So here's the deal: Last night, I got invited over to a friend's house, one thing led to another, and suddenly I'm stuffing my cake hole with seafood paella and beet salad. When that ran out, I was forced to eat slices of ham wrapped around cheese sticks. And then crackers. And more cheese. And an after-dinner mint.

The paella was viscous enough to slurp through a bubble-tea straw, so I could make the case that I didn't just cheerfully drive our stupid crash diet off a cliff. But we both know that I'm going to keep eating solid foods because solid foods are tasty.

Full disclosure, my cheeks are stuffed with almonds as I type this.

And since Slog seems to agree with my mother that an amateur like me shouldn't be ingesting unidentified curse remedies delivered through the USPS—thanks, a lot guys—my motivation to drink juice and/or wine from a box for lunch has plummeted. I suppose I'll have to cure my curses the old fashioned way, with an amethyst up the rectum.

But kudos to you, Anna, for soldiering on and drinking juiced cilantro for lunch. I will support you in the best way I know how—by buying you your first post-juice-cleanse hamburger. With cheese!