It's Christmas, goddamnit! So all you goyim go back to your churches and family or something, and stop reading Slog. Really. There's not a lot of joy in the world of news today.

Momma's boy: Neighbor's say that William Spengler, the man who shot four firefighters yesterday, killing two, before killing himself, was a quiet, nice guy who was "crazy about his mama." His grandmother, apparently, not so much, having beaten her to death with a hammer back in 1980.

It's not that you do what you like, it's that you like what you do. Police say that Spengler left a typewritten note saying he wanted to burn down the neighborhood and "do what I like doing best, killing people."

Quincy, R.I.P. Actor Jack Klugman, best known for his TV roles as a slovenly sportswriter on The Odd Couple and the pioneering TV medical examiner on Quincy, M.E., died yesterday at age 90.

Charles Durning, R.I.P. Character actor Charles Durning died yesterday at age 89. Among his many roles, Durning played Santa Claus in four different TV movies.

Ben Affleck, W.T.F. Actor/director Ben Affleck announced yesterday that he will not run for the US Senate seat being vacated by Massachusetts Senator John Kerry. Somebody wanted Affleck to run for the Senate? Really?

Can't blame Apple's maps app for this one: Archeologists say that thousands of Christians are flocking to the wrong Bethlehem to celebrate the birth of Jesus. Not that it's likely to impact the tourist trade, but the real Bethlehem was likely located in northern Israel.