature and let’s face it male, full of adolescent mood swings and unchanneled energy and aggression, and for whatever reason most we’re shy without many friends or girlfriends, and probably some anger in the world about that. Oh and guns lying around, pretty much always gotten from a parent or other adult, not acquired on their own. I don’t think any of them would have killed 28 children with a sword, but a semiauto or automatic weapon with a huge clip lying around their parent’s house where it is venerated as a wondrous object provided a way to do such a horrendous act that was a little bit detached and frighteningly quick. If this gun didn’t have that kind of a clip we could be looking at three to four people dead, still tragic but not 27. OP you are not Adam Lanzas mom, its sounds like you are paying attention to your child and his struggles, not letting your child play with assault rifles. Lets please not have a witch hunt and mass incarceration of mostly peaceful nonviolent people with developmental disorders. We don't deserve to be feared, we don't want to be pitied, we don't want to be scapegoated. Let us not stigmatize every quiet young man who seems like a loner as the next shooter, in 99.999 percent of cases its not true and even if it was that wouldn't be helping any. Theres a tiny chance in hell congress will act on the gun problem. Theres none they will have answers or take any action on mental illness, they don't have any "answers" on mental illness, are you kidding, unless they start breaking out mirrors and getting introspective. Lol you see what I did there?
More...
Posted by Crazychavo on December 16, 2012 at 9:02 PM · Report this
285
Maybe the kid needs a father around and a mother who doesn't treat her almost adult son like a little kid? A snuggle animal collection? No longer appropriate for a young man his age. Almost every kid I knew growing up with these kinds of issues had an absent father and an infantilizing, overprotective mother.
Posted by Primer on December 16, 2012 at 9:09 PM · Report this
286
I don't know anything about this woman or her situation but it sounds a lot like my cousin's child. For anyone who might read this, do not underestimate what a child with mental illness may be capable of. My cousin's last day alive was the day she walked downstairs to find her adopted daughter - who she tried so hard for so many years (with the help of doctors and her loving husband) to care for - with a hammer in her hand. She raised two other girls (also adopted from other families) beautifully, they are caring intelligent adults. Once the deed was done, everyone's fate was sealed in a much different way than it would have had they put her in some kind of protective environment earlier. Some children are potential killers and must be treated as such. Medication sometimes doesn't help. Sometimes it makes things worse. To anyone in a situation like this, protect yourself, protect your community and most of all protect your child. Obviously a proper metal health facility is the answer but, if that option is not there, it is better to be in jail for not killing someone that killing them.
Posted by not a joke on December 16, 2012 at 9:17 PM · Report this
edie murphy beverly hills have eyes cleary 287
this country isn't serious about gun control, and how often ive seen this article posted around the internet confirms that for me. on and on it goes, any problem but the real one. stupid and completely solvable, but no one is serious about doing it.
Posted by edie murphy beverly hills have eyes cleary on December 16, 2012 at 9:33 PM · Report this
288
http://www.stophitting.com/pdf/PositiveD…
Posted by Midwife on December 16, 2012 at 9:34 PM · Report this
Posted by Midwife on December 16, 2012 at 9:39 PM · Report this
292
I agree with you completely. I have a now 18 year old son that has struggled with disability problems from the time he was a very young boy (around the age of 6 when I finally was able to get some sort of treatment). They placed him in a lockdown facility for children which just made him worse and taught him even more bad habits and how to be more devious than ever but the know how to cover his ill behavior and not get caught. He was a handful at times but then 2 seconds later was the most lovable kid that you had ever met. I do think if there were more ways on getting treatment for a mentally challenged child than a lot of these problems with society would subside. As I was reading this, I found myself feeling like I was reading about my life in many ways with my young son. These children do grow up and get stronger and smarter and learn how to manipulate. They do need help and so do the parents. I pray this is taken into high consideration and someone does something about the illness in these young kids.
Posted by Dustee on December 16, 2012 at 10:27 PM · Report this
gopi 293
And to think that with such an insensitivity, US of A claims to be the most advanced nation in the world? I cannot believe it...Advanced in what if your onw people do not feel safe from within? Do something US of A, lest all these along with your external excursions lead to a total system failure and chaos. And will the rich republicans wake up and realize that if the civil society fails, their riches are mere thrash and help Obama turn things around?
Posted by gopi on December 16, 2012 at 10:37 PM · Report this
295
Thank you for putting into words everything I'm going through. Many days I feel alone in this battle to save my son. Help is far and few. My 17 year old is my complete life, and Ill be dammed if his illness will win.
Posted by Hopefullmom on December 16, 2012 at 11:23 PM · Report this
296
Thank you so much for sharing your story. My older brother is mentally ill and I have been through everything you mentioned and much more. Our whole family has since he was born. He is 38 years old today, and still has not gotten the help he truely needs. Neither have my parents, who, I must add, are angels for dealing with this and being shunned by most of their friends and family. They ignorantly judge my parents thinking it must be their parenting skills. Well, I can attest, it is not their parenting skills. I also was raised by them and am totally opposite as my brother. This struck my heart to the core. I hope it opens the eyes of our country to take mental illness seriously.
Posted by Jamie777 on December 16, 2012 at 11:31 PM · Report this
298
Wow. What an amazing article. I completely agree. I think that we are lacking in so many areas as far as how we treat our citizens. Especially children. There are so many kids suffering from disorders, but no real attempts at getting to the route of the problem. May I ask if you have ever had him checked for food allergies and vitamin and mineral deficiencies? There are a lot of interesting studies being conducted on the gut brain connection. In some instances it is a lack of good bacteria (probiotics) that is being linked to mental illness. So many people are given a lot of antibiotics from a very young age and it just wipes out or bodies good bacteria. Do you feed your son fermented food. There is another interesting study on Niacin (B3) deficiency and mental illness. Finally, there are some interesting studies on food allergies having a connection to mental illness. It sounds like you have tried just about every traditional approach with no luck. Just thought I would suggest some non-traditional possibilities, just in case. Couldn't hurt, right? I wish you luck. I am a mother of a 17 month old boy and I can not imagine the pain of watching your son go through this and feeling so helpless. I hope that you are able to find some sort of option that helps you and your son and I hope our Country does start addressing this issue head on. It is time.
Posted by kristalina57 on December 17, 2012 at 12:09 AM · Report this
299
Wow! What a great article. Thank you so much for sharing this. May I ask if you have ever had your son tested for vitamin & mineral deficiencies or food allergies? Also, was your son given antibiotics a lot when he was younger? There are some very interesting studies on the brain/gut connection lately, of niacin (B3) & Zinc deficiencies, of wheat & dairy allergies and of lack of good probiotics, especially in the form of fermented foods. I know a lot of people are resistant to this kind of thought but it sounds like you have tried just about every traditional approach possible with no luck. What do you have to lose at this point? I don't want to push and if this doesn't speak to you please forgive my intrusion. If, however, there is even a small chance that this could help your son, I wouldn't feel right if I didn't at least mention it. I have a 17 month old son and I can't imagine the pain, despair and helplessness of watching this happen to your child. I wish you luck.

Krista
Posted by kristalina57 on December 17, 2012 at 12:24 AM · Report this
300
I know some of you will hate me for this. But I doubt very many of you were that young man. My name is Chris. I attempted suicide multiple times before I was 13 years old. I ran off into sub-20 degree temperatures to hide in the woods in attempts to let myself die. I let myself drop from rooftops. I broke my brother's ankle in a fit of anger. I threatened myself and others with knives.

I was in every way mentioned in this article: the same as "Michael." And right now the problem I see with this article is that the woman writing it isn't strong enough to handle her life and the lot she's been tossed. The only possible issue I see is that a second parent is never mentioned. If she's without a father or another mother (if that is the way she goes)... She may well need help.

But if she has a significant other in Michael's life, and she's this despondent: the only help she needs is someone to kick her in the ass and get her to wake up. Her son doesn't need a national initiative. Her son doesn't need heavy medication. What her son needs is a support system consisting of strong adults that will guide him through his issues, teach him to understand how his every action affects those around him, and will help him in his quest to be a part of this world.

Every time I read a "cry for help" article like this I think of my parents who, when I was 13, tried to drop me off at a place like the one she mentioned. They started the paper work. They had me at a mental facility. It feels like a long distant nightmare now. But when they saw the world in front of me if they skirted their responsibilities they decided not to sign the paper work. They took me home. To a home where, yes, I had two younger siblings that they would have to protect. With pets that I had treated poorly. With their electronics and possessions I had broken in the past, walls I had punched through.

And they guided me, helped me, and did everything in their power despite working to keep our family afloat. They turned me into a successful adult. I'm 27 years old. I've spent the last three years teaching. My best work has been with students with Oppositional Defiant Disorder. I'm getting a Master's of Education for life sciences right now and intend to continue to work with children. Kids with issues like mine don't need national initiatives or drugs. We don't need strangers counseling us. We need a family and support system that is close to us. I'm still not perfect. I have issues. I'm insecure. I'm awkward in social situations. I have my issues. But I'm a successful part of our world because my parents didn't look for the easy way out and beg for help from others.

My parents accepted their responsibilities and made me who I am today, and I couldn't be happier with the progress I've made as a result.
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Posted by ChrisWoj on December 17, 2012 at 12:24 AM · Report this
301
Whoops. I didn't think the first one posted. Sorry about the double whammy.
Posted by kristalina57 on December 17, 2012 at 12:25 AM · Report this
302
I know some of you will hate me for this. But I doubt very many of you were that young man. My name is Chris. I attempted suicide multiple times before I was 13 years old. I ran off into sub-20 degree temperatures to hide in the woods in attempts to let myself die. I let myself drop from rooftops. I broke my brother's ankle in a fit of anger. I threatened myself and others with knives.

I was in every way mentioned in this article: the same as "Michael." And right now the problem I see with this article is that the woman writing it isn't strong enough to handle her life and the lot she's been tossed. The only possible issue I see is that a second parent is never mentioned. If she's without a father or another mother (if that is the way she goes)... She may well need help.

But if she has a significant other in Michael's life, and she's this despondent: the only help she needs is someone to kick her in the ass and get her to wake up. Her son doesn't need a national initiative. Her son doesn't need heavy medication. What her son needs is a support system consisting of strong adults that will guide him through his issues, teach him to understand how his every action affects those around him, and will help him in his quest to be a part of this world.

Every time I read a "cry for help" article like this I think of my parents who, when I was 13, tried to drop me off at a place like the one she mentioned. They started the paper work. They had me at a mental facility. It feels like a long distant nightmare now. But when they saw the world in front of me if they skirted their responsibilities they decided not to sign the paper work. They took me home. To a home where, yes, I had two younger siblings that they would have to protect. With pets that I had treated poorly. With their electronics and possessions I had broken in the past, walls I had punched through.

And they guided me, helped me, and did everything in their power despite working to keep our family afloat. They turned me into a successful adult. I'm 27 years old. I've spent the last three years teaching. My best work has been with students with Oppositional Defiant Disorder. I'm getting a Master's of Education for life sciences right now and intend to continue to work with children. Kids with issues like mine don't need national initiatives or drugs. We don't need strangers counseling us. We need a family and support system that is close to us. I'm still not perfect. I have issues. I'm insecure. I'm awkward in social situations. I have my issues. But I'm a successful part of our world because my parents didn't look for the easy way out and beg for help from others.

My parents accepted their responsibilities and made me who I am today, and I couldn't be happier with the progress I've made as a result.
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Posted by ChrisWoj on December 17, 2012 at 12:27 AM · Report this
sissoucat 303
@ Liza Long : do you keep assault guns in your house ? Do you collect them ? Do you take your mentally ill and sometimes violent child to gun practice, in order to improve his aim ?

If you don't, maybe you're not the late Mrs Lanza.

You don't seem to homeschool him either...

