SL Letter of the Day: Gay Slaves, Power Bottoms, and Bonus Advice
by Dan Savage
on Thu, Jan 24, 2013 at 4:29 PM
Can the Master in a gay BDSM encounter bottom during anal? I'm having a little disagreement with some friends about this.
I'm not into BDSM but I like to take charge during sex. I could be top or bottom in a particular encounter, but I'm always the dominant one regardless. Once upon a time I did some light BDSM with one particular guy and I was his Master and he was my very submissive slave. But the guy's cock was so gorgeous that I couldn't not sit on it. He would fuck me when we got together but I was definitely the one giving the orders. Until the end of our game I was the one who was in charge and I didn't feel for a single moment like I wasn't the Master during our fuck sessions.
We bet an expensive dinner on this, Dan, so a lot is riding on your response. What would you say to my friends?
Thanks For The Answer
My response to TFTA—and his to me, and mine to his to me—and some bonus advice for "Honesty Not Always The Best Policy," the 19-year-old gay trans man whose letter was yesterday's SLLOTD, after the jump.
Can a woman be the dominant in a straight BDSM encounter and still get fucked? Of course she can. Same difference. Enjoy that dinner.—Dan
Thanks for the answer. But my friends object. They say it's understandable that the dominant woman in a straight BDSM encounter would get fucked because the guy with the cock fully understands his role. But in a game where two cocks are involved, my friends don't see how a Master, a.k.a. the dominant/active one, could be a the bottom, a.k.a. the passive/submissive one, during anal intercourse. They say it's a contradiction. I said that a bottom is not always the submissive one, like me. I could be a bottom but I take the control. Help me to clear this.—TFTA
The slave is there to please the top—his Mistress, if he's bottoming for a woman, or his Master, if he's bottoming for another dude. If a Mistress wants to be fucked, she orders her male slave to fuck her. (And nowadays plenty of Mistress's have cocks of their own and fuck their male slaves.) Likewise, a Master can order his male slave to fuck him. It's not a contradiction. I have another letter right here from a gay BDSM bottom with a nice dick—he sent a picture—who regularly fucks a Master who strings him him up and beats the shit out of him afterwords to punish him for having such an irresistible dick. (All nice problems to have, if you ask me, which he did.) He's in no danger of failing to "understand his role."
A BDSM relationship, like any relationship, is defined by the people in it. Your friends may see a contradiction, but what they see—or what they fail to understand—is in no way relevant. If they feel that a male slave can't fuck a male Master without destroying the Dom/sub dynamics, TFTA, then they shouldn't allow their male slaves to fuck their asses. But they don't have the right to tell other people that they're doing gay BDSM all wrong.
And, I'm sorry, but have your friends never heard the expression "power bottom"? Take it away, Urban Dictionary: "Gay Male Term. Dominant Bottom. While a bottom is usually submissive to his partner, a power bottom enjoys maintaining control over the top and/or the penetration, the normally dominant role in gay male sex."—Dan
Thanks, Dan. My friends agree that you're right. Thanks for the free dinner!—TFTA