How Sharper Than a Serpent's Tooth It Is to Get a Form Letter

Comments

1
I bet you do get more than your share of odd correspondence. Your work's got a plainly purposeful amount of noise you mix in with your signal. Stylish for sure, but it must sometimes give hope to the lightly deranged that in you they may find, if not a kindred spirit, at least a friendly ear. You should do a regular "mailbag oddities" feature.

How great that someone sent you this. An actor, sure, but not a self-seeking one - no return address or name? Someone who respects your being one of the few left standing being paid even a penny to keep up with local showbiz, who thought you'd find it interesting.
2
The first part of the second paragraph is a string of business cliches that gives me a headache. "[D]ecisions must in the end be made going forward"?! Perhaps the actor is counting on you to wield your mighty pen to scourge the writer.
3
I second the notion for a regular "mailbag oddities" posting.
4
Whatever happened to "Don't call us; we'll call you"?
5
We look forward to seeing you again soon... LIES!!!
6
It's polite, and that's what I don't like about it. I hate it when people pretend they like me. I'd much, much rather they'd be honest about it.

"Thank you so much for auditioning. You're a fine actor and we were impressed with your take on the character, but we've decided that you're not quite what we were looking for. Thanks again and best of luck going forward."

Something like that. You don't have to pussyfoot with all this artsy actor babble and indirect, apologetic "decisions must be made (we're so sorry!)" stuff. Just say it and say it straight, you know?
7
Oh Margaret, you are wasting your life in theatre. Clearly, you were born for a epic career in corporate communications.
8
Obviously you shouldn't audition during a blackout. It's okay that you didn't get the part, but you should at least admit you tried.
9
The fact that it's a form letter is fine. The stamp at the bottom right seems a bit excessive and unnecessary though.
10
You suck.
Your choices suck.
Your voice sucks.
And you're too short for the costume.
11
@9:

It appears the "stamp" was text cut-and-pasted onto the letter by the original receiver, not by ACT or Ms Layne.

And, frankly, as most actors can avouch, getting ANY kind of response back from a first audition, even if it's a mildly generic rejection such as this, is something of a rarity; there are plenty of theatres/directors who wouldn't have done even this, so it actually bespeaks a level of respect to the auditioner, which I would think most would sincerely appreciate.
12
You might want to check your meds: it's possible you're Ambien-ing your way to auditions without knowing it -- and failing those auditions (literally "sleepwalking" through a part is rarely what they're looking for). But by all means keep trying: every actor at every audition needs to be able to look around the room and think "well at least I have a better shot than THAT guy."
13
"He can release you from the process..." Wow did they have the person in chains? Are they hipster kinksters over there?
14
I'm just sorry you didn't get the part.