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Sunday, January 13, 2013

Isn't It a Little Early for Football?

Posted by on Sun, Jan 13, 2013 at 9:53 AM

Doesn't football usually happen in the dead of night, like car thefts and lucid moments of self-awareness? But now it's happening in the morning, before brunch? Everything is topsy-turvy.

Teams named after imaginary birds are battling teams named after real birds! And the fate of the world lies in the balance. Or something. I don't know anything about football, but I have learned not to argue with Nate Silver.

Someone let me know what happens, please; I'm going to be too busy painting my fingernails and getting some writing done for next week's paper to watch the game. (Or is it called a match? Whatever.)


Comments (28) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
Troll harder.
Posted by Bohica on January 13, 2013 at 9:58 AM · Report this
Paul has taken a beginner lesson in trolling. Last week's football post yielded him a lot of comments; so, rinse and repeat.
Posted by Bored@School on January 13, 2013 at 10:01 AM · Report this
Fnarf 3
The football I watch usually happens at friggin' 4:30 AM. This here is quite leisurely in contrast.

If the NFL adopted the corner kick and the throw-in (or at least starting the snap from the sideline when the ball is carried out of bounds) it would be a lot better. Also, double goal posts like Australian Rules.
Posted by Fnarf on January 13, 2013 at 10:13 AM · Report this
Fnarf 4
Also, a field goal from a distance of less than 50 yards should really only be worth one point these days.
Posted by Fnarf on January 13, 2013 at 10:15 AM · Report this
Could have just called it an open thread instead of being embarrassingly try-hard trolling
Posted by six five on January 13, 2013 at 10:15 AM · Report this
heywhatsit!? 6
Go take a nap under your bridge.
Posted by heywhatsit!? on January 13, 2013 at 10:16 AM · Report this
A sea hawk is a nickname for an osprey. Not imaginary.
Posted by ourkind on January 13, 2013 at 10:16 AM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 8
Paul, please observe their butts. Their uniforms are butt-a-riffic! Worth watching, especially in slo-mo.
Posted by Pope Peabrain on January 13, 2013 at 10:35 AM · Report this
Posted by Seattle14 on January 13, 2013 at 11:02 AM · Report this
Fnarf 10
@8, you need to watch some Australian Rules if you want to see butts. They still play in short-shorts and singlets.
Posted by Fnarf on January 13, 2013 at 11:05 AM · Report this
Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In 11
To answer your request, Paul: what little you know of football is wrong. It is not important that you know anything about it, and even less important for you to write about it. Go back to your books.
Posted by Some Old Nobodaddy Logged In on January 13, 2013 at 11:18 AM · Report this
Personally, I find the way basketball shorts drape over a shapely rear to be much more erotic than clingy football pants.
Posted by Joe Glibmoron on January 13, 2013 at 11:21 AM · Report this
Bauhaus I 13
I feel exactly the same way since the Giants were eliminated. It's not that they didn't deserve to be eliminated. I love them to death, but they played like they were asleep for much of the last half of the season.

Meanwhile, I gotta half-heartedly root for the imaginary birds, I guess.
Posted by Bauhaus I on January 13, 2013 at 11:23 AM · Report this
@7 You are correct, though, I think would like them better if the were called the Seameats. Or the Stormcocks.
Posted by Totalpukoid on January 13, 2013 at 11:27 AM · Report this
Or wait. The STORMCOPS.
Posted by Totalpukoid on January 13, 2013 at 11:30 AM · Report this
sloegin 16
Aussie rules isn't nearly as much fun after they took away the lab coats and Panama hats.
Posted by sloegin on January 13, 2013 at 11:36 AM · Report this
@10, that sport is a celebration of the male posterior chain. The game cultivates the most beautiful thighs and asses, and the uniforms let them shine. Hooboy.

Paul, once your nails are dry, you could gather writing material by taking a gander at the Stand Up Against Gun Violence march from Westlake to the Mural Amphitheater.


My evil plan is to gather at Westlake, cheer as we all begin marching down Fourth, but then duck onto the monorail to the Center House, where I'll get cozy with the Sunday papers over lunch at Skillet. Once the shivering masses reach the Mural Amphitheater I'll rejoin them for the speechifying, which one hopes will not feature any slam poets.
Posted by gloomy gus on January 13, 2013 at 11:37 AM · Report this
Fuck feigned faux ignorance.
Posted by BLUE on January 13, 2013 at 11:45 AM · Report this
heywhatsit!? 19
I like the cut of your job, Gus.
Posted by heywhatsit!? on January 13, 2013 at 11:53 AM · Report this
"Feigned faux" Ha.
Posted by Totalpukoid on January 13, 2013 at 11:54 AM · Report this
heywhatsit!? 21
Damn auto correct "jib".
Posted by heywhatsit!? on January 13, 2013 at 11:54 AM · Report this
Fnarf 22
Stop by and say hello, Gus -- I'll be outside See's Candy from 1:15. Wearing a suit, tie, hat and overcoat.
Posted by Fnarf on January 13, 2013 at 12:16 PM · Report this
Phoebe in Wallingford 23
@11: FTW!

I hardly know a thing about football myself, but I enjoy getting all the hors d'Ĺ“uvres out and keeping family jocks both male and female drinks going and the ambiance of it all.
Posted by Phoebe in Wallingford on January 13, 2013 at 12:17 PM · Report this
It IS rather like dropping chum into a shark tank, isn't it Paul?
Posted by COMTE on January 13, 2013 at 12:19 PM · Report this
Matt from Denver 25
@ 24, with such a smaller number of people rising to the bait, it's hard to see the comparison holding. Last week, sure.

Oh well. I'm sure Paul was aware of the law of diminishing returns given how things like the once-monthly Critical Mass posts went. It appears that the falloff is much sharper when it the schedule is weekly.

Should the Seahawks prevail (they're threatening in the final second of the 4th as I type this) and prove Nate Silver right, I expect Super Bowl Sunday's thread to get a response much more like last week's.
Posted by Matt from Denver on January 13, 2013 at 1:03 PM · Report this
King Rat 26
Books are just fire hazards now.
Posted by King Rat on January 13, 2013 at 3:26 PM · Report this
Paul is pretty much this guy:…
Posted by Zeusifer on January 13, 2013 at 5:37 PM · Report this

"seahawk" is not "a nickname for osprey," it is the name by which Pandion haliaetus is known in some English-speaking parts of the world (OK, mostly Scotland, but that counts for something).

Which is to say that yes, Paul Constant, smither of words, does not do his homework.
Posted by robotslave on January 13, 2013 at 8:58 PM · Report this

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