SL Letter of the Day: She's a Very Kinky Girl

Comments

1
Great advice. Remember, some of the most painful lies are told in silence. Tell everyone what they need to know. Then it's their turn to be honest with you.
2
Ann Landers would go to the Cardinal of Chicago - Dan has his own go-to set of outside experts. Gotta love it.
3
Another rerun? Sigh. Guess people have all the poo-eating stuff figured out these days.
4
New SLLOTDs Mon-Fri, reruns on Sat-Sun. Didn't use to send out a SLLOTD on the weekend at all.
5
Yo, DOM! Send her my way...

And best wishes to my old friend MM.
6
I'm loving weekend letters, reruns or not. Thanks Dan!!! You rock.

Flower
7
Reruns good. Dan or his staff presumably are picking favs, so far they've been great.
8
Only prob with reruns so far they're fairly recent. How about some true vintage ones?

Even antique ones, from when Dan was a college kid writing advice... that would be really fun. Plus pics of Dan in college for the spank bank.

Before teh interwebs, according to wikipedia...

Back when men were real men, gays were real gays, and Dan was rude & sassy & a twink.
9
I remember this one in it's original run. Remember thinking to myself, "Whoa! Tattoos & a pierced tongue... This dude must be alternative! I wonder if he listens to Nickelback!?!"

Agree with @8 that some 90's era reruns would be highly entertaining.
10
Another day in Gommorah.

Ash Heap, here we come....
11

Perhaps this is my straightgirl ignorance, but would even young Dan have qualified as a twink? I picture twinks as pretty, hairless blondes, and skinny - like Terry used to be before he got all buff.

12
Coming out of the woodwork to say that when this question first ran, my mind was BLOWN. This column was a huge influence on me -- for the first time I realized what sort of situation might really work for me. It was a "thing!" There were other people who did things like this!

Hugely formative, in a very good way. *grin*
13
@12: Presumably, the "things like this" that you refer to and that you like, was being in a D/s relationship (on whichever end), not the being a narcissist and a douche.

14
Ah yes, I recall this gem - I've done a number of my own reruns of it.
16
Am I the only one who disagrees with the advice here? It's easy to say "be honest and open." I'm down with honest, but open is more on a need-to-know basis. Does someone he's not even dating yet need to know that he has a sex slave? Does his submissive partner need to be told, "I've met someone I like better than you, and as soon as things get going with her, I am going to drop you?"

I'd say with the new gal, if and when it comes up, a simple "there's a friend I see sometimes" would suffice. Spare her the graphic details; she doesn't need that in her head. And his current partner doesn't really need to know anything about this might-become-his-real-girlfriend person. Later, if it does develop into something: "I've met someone."

All respect to Matisse, but I think her advice here might be informed by the fact that she is a polyamorous female. There's no indication that this guy is poly; he's a straight dude with a fuckbuddy (who happens to be submissive). Due to guys' horniness and all-sex-is-good-sex attitude, women--like Matisse--tend to have more latitude to be "open and honest" (especially if they are hot). Consider the difference between a woman telling a man, "I want to come over twice a week, screw you, and leave, no questions asked," and a man telling a woman the same thing....
17
@16 Isn't that what the guy in this scenario is already doing? Hey, sub lady #1, I want you to come over here twice a week, screw me, and leave, NSA. And they are both good with that. Isn't that what fuck buddies are? Isn't that a pretty common thing to do?
Do you think a woman who is willing to clean his house and blow him multiple times a week to whom he has made clear it's not going to ever be serious is going to be shocked when he meets someone else? Any more than he'd be shocked if she did? Dan didn't tell him to tell her he was going to drop her then keep up the relationship until he drops her. He told him to make it a clean considerate kind break up, invite her over, tell her, done. If it doesn't work out with new girl he can always try starting up with her again.
And don't you think new gf should know bf is seriously into his kinks and has been able to indulge them in the past to a significant degree, and will likely wish to do so again when he is with her in the future needs to know that ASAP before she gets all emotionally attached? That she has some realistic idea of the scope of it? He's a dom. She should know. If he likes sex slave play, she should know. At that point, if it were me, I'd ask if he'd had a sex slave before, or if he wanted me to do that for him and what it would entail. If it's important to him (and I can't imagine it wouldn't be) she should know that's on the table very close to the beginning.
I'd guess there's a lot of people out there who have had fuck buddies. This is kinda like that. All parties are kinky so that's not adding anything scary to the mix, just should be discussed so they know it's a good match.
I guess I don't see a good reason to not discuss it up front. It spares everyone pain, including and especially tender new gf.
18
@16 your approach misses the point. Being in a role says something informative about a person. The new girl might change her mind on the guy given his role with his sub, which is her right. That'd save them both a lot of time and maybe pain. We should assume she will find out eventually if they stay together, and she will feel rightly deceived. It's better for everyone to do this sooner rather than later. Never mind that the sub might change her mind, too. Your advice amounts to: keep both women in the dark so neither can make informed decisions about their lives and bodies.
19
@16: "I'd say with the new gal, if and when it comes up, a simple "there's a friend I see sometimes" would suffice."

Bull fuckingshit. What's the purpose in not mentioning the sexual relationship? You're not holding hands, you're getting blown. Underplaying it is disrespectful to both ladies.
20
Glad it's a re-run because I missed the first 20 years. Every time I see a D/s letter I aways wish I were the D/ to Joe Biden's /s (it's the smile), then I go fantasize about my neighbor two houses over and across the street (the one with the Marine Corp flag flying out front) who has hair like Joe Biden's when he was younger. So, excuse me. BRB. Ah! Cigarette?
21
I remember this column when it first ran, and what Dan's mom said about the douchebags with hidden tattoos and peircings stuck with me. Now everytime I found myself around an unremarkable guy who thinks he's a serious bad ass because he has some half-sleeves, I snicker to myself and think of that line.
22
I kind of like the new SLLOTD schedule with reruns. But, can we get into the deep archives? Like the very first letters you've written? Those could be fun. Especially if follow-ups ever happened.
23
In my experience, any variation of the phrase "I'm the type so-and-so warned you about" is an instant douche-flag. Even thinking a hidden tattoo makes you a badass isn't as bad as actually saying those words.