What I mean is, despite your obviously hard circumstances, your son's prospects seem a lot brighter than your fears... and this, for as long as guns stay out of your house.
Posted by sissoucat on December 17, 2012 at 1:01 AM · Report this
304
May God bless you and your family. Be strong my dear. I know,it easy to say. But hard to due with your situation. You did the right decision. Just leave everything to The Lord and Holy Mary. So your blue day will turning bright soon. Good luck
Posted by ElizabethKanyawee on December 17, 2012 at 1:06 AM · Report this
305
I cant even begin to imagine how hard it is to raise a special needs child but this is just awful. How can you call your own son the next Adam Lanza? What if he sees this? He needs support, not threats and definitely not to feel like you and your other kids are scared of him. If he hasn't done anything violent so far, then why are you being such a prissy scared attention seeking little cunt? And don't even get me started on how offensive this is to other kids who are suffering from autism or any other mental illness, just because they are mentally ill does not make them killers. A lot of those illnesses don't even make kids violent. So go back to whatever self absorbed world you came from and stop trying to change the world with your ridiculously stupid ideologies.
Posted by thunderstorms on December 17, 2012 at 3:06 AM · Report this
306
I hope this mother realizes she can take guardianship, get this child on SSDI, and if he's not stable by the time he reaches age 18 then there are residential care facilities that will help treat this soon to be young adult and teach him about his mental illness and what he has to do to stay healthy. Once his illness is stable and he has shown that he understands his mental illness and his treatment then he moves onto the Rehab house. In the rehab house he is taught further coping skills and starts to mainstream into society. They learn everday skills like money budgeting, cooking, planning for when they are about to run out of medications. The next step is an apartment by themselves but with staff in the hallways.What I am seeing is the young adults that parents have no control over to hospitalize because they didn't take guardianship at age 18. The young adults then have no way to obtain medications or they don't think they need the medications any longer. The mental illness slowly creeps up on them again. They don't even realize it. We need to stop making mental illness a taboo. We need to teach these children that it is a chronic illness just as we would teach them about diabetes. We need to teach them that they can live happy fullfilled lives.
Posted by Vivian Reed on December 17, 2012 at 4:44 AM · Report this
307
You are brave, and loving. But it is more than just Mental Health that is the larger society issue. You are smart enough to have a plan for your other children and their safety, and therefor the safety of the larger community. Thank you!! You do not own a AK 47 !!! it is about guns, and are they easy for someone like your son to obtain. You have made sure that it is not possible, again I thank you for your thoughtfulness . Society has the same responsibility to make sure that 5 guns aren't sitting around in someone's house for an unstable youth to grab and use as was the case here in CT. Society has not been as responsible about guns and knives as you have.
Posted by Herbb on December 17, 2012 at 5:10 AM · Report this
308
I was touched by this article, it was like looking in a mirror and seeing my own child. I have been doing the dreadful balancing act between mental illness and the threat of juvie. We have good days and bad days, the good days consist of constant arguing, disrespectful attitude, homework wars and "Mom I'm sorry I spoke to you like that" and the bad days consist of cops, ambulances and desperate pleas at the emergency room hoping they can find a bed for him at the pediatric mental health unit. God has blessed me with more good days(if you can call that good) than bad days lately but every day is a battle of patience, understanding, faith, exasperation, helplessness and love on top of being a single parent who's trying to fill the roles of mom and dad. My child was diagnosed with ADHD, ODD, IED and Frontal Lobe disorder at the age of 5, he just turned 11 and as we approach the teen years I struggle with the scary thought of "What if he won't take his meds? What if he loses it and does something horrible to me or someone else?" As a parent of a child who struggles with mentallillness, these are terrifying thoughts I have, real fears about a real illness. What would I do if that were my child who shot up that school and took those innocent lives? I pray to God I never have to find out. God, please start the healing for all of those families mourning their losses and dealing with the emotional scars from this tragedy. God, please show mercy and love for the family of Adam Lanza and everyone else who deals with the monster that is mental illness.
Posted by JMAR on December 17, 2012 at 5:25 AM · Report this
310
Thank you so much Liza for this. I felt like I was the only one dealing with a child like this. My child has ADHD and is explosive. I have taken him to counseling to no avail, I have gotten an iep plan in place for him at school. He does fine as long as things go his way and he is in a good mood, but as soon as things don't go smoothly he explodes, he has cussed me out, saying F U Bitch, and recently started throwing things at me, he has been placed in Alternative Schooling, which was a joke. They still don't get it through their heads that he has an illness, they just think he is a "bad" kid. Sad thing is he is the most compassionate, big hearted child I know. I fear he will hurt me or others as he gets bigger and stronger. He is 13 now and only weighs about 96 lbs. but soon he will be able to overpower me. WE NEED HELP!!!!
Posted by mistyj on December 17, 2012 at 5:32 AM · Report this
sissoucat 312
@305 Calling her own son "the next mass murderer" is very violent indeed. And maybe some family therapy would be in order...

But what could be your goal in insulting Liza Long, in those woman-hating terms ? You write that you're aware that her son needs support - still you verbally assault the very person who is best likely to give that support ? Her son's best interests are not on your mind, then.

So why that knee-jerk reaction against her ? Can't you take it, when a mother dares to speak about mental illness in the US, and the lack of support she's going through ? What's your backstory, to read a call for help and take it as being "ridiculously stupid ideologies" ?

Methinks some mental health checks would be in order for you too.
Posted by sissoucat on December 17, 2012 at 6:00 AM · Report this
313
Liza, have you checked into Borderline Personality Disorder? And McLean.
Posted by ann2007 on December 17, 2012 at 6:05 AM · Report this
315
Liza, have you looked into Borderline Personality Disorder? and McLean Hospital
Posted by ann2007 on December 17, 2012 at 6:26 AM · Report this
venomlash 316
I am probably best described as neurotic, prone to obsessive behaviors, photophobia, and animalistic rage. My current struggle is with severe anxiety issues that have hamstrung my intellect. My younger sister is currently getting help for a sort of psychosis somewhere between bipolar disorder and ADD. I sent this article to my parents. It should be good for them to read.
Posted by venomlash on December 17, 2012 at 6:38 AM · Report this
317
I am Dan's (name changed) sister. I grew up with a loving bright brother who loved the outdoors and swimming. He laughed, loved and worked hard at school and swimming. He was in his senior year of college in economics and going to the NCAA championships in two swimming events. Dan came to me several times that year and told me he was "losing my mind". I didn't understand and tried to comfort him. Neither of us snew what this meant or what to do. That was 35 years ago. He now believed the delusions and hallucinations that have taken over his mind. Dan lives alone in an apartment and becomes more isolated as his illness completely controls his thoughts. Every once in a while we carry on a conversation about "real" things. Mostly Dan tells me how lonely he feels. Frequently he becomes verbally aggressive. The mental health laws give Dan the "right" to live where he wants. Dan needs an apartment with his own space (living room, bathroom, kitchen and bedroom). He doesn't want to live with anyone. He likes his privacy. He does however need socialization. He needs to be with others that accept him. He needs organized events he can participate in without feeling "different". He needs to be with others like him. There is no place for supervision with independent living for the mentally ill. They are either hospitalized, live in "group homes" or live alone. We need more alternatives. We need to not give these loved family members "the right to decide" on their own where they live Just reading the definition of schizoaffective disorder and schizophrenia one understands why my loved brother needs someone to help make decisions for him. The mental health reform laws did many good things for people housed in horrible hospital situations, but giving them total freedom to live without the necessary support and supervision is in my opinion a very big part of how isolation makes things worse. New mental health reform is necessary. I feel my brother would be safer and less aggressive in a housing complex with his own apartment with direct supervision from a professional staff. I believe he would be less aggressive with less potential for harming others with socialization and organized events that give him the freedom to participate when he elects. I believe we need housing to help create accepted environments that help these children of the brain illnesses feel successful and accepted. We need new mental health laws.
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Posted by dan's sister on December 17, 2012 at 6:58 AM · Report this
318
I am Adam's mother also. My son is almost 19 and the only thing I can do now is keep him away from my younger children. I have tried everything including counseling and medication. As a family we grieve over this as a concerned parent I fear over this.

Signed
A Lost Mother
Posted by aprilshell on December 17, 2012 at 7:01 AM · Report this
320
I, too, live with problems like this, just not as severe, at least at the moment. My Nephew is 23 now, but his mental health issues keep him at a much younger behavioral age. God bless everyone who has to deal with these issues! I know the feeling of loss and frustration.
Posted by DawgCatcher on December 17, 2012 at 7:47 AM · Report this
321
We tend to pass judgment on the families, with little clarity on the reality. This is honest, open and heart wrenching. I hope someone has a better answer for "A Lost Mother" and Liza. Love and Blessings
Posted by AandG mom on December 17, 2012 at 8:11 AM · Report this
323
Guns are not the problem. They need to be guided by a person to do damage.

Neglectful parents who (to their benefit) didn't learn how to model constructive and pro-social behavior for their children are a dangerous, growing phenomenon in our society.

Who's regulating/monitoring parenting skills? Because we become parents doesn't give us a "free ticket" from having mental health and interpersonal communication issues which need attention.

Metaphoric to a person who seeks to acquire a gun - a parent who is not "qualified" (has no "background check" or monitoring done for parenting/communication skills) is potentially very dangerous. Further, parents "wrap their hands around" a child, guide/"aim" their direction, and, ultimately, pull the trigger.

What we really need to give our attention to is not the gun, but who's behind the trigger?
Posted by friendlyneighborhood on December 17, 2012 at 8:21 AM · Report this
324
Thank you for writing this article. I, along with many other parents of a child with the mental issues you described, fearfully live each day like this. My son has most of the labels you mentioned. We continue to go to counseling, to medicate him, to put him on behavior programs..but the behavior bursts out still. Could this tragic incident shed light on the problems we deal with...could there be an answer for these children and all those around them? I pray that if anything positive comes out of this horrific shooting that it be in the direction of the help we need. We as parents want nothing more than peace and an answer to end the struggles for our children. Please help us to bring about the big changes and the progress we need in the development of programs for our hurting children. Cathy
Posted by cath on December 17, 2012 at 8:22 AM · Report this
329
My heart goes out to ms. Long and anyone dealing
With a child with mental illness. A culture that is more puritanical and punitive, that doesn't recognize that mental illness is indeed a real malady, and a govn't. At peace with cutting mental health services all coalesce to form the perfect storm of perpetuated and unaddressed mental illness and potential
Violence. Throw easy and rampant access to guns into
The mix, and you have columbine, aurOra, sandy hook, etc. I do not begin to understand a 1st world country that is no more progressive than a 3rd world country when it comes to
Mental illness and gun ownership. Very tragic, and the most recent casualties Of such a regressive sensibility are the people of newtown.
Posted by Giveypup on December 17, 2012 at 9:02 AM · Report this
330
I am so glad for your post. I am going to be straight up Lisa. We are spiritual beings in a spiritual world that we cannot see and their is darkness & light in and around all of us. Please, I'm not a religious freak, but a born again believer in Jesus Christ. He came to this earth and cast out demons because at the name of Jesus they must flee. Please I have been living in the tortures of spiritual warfare for many years now and what they want people to do is kill themselves and hurt others along the way. There is a real battle for souls going on and it is time to take a stand. Fight Lisa, with every ounce of courage you have left. Get a King James Bible and start memorizing scripture, find out who Jesus is and give your life to him, help your son, by playing christian music and audio readings of the bible in your house. You need to find true born again believers that are filled with the Holy Spirit of God who will pray with you and help your son. This is real warfare and all of these children are being used by darkness to destroy themselves and everyone around them. The only protection we have is the blood of Jesus and the word of God. Ephesians 6:10-20 explains everything. We are not fighting flesh and blood but spirits that want to take souls to hell. This is a fight for your son's and your eternal soul. We cannot fight this battle in the flesh, if you get right with God through the sacrifice of Christ, then he will fight this battle for you and guide, protect and empower to stand against all evil. Watch what you say, words are powerful, speak peace, love. Do not open the door to darkness with alcohol, drugs(prescription and illegal), anger, sex, greed, movies, music videos that represent darkness. It is time to fight the real problem and it is spiritual, not physical!!! The Lord bless thee and keep thee The Lord make his face to shine upon thee and be gracious to thee. The Lord lift up his countenance upon thee and give thee peace.
HopeofChrist
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Posted by warriorinchrist on December 17, 2012 at 9:03 AM · Report this
331
Thank you for posting this...I have been thinking about Adam Lanza and the autism rumor, and everyone else just keeps ignoring him and what he went through. So thank you! I recently read the book January First, and am wondering if your son has ever been diagnosed with schizophrenia. I obviously do not know his other symptons but he reminded me some of Jani. I will be praying for you and your son and family and I hope you can get some answers and help!
Posted by stillyours13 on December 17, 2012 at 9:11 AM · Report this
335
I want to thank you for your bravery. I am also a mother of a mentally ill son. We were told the same thing: without criminal charges, he cannot receive help. Social workers, therapists and psychologists were unwilling to work with him due to the severity of his issues. My son is a sociopath, and very few clinicians are willing to treat people with the disorder. C was surrounded by family who dearly loved him, encouraged him in every creative venture he chose. He was raised to understand that there are consequences for both his good and bad behavior. He had never been spanked. Instead we removed rewards for unwanted behavior: age-appropriate time outs, media restrictions, grounding. Desired behavior resulted in rewards: park visits, zoo visits, praise, special Mom-and-C time. All children occasionally have a really bad day at school. C. was allowed one "hooky" day per year. If he was having a truly awful day, he would go to the nurse complaining of a tummy ache. I would leave work, pick him up and we would do something special together. He knew I was there if he needed me. However, when he most needed me, there was almost nothing I could do. Until he broke the law. He had been in critical care psychiatric facilities, but my insurance would only allow for 10 days, per year. After being examined by the court-appointed psychiatrist, he was sent to a lock down facility for treatment. He behaved perfectly for them, and rapidly gained the extra little freedoms they were allowed to give. Around those in power, C was able to project the image of an intensely bright and caring person. They were astounded by his maturity. After he charmed 3 young female therapists at the facility, they eventually gave his case to the head of counseling. This woman told him NOT to tell her everything he was thinking, and to hide his writing. As a minor, he did not have confidentiality from the court. According to her, the best we could hope for was that he would be released at 18 and be able to blend into society. In her (expert) view, had the court been made aware of the whole truth, he would never be released. On his 18th birthday, the court released him regardless of the fact that his most recent (1 week prior) evaluation listed him as a moderate homicide risk. Not all of these children come from a traumatic home life. Some come from normal, loving families. Not all parents of these children just ignore symptoms. We do everything humanly possible, and yet it isn't enough. The current system just pushes these kids out as quickly as possible. What happens when your son is a threat to society, and there is no help or safety net?
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Posted by LF on December 17, 2012 at 9:47 AM · Report this
336
So, yeah, your "special" child has some good qualities....but he's also a sociopath who has no business being in the public. He should be locked away....far, far, far, away from my "normal" children. The reason there are no "good" programs to deal with these people and they end up in jail: THAT IS WHERE THEY BELONG. Maybe instead of vitamins or medicine we should see a resurgance in labotomies. I'd rather your son drool in a corner for the rest of his life than take a risk letting this psychopath and others like him interact with the public.
Posted by roberto124535 on December 17, 2012 at 9:55 AM · Report this
337
I feel your pain and confusion as to where to turn. I care for a stepson who was abused as a child. Not only physically abused, but also abused by lack of parenting. Violent Video games, and delusions of mystical powers were his entertainment. Yes, Harry Potter! If you want God's help as you indicated in your last remark, then you need to know what God has to say about such things as Harry Potter. "Test everything, hold to that which is good and abstain from the very appearance of evil" You may not be aware that most Psychiatrists are atheists, so don't expect much help there. Pray and make the changes that God shows you, and then help others not to fall into the same trap! http://www.christiananswers.net/q-eden/h…
Posted by messengerchristian@gmail.com on December 17, 2012 at 10:27 AM · Report this
339
Great piece. For many years, I worked with children who had emotional and learning difficulties, children like the son of this mother. I will admit that some of those kids were terrifying. I got to know many of the families, and was frequently surprised by just how painfully normal these families were. They were not bad parents, but had children who, for reasons no one understood, has significant behavioral and emotional issues. I recall one parent who routinely had to lock herself, the family dog, and her daughter in the car whenever her son went on a rampage. Unable to get the support they frequently needed, families disintegrated into chaos with marriages falling apart and "normal" children developing their own issues because of the environment.

