Everybody in Seattle gives a shit about football all of a sudden! The bars are packed, and people all over town are dressed in that blue and hideous green. In an amazing coincidence, Seattle's sudden love for football happens to have erupted at the exact same time that Seattle's football team, the Seahawks, are doing really well. Who could possibly have predicted that?

The Seahawks are right now playing the most racist team in football. Will they win? Will they lose? I don't know! I never learned the rules of football. I know it involves "downs" and "kicking" and "touchdowns" and "tackles." But it's fundamentally a mystery to me. Someone tell me what happens in the end, please; I'm going to go read a book and drink a nice cup of tea.