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Thursday, December 20, 2012

I Regret to Inform You the World Is Ending Tomorrow

Posted by on Thu, Dec 20, 2012 at 9:22 AM

According to a highly reputable source I met today on the #10 bus, the world is really, genuinely going to end tomorrow. NASA swears this isn't the case, but we all know that Science is Woefully Misinformed when it comes to things like science.


The only question remains: What are you going to do to commemorate your last day of earth, besides masturbating and eating steak?


Comments (33) RSS

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i'm going to go to work and smoke hella weed

my job is to predict asteroid paths
Posted by Swearengen on December 20, 2012 at 9:30 AM · Report this
douchus 2
I finished my first semester of med school this morning. Now I will nap and watch a movie (same time!) before drinking my face off at 2 parties, starting with true martini's and ending by double fisting cheap bubbly. Oh, also sex.
Posted by douchus on December 20, 2012 at 9:32 AM · Report this
TVDinner 3
I think we need a legally-binding Slog poll on this one.
Posted by TVDinner http:// on December 20, 2012 at 9:35 AM · Report this
I'm getting a sick tattoo on my chest!
Posted by freshnycman on December 20, 2012 at 9:41 AM · Report this
Grrr 5
So shouldn't Australia be under the sea or something? They must be celebrating summer solstice along the beaches out there right now instead.
Posted by Grrr on December 20, 2012 at 9:46 AM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 6
A whole bag of chocolate chip cookies.
Posted by Pope Peabrain on December 20, 2012 at 9:49 AM · Report this
It's already tomorrow in Sydney, AU, which, when I last checked in, still seemed to be slumbering peacefully; lights still on, no conflagrations or scores of vehicles wrecked by those suddenly "taken up". In fact it all looks pretty much liek what you'd expect at 4:45 in the morning.

So, I have to say: science wins this round - again. But not to worry you Apocalystas: somebody is sure to predict another end to the world in a couple of years - I mean, don't they always?
Posted by COMTE on December 20, 2012 at 9:51 AM · Report this
Pick1 8
Hmmmm, I'm going to have a prime rib dinner and bake some white chocolate macadamia nut cookies (what I've always said would be my last meal if I were on death row).

Then I'm going to play video games with my boyfriend and maybe smoke some weed.
Posted by Pick1 on December 20, 2012 at 9:56 AM · Report this
Reverse Polarity 9
So... if your reputable source on the #10 bus really genuinely believed the world will end tomorrow, why the hell was he (or she?) spending the last day of their life riding around on a stupid bus?
Posted by Reverse Polarity on December 20, 2012 at 10:00 AM · Report this
originalcinner 10
I'm easily led. White choc macadamia cookies for me too.
Posted by originalcinner on December 20, 2012 at 10:04 AM · Report this
kim in portland 11
A) It is my birthday and my reputable source says we're all fine and that my Irish side is free to drink all the whisky it wants.

B) My Danish side had the good sense to save some risengrød when making Ris a l’amande (…) to please the nisse.

C) Aussie friends sent birthday wishes.

D) Sex makes everyday special.


Ps. Happy 21st Birthday (a tad early), venomlash. Don't get to dusty!
Posted by kim in portland on December 20, 2012 at 10:18 AM · Report this
kim in portland 12
Don't get too dusty, venomlash!
Posted by kim in portland on December 20, 2012 at 10:19 AM · Report this
I don't think the world will end, but I do plan to be disappointed when it doesn't. Sort of like not buying a lottery ticket and still being disappointed you didn't win.
Posted by LMcGuff on December 20, 2012 at 10:20 AM · Report this
wisepunk 14
VL is only 21? That kid has a future, probably in a criminal enterprise.
Posted by wisepunk on December 20, 2012 at 10:26 AM · Report this
Simone 15
I'd rather eat cookies than steak.
Posted by Simone on December 20, 2012 at 10:30 AM · Report this
Pick1 16
It may still be the morning, but I'm going to go ahead and award @13 with comment of the day.
Posted by Pick1 on December 20, 2012 at 10:30 AM · Report this
Red_Ruth 17
Why, the same thing I do every day, Pinky... go to work and smoke hella weed.
Posted by Red_Ruth on December 20, 2012 at 10:31 AM · Report this
orange&black 18
Before we all get panicky, and rush to say the world ISN'T going to end, soley on the "evidence" of birthday wishes from Australia, we need one important piece of information; what time zone is the Mayan calander in?
Posted by orange&black on December 20, 2012 at 11:07 AM · Report this
I will work. Then I will be gaming until the world ends... :)
Posted by subwlf on December 20, 2012 at 11:09 AM · Report this
Catalina Vel-DuRay 20
Douchus dear, when I first read your post, I thought you said you were going to end up the night by double fisting a cheap buddy. I was thankful to see you had some medical training.