We did away with institutions with the intent of providing services in the community, but we failed to fund those services adequately. As a result, some people get funding and services while others get swept under the rug. This has to stop. If the tragedy that happened in Newtown isn't a wake-up call, I don't think anything will be and I truly fear for the future of our country.
Posted by Stat123 on December 17, 2012 at 10:43 AM · Report this
340
I believe its not just mental illness. Today our children spend too much time with the computer games and video games and not enough time with outside activities like baseball kickball and just being with friends. Kids are taught to just play on xbox playstation and Wii. Its not good. Also parents are not talking to their kids. There are no more family game night. Kids need their parents to teach them how to be in society how to be grown ups and halph the parents do not show a good example themselves. Just my thought. Sorry if I have offended anyone but I felt people need to be more accoutable for what goes on in their house. I know many parents with kids with problems. They have researched changed their diet found solutions that worked and their kids are productive members of society. Research change their diet fight for your kids please.
Posted by DJP on December 17, 2012 at 10:52 AM · Report this
341
I am Adam Lanza's sister. Every time something like this happens, I want to say something. I'm a survivor of a tragedy. My brother in October of 1982 woke up one early morning and tried to kill my brother. In the struggle stabbed my father and my mother. I ran to a phone on the other side of the house to call 911. The last I saw was my father and my brother leaning against a wall, and the brother that stabbed them sitting on the bed with my mother kind of leaning against him on the bed. I went outside to wait for someone to arrive. My mother died at the hospital two hours later. I was 16 years old.

Later I found out that my brother heard voices in the walls. God had told him to kill us to protect us. He had epilepsy since he was 10 and under medication. A troubled teenager involved in drugs etc. He went into a half way house for 6 months. On his 20th birthday he got out a few days later I noticed something wasn't right.

He told me that he had asked my mother to take him to the Dr. to see about taking him off the epilepsy medication since he had not had an episode in years. They assumed he had stopped taking it already. He assured them he hadn't but they increased his dosage anyways. My brother told me that he was under this new medication for three days. He could not stand it and completely stopped taking it. This is when he said the voices started. He was so paranoid he didn't want to tell anyone what he was thinking. We saw the strange behavior. My parents were at loss as to what to do. They decided to just keep him home and love him as the best they knew how. Six months later is when he snapped.

After all that took place my father who has since passed on wrote a letter. I have no idea if he shared it with anyone but it was mainly about our society not being able to deal with mental illness. Listening to my brother years later tell me what actually happened there are even more questions. (Is it the medication that these kids get put on?) My brother had his share of problems like many typical teenage boys but he was not evil. I've forgiven my brother and he has to live with his actions.

Guns are not the problem. Otherwise everyone should get rid of their kitchen knives as well. I believe we could find answers by talking to people like my brother to find out what actually took place. Then we as a society can decide what we need to do to help and keep people safe. As well as help mothers like mine and Adam Lanza's mother know how to deal with their situation. We can blame her for having the guns in the first place but I'm assuming she never thought he was going to hurt someone else. Like my brother, we worried he would kill himself. Educating parents and giving them the information they need is key.
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Posted by rklna on December 17, 2012 at 10:59 AM · Report this
343
I'm still amazed by the number of people who seem to think that acting violently towards children is a solution to keep them from acting violent as they get older. Where, pray tell, do you think children learn the power of violence?
Posted by suddenlyorcas on December 17, 2012 at 11:10 AM · Report this
344
Whilst I feel for your hardship Liza, your article supposes that persons struggling with hardship, those suffering instability, or those born abnormally gifted are rearing to go and kill at will. Simply nonsense. Killers come in all shapes, sizes, races, religions, and levels of stability. Many a killer has seemed to be 'quite normal' before committing a heinous crime.

Have you even considered that the prescription of mind-altering drugs to a person, particularly a child, is like injecting him or her with PCP, heroin or cocaine. How do you expect them to act... rationally? Ludicrous. Why don't you ask more searching questions as to the abuse of previously 'stable' children once they're given these 'medications'?
Posted by Genuinely concerned on December 17, 2012 at 11:11 AM · Report this
345
As a rehabilitation counselor, I ran into the same problems w/ mentally ill children and their families. IF, a big If, you find the right combination of meds, school and therapy, MAYBE these children can be helped, but if they refuse to take their meds, refuse therapy, or self medicate w/ drugs and alcohol, all bets are off, and there seems to be no help anywhere. We need to develop a system of homes, hospitals and other options than jails and prisons for our mentally ill children. And we need to remember that no one, not the authorities, not the experts, no one really has the answers. We need to search for them. So the next time some beat up or cut up mom shows up at an emergency room, we can do something besides send the kid to jail, or the Mom home w/ the same raging kid she came with.
Posted by lostinspace on December 17, 2012 at 11:11 AM · Report this
346
roberto124535 While I see where you are coming from, could you feel the same way if it was your kid? Your so called "normal" kid could just as easily snap one day. Your "normal" kid could be one of the bullies that torment kids with special needs and sends them into a rage cycle. If you had to live 1 day just 1 day in the shoes of a person with special needs or a parent raising a child with special needs, you would see things differently. Your "normal" kid was created by the same God who created my child. Your remarks were cruel and vicious and I believe you may have special needs because a "normal" human being who has respect for life would never say something like that.
Posted by JMAR on December 17, 2012 at 11:13 AM · Report this
347
I am in the same shoes as Liza Long! There is an A-Type personality that needs our attention. We need to get the mothers of these boys together and find a common ground that is causing our sons to have no empathy,etc... Mercury levels? +Video games? +Internet? Wish I could contact Liza Long.
Posted by binny on December 17, 2012 at 11:17 AM · Report this
348
The difficulty is to identify a child or an adult who could cause harm to him/herself or others. It is only after a tragic incident, are they placed in a secure setting.

A question to ask of professionals are there effective treatments to help an at risk person to prevent these violent incidences? If there isn't than I am afraid they need to be identified and placed in a secure insitituion.

While I understand rklna remark "Guns are not the problem" the power of guns in killing a large group of victims in a short period of time is alarming in comparision to a kitchen knife.
Posted by mcl23453 on December 17, 2012 at 11:21 AM · Report this
349
I do have respect for life. That's why I would like to see those who would take it away from others locked up. I use quotation marks on "normal" for a reason. No one is truly "normal" and I understand that. There is a HUGE difference from someone having difficulties and special needs to that of someone who blatently threatens murder and violence. Those "special" people need to be locked up! It would be cruel and viscous to subject us all to those threats just because he's "your little baby" or some such nonsense. Also, I have lived 30 years with a bi-polar disorder. I have been in hospitals and treatment centers many times. That is why I'm confident I sorta know the difference from those who can be "helped" and those that are by definition sociopaths.....and they cannot be helped.
Posted by roberto124535 on December 17, 2012 at 11:26 AM · Report this
350
thank's for sharing and i agree soemthing need's done and i know what you live through my husband has a mental dissorder and i deal with it everyday!! he is a paranoid schizophrenia. his actions are the same as your son's i know what you go thru and it is emotionally tiring but anyway i will definatly stand behind another option for those with mental dissorders!!!!
Posted by shellbell316 on December 17, 2012 at 11:31 AM · Report this
351
I have sent my request to the White House. This issue is critical. As a Parent of a PDDNOS individual I sought support groups and was horrified by the stories I encountered there. My issues were critical but they were dwarfed by some of the other stories I witnessed at these meetings.

Parents often split when a diagnosis of Autistic or mental behavior is rendered . Sometimes it is to preserve the "Normal" kids, splitting them off from the child with problems ,sometimes it is because one of the parents cannot accept the diagnosis.Whatever the reason I have found many single mothers raising these troubled but loved children.

Jail is not the answer. Why would a person want to subject their loved one to a violent,non supportive environment in the name of acquiring a diagnosis. This diagnosis is NOT GOING to come from the jails which are only equipped to keep the individual from causing themselves or others harm while warehousing them.

A 13 year old would go into an environment where he would have to prove himself as a gang member or get beat down by the criminally inclined.This goes for any teen or child entering the system of incarceration

To suggest that we send a child or an adult to jail for psychiatric issues is returning us to the middle ages where we just put these individuals out of site in the Asylums. We are just changing the facilities.

http://www.whitehouse.gov/contact/submit…
Posted by SusanH on December 17, 2012 at 11:35 AM · Report this
352
Thank you for sharing. There are sooo many people who can relate to this...I know I can!
Posted by Dr.Fleming on December 17, 2012 at 11:36 AM · Report this
353
Thank you for sharing. I know so many people that can identify with your story.
Posted by Dr.Fleming on December 17, 2012 at 11:39 AM · Report this
356
How can the people that identify and have lived and experienced this first hand with their child connect??? Maybe we can come together and find the common ground!!!
Posted by binny on December 17, 2012 at 12:02 PM · Report this
357
Adam Lonza's mother gave him easy access to the guns he used to kill 26 people. We're lucky he did not kill more people. I am sorry for her fate, but sorrier for what her guns were used for.
Posted by WalterWhite on December 17, 2012 at 12:06 PM · Report this
358
I believe parents need to be aware of their abilities to manage an at risk child or in this case an adult and get the help they need. It appears Adam's mom didn't and added to the issues by providing weapons in her home which could and were used by Adam when he was no longer able to reason or became a murderer. In the end, there will be some members of our society who need to be in a secure facility to prevent harm to themselves or others due to noncompliance with participating in therapy/meds or they are not able manage their mental illness. Our country needs to look at this issue and provide the means for these individuals.

