If only he'd been unarmed instead of unlegged. Oscar Pistorius, who made history by being the first double-amputee to compete in the Olympics, sprinting on carbon-fiber blades, is being charged with murder after allegedly shooting his girlfriend at his Pretoria, South Africa home. Happy Valentines Day!

Guns make you safer. Of our nation's 30,000 annual gun deaths, nearly two-thirds are by suicide, according to 2010 Center for Disease Control statistics. Suicide attempts with guns are 85 percent fatal, compared to a 2 percent success rate with pills.

Guns make you stupid. Former employees of Wades Eastside Guns are suing the Bellevue gun range, alleging unsafe work conditions that resulted in extreme lead poisoning.

Republicans are filibustering Chuck Hagel's Senate confirmation. Because Republicans are dicks.

Contractionary policies are contractionary. The combined GDP of the austerity-enamored 17-nation European Union shrank 0.6% in the fourth quarter of 2012, coming in worse than expected.

The perfect condiment for Warren's buffet. Billionaire investor Warren Buffett's Berkshire Hathaway will acquire H.J. Heinz, the maker of ketchup, beans, John Kerry, and other bland American staples. The deal is valued at $23 billion.

That's exactly what the airline industry needs: Less competition. In an $11 billion deal, American and US Airways will merge to create the nation's crappiest largest crappiest airline.

Nothing that an engineers strike can't fix. Boeing is warning airlines of intermittent engine instability in its next generation 737. The news comes on the heels of the grounding of Boeing's 787 fleet due to battery fires. So whatever you do, don't listen to your iPod during takeoff, because that would be dangerous.

Holland resigns, Seattle Times gloats. Port of Seattle Commissioner Rob Holland has resigned from his stultifying, $500 a month post, leaving a second vacancy on the five-seat commission. With Holland gone, perhaps the commission can finally get back to its core mission of rubber-stamping an overpaid, autocratic port CEO?

Tim Eyman is a horse's ass. The Secretary of State's office has found over 8,000 instances of apparent signature fraud in the petitions of two initiatives, including Tim Eyman's I-517, which would loosen signature gathering requirements.

And finally (excuse the commercial), Marco Rubio's sip-of-water-gate scandal widens: