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Monday, February 4, 2013

It Looks Like an Exoskeleton

Posted by on Mon, Feb 4, 2013 at 1:11 PM

We're gay and all, both of us are highly susceptible to underwear ads, we've been known to enjoy nearly-naked men... but Calvin Klein's first-ever Superbowl underwear ad didn't do much for the gays at my house. How about your house?

 

Comments (57) RSS

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Simply Me 1
Not enough bulge.
Posted by Simply Me on February 4, 2013 at 1:14 PM · Report this
2
Its hard to take seriously the use of the word "technology" in the context of underpants.
Posted by Alden on February 4, 2013 at 1:22 PM · Report this
3
Matthew Fox in 'Alex Cross' looks like an exoskeleton, not this guy.
Posted by reliable on February 4, 2013 at 1:22 PM · Report this
Pope Peabrain 4
Fucked up lighting. I hate, HATE, back lighting!
Posted by Pope Peabrain on February 4, 2013 at 1:23 PM · Report this
very bad homo 5
Nope, they don't look like actual human beings to me. The guys I find sexy are the ones I see in every day life. They look nothing like this.
Posted by very bad homo on February 4, 2013 at 1:27 PM · Report this
Rotten666 6
Looked like an Aryan's wet dream ├╝bermensch.
Posted by Rotten666 on February 4, 2013 at 1:29 PM · Report this
7
Eh, I thought it was beautiful in an abstract way, but not at all hot.
Posted by East Coast Douglas on February 4, 2013 at 1:31 PM · Report this
Sargon Bighorn 8
The models selling us underwear are young men who have a very specific job that requires very little body fat, working out everyday, and not being older than 28; selling underwear. I like seeing men that are not packing around 25 pounds of "life support" on their bellies. Of course one rarely sees anyone just wearing underwear, so I guess I'm not saying much.
Posted by Sargon Bighorn on February 4, 2013 at 1:33 PM · Report this
Fortunate 10
What @7 said.

The commercial was rather artistic. The guy himself is clearly attractive, but nothing about the commercial or the way the guy was presented got me hot and bothered.
Posted by Fortunate on February 4, 2013 at 1:37 PM · Report this
thatsnotright 11
He's quite beautiful. Not quite sure why exoskeleton is being used in this context, he looks nothing like a crab or lobster.
Posted by thatsnotright on February 4, 2013 at 1:39 PM · Report this
theophrastus 12
this ad wasn't targeted for me; not even a bit (figured it was for females... somehow). but the Duluth underwear ad... cartoon guys in underwear vises http://www.ispot.tv/ad/7dG1/duluth-tradi… ...now yer talk'n.
Posted by theophrastus on February 4, 2013 at 1:41 PM · Report this
BrotherBob 13
i want to know why all these models , boys and girls always seem so angry. If I had 0% body fat, was under 30 and had an 8 pack and skin that didn't sag, I would smile a lot more than that guy!
Posted by BrotherBob on February 4, 2013 at 1:42 PM · Report this
brandon 14
Agreed #5. I'd rather lust after a guy that I might have a chance of fucking over one of these any day.

I say that, but I still lust after Matt Bomer and the guys on Glee. Hypocrit? Guilty.
Posted by brandon on February 4, 2013 at 1:44 PM · Report this
secretagent 15
Didn't do anything for me. It made him look inanimate a bit, more like a sculpture than a live human who has a sexuality.
Posted by secretagent on February 4, 2013 at 1:53 PM · Report this
seandr 17
This ad promotes unreasonable expectations of male fitness, body fat, and hair-slicked-backedness.
Posted by seandr on February 4, 2013 at 1:58 PM · Report this
Leishalynn 18
Exactly what my man said, #13. Also, I was doing Emma Stone's lines from "Crazy, Stupid Love" -- "Seriously?! It's like you're Photoshopped."
Posted by Leishalynn on February 4, 2013 at 2:01 PM · Report this
19
It didn't do much for the straight women either.
Posted by Ms B on February 4, 2013 at 2:08 PM · Report this
20
@13 - It must be ultra stressful attaining that ideal, and you have to live a life of sacrifices.