Let us not forget the children and adults who lost their lives due to no intervention with Adam and the closest people who would be able to recognize his at risk behaviors was his family. For those "I Am Adam's Lanza's Mother" I hope you are able to turn to authorities when you recognize there is a problem. I also believe in stronger gun laws preventing anyone who has a mental illness from having access to a weapon. It might not always prevent a tragic incident, but why make it easier for the Adams of the world. We also don't need these assault weapons in our communities.

My other concern is the media who may provide sensational journalism which leads to copycat murders. It seems there are more tragic incidences like Columbine since it was on the news 24/7.

I also like to commend the CT authorities who entered the school right away which appears to have prevented more loss of life. This was a real change from the Columbine shooting where authorities did not enter in a timely manner which appears to have contributed to loss of life.
Posted by mcl23453 on December 17, 2012 at 12:08 PM · Report this
359
I personaly believe it is mental health issue but what is causing it and how can we prevent childern from having this type of personality? And how can we help the ones that are born this way now? The help that is our there in the mental health system in NOT helping or hitting it on the head with these types of personalities, we do not understand it. I have been through it my sons whole life with the mental health community. Plus when these children get of adult age they can blow off the mental health system.
Posted by binny on December 17, 2012 at 12:10 PM · Report this
360
If you all want to help "treat" these soon-to-be murderers then there needs to be a public database that can keep the community aware of their locations. Just like the one used for sex offenders. I want to know if one of these little monsters are in my neighborhood. This article really woke me up!
Posted by roberto124535 on December 17, 2012 at 12:15 PM · Report this
362
This is very important. In my profession, I work with a mentally ill client who has Intermittent Explosive Disorder and her concerns about the harm her child can bring to others is very real. This is a life long diagnosis. He will not grow out of it. She needs support and her son needs support and regular monitoring and assessment in the community by a mental health team. Simply going to Emergency when an episode occurs is not adequate. He will require ongoing supervision into his adult years or he will end up in the criminal court system.
Posted by Dee455 on December 17, 2012 at 12:21 PM · Report this
363
I would like to start off with, I am very proud of mom for her bravery and planning for the babies. I am a step father of a 12yr old adhd child... my wife and I met 3yrs ago this coming march, we recently have taken him in full time from his fathers care in another state after 3yrs of going back and forth. Im going to add that he was sent to us after he did not come home from school till the next day. The police were involved. He came home just to be punished by his father after having no reason for not coming home and threw a similar temper tantrum and was locked away in his room with the lock turned around so he cant get out. We have had a slew of problems in the past few months in school and we have been thru a slew of meds.. we are now doing ok with the school after shuffling the classrooms. After fridays events I started to look into more of the diesese and found studies that have confirmed that adhd childrens brains are about 5yrs behind in development of the frontal lobe/cortex... With our current system this is not going to work! Would you give a 11yr old a drivers license or a 13yr old a job that involves money? Talk about being set up for failure from the gate! With this being said, "MOM", thank you for your post and I would like to commend you on the choices you were forced to make even though your heart said otherwise.

One last bit of info for the parents with mentally ill children is that in 1973 The federal government passed a law called section 504 of the rehabilitation act... There are guidelines for adhd children and states that kids with mental illnesses are disabled and should be entitled to the same education as normal kids! why is this not being made more public and more info about this section? I think using this routewill be better then building more prisons. We as parents have to do the research to find this stuff and then it can be used. Thats if the help is found in time before something happens that cant be taken back and you lose your kids to the system.

PLEASE HELP SPREAD THE WORD ABOUT SECTION 504. Its up to us!!!
More...
Posted by ean78 on December 17, 2012 at 12:42 PM · Report this
364
"He will require ongoing supervision into his adult years or he will end up in the criminal court system" -- Exactly where he needs to end up. Why wait? Lock him up NOW!
Posted by roberto124535 on December 17, 2012 at 12:42 PM · Report this
dwightmoodyforgetsthings 365
@85- Yeah, look at the stabbing in China. NOBODY DIED.

There isn't one problem, there are dozens. Comprehensive mental healthcare for all would help. Having a media that didn't make mass killing so damn appealing would help. Having a culture that didn't endorse homicide as a problem solving device would help. Keeping really awesome killing machines under tight controls would help.
Posted by dwightmoodyforgetsthings http://www.reddit.com/r/spaceclop on December 17, 2012 at 1:01 PM · Report this
366
Oh how this story sounds familiar.. I owned and operated a group home for so many years...at the beginning we were sent only those children that needed care because of family problems...then the places, hospitals where the kids with mental problems were closed..and they placed those children in with the other kids...now we were dealing with
kids we were not trained to take care of...children who needed safe places where they could be monitored and helped....but the county and state agencies didn't want to spend the monies and so even when you love kids its hard to handle situations where you have no help...no back up. We need places to help kids with mental disorders..not jails but caring loving hospitals and doctors, professionals that can give them what they need.
Posted by KissinKate on December 17, 2012 at 1:49 PM · Report this
367
I am crying right now because that is my son, he is almost 10. It sounds exactly like what I would right about us. This tears me into pieces.
Posted by Jlj22 on December 17, 2012 at 2:09 PM · Report this
368
Please try the Amen Clinic. It's the only place I know of where they are serious about helping people like this. Dr. Daniel Amen has studied thousands of brain scans and knows how to help functional brain disorders (what ought to be the name for mental illness). The clinic in Reston, Virginia, helped my daughter and me with out mental illnesses. http://www.amenclinics.com/
Posted by MsGael on December 17, 2012 at 2:11 PM · Report this
369
Hello, several years of my life I devoted to learning about childhood vaccinations and its side effects, and it all sounds to me that your son has heavy metal poisoning from mercury and aluminum in vaccines (although most health professionals won't admit it). But I have several very helpful links to share, and good news is, that it is all CURABLE by holistic (whole body) approach only, since the drugs only control the symptoms, at best.
So here they are:
1. Check out Dr. David Ayoub video (you can google it and find it online) - he is a radiologist MD, and talks about effects of vaccinations on the brain.
2. Dr. Lisa Nagy is an environmental doctor, former ER physician. She is experienced in treating psychiatric conditions by heavy metal detoxification. Google her (I am afraid to send links because they may not be posted on here. But they are easy to find just by names of the physicians.
3. Dr. Rebecca Carley, she is also an MD and herself learned it the hard way when her son was damaged by vaccinations, and also knows ways to cure since it has been her research (again, all three are real US MDs, and they only base their findings on scientific evidence!)
Hope that helps! And I have 100% confidence that if you go that route, it will be successful!
Dina
Posted by dina314 on December 17, 2012 at 2:31 PM · Report this
370
Please try the Amen Clinic. It's the only place I know of where they are serious about helping people like this. Dr. Daniel Amen has studied thousands of brain scans and knows how to help functional brain disorders (what ought to be the name for mental illness). The clinic in Reston, Virginia, helped my daughter and me with our mental illnesses. http://www.amenclinics.com/ (I am not employed by them nor do I have any financial interest in the Amen Clinics.)
Posted by MsGael on December 17, 2012 at 2:33 PM · Report this
371
Dear Liza,
Thank you so much for sharing this with us. As a retired mental health worker, I understand the awful position you and your children are in, and the terrible lack of appropriate professional support. If your county has a Board of Developmental Disabilities they may be able to guide you to some resources.
My heart goes out to you, and I hope for the best for you and your children.
Carolyn in Cleveland
Posted by crm on December 17, 2012 at 2:36 PM · Report this
372
I am begging you and anyone else who is a mother of children like Michael - PLEASE, please get your kids tested for food allergies. From one mother to another. Please. Do the research! You will see that in some cases, children with allergies to foods, especially grains and food dyes, have major behavioral issues. My oldest son was headed in this exact same direction. I felt drained and at the end of my rope every single day. Nothing worked - and I tried it ALL. Everyone said that this strategy or that strategy would work and NOTHING EVER EVEN HELPED. At all. Through the grace of God we ended up getting him tested for food allergies. Almost two years after staying off wheat, processed sugar and red food dye he has gone from being the most difficult child imaginable to the easiest child there is. It was tough and took a long time. But it might just be worth a try. There are many resources you can read. "Dangerous Grains" is a good book and one called "The Crazy Makers: How the Food Industry Is Destroying Our Brains and Harming Our Children". Please do your research before you discount what I have said. Best of luck to all the moms out there. God bless.
**Just as a footnote, I'm not saying food allergies are the answer for every child with behavior problems. But I just wanted to share in case there are mothers out there that might appreciate something they may not have heard about.
Posted by lorabrady on December 17, 2012 at 2:38 PM · Report this
dwightmoodyforgetsthings 374
@344- Drugs aren't all like PCP (trust me, I've been on PCP and many other drugs). Your argument is ludicrous. It's like Kurt Vonnegut said, some people have bad chemicals in their heads that make them do bad things. We have some chemicals that help counteract those other chemicals. They're not perfect. Somethings they're worse than doing nothing, but often they're much better.
Posted by dwightmoodyforgetsthings http://www.reddit.com/r/spaceclop on December 17, 2012 at 2:54 PM · Report this
375
You're an amazing mom in a very difficult situation, one which no one understands or has the answer to.

A safe, hopeful environment away from home needs to be available to your son, and for you. You need the ability to get longer term "in-patient" care (let's just call it alternative schooling) for your son. He would be helped by it, and you would be too.

Thank you for your honesty and your deep recognition that you and your son need help - it's hard to ask for when no one knows what to do.
Posted by Metis on December 17, 2012 at 3:32 PM · Report this
376
As I jokingly like to tell my friends "I've been saying it all along. Haven't I been saying it?"
If president Obama is any kind of "man" or president, he will concentrate ALL his power, as he has threatened, to providing ALL the help he can muster to help Lisa Long and others in her situation. Lots of families with troubled children cannot afford to treat their kids. Our health insurance in America is very bad, at best. President Obama, if he is serious in wanting to take "meaningful action" he must revamp the mental health care system in America and make it available to everyone regardless of their financial situation. Gun control is not the answer, Mr. President. If this is implemented the incidents involving mentally deranged young people killing innocent children and people will decrease drastically. Drug traffickers and professional criminals, that's another matter.
Posted by Sierra Joe on December 17, 2012 at 3:33 PM · Report this
377
This is why we need mental healthcare options. There was a time when such youngsters would have simply been kicked out of their homes (and many still are), often meeting a violent fate at the hands of strangers or ending up in jail.

You're such an honest and insightful person. You need to be able to have a place to take your son (whether he's happy with it or not) that is a hopeful, benevolent place - let's call it a form of alternative school. We need a new form of "mental hospital" where such patients can learn to deal with life a bit at a time, and are kept away from innocent others and from weaponry.

You're so wise to try and seek help, but right now, no one knows exactly how to help.
Posted by Metis on December 17, 2012 at 3:38 PM · Report this
378
This is the story of my son Danny Watt. Danny suffered from mental illness. My husband and I had him involuntary committed many times only to have the hospitals release him within 3 - 5 days. We fought and fought to get him help. He had no rage inside of him, he had an illness. I thank God everyday that Danny did not commit a horrendous act or hurt anyone else during his psychotic episodes of which he remembered NOTHING. We begged and pleaded to get him help. It is a tangled mess to work with doctors and insurance. To get the necessary help the individual MUST hurt someone or himself. My son killed himself. DON'T BE SO QUICK TO JUDGE! Please read my story and let's look at the mental health system. God bless all the families effected by mental illness, it always ends tragic and sad.

http://
www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/ar…
Posted by MaryWatt on December 17, 2012 at 4:01 PM · Report this
379
This is the story of my son Danny Watt. Danny suffered from mental illness. My husband and I had him involuntary committed many times only to have the hospitals release him within 3 - 5 days. We fought and fought to get him help. He had no rage inside of him, he had an illness. I thank God everyday that Danny did not commit a horrendous act or hurt anyone else during his psychotic episodes of which he remembered NOTHING. We begged and pleaded to get him help. It is a tangled mess to work with doctors and insurance. To get the necessary help the individual MUST hurt someone or himself. My son killed himself. DON'T BE SO QUICK TO JUDGE! Please read my story and let's look at the mental health system. God bless all the families effected by mental illness, it always ends tragic and sad.

http://
www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/ar…
Posted by MaryWatt on December 17, 2012 at 4:04 PM · Report this
380
Thank you for sharing your familfy life and you and your son's problems. You are certainly doing the right thing by ontinuing his admissions to the hospital AND you are also very right about the mental illness situation in this country. My daughter is 21 years old, I have been taking her to a therapist 2x a month (sometimes every week), since she was five - (why? ADHD was the answer then) and that was when we started the long road of doctors, medications, .Psychiatrists, etc. I was told her condition was very rare because she was a girl. I didn't care whether it was rare or not - just help me fix it. We went through periods of times having to lock our bedroom door in the evening and especially when we were out of the house. There was a short period of time when I thought she could kill us - she was capable of that and it terrified me. I took those thoughts to the doctors treating her and went on another medication regiment. Well, after the last 10 years of dealing with her final diagnosis - bi polar along with many of the co-morbid disorders that go with it - she is stable. She knows she MUST always be under the care of a Psychiatrist and seek counsling ever 2 - 3x a month - take her medication everyday. I have brainwashed her until I was blue in the face on all the reasons why she has to take the medication and I was never easy on the explanations. I told her what could happen if she lost touch with reality and I think that she is more afraid of losing touch than we are at this point.
I pray for your strength and your pat you on the back for your acknowledgment of your son's illness. The government definitely has to start recognizing these mentally ill CHILDREN before they become mentally ill ADULTS.
Posted by ToniB on December 17, 2012 at 4:07 PM · Report this
381
Has the President read this? I feel that he needs to have this woman's perspective to help him make the decisions that are necessary now.
Posted by maam on December 17, 2012 at 4:29 PM · Report this
382
The desperation one must feel to post something like this with this particular title following such a tradgedy. I think the issue for parents like this is that there is no answer for them, no diagnosis to define what ails their child, no proper medication or treatment, no facility that can properly treat or house these kids or individuals other than jail, no proper insurance for this type of issue...total desperation. Kudos to her for being courageous enough to bring this to the forefront of what the real issue and possible catlyst for this recent tradgedy in NewTown CT. Mental health should be seen as a real issue and in this case potentially a debilitating issue.

