As Anna mentioned, the two of us are not eating solid foods this week for what started out as a $250 joke and calcified into sad, plodding reality. Anna agreed to do the straight juice cleanse because I think juice cleanses are stupid and also because I have no self control.

You know what I take very seriously, however? Curses.

A few weeks ago, I received an anonymous package in the mail. The package contained a zip-locked baggie of a powder that smelled like horse. A hand-written note inside read, "Cienna. 100% curse remover. Nullifies most powerful curse. Take back your life! Sprinkle on juice."

What an incredible gift! I would've sent the sender a thank-you note but there was no return address.

Now, my mother has begged me not to partake in this 100% curse-removing liquid cleanse, mostly because I suspect she doesn't want me undoing years of hard work on her part. But I'm doing it. AAAND: I'm going to be a little bit more healthy and deliberate than Anna and her hoity-toity juice cleanse.

Instead of relying on "experts" to tell me what to drink, I'm going to rely on QFC and my body's natural cravings for non-chewy things. So far today, I've had a Bolthouse Farms™ Chocolate Protein Plus drink because I was squatting up a storm this morning and I really needed a protein fix.

For lunch, I'm having 1/2 a small boxed wine (the cute, portable ones) mixed with 1 Capri Sun™, sprinkled with curse mix.

For dinner, I assume my stomach will be eating its lining, but I might suck down a La Croix and a Go-Gurt for good measure. Also, Kelly O has promised to bring in her Montel Williams food emulsifier, so if shit gets desperate, I can emulsify myself some de-cursed steak tartar.