I'd rather have a smiling bearish guy with no underwear, personally.
Posted by Ricardo on February 4, 2013 at 2:15 PM · Report this
21
@12: I believe there is actual science that most straight men go through a period of approximately 18 months when neither their mother nor their significant other buys them underwear, and they have to buy it for themselves.

So sorry gay guys, you are not the target audience.
Posted by IPJ on February 4, 2013 at 2:16 PM · Report this
treacle 22
I just wish men's underwear didn't have a stupid, stupid "Logo Band" waistband. Women's knickers don't have these, in the vast majority - because it ain't sexy. But the vast majority of men's do.. and they look STUPID. I don't want to be advertising for some posh design firm when I'm nekkid and getting frisky. :P
Posted by treacle on February 4, 2013 at 2:18 PM · Report this
23
No gays in our house, but we do have eyes and I'm not afraid of art. My wife didn't say anything about it, and we were talking about the other ads. I thought it looked like CGI rather than actual people. Wasn't it supposed to?
Posted by Brooklyn Reader on February 4, 2013 at 2:20 PM · Report this
24
I've read that women (straight) like to look at other women in ads, but mainly for comparison with themselves.

But men (straight) don't like to look at other men, but do look to look at women in ads to see where their mate "ranks".

Although I think that information is out of date, and today's straight male looks at his sex for the same reason...judging the competition...especial since modern females are far more into guys' looks than ever before.

And that's today's edition of Straight Perspective from SLOG!
Posted by Supreme Ruler Of The Universe http://_ on February 4, 2013 at 2:27 PM · Report this
25
@23 Bingo. It looked like a moderately expensive special effect, not a person. Fell abs first into the uncanny valley and stayed there. No lust because it's not real. No aspiration to purchase because it's not real.
Posted by usagi on February 4, 2013 at 2:41 PM · Report this
26
No gays in our house. (I identify as bi or "mostly straight" but I'm a girl so that doesn't count.) The discussion we had was "why no hair?" I opined that Dan likes the twinks, so he might be the target audience. Sorry to hear that I was wrong on this one.
Posted by lepome on February 4, 2013 at 2:45 PM · Report this
lolorhone 27
Too sanitized, cold, and abstract for me personally. And he's so ripped he looks skinned- not a good look.
Posted by lolorhone on February 4, 2013 at 2:45 PM · Report this
28
What is the point of an underwear ad when I spend half my time looking at the parts of the model not covered up by underwear and the other half wondering whether they're trying to sell my a faucet and assorted bathroom fixtures? What was that thing?
Posted by DRF on February 4, 2013 at 3:04 PM · Report this
TheMisanthrope 29
What the hell? Did somebody OD on the opening credits of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and then follow up with Amon Tobin's Isam?
Posted by TheMisanthrope on February 4, 2013 at 3:10 PM · Report this
30

Speaking as a straight female, let me say that women do not 'like' looking at ads featuring 18 yr old, overbuilt, underweight girls and we certainly don't 'like' comparing ourselves with that - but - we don't have any choice. Ads featuring this 'ideal' are the norm, and cannot be escaped, no matter the product being sold. Women's magazine? Check. Men's magazine? Check. Ballpoint pen? Check. Kellogs? Check. La-Z boy rocker? Check. Car ad? Check ...

To which, my male friends will say, "well, sex sells." Okay. Cool. But women wanna 'buy' too. So here we have a nice little gift for the straight girls and gay boys out there ... and yet nearly ever person posting here, and Dan, find something to bitch about. Sheesh.

Enjoy it, people! What the fuck part of perfectly sculped abs, pecs and shoulders wrapped in flawless, hot young flesh do you have a problem with?

Posted by Velvetbabe on February 4, 2013 at 3:16 PM · Report this
Reverse Polarity 31
A good looking model, artfully videoed.

I wouldn't say it looks like an exoskeleton, but he's so immaculately groomed and serious and flawless that he barely looks human. More like a lifelike mannequin or a CGI model.

So, no, not hot.
Posted by Reverse Polarity on February 4, 2013 at 3:31 PM · Report this
32
@ 30 What part of "perfectly sculped abs, pecs and shoulders wrapped in flawless, hot young flesh" do I have a problem with?

The "perfectly sculped abs, pecs and shoulders wrapped in flawless, hot young flesh" part.

