This is perhaps the best local TV news story ever, from the man claiming to be Jesus intentionally ramming his car into a utility worker—because he's black (that's apparently what this Jesus would do)—to Kai, the homeless, surfer-dude hitchhiker who saves the day, disabling the marauding Jesus by repeatedly hitting him in the head with a hatchet: "Smash, smash, SMASH!"
Even better: The raw footage from the hitchhiker's KMPH-26 interview (a FOX affiliate, of course), after the jump. I especially love the news reporter straight-facedly asking "Have you ever experienced something like this before?" to which Kai doesn't skip a beat: "Well this one time, I was in this orchard...." And then there is the touching denouement, in which viewers are suddenly left wondering over the sad circumstances of Kai's own troubled life.
Every character in this story is perfect. I'm inspired to write an opera.