The first step in solving any problem is first knowing what the problem is and while their is no defined problem with these kids, just knowing that these types of kids are out there is the first step in realizing that we have to find a way to step in and help these parents and children...because in the end these children become adults and the final outcome can be catastrophic, as we now know.
Posted by achtung on December 17, 2012 at 4:29 PM · Report this
383
Your article captures everything in context.
Too many parents/children suffer in silence and with a label.
Now THIS is where the politicians, health care, teachers, police and parents should START the conversation.
It would be to EVERYONE'S benefit.
Posted by magounsq on December 17, 2012 at 4:57 PM · Report this
384
Your article captures everything in context.
Too many parents/children suffer in silence and with a label.
Now THIS is where the politicians, health care, teachers, police and parents should START the conversation.
It would be to EVERYONE'S benefit.
Posted by magounsq on December 17, 2012 at 5:00 PM · Report this
385
I live in Winnipeg MB and I am in the minority who advocate for Vince Li (the Greyhound killer) to be released into the community (under stringent circumstances). The importance of community-based intensive and routine psychological involvement of these people at an early age is the only way that we will both protect their human and social rights, and afford them basic dignities as people, and yet protect society at large. I must applaud you - your courage and your thoughtful and respectful attempt to raise your child safely.
Posted by timross on December 17, 2012 at 5:16 PM · Report this
386
I think it's horrible that any mother would paint her child with this brush publicly.

I sympathize with her plight, but seriously? She's saying that he's a killer. Does she really think that he won't hear of this? What she's done here is very ill-advised.
Posted by quinkygirl on December 17, 2012 at 5:24 PM · Report this
387
I am that mother, too. I have a 20 year old who acts much the same way. He's the most caring, intelligent person until I "piss him off" over little or nothing, then there's no stopping him. Jail, mental hospital, probation, orders of protection, damaged property, eviction, tickets...fines I have to pay... on and on. And our mental health system is a joke. I just got him in after 2 years... hope things get better IF he will take the meds. My brother was (is) the same way - just not so violent (that I know of) - my poor mother had to deal with him till her death 3 years ago.
For the people who say - hand on ass - didn't raise him right -- my (our) other children are not this way and I raised them the same. And WHY would anyone think that teaching a child with violence would not produce violence in them?
Posted by SariLee on December 17, 2012 at 5:45 PM · Report this
388
I am that mother, too. I have a 20 year old who acts much the same way. He's the most caring, intelligent person until I "piss him off" over little or nothing, then there's no stopping him. Jail, mental hospital, probation, orders of protection, damaged property, eviction, tickets...fines I have to pay... on and on. And our mental health system is a joke. I just got him in after 2 years... hope things get better IF he will take the meds. My brother was (is) the same way - just not so violent (that I know of) - my poor mother had to deal with him till her death 3 years ago.
For the people who say - hand on ass - didn't raise him right -- my (our) other children are not this way and I raised them the same. And WHY would anyone think that teaching a child with violence would not produce violence in them?
Posted by SariLee on December 17, 2012 at 5:48 PM · Report this
389
Thank you so much for posting your life with Michael. It was frightening to read, but I commend your wholehearted honesty and frankness. Yes, we do need more mental health facilities and care for them. I live in California, and Ronald Reagan did away with mostly all of the mental health facilities, and today you find lost and lonely souls all over the streets, parks, downtown, etc. It is not the place for them, and it is time things change rapidly. I send my thoughts and prayers to you -- good luck with Michael getting the proper treatment.
Posted by nanrose01 on December 17, 2012 at 6:22 PM · Report this
390
I am a special education teacher and the sister of a brother who was diagnosed with schizophrenia when he was eight. I grew up in chaos, always with a sense of potential violence, every day. There was screaming and fighting. I feel like I know the kids who have an undercurrent of violence flowing through them. All that I know to say to their parents is, "Keep reminding your child that you love him. If he comes from a place of love, he knows where he is from." It does not change the painful fact that your child is suffering. But sometimes that is all there is to do.
Posted by mrscd on December 17, 2012 at 6:29 PM · Report this
393
You are in a difficult situation (to state the obvious). It took a long time for my mental health
to be diagnosed and managed, but I never gave up. On the other hand, it is not worth getting killed over,
Why don't you leave the mass mental health system and try to find a private doctor that is
an expert on this kind of behavior. Good ones do exist, but you will have to be determined to
get a correct diagnosis. Does Michael want help? That is the important question.
Posted by determined on December 17, 2012 at 8:34 PM · Report this
394
Thank you for sharing what most of us are afraid to share. Thank you.
Posted by Cjpcrew on December 17, 2012 at 8:39 PM · Report this
395
I have a 17-year-old daughter with an ever changing diagnosis that we believe will ultimately settle on bipolar. There have been 4 suicide attempts in just over a year. She doesn't lash out at others physically?but would gladly injure herself to prove a point, and by doing so holds me hostage through emotional warfare. We have been through meds & hospital stays & even with good medical coverage I, as a single mom, have acquired more debt from this than all other debt combined. Hospitals "stabilize" and send her home with new or increased meds and a "safety plan" that requires her to be rational at a time that she is simply incapable of doing so. I have sent her to the "bowels of the hospital", and it never gets easier. Recently, for the first time, she did lash out at me physically. She's got a good 3 or 4 inches on me and could hurt me if she so desired. I fear the day that she realizes this fact. It is terrifying, frustrating and somehow reassuring that I am not the only mother going through this roller coaster of mental illness. It can be easy to lose sight of the fact that you aren't isolated when your circumstances require you to isolate yourself. I can't leave my nearly adult daughter unsupervised for fear of coming home and finding her dead. I can't allow her to participate in things the other high school seniors participate in because she can't regulate her moods after serious excitement. I have become a prisoner of my own home at a time when things should be getting easier. And it's a lifelong commitment. Perhaps that's what I fear the most. The rest of my life living this way. Living in fear, being manipulated, hurting, crying, feeling guilty and beting myself up. It's too much for a mother to carry and the resources are so limited. My thought are with all of the mothers and fathers out there dealing with the same issues, weather more extreme
or less than my own. It's all consuming, no matter what the diagnosis.
More...
Posted by Jayastarr on December 17, 2012 at 9:23 PM · Report this
396
As the mother of a 17-year-old daughter with profound mental illness, I find this story so relatable. We hide all pills in a locked box that gets moved throughout the house because of multiple suicide attempts. We've had several hospital stays that sent her to "the bowels" of the hospital. Even with good health insurance coverage we are in debt deeper than we could ever recover from but won't file bankruptcy for fear of yet another long term crisis stay that would render the whole process useless.
Thank you for sharing such a personal story. I live in fear in my own home everyday, not so much for myself but for my child. I don't know which is worse. What I do know is that the resources just aren't out there. We've turned to the school, family doctor, even the county for referrals and as was stated here "help". There is little help out there for parents like us. It is isolating and devastating. And the hardest part is that it's a lifelong commitment. I will spend the rest of my life trying to help my baby help herself. That's a hard pill to swallow.
Posted by Jayastarr on December 17, 2012 at 9:37 PM · Report this
397
What is so obvious is that we cannot have comprehensive mental and behavioral health unless we are willing to fund it. It should be a community burden rather than a family one alone. Seems we are much more willing to pay for jails than treatment facilities. Says something about American values and priorities.
Posted by mdmonahan on December 17, 2012 at 9:49 PM · Report this
398
Thank you for this beautiful contribution to the discussion, a long overdue one. What is clear to me is that we are never going to have adequate mental and behavioral health programs until we are willing, as a community, to pay for them and not just leave the burden to the already overburdened parents. It is amazing to me that we as a nation are so much more committed to jails than to treatment programs. Says something, it seems, about our American values and priorities. Shame on us.
Posted by mdmonahan on December 17, 2012 at 9:57 PM · Report this
400
There are NO EASY or IDEAL ANSWERS. We DO NEED to investigate; and MAKE AVAILBLE; the ACCESS TO: Regulated, Effective Programs!

[ A ] Our NATIONAL MENTAL HEALTH PROGRAM(S)

[ B ] Co-Ordination between Mental Health & Law Enforcement

[ C ] INSURANCE options to MAKE these programs REASONABLY
ACCESSABLE to ALL INDIVIDUALS / FAMILIES.
Posted by LUCKYDOC on December 17, 2012 at 11:47 PM · Report this
401
http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archive…

====~~~~~~~>>> YOU MUST READ THIS..!..!
Use LINK above
======================================
Re: I Am Adam Lanza's Mother
======================================

There are NO EASY or IDEAL ANSWERS, and NO SINGLE TYPE OF SOLUTION."

We DO NEED to investigate; and MAKE AVAILBLE; EASY ACCESS TO: Regulated, Effective "MENTAL HEALTH PROGRAMS!"

[ A ] CREATE NATIONWIDE; AVAILABLE RESOURCES ; "with Laws in Place to allow Medical or Law Enforcement officials to RESPOND ==B=E=F=O=R=E== TRAGEDY OCCURS."

[ B ] MAKE ACCESS "==A=V=A=I=L=A=B=L=E== OUTREACH CONTACT Phone Numbers and LINKS." Our NATIONAL MENTAL HEALTH PROGRAM(S)

[ C ] Co-Ordination between Mental Health & Law Enforcement

[ D ] LEGISLATE INSURANCE/NON-INSURANCE OPTIONS to MAKE these programs REASONABLY
ACCESSABLE to ALL INDIVIDUALS / FAMILIES.
Posted by LUCKYDOC on December 18, 2012 at 12:56 AM · Report this
402
Thank you for your bravery and heartfelt story and subjecting yourself to the criticism of the uninformed and masses who think they know your life. I applaud you for your bravery for just getting your story out there- making people think and starting discourse. Of course you aren't Adam Lanza's mother...but your story may not have captured the attention it has had you not written it that way.

I am a mental health professional and want to bring up a few points that I have not seen mentioned in the over 200 previous posts.

1. The latest research on schizophrenia and bipolar have shown that they are disorders affecting the neurodevelopment of the brain that develop slowly with symptoms beginning to manifest in late school age and early adolescence. This is far earlier than we once thought. Since the genome has been mapped, it has been discovered that there are at least 4 different chromosomes(6,8,13,22) involved in the development of schizophrenia (Centre for Genetics Education, 2007). These disorders are influenced by genetics but not genetically pre-determined, they are multifactorial in nature and no genetic testing is available yet for the schizophrenias and bipolar type disorders.

2. Depression is the #2 cause of disability in the US, affecting1/6 people(Menken, et al, 2000; Gonzalez, et al, 2010)

3. By 2020 the WHO projects it will be the the #2 cause of disease burden worldwide, behind heart disease (Menken, et al, 2000)

This is not an American problem, it is a global problem.

Do mass murderers ever have diabetes or epilepsy? Those diseases can cause altered levels of consciousness or confusion due to a biochemical/metabolic imbalance if not adequately treated...(I am reaching here to make a point.)
What happened in CT was a heinous crime. Most people with a chronic psychiatric illness are not mass murderers. (Asperger's is not a psychiatric illness, it is an autism spectrum disorder. Do we know if Lanza was under a physician's care?)