It's just not everybody's cup of tea. I, like many members of the evergrowing bear community, prefer mature men with 15 to 40 extra kilos.
Posted by Ricardo on February 4, 2013 at 3:33 PM · Report this
33
As a woman, I thought this was made for gay men, since it did nothing for me. Alas. However, this ad: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsyE2rCW7…

Whew.
Posted by ddmama on February 4, 2013 at 3:34 PM · Report this
34
@33, good lord!

Thanks for posting that! And yeah, that CK commercial did diddly squat for me.
Posted by JrzWrld on February 4, 2013 at 3:44 PM · Report this
35
Hard, bumpy six-pack abs look and feel arachnid. I like a firm belly on a man, but with some fat under the skin and some fur on it to make a soft, cozy spot for me to rest my cheek.
Posted by ignatz ratzkywatzky on February 4, 2013 at 3:51 PM · Report this
TheMisanthrope 36
@30, please look at @33 for what I (and a lot of us saying not hot) would prefer.
Posted by TheMisanthrope on February 4, 2013 at 3:53 PM · Report this
OutInBumF 37
Nothing here. Too purified of all sexuality to be of interest, plus he was born yesterday, wasn't he?
Posted by OutInBumF on February 4, 2013 at 3:56 PM · Report this
38
Better than their ads a while back where the models were so young it was close to qualifying as child porn.
Posted by PaulBarwick on February 4, 2013 at 4:19 PM · Report this
Bauhaus I 39
Meh. There's such a thing as too sculpted, yeah?
Posted by Bauhaus I on February 4, 2013 at 4:27 PM · Report this
40
Oh thank you, @33 for that link! That's awesome! And much hotter than CGI man in the Calvin Klein ads.
Posted by Gamebird on February 4, 2013 at 4:39 PM · Report this
Sandiai 41
The guy did nothing for me either. My "type," if I was forced to be pinned down, would be a bookish, overweight bear.

I was a bit confused and even a little grossed-out by the oily turbine or whateveritwas.

@33 Thank you for that. Pretty guys acting like people and even being funny adds a lot to their attractiveness, doesn't it?
Posted by Sandiai on February 4, 2013 at 4:56 PM · Report this
42
Isn't Mr Klein the sort of highly irritating straight person (who might well qualify for a certain word I shan't use) whose idea of What Will Attract Gay Men is about as accurate as those writers of Sex Tips For Women About How to Drive Their Men Wild in Bed?
Posted by vennominon on February 4, 2013 at 5:02 PM · Report this
43
@33 awesome! Hot, funny, and a good psa to boot!

Am so glad I'm not the only one who thought the CK ad looked like some kind of CGI ├╝ber man....agree with many of the above, it was too cold and detached to be sexy.
Posted by jujubee80 on February 4, 2013 at 5:04 PM · Report this
44
I saw the ad, and it struck me as rather blatantly homoerotic--I could imagine it pissing off more than a few rednecks as being just too damned gay.

Interesting that I was wrong, though admittedly your house, Dan, is a limited and non-randomized sample.
Posted by Functional Atheist on February 4, 2013 at 5:39 PM · Report this
Bauhaus I 45
@32 - Since when has Calvin Klein been straight? Don't tell his any of his boyfriends.
Posted by Bauhaus I on February 4, 2013 at 7:00 PM · Report this
46
Not the hottest Calvin Klein model I've seen -- Marky Mark got me through adolescence, and this new guy has got nothing on Mehcad Brooks or Kellan Lutz -- but I wouldn't kick him out of bed.
Posted by Daniel_NY on February 4, 2013 at 8:02 PM · Report this
TheMisanthrope 47
@45 He did declare himself straight in the 80s and married a woman for 20 years.
Posted by TheMisanthrope on February 4, 2013 at 8:50 PM · Report this
48
I wish you would not post images like this on your blog. Gay men are saturated by muscular archetypes. Probably like some others, it erodes my self-esteem.
Posted by cleftchin on February 4, 2013 at 10:34 PM · Report this
49
Looks like they were trying to find a way to de-gay and de-feminize (as in "vulnerable", "object to be taken") the guy in the ad to make it clear that it's not for titillation, but for selling of manly underwear. Pretty successful - comparing his body to a well-oiled machine in stark colors and sharp angles. But I'm sure someone found it to be good wank fodder.
Posted by MemeGene on February 5, 2013 at 4:40 AM · Report this
50
@13:
If you had 0% body fat you wouldn't be smiling, you'd be dead.

