Happy New Year. Time met its midnight deadline for transitioning into the new year, because time is a relentless fucker.

Unhappy New Year. At least 61 people were killed in a stampede following New Year's fireworks in Abidjan, Ivory Coast.

Happy fiscal cliff. The US Senate overwhelmingly approved a "fiscal cliff" deal, 89-8, two hours past the midnight deadline, but the House won't meet until noon today. The eight senators voting "no" were curiously bipartisan.

Unhappy pediatricians. The 60,000-member strong American Academy of Pediatricians is calling for stronger federal gun laws, including a ban on assault weapons and high-capacity magazines, and closing the "gun show loophole." In some states, it's actually illegal for a pediatrician to ask a patient if there is a gun in the house.

Happy Hillary. Doctors expect Secretary of State Hillary Clinton to make a full recovery from the blood clot in her head, but her presidential ambitions may be permanently damaged.

Happy... oh... honestly, that's just gross. Shriveled 86-year-old playboy Hugh Hefner married 26-year-old playmate Crystal Harris in a New Year's Eve ceremony.

And finally (via Atrios), the Mummers Parade. Oh how I sometimes miss Philadelphia.