How often do we hear Medicaid and commercial insurance companies talk about cutting the budget for treating patients with those chronic illnesses? Mental health services are routinely cut from the Medicaid budget. Psychiatric illness is medical illness of the brain.

Humans are more than "parts" and we are more than the sum of the parts. We are a total being of mind, body and spirit. To ignore psychiatric/mental health care and discount it's necessity is to ignore part of a person's humanity. We all have mental HEALTH needs, even if we do not require intervention for an acute or chronic illness. When a society marginalizes and discounts the necessity of mental health care (in any form) by restricting the availability of essential services, how can you expect a society to have any sort of wellness? Its like a 3 legged stool balancing on 2 legs.

Legally, there needs to be gun law revisions, but there also needs to be protections- "good samaritan" type laws for health care providers to violate pt-confidentiality when there is explicit knowledge of impending harm- what we call "Duty to warn", ethically speaking. Some states have laws that mandate/or protect providers, but not all.

Respectful dialogue needs to be initiated and action taken now to make meaningful changes so the 27 innocent lives sacrificed last week will not be completely in vain.

References

Centre for Genetics Education (2007). Schizophrenia fact sheet. Retrieved from http://www.genetics.edu.au

Gonzalez,H.M., Vega, W.A., Williams, D.R. Tarraf, W., West, B.T. & Neighbors, H.W. (2010). Depression care in the United States: Too little for too few. Archives of General Psychiatry, 67, 37-46.

Menken, M., Munsat, T.L. & Toole, J.F. (2000). The global burden of disease study: Implications for neurology. Archives of Neurology, 57, 418-420. Retrieved from http://www.wfneurology.org/pdfs/publicat…


More...
Posted by iamana on December 18, 2012 at 4:14 AM · Report this
403
Thank you for your bravery and heartfelt story and subjecting yourself to the criticism of the uninformed and masses who think they know your life. I applaud you for your bravery for just getting your story out there- making people think and starting discourse. Of course you aren't Adam Lanza's mother...but your story may not have captured the attention it has had you not written it that way.

I am a mental health professional and want to bring up a few points that I have not seen mentioned in the over 200 previous posts.

1. The latest research on schizophrenia and bipolar have shown that they are disorders affecting the neurodevelopment of the brain that develop slowly with symptoms beginning to manifest in late school age and early adolescence. This is far earlier than we once thought. Since the genome has been mapped, it has been discovered that there are at least 4 different chromosomes(6,8,13,22) involved in the development of schizophrenia (Centre for Genetics Education, 2007). These disorders are influenced by genetics but not genetically pre-determined, they are multifactorial in nature and no genetic testing is available yet for the schizophrenias and bipolar type disorders.

2. Depression is the #2 cause of disability in the US, affecting1/6 people(Menken, et al, 2000; Gonzalez, et al, 2010)

3. By 2020 the WHO projects it will be the the #2 cause of disease burden worldwide, behind heart disease (Menken, et al, 2000)

This is not an American problem, it is a global problem.

Do mass murderers ever have diabetes or epilepsy? Those diseases can cause altered levels of consciousness or confusion due to a biochemical/metabolic imbalance if not adequately treated...(I am reaching here to make a point.)
What happened in CT was a heinous crime. Most people with a chronic psychiatric illness are not mass murderers. (Asperger's is not a psychiatric illness, it is an autism spectrum disorder. Do we know if Lanza was under a physician's care?)

How often do we hear Medicaid and commercial insurance companies talk about cutting the budget for treating patients with those chronic illnesses? Mental health services are routinely cut from the Medicaid budget. Psychiatric illness is medical illness of the brain.

Humans are more than "parts" and we are more than the sum of the parts. We are a total being of mind, body and spirit. To ignore psychiatric/mental health care and discount it's necessity is to ignore part of a person's humanity. We all have mental HEALTH needs, even if we do not require intervention for an acute or chronic illness. When a society marginalizes and discounts the necessity of mental health care (in any form) by restricting the availability of essential services, how can you expect a society to have any sort of wellness? Its like a 3 legged stool balancing on 2 legs.

Legally, there needs to be gun law revisions, but there also needs to be protections- "good samaritan" type laws for health care providers to violate pt-confidentiality when there is explicit knowledge of impending harm- what we call "Duty to warn", ethically speaking. Some states have laws that mandate/or protect providers, but not all.

Respectful dialogue needs to be initiated and action taken now to make meaningful changes so the 27 innocent lives sacrificed last week will not be completely in vain.

References

Centre for Genetics Education (2007). Schizophrenia fact sheet. Retrieved from http://www.genetics.edu.au

Gonzalez,H.M., Vega, W.A., Williams, D.R. Tarraf, W., West, B.T. & Neighbors, H.W. (2010). Depression care in the United States: Too little for too few. Archives of General Psychiatry, 67, 37-46.

Menken, M., Munsat, T.L. & Toole, J.F. (2000). The global burden of disease study: Implications for neurology. Archives of Neurology, 57, 418-420. Retrieved from http://www.wfneurology.org/pdfs/publicat…
More...
Posted by iamana on December 18, 2012 at 4:19 AM · Report this
404
03AHJ_Vuvq5SdY9AJ3mT1kqF9w426nlqiP3509593xYbl2hiZEXj0faJEcCoo-hi2V_6Gj2VyjNTsgIm-0AcM0ZPlhIW4vpFc34RqRMAYoHIDUuydmXsorkczjDKEgduWm8dcQgLjI7bw5
Posted by marychiz on December 18, 2012 at 4:31 AM · Report this
405
To the mom of the article titled I am Adam Lanza's mother. First of all, my heart surely goes out to you and that is what prompted me to write. I will be brief; the ONLY answer for your son is Jesus and deliverance. Please stop confessing and relating and comparing your son to others. It appears that you have a relationship with God and I can see you have practiced tough love with your son and have taken responsibility early in his life. I commend you. My church is a world wide deliverance ministry located in Jacksonville Florida. I don't know where you reside, but we have people from around the nation come for deliverance. Also, there are other city connections that may be yours. If you would like more info. let me know. God Bless, Lani
Posted by Free on December 18, 2012 at 6:12 AM · Report this
406
Open Dialogue, practiced in Finland, would easily solve this problem.
Posted by coreopsis on December 18, 2012 at 6:43 AM · Report this
407
Open Dialogue, practiced in Finland, would solve Liza's problem. Also, Open Dialogue has resulted in a situation in Finland where people's problems are solved so effectively and quickly, they don't develop into chronic mental illnesses at all. For example, at this point, new cases of schizophrenia are extremely rare in Finland. When they first introduced this program, decades ago, this was not the case. Clearly, since schizophrenia is prevented by early social intervention, it's not actually genetic. Open Dialogue is the best-researched and most effective mental health modality in the world.
In the US, "mental health" care is dominated by money. Decisions are not being made based on what is actually good for the people involved. They are being made based on financial interests of corporations (drug companies, insurance companies). What money we do spend on mental health is being spent on things that don't work and that line the pockets of greedy, dishonest people (the vast majority of the drug research isn't honest). We need to spend it on things that work, like Open Dialogue.
It's easy to produce fake neuroscience research, "proving" that these drugs work and/or that "mental illness" is "genetic," which is intended to support the drug industry. This type of pseudoscience was first fabricated by the Nazis. It's easy to do- most doctors and mental health professionals aren't trained in science, well enough to tell when it's fraudulent research. Check out the book, Rethinking Psychiatric Drugs, by Grace Jackson. That will change your understanding of this issue. This fancy "neuroscience" and "genetic" research full of long words, is fake.
The research on Open Dialogue is real, outcome-based research.
Posted by coreopsis on December 18, 2012 at 6:59 AM · Report this
408
The "medications" CAUSE suicide and homicide. They also cause otherwise-transient mental health struggles to become chronic. Say no to the meds. If your child is on them, you need to find a psychiatrist who will help your child gradually get off of them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=26e5PqrCe…
Posted by coreopsis on December 18, 2012 at 7:04 AM · Report this
409
There are also physical medical problems that can cause this type of problem. A thorough medical (not meaning psychiatric) evaluation needs to be done. Brain injury? Brain tumor? Heavy metal poisoning? Infection? (lyme disease looks like mental illness, in children, and strep can cause mental illness symptoms in children, etc) Vitamin or mineral deficiency? (vitamin B3 deficiency, EFA deficiency, Mg deficiency...) etc. I am especially saying this in general, about kids with "mental illness." And adults. I have known of many people of various ages where the "mental illness" was caused by a medical problem a psychiatrist would be unlikely to consider.
Posted by coreopsis on December 18, 2012 at 7:13 AM · Report this
410
NAMI is funded by the drug companies, so it isn't an objective or neutral source of information on mental illness. You will get information there, that is biased in favor of "medications."
Posted by coreopsis on December 18, 2012 at 7:54 AM · Report this
412
Support N.A.M.I. It fights for leislation for the mentally ill and works at developing living enviornments that provide dignity and mental health care for the mentally ill
Posted by Dawn2 on December 18, 2012 at 8:27 AM · Report this
413
I deeply sympathize with you and your story and I hope your son can get the help he needs once the Affordable Care Act takes full effect in 2014. You're right that mental illness is something we need to talk about, but you're wrong to dismiss talk of gun control. Your son's life will be much less likely to end in tragedy if he does not have access to firearms.
Posted by I have always been... east coaster on December 18, 2012 at 9:33 AM · Report this
416

You are sooooo right. The public and the media blame the parents and or the suspect but it is the mental illness that is to blame. The mental illness takes over the brain against their will. We do need better ways to deal with children and adults like this and more facilities. More counseling for parents with children with mental illness. Wake up President and counsel and use money for things like this.
Posted by concernedamerican on December 18, 2012 at 10:49 AM · Report this
417
I too have walked your walk, and although he is not as severe I most defiantly can relate. Be strong and gather a large support systeme that you can rely on. If the child had a large growth anywhere exposed Dr's and the community would be out in force. But because it is not seen in a visual way and has such a stigma attached most people are unwilling to help. My heart goes out to you and others who suffer with no light at the end of the tunnel as I have....... A
Posted by Lalamaca on December 18, 2012 at 3:11 PM · Report this
418

You are NOT Adam Lanza's mother, because you have not yet been stupid enough to buy a bunch of guns & keep them at your house where your mentally unstable son can get them, use them on you, his siblings, other people, and himself.

I am very sorry for you.
Your son is very difficult to manage.

Your son in one of his angry moods with an automatic weapon in his hand would be
DEATH to many others & to himself. This is why GUN CONTROL is still a huge part of
this question.
Posted by Robby on December 18, 2012 at 5:11 PM · Report this
420
Thanks for so bravely posting this. We struggled with similar issues with one of my sons. The best decision we ever made was to remove him from school. We tried at least 10 different "education" options and none were right for Kevin. These children do not belong there. The medications and behavior plans don't work and tend to only make matters worse. Being institutionalized (including school) is not the answer.
Posted by phoenix2 on December 18, 2012 at 8:51 PM · Report this
421
Niacin in high doses daily for the rest of his life. That will help your son. Niacin is Vitamin B. Please please please trust me. Your story is exactly like my nephew and niacin cured him. It stopped the violent behavior, manic rages, voice in his head, and all the like symptoms.
NIACIN, NIACIN, NIACIN. I HOPE EVERY ONE WHO NEEDS HELP READS THIS.
Posted by DustyCrusty on December 18, 2012 at 9:02 PM · Report this
422
Thanks for so bravely posting this. We have a son who had similar behavior problems... all of his outbreaks were triggered by school. Removing him from school- not medication or behavior therapy- was the answer. He's much happier, he's learning on his own, and we don't have to worry about him getting violent and ending up in jail. From a very young age, children in the educational system are classified, labeled, and forced into a mold that just doesn't work for everyone. For many children, going to school teaches them to feel badly about themselves, they are treated as outcasts, and their uniqueness goes unappreciated. There is no single answer to this problem, but for our family, removing our son from the educational system was the best decision we could make.
Posted by phoenix2 on December 18, 2012 at 9:05 PM · Report this
423
As a Mom whose son has been in a Psychiatric Prison for a long time, I have to say I agree with the positive comments above. Please add to your thinking: how to make prisons more humane such as allowing them to take care of pets, attend art classes, try alternative food plans to prevent the Diabetes that is one of the drugs' side effects, and aid the transportation of visitors, with the price of gas, so they can keep in touch with those who love them so much. I would love to hear about positive upgrades that could serve as models for other prisons. You can email me at julierusk2010@yahoo.com and be respectful please. Much appreciated.
Posted by Julie1945 on December 18, 2012 at 9:09 PM · Report this
424
As a Mom of a middle aged son who has been in a psychiatric prison for more than a year, I agree with the positive comments above; I would ask caring relatives and friends of people in prison to struggle for more humane treatment for the mentally ill such as allowing them to care for pets, and to participate in Art classes, cooking classes, and to be able to eat more nutritious food, and to prevent the weight gain and Diabetes that are side effects of some of the medications. In fact, most prisoners would improve faster with this kind of treatment. I wish I knew what to do, other than sending CARE packages to my son. I'm open to suggestions
Posted by Julie1945 on December 18, 2012 at 10:34 PM · Report this
426

@160 - "The guns aren't the problem (of course they certainly don't help), because if it wasn't a gun, it might be a knife or a rope or...you get my point. Look at all the stabbings in China on that very same day...also involving school children, 22 children to be exact. "

http://news.ca.msn.com/world/china-stabb…

... A doctor at Guangshan's hospital of traditional Chinese medicine said that seven students had been admitted, but that none were seriously injured...

