I realize Savage Love is a sex-advice column (as evidenced by much vulgar language), but I'm going to ask anyway.
(1) What is your definition of love?
(2) How do you know if you're in "love"?
(3) How do you know if they're the "one"?
My response after the jump...
(1) Love is making out with someone after you've blown a load on his/her face.
(2) You know you're in love when you're eating breakfast in a restaurant together the morning after he/she blew a load on your face and you suddenly realize that you didn't wash your face when you got out of bed that morning and you don't care.
(3) You know he/she is the one when he/she realizes that you've just realized that you're eating breakfast in a restaurant the morning after he/she blew a load on your face and you didn't wash your face when you got out of bed that morning and he/she smiles, leans over the table, and gives you a kiss.