@22:
When you are nekkid you aren't wearing those pesky underpants with logos anymore.

He's too ripped for my tastes as well. A bit of subcutaneous fat wouldn't hurt!
Posted by migrationist on February 5, 2013 at 5:46 AM · Report this
51
I could be confusing him with some other annoying designer (tautology?). Someone horribly irritating has snuck a commercial onto PBS.
Posted by vennominon on February 5, 2013 at 6:14 AM · Report this
nocutename 52
Thank you, #33. Though there could have been some slightly older and "ethnic-y" looking men in there, too.

This CK add seemed unremarkable to me. Lately, I've become accustomed to seeing humans presented as though they were made from molded plastic, too slick to be flesh-and-blood. It looks cold and leaves me cold. But it isn't just his body that gives that impression: it's the lighting, the lack of background, the fact that he's chopped up into discreet chunks/views. It's as a much a factor of the production as it is of the model that the whole thing is sterile, arid, and (to me) sexless.

And in real life, if I were to have the opportunity to bed someone with a body like that (non-existent), I would likely just feel intimidated and ultra self-conscious about my own.
Posted by nocutename on February 5, 2013 at 7:39 AM · Report this
sissoucat 54
This ad is cold. It does nothing for me.
Though I feel it would be perfect for selling powerful cars. Why ? Don't know.

@33 Thanks for that link. I found the doctor Rothaford Gray to be the hottest of all.
Posted by sissoucat on February 5, 2013 at 11:02 AM · Report this
auntie jim 55
Is it a real boy or just an image? The NYT claims it's a model named Matthew Terry, this guy: http://www2.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/Parke… but it looks like animation to me. A still on the back page of the sports section had him modestly covering his navel with his too perfect wrist. If the idea is to get me to buy undershorts it failed, I think they just want to get publicity for their brand in general.
Posted by auntie jim http://www.gaysnohomish.org on February 5, 2013 at 11:09 AM · Report this
56
I enjoyed as well, though the video @33 was more entertaining for me :-) I lean towards the lean and built, but while he is fun to look at, I didn't take the mental step of "want to do more than look at"...
Posted by ariane on February 5, 2013 at 11:33 AM · Report this
Reverend Tap 57
Super-dramatic "presentation" lighting
+action-movie-derived alternation of slow/fast motion
+impossibly perfect model
+motor-rhythm driven soundtrack
+machine imagery
+unfriendly glaring facial expression
+traditional bodybuilding and training poses
=
An ad that seems more designed around intimidation ("I will crush you in the upcoming sporting event I am clearly training for") than seduction. Made me think of the Russian boxer from Rocky IV.

I'm guessing the intention was to tap into guys' physically competitive streaks (already active at the moment due to watching the Super Bowl) and use the ad to more or less "issue a challenge" to the viewer. Less "this underwear is necessary for you to be this sexy man" and more "this underwear is necessary for you to BEAT this sexy man."

Pretty forgettable out of context, but I wonder if CK's seeing any results.
Posted by Reverend Tap http://www.libr8.org on February 5, 2013 at 11:54 AM · Report this
doloresdaphne 58
My reaction to this ad was 'wow,' not a sexual 'wow,' but a 'this is what the sculptural potential of the human species is,' and a 'wow nature is amazing.'

I found the whole thing very artistic (except for the waist band that has the tacky brand label on it. But who's going to pay for a professionally produced film to be played on the superbowl if they can't plaster their brand over it?

And what @21 says; (target audience is straight men).

Posted by doloresdaphne on February 5, 2013 at 12:38 PM · Report this
59
Not so interesting when it speaks...

http://www.cnn.com/video/?hpt=hp_c4#/vid…
Posted by Piano Tuna on February 6, 2013 at 4:50 AM · Report this
60
@33:
Anthony had me until the way over-pumped bicep for "C", which was kind of gross. The doctor was the sexiest (thank you, credits!) and what a wonderful voice he had.
Posted by Susan on February 7, 2013 at 4:10 AM · Report this

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