NEWS FLASH: Mentally unstable person with a knife attacks schoolchildren ...
All of them live, few are even seriously hurt.

IT'S THE GUNS, STUPID!
Posted by Robby on December 19, 2012 at 10:14 AM · Report this
gr8lakesgrrl 427
Lord, this thread is tldr, but thanks for the link, labs and Kim in Portland, signed!
Posted by gr8lakesgrrl on December 19, 2012 at 11:19 AM · Report this
428


Where's the father in all of this? I know no one likes to discuss the role men play and need to step up to the plate when it comes to raising boy children. It cannot be all on the mom's shoulders. The millionaire dad of the shooter abandoned the family at a crucial point in the kids upbringing. I know my kid does far better with positive male role models in his life than not. But come on men! sign up for big brothers so there aren't year long wait lists! Or even horse therapy or working on a farm. Where do boys put there limitless energy>? You're looking for the answers in pill bottles. Guess what lady, it doesn't work. It seems women today want their boys to behave like girls. Guess what they aren't! Ps try reading the autobiography Look Me In the Eye by John Elder Robison. Quite Insightful into boys perspective. I am a widow with two boys to raise.
Posted by bunnyd on December 19, 2012 at 12:21 PM · Report this
429

Where's the father in all of this? I know no one likes to discuss the role men play and need to step up to the plate when it comes to raising boy children. It cannot be all on the mom's shoulders. The millionaire dad of the shooter abandoned the family at a crucial point in the kids upbringing. I know my kid does far better with positive male role models in his life than not. But come on men! sign up for big brothers so there aren't year long wait lists! Or even horse therapy or working on a farm. Where do boys put there limitless energy>? You're looking for the answers in pill bottles. Guess what lady, it doesn't work. It seems women today want their boys to behave like girls. Guess what they aren't! Ps try reading the autobiography Look Me In the Eye by John Elder Robison. Quite Insightful from a boys perspective. I am a widow raising two boys.
Posted by bunnyd on December 19, 2012 at 12:26 PM · Report this
430
That's a lovely story. I only hope that I would be as patient and caring in your place.
I was a messed up kid too, except the quiet kind so I didn't attract attention and therapy. But it's still hard growing up not knowing what normal is but being expected to conform to it.
Posted by niko4ever on December 19, 2012 at 1:19 PM · Report this
dwightmoodyforgetsthings 431
@429- Gender essentialist twits like you really suck.

Sincerely:

A man who never was the way boys were supposed to be.
Posted by dwightmoodyforgetsthings http://www.reddit.com/r/spaceclop on December 19, 2012 at 2:00 PM · Report this
432
Thank you...thank you for sharing this incredibly painful story. I felt like you were telling the story of my life. For many years we suffered and everyday was filled with school counselors, prinicpals, PPT's, IEP's, Social Services, several psychiatrist's, group therapy, inpatient programs in the nations "best" metal facilities. Multiple diagnosis ranging from ADD, ADHD, ODD, PDD-NOS ... Ultimately binders of information, meetings gathering all of the key people from school administration alongside Dr's. Unfortunately, with all of that, our lives were very similar to yours.

MENTAL HEALTH must be addressed as the key underlining issue that leads to these tragedies.

Everyone would agree that assault rifles should and must be banned. No doubt, end of story. That still does not solve the issue.

Thank you again...I am sure many, many families are struggling alongside you with similar answers provided to your question --- When I asked my son's social worker about my options, he said that the only thing I could do was to get Michael charged with a crime. “If he’s back in the system, they’ll create a paper trail," he said. "That's the only way you’re ever going to get anything done. No one will pay attention to you unless you’ve got charges." ----

I received that answer as well. I too agree that jail is not the answer. I am also fairly certain that given your lack of options, there are times when you know it will be "easier" and "safer" .... similar to the school's "baby sitting" program. I am at a loss for words at this point as this was my life.

This must change!

Thank you again and I truly hope that a positive change will happen for you and your family soon.
Posted by Mom13 on December 19, 2012 at 8:15 PM · Report this
433
Previewing Your Comment

Re: I Am Adam Lanza's Mother

Thank you...thank you for sharing this incredibly painful story. I felt like you were telling the story of my life. For many years we suffered and everyday was filled with school counselors, prinicpals, PPT's, IEP's, Social Services, several psychiatrist's, group therapy, inpatient programs in the nations "best" metal facilities. Multiple diagnosis ranging from ADD, ADHD, ODD, PDD-NOS ... Ultimately binders of information, meetings gathering all of the key people from school administration alongside Dr's. Unfortunately, with all of that, our lives were very similar to yours.

MENTAL HEALTH must be addressed as the key underlining issue that leads to these tragedies.

Everyone would agree that assault rifles should and must be banned. No doubt, end of story. That still does not solve the issue.

Thank you again...I am sure many, many families are struggling alongside you with similar answers provided to your question --- When I asked my son's social worker about my options, he said that the only thing I could do was to get Michael charged with a crime. “If he’s back in the system, they’ll create a paper trail," he said. "That's the only way you’re ever going to get anything done. No one will pay attention to you unless you’ve got charges." ----

I received that answer as well. I too agree that jail is not the answer. I am also fairly certain that given your lack of options, there are times when you know it will be "easier" and "safer" .... similar to the school's "baby sitting" program. I am at a loss for words at this point as this was my life.

This must change!

Thank you again and I truly hope that a positive change will happen for you and your family soon.
More...
Posted by Mom13 on December 19, 2012 at 8:18 PM · Report this
jenniferevette 434
wow this story brought tears to my eyes, how painful as a parent and I pray that one day soon there will finally be a cure or a more productive treatment to finally assist these children.
Posted by jenniferevette on December 20, 2012 at 4:58 AM · Report this
sissoucat 435
@426 You nailed it.
Posted by sissoucat on December 20, 2012 at 10:00 AM · Report this
436
Sad but unfortunately I have heard this story before.

Not sure if anyone asked you this but has your son even been tested for high functioning autism? Straight A student, inflexible with rules, goes off the handle when challenged, freaks out much like a young child would (even when beyond normal tantrum age). Your son just seems like a textbook case of a high functioning autistic that has gone untreated too long. Keep in mind most drugs used to treat childhood mental illnesses would actually make an autistic child worse, more sensitive to stimuli, more violent reactions. It forces them to overload faster.

If he hasn't been tested this group helps families with autistic children get the information and support they need. http://www.autismspeaks.org/

Hope this helps, only those in the same situation can truely comprehend the affect this has had on you and your family.
Posted by bfeat on December 20, 2012 at 10:59 AM · Report this
437
An unfothomably heinous and horribly cruel act against defenseless innocents by a hideously immoral individual has many people clamoring for "greater access to mental health services" as the way to prevent further mayhem -- as if Adam Lanza could have and should have been saved by Medicine's red-headed stepchild, psychiatry.

At the risk of sounding badly - informed, callous, ignorant, insensitive, irresponsible or otherwise bound up in the tenacious grasp of some other undesirable personal attribute, I submit that the Newtown perpetrator wasn't any less healthy than most people his age; furthermore, anyone claiming that mental health professionals can stop these kinds of acts by improving the public's access to their 'services' is, at best, proposing an undercooked fast food entree in a world where the myriad choices one can make in life is represented by a vast gourmet menu written for an almost limitless range of palettes and tastes. On the fringes of this spectrum, there will always be people who refuse eat what is good for them, and those who will try to force others to eat what isn't. Or put another way: those who value self - control and those who value self - aggrandizement by their control of others.

What people call mental illness is as poorly understood today as it has ever been, despite what experts want us to think. There is compelling evidence to support this. A careful review of psychiatry's sordid history by its critics will reveal its abysmal and embarrassing track record. The attempts to control behavior by medicalizing it have largely failed, especially where it has counted the most. Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold were mental health clients; even the most experienced psychiatrists will admit that they cannot predict who might go off on a violent spree. So, do we just drug everyone deemed depressed, odd, troublesome or suspicious? Come to think of it, doctors have been administering ever - increasing amounts of psychiatric drugs to kids for decades; they now number in the tens of thousands. Seen any improvement in the 'patient' yet?

Of all the medical specialties, psychiatry the least scientific as well as the most demeaning. This shouldn't surprise anyone. Their primary function has always been to promote and enforce the ever - changing dominant ethic -- vis-a-vis the lawbreaker traversing the criminal justice system or the child traversing his family upbringing and compulsory public education -- not about curing physical illnesses verifiable by objective tests. People under 40 probably won't recall when homosexuality was considered a mental illness. Today, it's a civil right. How is such a bizarre metamorphosis even possible? It's a matter of convenience: The concerns of the shrink are almost universally focused on the least powerful, least organized and poorest members of society. Homosexuals, once viciously hounded at every level, increased their political power and social legitimacy over many years; psychiatry responded by becoming increasingly less interested in persecuting them. Eventually, they eliminated the 'diagnostic criteria' for this 'serious mental illness' from the DSM in 1973. It should be obvious that this isn't how scientists should approach their subjects; it's how bigots approach their scapegoats, cowering in retreat to save face only after they begin to recognize their own defeat. As Henrik Ibsen put it: “Was the majority right when they stood by while Jesus was crucified? Was the majority right when they refused to believe that the earth moved around the sun and let Galileo be driven to his knees like a dog? It takes fifty years for the majority to be right. The majority is never right until it does right.” Today, the majority believes in a thing called 'mental illness' (never mind that they don't even bother to define 'mental health') and are convinced that forcibly 'treating' it with neurotoxins is doing right. Thomas Szasz was correct when he observed that "scapegoating is the metabolism of society."

As a result of psychiatry's innumerable meddling interventions, society's foundational institutions have been corrupted to their core. The line between health and behavior is now so blurred by so many conflicting and competing interests -- propelled by intellectually dishonest rhetoric if not outright lies -- that people no longer take seriously the idea that bad behavior is a problem of ethics and morals, neither of which are amenable to the laws of physics. It is physics which ultimately guides honest medical practice, but to point out the metaphorical fallacy of mental illness today is to invite ridicule for being "unscientific", or presumed to be calling for a return to more fundamental religious dogmatism. (Ironically, clergymen often unwittingly defer to mental health professionals when confronted with troubled parishioners.) With the very concepts of free will, self - discipline and personal responsibility having been so thoroughly undermined by the ascendancy of Scientism and the belief that bad behavior is generated by out-of-control biological 'events' in the brain (with no corresponding belief whatsoever about the biological 'cause' of exceptionally good behavior), the chances of these positive values being restored in our lifetime, or even our children's, are so slim as to be non - existent. There is simply way too much corporate money, political power and the momentum of misguided public sentiment behind the mental health movement now.

On the other hand, if we want to continue living in an increasingly paranoid, dystopian society of snarky little backstabbing, Halo - trained amateur 'bioethicists', where people -- pretending to be doctors who hardly know wtf they're doing, poisoning clients who hardly know how they should act -- deciding who is mentally healthy, who is mentally sick, who will take what meds (with a one-way ticket to hell for the recalcitrant), good luck to us all. God and his fan club have been rendered moot in the face of such monumental, pernicious and widespread stupidity.

Finally, allow me to point out that a political experiment very similar to the one currently underway in the U. S. has been conducted before: State - sanctioned psychiatric control of deviants was the first ingredient in the cauldron where the most vitriolic social engineering concoction of the 20th Century was brewed. They called it "National Socialism". Few people saw the pharmageddon they were really being served up then, either.