I'll be here in Iowa for whatever happens. I'm not expecting much.
Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay on December 20, 2012 at 11:17 AM · Report this
Cienna Madrid 21
@18, EXACTLY. Anyone who looks to Australia for anything has already given up on the world. I don't know dick about geography but patriotism tells me that we basically swallowed the Mayans after we stole their calendar. USA! USA! USA!

And now I'm craving a macadamia sex cookie. THANKS GUYS.
Posted by Cienna Madrid on December 20, 2012 at 11:22 AM · Report this
emma's bee 22
Throwing our usual solstice party, albeit with a kicky, apocalyptic twist this year.
Posted by emma's bee on December 20, 2012 at 11:31 AM · Report this
keshmeshi 23
I have the day off from work, so I'll likely play video games and get started on my holiday baking and candy making.
Posted by keshmeshi on December 20, 2012 at 11:38 AM · Report this
orange&black 24
@21; Yup, it just seems to make good fashioned, all American sense.
Posted by orange&black on December 20, 2012 at 11:42 AM · Report this
kim in portland 25
@ Cienna,

Enjoy your macadamia sex cookie. Maybe you can catch a flight for the pilgrimage (… A little time visiting the Rivera Maya sounds like a fine Solstice party, plus tequila! Happy Holidays!

Posted by kim in portland on December 20, 2012 at 11:45 AM · Report this
Man, Cienna, you really nailed it with masturbating and eating steak. I think I'm going to quit my job to make this happen all day.
Posted by bookworm on December 20, 2012 at 12:00 PM · Report this
ArtBasketSara 27
How about a round of full face tattoos declaring the world's end on 12/21/2012!!! What, no time? Well, let's just carve it into each others foreheads instead...

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to prepare for when the Mayans return to judge the worthy among us. Do you think they'll like Taco Bell? No, no...Taco're right.
Posted by ArtBasketSara on December 20, 2012 at 12:09 PM · Report this
pfffter 28
I have a date tonight. I'm gonna do everything in my power to get laid before the end. And maybe during. And after.
Posted by pfffter on December 20, 2012 at 12:23 PM · Report this
katrat 29
I am eating a fried egg salad because eggs and romaine are all that's left in the fridge because I did not go shopping because the world is ending.
Posted by katrat on December 20, 2012 at 12:50 PM · Report this

The world cannot end. I have unused GroupOns.
Posted by Supreme Ruler Of The Universe http://_ on December 20, 2012 at 12:58 PM · Report this
I'm the elevenstring player in Macadamia Sex Cookie's opening act next week at the Funhouse.
Posted by Gerald Fnord on December 20, 2012 at 2:00 PM · Report this
treacle 32
I SO WISH I'd taken the day off work... its the freakin' Solstice, and I want to either light a macadamia sex cookie candle* and say some hippie prayers and meditate for 1 hour, or fuck the living daylights out of my partner for 6 hours. WHICHEVER COMES FIRST! AND PROBABLY BOTH!!

Oh, and since the Mayans are in Guatemala, lower Mexico, and Belize they are in the "Central" timezone.

Also, modern day Mayans think that people who think their calendar somehow predicts the End of the World(TM) are fucking stupid.

*Oops, I misspelled that, I actually mean "copal".
Posted by treacle on December 20, 2012 at 3:29 PM · Report this
I'll be playing guitar with Simply Shameless at Mia Roma in Kenmore. At least I'll go out doing what I love. Also, our gear is lightweight and easily portable, so if we have to run for our lives, we can take our stuff with us, and be the only band left in the post-apocalyptic world. Ha!
Posted by BallardBoy on December 20, 2012 at 3:49 PM · Report this

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