Further reading, which may guide the reader toward the reasons for the failure of the mental health movement:

http://www.psychotherapy.net/interview/t…

http://m.newyorker.com/arts/critics/atla…
More...
Posted by zarnivad on December 22, 2012 at 11:20 PM · Report this
438
An unfothomably heinous and horribly cruel act against defenseless innocents by a hideously immoral individual has many people clamoring for "greater access to mental health services" as the way to prevent further mayhem -- as if Adam Lanza could have and should have been saved by Medicine's red-headed stepchild, psychiatry.

At the risk of sounding badly - informed, callous, ignorant, insensitive, irresponsible or otherwise bound up in the tenacious grasp of some other undesirable personal attribute, I submit that the Newtown perpetrator wasn't any less healthy than most people his age; furthermore, anyone claiming that mental health professionals can stop these kinds of acts by improving the public's access to their 'services' is, at best, proposing an undercooked fast food entree in a world where the myriad choices one can make in life is represented by a vast gourmet menu written for an almost limitless range of palettes and tastes. On the fringes of this spectrum, there will always be people who refuse eat what is good for them, and those who will try to force others to eat what isn't. Or put another way: those who value self - control and those who value self - aggrandizement by their control of others.

What people call mental illness is as poorly understood today as it has ever been, despite what experts want us to think. There is compelling evidence to support this. A careful review of psychiatry's sordid history by its critics will reveal its abysmal and embarrassing track record. The attempts to control behavior by medicalizing it have largely failed, especially where it has counted the most. Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold were mental health clients; even the most experienced psychiatrists will admit that they cannot predict who might go off on a violent spree. So, do we just drug everyone deemed depressed, odd, troublesome or suspicious? Come to think of it, doctors have been administering ever - increasing amounts of psychiatric drugs to kids for decades; they now number in the tens of thousands. Seen any improvement in the 'patient' yet?

Of all the medical specialties, psychiatry the least scientific as well as the most demeaning. This shouldn't surprise anyone. Their primary function has always been to promote and enforce the ever - changing dominant ethic -- vis-a-vis the lawbreaker traversing the criminal justice system or the child traversing his family upbringing and compulsory public education -- not about curing physical illnesses verifiable by objective tests. People under 40 probably won't recall when homosexuality was considered a mental illness. Today, it's a civil right. How is such a bizarre metamorphosis even possible? It's a matter of convenience: The concerns of the shrink are almost universally focused on the least powerful, least organized and poorest members of society. Homosexuals, once viciously hounded at every level, increased their political power and social legitimacy over many years; psychiatry responded by becoming increasingly less interested in persecuting them. Eventually, they eliminated the 'diagnostic criteria' for this 'serious mental illness' from the DSM in 1973. It should be obvious that this isn't how scientists should approach their subjects; it's how bigots approach their scapegoats, cowering in retreat to save face only after they begin to recognize their own defeat. As Henrik Ibsen put it: “Was the majority right when they stood by while Jesus was crucified? Was the majority right when they refused to believe that the earth moved around the sun and let Galileo be driven to his knees like a dog? It takes fifty years for the majority to be right. The majority is never right until it does right.” Today, the majority believes in a thing called 'mental illness' (never mind that they don't even bother to define 'mental health') and are convinced that forcibly 'treating' it with neurotoxins is doing right. Thomas Szasz was correct when he observed that "scapegoating is the metabolism of society."

As a result of psychiatry's innumerable meddling interventions, society's foundational institutions have been corrupted to their core. The line between health and behavior is now so blurred by so many conflicting and competing interests -- propelled by intellectually dishonest rhetoric if not outright lies -- that people no longer take seriously the idea that bad behavior is a problem of ethics and morals, neither of which are amenable to the laws of physics. It is physics which ultimately guides honest medical practice, but to point out the metaphorical fallacy of mental illness today is to invite ridicule for being "unscientific", or presumed to be calling for a return to more fundamental religious dogmatism. (Ironically, clergymen often unwittingly defer to mental health professionals when confronted with troubled parishioners.) With the very concepts of free will, self - discipline and personal responsibility having been so thoroughly undermined by the ascendancy of Scientism and the belief that bad behavior is generated by out-of-control biological 'events' in the brain (with no corresponding belief whatsoever about the biological 'cause' of exceptionally good behavior), the chances of these positive values being restored in our lifetime, or even our children's, are so slim as to be non - existent. There is simply way too much corporate money, political power and the momentum of misguided public sentiment behind the mental health movement now.

On the other hand, if we want to continue living in an increasingly paranoid, dystopian society of snarky little backstabbing, Halo - trained amateur 'bioethicists', where people -- pretending to be doctors who hardly know wtf they're doing, poisoning clients who hardly know how they should act -- deciding who is mentally healthy, who is mentally sick, who will take what meds (with a one-way ticket to hell for the recalcitrant), good luck to us all. God and his fan club have been rendered moot in the face of such monumental, pernicious and widespread stupidity.

Finally, allow me to point out that a political experiment very similar to the one currently underway in the U. S. has been conducted before: State - sanctioned psychiatric control of deviants was the first ingredient in the cauldron where the most vitriolic social engineering concoction of the 20th Century was brewed. They called it "National Socialism". Few people saw the pharmageddon they were about to be served up then, either.

Further reading, which may guide the reader toward some of the underlying reasons for the failure of the mental health movement:

http://www.szasz.com/leifer.html

http://www.psychotherapy.net/interview/t…

http://m.newyorker.com/arts/critics/atla…
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Posted by zarnivad on December 22, 2012 at 11:41 PM · Report this
440
Somewhere in time (January 26, 2006) ~ My nephew, 19 years old, brutally beat, my mother and sister, let them lay in pain until he strangled them to death. Life in prison?
Drastic? Unfair? I know nothing about Adam Lanza or being Adam Lanza's mother. I refuse to watch or read any media reporting any tragic affair as such. I am a sole survivor. The only one left besides him in my family. Tonight, I spend Christmas Eve by myself again. Somewhere away he spends the same night in maximum security. As for the mental health community, could they have stopped it? No! Resounding NO! No guns. Just a murder's outrage. The person portraying to be Adam Lanza's mother has more knowledge of her child's mental illness than I or any others here. Offsetting his outrages and highlighting what she describes as a genius in him, I feel with certainty is a character of denial of the danger of the situation she describes. Mental illness is a cruel disease. Proper treatment should be sought responsibly. A desperate woman who drives her child to the hospital and summons police, I feel, should seek professional intervention to assist her in choosing treatment options. She needs to be strong, aggressive, and never turn her back. If you suspect your child has mental illness seek private healthcare providers since you state you have benefits. Search responsibly. Be prepared for shots in the dark. One drug, two drugs, or even the combination of multiple drug cocktails. Second, third opinions, when a treatment is not working, where do your options stop? The patient must admit and accept shortcomings with no feelings of guilt. The patient must be willing to accept and follow treatment whether in confinement or outpatient. Choices are tough. If you have to call the police and file charges to get anything done, choices are tough! My mother and sister hid the brutality of my nephew for years. Even from me. Choices are tough. After my sister's boss went to the houses when my sister did not show up for work,
my nephew awoke to a resounding knock. When asked where my mother and sister were, he answered, "They are next door. Dead." After he killed them in my mother's house, he returned next door, to go to sleep. No guns. No treatment. But in the end, the police were called. A report was filled out. Charges were filed. A trial took place. One young man sentenced to life in prison without any chance of parole. Two women slain. One laid face down in her blood to drown. And one's head placed on her favorite pillow with a dog leash still around her neck. With tears, I weep, choices are tough!
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Posted by rtb159 on December 25, 2012 at 3:29 AM · Report this
441
Thank you for starting this important dialog. For those of us who deal with this on daily basis we feel that there is no hope.
Posted by Help500 on December 26, 2012 at 11:13 AM · Report this
443
Might want to consider getting him checked for bipolar. Read The Bipolar Child by Demitri Papolos
Posted by stressedoutmom on December 29, 2012 at 6:45 AM · Report this
444
Have you concidered bipolar? Read The Bipolar Child by Demitri Papolos
Posted by stressedoutmom on December 29, 2012 at 6:50 AM · Report this
445
My 18 year old son has PPD-NOS, ADHD and ODD and I too have seen how America has let our children with special needs down and I too am asking for help. I am Wyatt Wesolowski's mom and I love my son but am terrified what he could do if I do not get help fom the proper people to help before it may be to late.
Posted by Wyatt's Mom on December 30, 2012 at 7:40 AM · Report this
447
This is a very informative read that cuts deep. Please tell me what I can do as an individual to make things better. I'd be glad to write to my government officials if I just knew what or how to say what is needed. I am open to do what I can. Please direct me!
Posted by Retta on January 3, 2013 at 8:36 PM · Report this
454
I completely changed my major from becoming a nurse. I want to help people, but my passion is to help people with mental and behavioral problems. I've been told to go for a masters in social work, sociology, and/or psychology. I definitely want to make a difference in the lives of people affected with mental health disorders, behavioral health disorders and so on. I don't believe in people learning to live with their demons, i believe in working with people to release those demons by getting to the root of the problem; digging deep. Now there are people with chemical imbalances which, I believe through therapy as well as some medications (the right one for that individual) will allow people to live, feel and lead normal lives. I may be wrong, and some people may disagree with me, but I do believe in the power of prayer. Unfortunately, unless one is a religious counselor/therapist, God can not be brought up, but a "higher-power" may be brought up. Many people self-medicate themselves thinking that it will release them from their mental issues, however, all it does is create more problems. The truth of the matter is mental health is a big problem in this country and is not properly addressed nor researched. Everybody is different and each individual must be dealt with differently, not just wriiten a script and thats it. every mental illness should be treated according to the individuals personality. There is no uniform way to treat individuals with the same disorder because people are different therefore there mental illness may be manifested in different ways. Once we realize that, and we get more professionals that genuinely care to help as opposed to just caring about how fast they can get a patient in and out in order to see as many as possible so they can suck the life out of their insurance to make money, then and only then can we make a difference. one by one. You can't go into this profession for the money, you must have a passion for helping people, or else nothing will ever change!
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Posted by some1whocares on May 18, 2013 at 3:07 PM · Report this
455
I am Lisa David from Canada, I was a diabetes patient and I got healed through the help of Dr Ahmed Seed Ali a spiritualist who I met on air and I traveled to South East Asia, Malaysia to meet with him. I want to give all the thanks to Dr Ahmed for the help he render to me and my family. I want every one to meet with this man for his or her own healing. To contact this man, below is the email you can reach him.

drahmedsdali@live.com
Posted by jjude46 on May 19, 2013 at 1:29 AM · Report this
461
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Posted by Andrew Curtail on June 26, 2013 at 3:55 AM · Report this
463
Thank you for taking the time to share and point out that lack of $$$ mental health issues is just as guilty. It is hard to be a strong parent with a knife to your throat or oneof your other childrens!
I have had similar situation with one of my sons. The worst part was an ex husband telling him you dont have to take your medicine....your mother is the nut! And by the way he was diagnosed with Oppositional Defiance Disorder and ADD no H. \
Thank you
Posted by mentalmom on September 19, 2013 at 7:22 AM · Report this
464
I'm Johann Wacher Muhammad from Finland.I will love to share my testimony to all the people in Finland and also in the world.I never thought my girlfriend WILL BE back in my life..The girl i wanted to marry to left me,When i called her she never picked my calls..when i went to her place of work she told her boss she never wanted to see me..My life was upside down if you have pass though this before, you will know what i am talking about.I tried all i could to have her back but dint work out until a friend of mine introduce me to one Man called Dr. Alex KAZAKH,I told him my problem and all i have passed through in getting her back, He told me that he will help me but i didn't believe that in the first place. but he swore he will help me out and he told me the reason why my girlfriend left me and also told me some hidden secrets. i was amazed when i heard that from him..he said he will cast a spell for me and i will see the results in the next couple of days..he said I'm gonna see positive results in the next 4 work days...can you imagine My girlfriend called me at the 4th day apologies for all she had done ..she said,she never knew what she was doing and her sudden behavior was not intentional and she promised not to do that again. it was like am dreaming when i heard that from her and when we ended the call,i called the man and told him my wife called and he said i haven't seen anything yet..My life is back into shape,i have my girlfriend back and we are happily married and i married last month,This man is really powerful..if we have up to 10 people like him in this world,the world would have been a better place..he has also helped many of my friends to solve some problems and they are all happy now..Am posting this to the forum for anybody that is interested in meeting the man for help. you can mail him on this email;kakashihightemple@gmail.com or call his number +2347035112568..Thank you sir make Allah bless and i also want to use this medium to thank all my friends who were able to make it to my wedding thanks you all.
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Posted by wacher on June 23, 2014 at 11:49 PM · Report this

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